KOFFEE W/ KAYANO

MY CUP RUNNETH OVER

[smilekayano]

NEVER GIVE UP

2/16/2021

Jeezus it’s almost been a month. I’m sorry to all two people that read these post. I just got off a production and that shit was so draining and time consuming that I didn’t have time to really post, but today (birdman hand rub) I got time. I’m back in Duluth, GA at Hansel and Gretel - sipping on a strawberry match latte. It’s fire, it’s cold as hell outside and I have something to say. NEVER GIVE UP!

So I’ve been in Atlanta for a little over a month now and on the lowest of keys, I’ve hated it. I wanted to go back to St. Louis so bad. I was actually supposed to go back yesterday. I told all my friends and family I was coming back to at least visit, but I was really thinking about moving back too. They all asked me “why?”, I didn’t really have an answer, but I do now. I was scared. I was here for a month not working, barely getting by. Not many places to go, not many people to talk to. Way too much pride to ask for help, I had to figure shit out everyday! I was exhausted..

But right when I was close to giving up, my phone rings. A text message ‘maybe: ###’. The message was asking if I was available to work for Netflix. You got damn right I was available! I took that job so fast. It’s only temporary, but more and more opportunities started to arise after that text. Me and my best friend had been splitting an airbnb while we were working on this past production and sometimes we’d ask each other “are we blessed?”. We think we are, but we wouldn’t of found out if we gave up. 

Don't quit. Don't give up. Keep going even if you don’t know your destination. Your light is shining somewhere in this dark world, all you have to do is walk into it. 

Until my next coffee shop journey (peace sign)

[smilekayano]

A$AP YAMS

A$AP YAMS

Today I’m back at Hansel and Gretel! I decided to take the drive to Duluth. It’s about 40 minutes away from where I stay currently, but it’s so worth it. I love Hansel and Gretel. I would’ve went back to Augie’s but I believe they’re closed today. I just had a fruit danish, I got my large hazelnut coffee, you know the vibes - lets get to it. Today’s topic is A$AP Yams. 

Now I’m not going to waste time telling you who Yams was, there’s plenty of articles about his story. I want to talk about my connection to A$AP Yams. Yams saved my life. I had a lot going on in my life at one time, and I couldn’t take it. Honestly, I was planning on killing myself. Somehow I ended up Yams twitter page and I was scrolling for hours reading his tweets, and for some reason I found so much comfort in his tweets. So much comfort that I bought the tweet book.

Even now on my bad days, I read Yams old tweets, or I’ll wear one of my Yams shirts (I designed one back in summer 2020 but this girl has it. I need that back) just to feel like I’m not alone. Yams just made light of such sad situations. He was a light for me, and for many others. I find myself bonding with people over A$AP Yams very often. I have one of his tweets quoted on the back of my business cards. I even have a Yamborghini hat autographed by his mom. The admiration and appreciation I have for who he is/ was is really real!

Side note: Mama Yams just went live on her IG and they’re at Yams grave. They’re pouring out some Moet for my boy. 

On my darkest days some old tweets and videos shed light all over it. Don’t ever think you don’t matter, the little things you do means a lot to someone. Today it’s Yams Day, and he’s remembered and missed throughout the world. I wish I got to meet him, I wish I could personally thank him, but to honor his memory I’ll forever be a cozy timid pimp. Words can’t express my gratitude for his contributions to hip hop and the world overall, but just know STD Super Team Darkskin is still very alive and thriving today honoring his legacy. 

RIP PEACE STEVEN RODRIGUEZ 

[smilekayano]

SUPPORT

1/17/2021

It’s been a long couple of days. No coffee has been in my system since my last post, but I just had my first sip of freshly brewed black coffee so let’s get to it. Today I’m at Augie’s Cafe in Atlanta, GA. Before I get into today’s topic I just want to say shout out to this place! It’s a little vibe up in here! I ordered a black coffee and the uptown girl, which is just waffles and strawberries but if they smack I’ll let you know. The music is popping so much I don’t even need my headphones. But back to the topic. Today’s post is about support. 

Support is so important for a lot of us, but it comes in so many forms. The last couple days have been long because I’ve been helping Baby J get ready for Energy EP listening party. The listening party was super dope, but the dopest part was the support. Her family drove down to see her from Wisconsin, her team made sure she had everything she needed for the special event, her friends came out to see her. The support she gets is so beautiful. And you know why she gets that support? Because people believe in her. 

Support does not come to everybody. If you feel like people aren’t supporting you, you probably aren’t showing them that you’re someone to believe in. Whatever you’re doing in life, you have to be the ONE! Especially in anything creative. Baby J knows people that makes clothes, but she reached out to me to do her merch because she believed in me. I said i’d do her merch because I believe in her. My friend Brooke asked me to do wardrobe on a music video, and tv show/ web series because she believed in me. Which is crazy, because I never did styling before really but she knows I can do it. So I have to trust myself to do what she believes I can. 

