The Rat Hole

Snazzy 18 Writing blog

[dreamdepot]

New Story: Super Royal Assistant!

(Bowser x Male Reader)

Working for Princess Peach as her official assistant seems like a dream job, until you realize how much you have to deal with a certain Koopa King. Why does he keep kidnapping you with your boss anyway?

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Available as always at: AO3 Wattpad or below!

“Okay, breathe… breathe…” you reminded yourself as you walked down the lane. Lucky for you, the Toads in Toad Town seemed to understand you were under a lot of pressure today, parting for you and not only because you stood a good head and shoulders over them all.

The bustling capital of the Mushroom Kingdom seemed busier than ever, but it was really just a normal Monday for everyone but you. As of today, you were starting your new job. Not only that, but it was your first job out of college. Not only that, but your new job made you the personal assistant to the current monarch of the Mushroom Kingdom.

No pressure.                                            

You clutched your brand-new leather messenger bag tightly as you hustled north from the train station. How you wished today you could just have stopped for a snack with Tayce T! Maybe there was a badge in the shop that made you less nervous? Maybe Merlon had a charm or something that would keep you from losing your job? You looked at your watch again. There was hardly enough time for that (despite being more than a half-hour early). You had to show you were a model employee after all! Hands to shake, people to meet, first impressions to make! Instead, you turned on to Castle Lane and passed through the last of the gateways through the old walls.

There it stood, atop the next hill: Princess Toadstool’s Castle. The white brick and red-tiled roof were iconic the world over, and now you were about to work there. You followed the cobblestone road along the Castle Lake and down through what was Toad Town’s richest neighborhood, the Castle District. At last, you came to the final walls; the Toad Guards saluted you as you passed through the iron gates. It would have been nice to have a little more time to enjoy the serene castle grounds, but your heart was pounding so loudly in your ears, you couldn’t hear anything else. You crossed the white-stone bridge over the sparkling waters of the moat. The massive castle loomed over you. High above, the iconic stained-glass window greeted you. You took one last chance to make sure you looked presentable. Your red vest lined with gold made for quite the striking uniform. With shaky hands, you opened the doors to the castle’s grand entrance.

The doors shut with a heavy boom that echoed through the quiet mezzanine. The marble floors were so clean they were nearly mirrors, which made you all the more hesitant to even walk on them. The edges were covered in lush red carpeting. The walls were painted in a beautiful mural to represent the iconic towering hills of the Mushroom Kingdom. Sun streamed through the windows onto a rather conspicuous rug, but there was no time to inspect that right now.

“Okay…” you muttered, fumbling with your bag and pulling out the letter you received. “Come to the castle… meet with Toadsworth. No location given… but I can’t just wander around here…”

“Hi there!”

“Eep!” You nearly jumped out of your skin, spinning around to see a Toad in a mismatched red hat and blue vest.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya!”

“That’s okay,” you said, trying to slow your heart back down. “I’m [Y/n], I think I might be a bit lost. First day and trying to make a good impression.”

“Oh, you’re new? Me too, I just started here a little while ago. My name’s Toad!”

“Toad…?”

“Just Toad.”

“Oh, so like Just T.?”

“Nope, just Toad.”

“Just… Toad.” Unusual, but not the strangest name you’d heard before. “Okay, just Toad, you wouldn’t happen to know where to find the chief steward would you?”

He thought for a moment. “I’m joining the castle guard, not the estate staff… but I think he’s probably on the Second Floor. That’s usually where he hangs around since the Princess’ room is on that floor.”

“Oh, great, thanks!” You hurried towards the grand staircase but skidded to a stop to add a quick, “Good luck with your first day as a guard!”

==============================

The staircase led you up to another atrium, similarly decorated with walls now painted to look like the sky. Unlike the first floor, here the staircase to the third floor split and curved down the sides. A guard stood at the first room directly across from you. Judging by the decoration – and the armed presence – you had to guess that must be the royal bedroom. This floor seemed much busier than the previous, with several hallways and rooms branching off from here. It was hard to decide which to try first, but you thankfully didn’t need to resort to trial and error.

“Ah, would you happen to be Mr. [L/n]?” A distinguished Toad in a brown cap and purple vest, complete with bowtie, entered from what appeared to be a library. He stroked his impressive mustache.

“Yes sir,” You said, instantly in good-first-impression mode.

“Ah-ha! A pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, old bean!” The elderly retainer strode quite spryly to you, despite leaning on his cane. “I am Toadsworth, chief steward to her majesty.”

“[Y/n],” you said, shaking his hand. “I’m looking forward to working with you.”

“Likewise. I apologize for the invitation, I realized I forgot to include our meeting place, but here you are, right on time! Living up to your reputation already. Well, enough chat here in the open, shall we get started?” You scarcely nodded before he was leading you down the impressive hallway. Light streamed into the hall, making the marble floor sparkle. Everything was polished to a perfect shine. As you followed Toadsworth, he led you past a variety of stunningly lifelike paintings of various places from Chucklehuck Woods to Tostarena. “If you think those are impressive, I’m sure you’ll love the Grand Gallery! The reopening is next week, some of the greatest paintings I’ve ever seen. Ah, but we mustn’t dawdle, too many things to do. This is a big day for you after all.”

