🐝tate🐝

yo

[blackness-by-your-side]

100%

[latinkilledtheromans]

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

[221cbakerstreet]

It came all the way from Italy and this is how you welcome it

[memeseverdie]

[husbandandhusbandcomic]

[footage-not-found]

You forgot one:

[drinkspill-deactivated20210201]

2017 better be nice to my mom

[xxgirlnext-door]

That’s all I hope for

[sk8ergrandma]

*screams into the void* I’M ASEXUAL AND THAT’S OK

[spacegirlspiffy]

The Void: *screams back* DAMN RIGHT IT IS

[blackjacktheboss]

when you want to write so bad but there is no inspiration in SIGHT 

[tinyowlnonsense]

BOYS!!!!!!! IN!!!!!!!! FLORAL!!!!!!!!!! GIRLS!!!!!! IN!!!!!!!! FLORAL!!!!!!!!!! NB PEOPLE!!!!!!!! IN!!!! FLORAL!!!!!!!

EVERYONE IN FLORAL!!!!!!!!!!

[ateeztism]

RIP Club Penguin 2005-2017

[str8-for-pay]

32 Faces You’ll Recognize If You’ve Ever Had Anal Sex With A Penis

[ultrafacts]

[ningmeng-gou]

ultrafacts:

Source See more facts HERE

mY CHILDHOOD FEAR WAS A GAME LIKE THIS

[vancity604778kid]

There is also one called “Clocky”, an alarm clock that runs away and hides if you don’t get out of bed on time. When the alarm sounds you can snooze one time. If you still don’t wake up, Clocky will jump off of the bedside table, and wheel away, mindlessly bumping into objects until he finds a spot to rest. You’ll have to get up and out of bed to silence his alarm. Clocky will find new spots everyday, kind of like a hide-and-seek game.

[ultrafacts]

The Drill Sergeant Alarm Clock will continue to insult you from one of the 10 phrases stored in the clock until you wake up.

This alarm clock wakes you up with bacon

The Smash Alarm Clock. You literally smash the top to shut it off.

The Flying Alarm Clock. Once the alarm sounds, the helicopter flies away and the only way to shut it off is to return it back to it’s base.

The Target Alarm Clock. As soon as the alarm rings you have to aim and fire the laser gun. Once you hit the bullseye the alarm will shut off.

Mr Bump allows you to physically throw your alarm clock against the wall to turn it off in the morning.

[iamanemotionaltimebomb]

Never knew there was an alarm clock fandom until today

[drowziidreamer-deactivated20221]

BTD AU where everything is the same but Rire walks like this

[sweeetguro]

@gatobob I’m cackling

[smol-tate]

Rire: *pulls open the shower curtain while mc's showering* Do we- human stop screaming- do we have any tea bags left?

[fullmetaljackit]

once i was babysitting my neighbor’s 6 year old and she asked me why i was so ugly and without thinking i said “i’m you from the future” and she cried for like 30 minutes

[heckboymoved-deactivated2016033]

[nentindo-deactivated20210501]

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can’t wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me)

[guygirder]

[jennytrout]

I’m so glad I went through my tumblr from page one. I haven’t seen this in a thousand years, and I’ll never get tired of laughing at it.

[prasejeebus]

[binches-deactivated20220521]

who the fuck is this