Side note: those waffles slapped. I’ll be back here tomorrow. 

Supporting yourself is also important. That kind of goes back to my post about being selfish, but really you have to think you’re the best, or at least tell yourself you’re going to try your best. Honestly I have zero confidence in myself, but I try my best everyday. I try to be the best version of myself everyday, even when I feel terrible I try so hard to be nice to others and show love. That’s another form of support, just being nice to someone.

Now when I said you’re not someone people feel like they should believe in that means work harder, show them you’re the one. But also don’t be mean to people. That just makes you a sh*tty person. Be the best you, let your friends and family know they’re the best. If you can afford that merch, cop it. Tell them they’re dope. Share that post. Support each other. Support yourself. 

[smilekayano]

BRIDGE BOY

1/14/2021

I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t have a lot on my mind today. I’m kind of burnt out. I want a beer, some head, and a dabble of some peace and quiet. But I told myself I’m going to do these post, so here we are. Today’s topic is 'Bridge Boy’.

My little streetwear brand is small as hell. You probably haven’t heard of it, or care about it. Which is fine. I don’t really care, I do this for me not you. And that’s what passion is about. Not caring about anyone else’s opinion but your own. You do this thing, because you truly enjoy doing it. ‘Bridge Boy’ was originally the name of my mixtape, but I ended up throwing the logo on some hoodies to make some money when I was broke. ‘Bridge Boy’ saved me so I kept going with it. 

It’s been about two years now, and it’s coming to an end. Well, this phase is. Looking back, things were not cohesive, just a bunch of random designs and colors. Everything looked good, but it could of been great. That’s what phase 2 is about. Defining what the brand is about, redefining who and what I am. 

What I have planned has never been done before. It honestly could be groundbreaking. A new logo, a new approach, a bigger team. Everything is just so exciting to me. I’ll go more in detail about everything through the process, but for now just now that you’ll want to watch what the brand does moving forward from the 2 year anniversary in March 2021. 

If you want to check out my clothing hit my IG @smilekayano 

[smilekayano]

STARTING OVER

1/13/2021

I had coffee earlier, but like I said earlier - double post. I’m off that crown. I got some sh*t to say. Today’s second topic is starting over.

I’ve lived in St.Louis, MO my WHOLE life. I’m 25, and I just started traveling really two years ago. I completely uprooted my life a week ago to come to Atlanta, GA to do costume design/ wardrobe on a show helped write with my friends. Currently they’re going through the script with the director, DP, and leads while I type this. I’m tuned in, but I have something to say real quick. 

Starting over is hard as hell, but sometimes it’s necessary. The first time I started over was when I started my clothing brand. I was a rapper before clothes, but rapping is very expensive. I couldn’t afford it. Studio time, music videos, merch, concerts, traveling. It’s a lot. I also was doing it for years and I wasn’t growing. When I started doing clothing, the growth was exponential. It was time to start over. 

I just recently started over when I came to Atlanta. I left things behind in St. Louis to and said I’m starting fresh. My brother Golden text me earlier about some St. Louis related things and I acted like I didn’t know what he was talking about. Yeah I'm acting brand new. I still love my city, but I’m in Atlanta right now, I have Atlanta things to tend to. That’s my focus right now. 

Even with COVID, this feels like a reset. Everything is starting over if you really look at it. Everybody’s trying to figure out what’s next. Hit that reset button if needed. 

[smilekayano]

SELFISHNESS

1/13/2012

So I had coffee yesterday, but I was helping my friend make her website. Didn’t have much time to type so double post today. Today’s topic is selfishness. 

It’s okay to be selfish. But only within reason. Only thinking about yourself is f*cked up. Now this has nothing to do with me taking time to help my friend yesterday, I love all my friends and I’ll do anything for them. I had a great time helping her and spending time with her. This is about putting yourself on the back burner. 

We’ve all been in those situations where it’s not the best thing for you, but it helps the other person and the inconvenience is only slight. Emphasis on “slight”. Well all those slight inconveniences add up, and now you’re in a bad spot. DO NOT DO THAT! I have a heart of gold, and when I tell you I’ve sacrificed so much for others that is an understatement. Do what you need to do for you. Unapologetically. 

Say no, go a different route, don’t answer that call. Please, worry about yourself for once. It’s completely fine to stop helping everyone. 

[smilekayano]

bridge boy

bridge boy

I JUST RELEASED SOME NEW ITEMS! LAST DAY TO PURCHASE IS 1/16/2021

[smilekayano]

DEATH

1/11/2021

Last night I sat with a group of friends and we created, we spoke on politics, we cried, we laughed, we drank wine, and we smoked (they smoked. I can’t do no weeds). But one of the things that lingered over into today is the topic of death. 

