Shit My Little Brother Says While Gaming

My little brother and I are adults who love to game. I'm the casual, cool headed kind of gamer. My brother is the salty-sweet "gitgud" kind of gamer. Every now and then, he'll say something golden when he's gaming, and I'm going to start posting those here.

[smlbswg]

Ooh, now that's a sexy fish.

Lil Bro regarding Ajonah

[smlbswg]

I don't care if Ulfric Stormcloak was literally Hitler, if he helped me escape some dudes who were about to merc me I'd wanna hang out with Hitler.

Lil Bro on escaping Helgen

[smlbswg]

I feel like if Mesothelioma was a dragon it would be Vaal Hazak.

 Lil Bro on Vaal Hazak

[smlbswg]

Shut the fuck up Siri, I wasn't talking to you, you goddamn robot whore.

Lil Bro on Siri interrupting his rant.

[smlbswg]

If any of you are near me when I die, it's your fault. That's how MOBAs work.

Lil Bro to his friends. That’s just how they work, right?

[smlbswg]

This is so hard. They weren't lying when this game is difficult, I can't even get passed the hair!

Lil Bro 15 minutes into the Code Vein beta, and having made little progress.

[smlbswg]

All these little armor icons are going to make me vomit in my pants.

 Lil Bro looking through the Berserker’s uninterruptible move list.

[smlbswg]

OKAY, FESS UP. Which of you is a goddamn robot? I heard some beeps and boops coming through your microphone, what's going on here?

Lil Bro upon discovering one of his friends is a robot.

[smlbswg]

Bruh, I would literally fastball pitch a hamster for some Pizza Hut right now.

Little Bro on his Pizza addiction.

[smlbswg]

"Watch me just run at this Ashe. Fuck out my face bitch. I punch Cowboys, I played Red Dead. I HAVE A GODDAMN PLAN ARTHUR."

Lil Bro regarding his experience combating cowboys. 

[smlbswg]

Little Bro: So I was playing Earth Defense Force 4.1 The Shadow of New Despair, and there’s a dude in Power Armor Power Stancing Power Hammers.

Me: Man... everything about that sentence aroused me.

[smlbswg]

Maaaan... Japanese people need to get lives.

Little Brother after seeing his 5th Japanese HR999 Light Bowgun user.

[smlbswg]

My dick is so goddamn square right now!

Little Bro after seeing the FFXIV: Shadowbringers trailer.

[smlbswg]

Taking the money you got from loot boxes and giving it to charity doesn't make you any less shit, EA.

Lil Bro over Ea’s “generosity”.

[smlbswg]

"I came into this game unprepared! I just watched people kill shit and titties fly about, I don't know how to cook!"

Lil Bro, upon realizing he’s watched the wrong Conan Exiles videos.

[smlbswg]

Lil bro, upon seeing Paolumu getting wrecked by Deviljho and charging in with his lance: “PAOLUMU NO! I’M COMING!” Me: “Didn’t you just stab Paolumu in the face too?” Bro: “Y-yeah well, he’s in the way.”

[smlbswg]

It's a goddamn fidget-spinner lion!

Lil Bro after I showed him a Roving Mauler.