“Yes sir.” You tried to remain calm, but you clutched your messenger bag with a death grip.

Toadsworth chortled. “Now now, loosen up a bit there. Won’t do for you to have a coronary before meeting the princess! I promise your work here won’t be nearly as intimidating as it seems, and I guarantee you are the right one for the job! Besides, I asked you to come a bit earlier so that you and I can have our first proper meeting.”

He led you into a small but cozy office. Much like the rest of the castle, it was well-lit, but the décor was much more old-fashioned with dark-oak furniture and velvet cushions. Despite the sunny day, a fire crackled in the fireplace that somehow made the room just warm enough. Toadsworth beckoned you to a cozy armchair opposite his own. He poured you a steaming cup of tea. “I figured a classic blend today, Koopa Tea. Partial to a Petalburg blend myself with a hint of Fire Flower – just the punch I need to get my old bones moving.”

“Thank you,” you said. “But I thought you said we had too much to do?”

“Lesson number one, there is always time for tea! I have passed this lesson on to the princess and now I will pass it on to you. It is crucial to stop and take stock when you have a busy day, especially when things seem to be going wrong. No problem is too great for a spot of tea.”

“I see…” You took a sip of yours, a rich and soothing taste with a slightly spicy finish that warmed and soothed you.

“Now, please refresh my memory, you’re originally from New Donk City, isn’t that right?”

“Yes sir, born and raised.”

“Good, the princess always seems to get along best with fellows from New Donk City,” he said with a conspiratorial wink. “But not only are you from New Donk, you have quite the impressive resumé! Pardon me a moment…” he fiddled with his glasses as he fished a folded page from his vest. “Graduate of Crown City University, summa cum laude, International Relations and Political Affairs. Postgraduate work at the University of Goom, with honors. Study abroad in Port Prisma and the Beanbean Kingdom, performed with Toadofsky and the Tute family, Picross afficionado… very impressive! I wonder how you had any time to sleep!”

Your new employer didn’t need to know about how your senior year and post-grad was almost solely fueled by Shroom Shakes, DK Burnin’ Energy Drinks, and Triple-Shot Chuckoccinos... or the extracurriculars you didn’t list on your resumé for blowing off steam. “I hope that it will be enough to keep up with the Princess,” you said meekly.

“Oh, dear boy, I think you’ll have no trouble at all.” Toadsworth chortled. “In fact, I think you’ll fit right in, no question about it.” He took a sip of his tea. “Look at me, talking on and on like a old man. I forget what it was like to be new. You must have questions for me?”

“There’s a million in my head right now,” you admitted. “Though, I suppose if I had to ask one, what would be the best advice you could give me on how to start?”

“One step at a time,” Toadsworth said without hesitation. He chuckled, then explained, “Sometimes we have a daunting task and the road to surmounting it treacherous to say the least. There’s other things you have to learn first, and those things lead down a warp pipe of a million other things. After a while, the task seems impossible. That’s the trap, my boy. Starting a massive task, whether it’s climbing a mountain, writing a book, or working as a royal assistant – it’s an brand new adventure, and it starts with one step at a time. Break the massive task into pieces. Even Mario himself has to break his adventures down into bite-size chunks to save the princess. I can’t imagine how daunting it might seem to go through it all at once, even for him. So why make it harder on yourself?”

“Huh,” you said. “Thanks… that helps a lot.”

“My boy, I trust you will do excellently. It has been many years since I last wore the red vest…” He looked fondly at your uniform for a moment. “I have no doubt in my mind though that you will soon be wearing purple.”

“Purple?”

“Ah, top level staff,” he said, tugging at his own vest. “Royal purple, King Marzipan was quite fond of the color, and the Princess kept the tradition. I imagine you’ll be promoted to wear it as well in no time. Mind you, my intuition is never wrong!”

“I don’t doubt that sir,” you said, indulging in a little laugh. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all I can ask for, my boy! Now, I won’t throw you to the Chomps right away, you’ll start out slowly and take on more duties as you get accustomed to them. Let’s start with a little overview…”

==============================

The next hour was a crash course lesson on the kingdom, the Princess, and keeping the royal household moving. Surprisingly, it wasn’t nearly as boring as you’d have imagined, and the hour passed in the blink of an eye. As Toadsworth led the way down the hall, he gave you a final review quiz, with some helpful tangents here and there.

“The princess does have several castles, I’m sure you’ll see them in time. Most of your work will be here at the main castle in Toad Town. Now, if one of the ministers arrives looking for her majesty when she’s not in residence, the correct response is?”

“I’m terribly sorry, but our Princess is in another castle,” you recited. “I would be happy to take a message for her.”

“Precisely! Though, as her newest attaché and assistant, I doubt you’ll spend much time away from her. Look sharp now,” he said, tapping you with his cane, “We’ve arrived at the Princess’ room.”