I’ve seen a lot of death in my life. 2-3 funerals a year since a child, living in a city with a high or the highest homicide rate in the united states, death is always around. I used to not be scared to die, and I think it’s because I didn’t want to live. As I got older I realized it’s not that I didn’t want to live, it was just that I didn’t have a reason. There was nothing on this earth that kept me tethered to it. I was ready to check out at so many points in my life, but now I’m TERRIFIED at the thought of dying. 

Why? Because I started my clothing brand. ‘Bridge Boy’ literally saved my life. It’s my superhero. And there’s so much I want to do with it, it’s all I think about most of the time. It is my life and I don’t want it to die. I was just reading ‘The Power Of Relentless’ by Wayne Root, and there was a small segment in there where he said we should write our obituaries. Although dark, I think he’s right. What do you want your obituary to say? What would it say if you died right now? Mines would probably say “Loving son, friend, uncle and brother” and I think that’s pretty much it. It would be short. It’d probably be mostly pictures, and some kind words from the people who love me the most. Touching, but it’s not what I want. 

The things I want my obituary to say are: 

Loving father, son, friend, uncle, and brother

Genius fashion designer and overall creator

Positive figure in his community

His legacy will forever live on

You know sh*t like that. 

My story is not done, and it’s far from finished. I’m still creating it. So unlike my friend, I’m utterly TERRIFIED of dying. What about you?

[smilekayano]

BABY J - ENERGY

1/10/2020

It’s 4:34pm,  and I just had my first sip off coffee of the day. Let’s get started. 

I’m back at Hansel and Gretel, I ordered another large hazelnut drip coffee, and I just left the gym so I grabbed a pastry. Specifically this strawberry almond croissant, and I SWEAR on everything I love this thing is immaculate. Now you may be thinking it’s 4:34pm, why are you drinking coffee, well I had a long night. Dealing with a drunk friend, waiting in the drive thru, eating tacos, having drinks with friends, etc. It’s Sunday, I slept in. I deserved it. 

When I got home as I changed into my pajamas and sleeping hoodie (yes, I have a specific hoodie I sleep in) I random thought popped into my head - “did Baby J’s EP drop?”. I went to apple music searched “Baby J” clicked on her artist profile and bam! ‘Baby J - Energy’ is right there at the top of my phone screen. I texted her immediately at 2:14am in the morning!

Me: THE EP IS UP!!

Baby J: SAY SWEAR

Me: *sends screenshot of the EP downloading on my phone* NO KIZZY

We rejoiced. We were super excited that it was out. I haven’t known J for long, but I can tell her life revolves around music. Everything comes back to music sooner or later. I love that about her. She gives me ‘big d##k energy’ (if you know what that means). She’s a boss man, she makes shit happen. Nothing but admiration for the talented young singer. 

I first reached out to J to be her stylist. I came down to Atlanta a few months ago because my friend Brooke got a gig directing a video and she needed a stylist. I rushed down with a clothing rack, a steamer, bags of clothes, and got straight to work. One of the women involved with that shoot ended up staying at my hotel room, it wasn’t anything sexual, she just was wayyyy too drunk to drive so I took care of her. i’m a nice guy, no big deal. As I digress, that following morning she thanked me for taking care of her and as I packed up my things because checkout was coming up she showed me this video of a singer and I was mesmerized! From that little clip I just knew that singer was special, and that singer was Baby J. So I hit her up to be a stylist, but an even more interesting opportunity came up soon after our first conversation. She asked me to design her merch for her EP, ‘Energy'. 

This was my first design gig for something other than my own clothing brand ‘Bridge Boy”, and I was so excited. I told her send me the EP and I’m going to get to work ASAP. She sent it and wow, it was such an amazing project. The version I heard then wasn’t even the project that released today, and I was blown away. She’s going to be someone huge. The world needs Baby J. 

If you haven’t guessed by now, today’s topic is Baby J’s new project titled ‘Energy’.

7 songs, 16 minutes, unlimited vibes. The replay value on this project is insane. Her beautiful and strong voice compliments every beat used on here. Her singles ‘ H I G H S H I T”, and ‘Energy’ definitely stand out on this project, but overall every song on here needed to be here. 

This project tells a story of growth.  The intro track ‘Krushh’ sounds so innocent and pure. Like something the teenyboppers would love, but that switches up INSTANTLY with the follow up track ‘I Need It’. This beat is so fire. That “crush on you” sh*t went out the window really fast. “Baby you been f*ucking with the realest of the real ones” J exclaims on this track, and you can tell from how she said it that she 100% meant that. She was probably beating on her chest in the studio when she recorded this one. 

