as small as a world and as large as alone.

[smilinghooks]

can you imagine if will smith hockey had a curly girl routine.......she would be unstoppable

[smilinghooks]

lmaoooooo it's 2:30 am and one of my cats and i were walking back from the store and suddenly i'm like oh there's a scooter on the path that wasn't here before! and then i see a teen boy with his hood up loitering in front of a house. i'm like whatevs, but then a car comes down the cul de sac and i hear teen girls voices like "BYEEE" and a girl gets out to meet the boy (cute)

BUT. My neurotic son has apparently decided there is STRANGER DANGER and stopped walking, but i didn't notice! so I'm about to turn the corner and he starts cryyyyinnnngggg bc he can't see me AND WHERE IS MOMMY!!!!

so i have to double back and these teens about to have their surreptitious hookup are making noises like "'??what the fuck??" because again my terrible son is yowling, and I have to hiss "MARTEINN. COME HERE." and immediately his meow changes from YOOOOWWWWWW into mew :D and he comes trotting to me.

the teens are now laughing at us.

anyway, we walk down the street to our house and Marteinn gets a treat even though he's an idiot and all is well.

[smilinghooks]

me the last time i tried to date a Man (derogatory): fuck this. fuck. ugh. FuCK. ew.

me looking at every hockey man ever on the tl: HAHA YES!! FUCK YEAH!!! NEED THAT!

[smilinghooks]

suddenly it's like i have blogging performance anxiety or whatever, i'm overthinking.

anyway, life right now:

Mental health is pretty good recently. I'm in this government therapy program thing where I go to meetings and lectures and shit, and my doctor put me on different meds which is going good so far.

In a week I'm going to LONDON with my BEST FRIENDS to see HAMILTON and MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. Can't fuckingggg wait oh my god. We booked a Shrek themed burlesque show.

My niece who lives in a different country came out to me last time she was here and now she's back for the summer and she told me she has a girlfriend WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH im so proud and full of love!!!!!!

Sometimes during crazy coocoo hours I think my cats and I have a psychic mental link and that my other dead cat actually came back to me through them is that bad??? actually im pretty sure no one ever loved each other like we do sorry SORRY

[smilinghooks]

still can't believe this is the fucking year i got into sports. well, A sport. a singular sport.

[smilinghooks]

there's another dyke night next weekend and how am i gonna GO and drink fIVE MILLION BEERS if i have to pay VET BILLS goddamn it

[smilinghooks]

tw pet death

at the fucking vet again staring at the wall thinking to myself "after this i will never get a cat again" because i was sure that this would be the time. this would be the time they would actually die, like all those times when they were kittens and i couldnt hear them and i thought "now they're dead. they were struck by lightning in the middle of my bedroom and they're dead." because i might be cursed? maybe? the curse that makes me sick in the head is also the curse that makes my cats die. maybe im not meant to have anything for myself, to give me comfort or stay in my bed at night. all these months of having my boys breathing into my ear and following my footsteps and falling asleep at my throat means that they're heading straight towards death fast fast fast faster than i run after them.

the guilt is eating me alive even though i'm sitting here now looking at them, alive but full of painkillers and antibiotics and antibacterial whatever the fuck.

if i never loved them none of them would be dead.

if they were never mine maybe they'd be out there in the world like my friends' cats, getting to be 15, 20 years old. not mine though. never mine.

[shadowen]

This is an anti-despair checkpoint! You must share something you're looking forward to before scrolling on.

[smilinghooks]

here's what's going on in my life rn:

this morning i woke up to a strange cat under my bed. who knows how long he'd been there, but my own two cats did nothing about it??? defend this home guys

i just got back from the swimming pool, where i discovered that one of my new lobe piercings was missing its stud and was CRAZY swollen. what the fuck happened there

i scored an insane fb deal yesterday; two pieces of jewelry by an icelandic designer. got 455$ earrings + necklace for 165$!!!!

im on week ???? of heated rivalry induced psychosis. i cant think about anything else.

related: i've realised i want love soooo bad BUT i do nothing to get it or date anyone at all. crazy it took a gay hockey show to start thinking about this fr HAHA!!!!!

ANYwayyy

By some miracle there is an XLOV show here in Feb annnnndddd my friend and I waited too long to get tickets and now it's sold out :) how the fuck did that happen? this is Iceland babes

[smilinghooks]

gotta admit that tumblr is a little bit overwhelming when you haven't used it innnnnnnn 7ish years. I NEED A YOUTUBE WALKTHROUGH. I NEED A TUTORIAL. I NEED A CLIPPY.

[smilinghooks]

and what if I started using tumblr again. what then.

[bearimy-dot]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Hiatus Creations:

week five → captain raymond holt

“C’mon, sir. The math thing isn’t the problem. Night shift’s keeping you and Kevin apart. You two just need to bone.”— s04.ep08 | Skyfire Cycle

[celinesart]

Apr ‘17 | “strawberry jam” details: ig@facethesystem

[flirtexo]

JONGIN STANS LET ME HEAR U MAKE SOME NOISE

[smilinghooks]

what’s up i hate my life lmao :)

some days are just so weird that i KNOW that if i weren’t on Drugz™ i would be drowning in my own tears. i feel like clawing off my skin im just so DEEPLY uncomfortable with myself and my life and my thoughts.

what the fuck am i even doing

[femaleidol]

180628 // BAAM

[queereyegifs]

The thing I love about you the most is that you’re brave. You’ve been through a lot and you put that behind you. You use it to not only make yourself successful, but to help others. You’re so, so brave. - The thing Bobby loves about Jonathan the most.