The vibe switches up on ‘Can’t Be What Love Is’. This is my favorite track on the project, and as I continue to post these little write ups you’ll see why. Whoever she had a crush on in the beginning of this journey is pretty much out the picture. You can tell J is done with whatever that situation was. What she wanted, was not what she got it and women will always get what they want. If you won’t provide it someone else will. She’s so calm on here compared to “I Need It’ that you know she’s done. When women get real calm on you it’s over bro. Just go ahead and load up your breakup playlist and cry it out because she’s done. 

‘What It Do’ and ‘H I G H S H I T’ is where things completely flip from the first half of this project. This is grown and sexy. That situation on the front half of the project made her into a beast and this is where the ‘big d##k energy’ I mentioned earlier is shown in its entirety. If you miss hearing new Rihanna music, turn these two tracks on and that void will be filled. Baby j is taking charge of things now. She’s in complete control, there won’t be no more games moving forward. She’s going to dictate how things go and that’s made perfectly clear. 

‘Holla’ is the grown up version of ‘Krush’. This isn’t a crush at all, this is an I WANT YOU AND I’M GOING TO HAVE YOU situation. If you ever had a girl “holla” at you, you know what I mean. You was her’s before you even got to process it. Like I said earlier, women get what women want. 

‘Energy’ closes out the project, and I felt the energy completely throughout this whole process of my 16 minute play through. What wasn’t given to J on the first half of this project was taken. She matured, and she grew as her confidence spiked - she just isn’t that girl she was on the intro anymore. This song felt like a cliffhanger. Though it is a single and I’ve heard it before, this is the first time I’ve heard it as the outro for the EP. The sound of this project evolved throughout just as the lyrics and tone did. There’s much more to come and you can hear it clearly on this track. She’s just getting started as this project comes to close. 

I’m looking forward to hearing more Baby J music in the future, and I may or may not have heard a few things, but trust me when I say - we are all in for a treat. 

Shout out to gang. Follow her on Instagram @babyjxoxo

Listen to ‘Energy” today https://music.apple.com/us/album/energy/1548174699

Shop her ‘Krush’ and ‘Energy’ merch designed by myself and my wonderful design team 

https://baby-j-merch.myshopify.com/collections/all

Until my next koffee *peace sign*

[smilekayano]

FEAR

1/9/2020

Thinking back, coffee has always been a big part of my life. When my mother would go to work when I was still a young child, she’d leave me with my grandmother or as I call her “Nana”. When I’d spend my days with Nana the morning consisted of coffee and sometimes yogurt, but most important coffee. A little dash of milk, and some sugar and I was set for my day. Now giving a kid coffee in the morning sounds horrible I know. “You were probably bouncing off the walls” is what you might be thinking. Nope. Not one bit. I would sit and enjoy my cartoons or watch shows with Nana. I was really “just chilling” as I like to say. 

Coffee has been a constant factor in my life. Even right now, I’m typing this in a coffee shop. A nice spot in Duluth, GA called “Hansel and Gretel” I’m drinking a large hazelnut drip coffee, it’s actually quite nice. But this isn’t about the coffee, it’s about life. I’m going to be open and honest with myself and you every time I come to the coffee shop. Which is pretty much everyday. So without further ado, ladies and gentle welcome to ‘Koffee W/ Kayano’.

Today’s topic is fear. 

Fear of the future, fear of trust, fear of love…It’s just a lot of fear within me today. A lot happened today. It’s the 1 year anniversary of my cousin’s death. His murder put a fear of trust inside of me. My cousin was essentially set-up by his significant other and murdered. Me and my cousin Jason didn’t talk a lot, but when I saw him and was always all love. Like I’d be so excited. That childhood admiration for him is something I didn’t grow out of. Jason had the nice car, the BADDEST women, he was just THAT GUY to me. 

My aunt told me early in the morning that he was dead, and usually I handle death pretty well so I thought I could causer receive that information, walk out the door and go about my day. But I was wrong. When I got in the car I cried a little..then a little more..then I was balling like a baby. Next thing you know I called out of work and I was in the arms of my older sister breaking down. This death still doesn’t sit well with me, how could you sleep with someone, meet their family, say you love them and then play a contributing part in their murder? It made me think back to that quote from ‘Get Rich or Die Trying’, “don’t show no love. Love will get you killed”. 

I’ve had my own issues with love, but this really broke me from the idea of falling in love. Love and trust killed my cousin, and I think about that way too often. Almost as much as I think about the future. My cousin died one year ago today. Today, I’m in Atlanta, GA doing wardrobe for a series, styling and doing merch for an artist, and designing my own clothes. A lot changed in one year, but today I’m still scared. What if things don’t work out for me? What if I fail? What if I made a mistake coming here? It’s just a lot of fear. 

My friend Sang-Jin told me I should give myself more credit, but am I worth that credit? Am I worth anything at all? See..there goes fear creeping into my mind like a thief in the night. Robbing me of any confidence I have. 

Am I stronger than my fears? 

I honestly don’t know.