You scrambled to make sure your shirt was properly tucked and your vest straightened. The guard stepped aside, saluting both of you. With a deep breath, you nodded to Toadsworth, and the doors swung open.

A floral aroma greeted you as the doors opened to a beautiful, but surprisingly less opulent room than you expected. Much like Toadsworth’s room, there was a fire in the fireplace and the room was so clean there was not a speck of dust to be found. The far side was dominated by a large pink bed. There was a walk-in closet and a nice vanity, but overall, her room was tidy and clutter free. Decorations were limited to a few pictures and bouquets of flowers. Last but not least, her bedroom opened out onto a balcony, overlooking Toad Town.

The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom rose from her bedside. “Ah hello, you must be [Y/n].” From the tip of her crown to the hem of her pink dress, she was the picture of poise and elegance.

“Yes, your majesty,” you said with a bow. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

The Princess giggled and shook your hand. “I’m sure we’ll get on splendidly. Toadsworth is taking good care of you, I hope?”

You flustered a bit, but Toadsworth stepped in. “Only the best for our newest member of staff. I’ve given him a brief overview, but I figured it would be best for him to get accustomed to meeting you. I daresay you may have left him a little starstruck.”

“Oh, don’t pick on him Toadsworth. Now, I believe you have the daily briefing for me?”

“Ah yes, something our new friend will be taking over in no time. Let’s get to brass tacks, shall we? Your cousin has requested your presence at the christening of her new ship. Festivities are to be held at Toad Harbor. I’ve scheduled that for just before your tour of the remodeled Grand Gallery…”

You did your best to listen and take notes, but you realized there was a quiet fourth person in the room with you. Another attendant served tea and small refreshments – and gave you a welcoming smile as well. She wore magenta and had blonde hair in two tight buns. As the Princess and Toadsworth talked, she quietly leaned over to you. “First days are so exciting, aren’t they?”

“Yes, just a lot to take in.”

“Oh certainly, but don’t worry, we all look out for each other. By the way, my name is Toadiko, the Princess’ maid. If you need information, I’m your gal. Nothing goes on in this castle without me hearing about it.” You could imagine how such a claim was a point of distinction… or a threat. That said, she seemed very kind and genuine. The more friendly faces, the better, as you settled in.

You wanted to ask her more, but Toadsworth was already wrapping up his briefing. “Now, time waits for no one, shall we get to it?” Before you could ask what “it” was, the Princess led the way out of her room and down the hall.

==============================

“And here, is where your office will be,” Toadsworth said, leading you into a small antechamber before the Princess’s main office. “At least until I convince the Princess to remodel…”

Princess Toadstool laughed. “Toadsworth, I like the balcony in this office. Who wants to work in a stuffy room all day when I can enjoy a nice spring breeze?”

Toadsworth shook his head. “Princess, I couldn’t agree more, but please consider your safety. It is a security risk if he decides to come by as he usually does…”

Ah. Yes. Him.

To be honest, the thought of him hadn’t crossed your mind until right now. The panic of a post-college job search tends to do that. It was soon dawning on you that you were now in the line of fire for a head of state who happened to be kidnapped.

A lot.

You thought you masked your rising panic well but apparently not well enough for the Princess. “Toadsworth,” she chastised, “we’ll talk about this later. May I have a moment alone with my new attaché?”

“Ah yes, of course, excuse me,” Toadsworth said, clearing his throat. He gave you a firm nod of support that practically screamed Stiff upper lip, old boy! and then he quickly made his exit.

The Princess gently patted your shoulder. “Please don’t pay attention to him. Bowser may like to kidnap me, but things always end up fine in the end. He may be an evil king, but he knows to be fairly gentle on the castle staff… err, mostly.”

“M-Mostly?”

The Princess waved her hand, hastily adding, “The worst that could happen is he tosses you in a cage for a few hours. And besides we have plenty of talented doctors and healers should anything worse happen.” She took your hands in hers with a warm smile. “Don’t worry, everything is going to go smoothly. Let’s just focus on getting your feet wet with the normal day-to-day work before we talk about anything like that.”

Your mind raced, but the Princess was right. One step at a time. “Right, let’s do this,” you said. “So first, let me provide you your schedule update…” You pulled out a small planner pocketbook, bright pink to match the Princess. “Oh, I’m sorry, you’re due for a meeting. It looks like a phone call with the CEO of Toad Toy Store. According to my notes, they are asking to use your likeness on a new Princess Castle playset. Would you like me to take notes for you?”

The Princess laughed. “I can see Toadsworth wasn’t kidding. You really are on top of things. No need to worry, I’ll handle this one today, but I’ll probably ask for your help in the future. In the meantime, why don’t you get settled in your new desk and get comfortable with everything?”

“Um, okay,” You said with a weak nod. As the door shut, you slumped into the surprisingly comfortable office chair. “Didn’t expect a first day to be so stressful…”

Your new office was thankfully cozy. Similar to Toadsworth’s office, you had a classy dark oak desk angled towards the door and partially blocking the way to the Princess’s office. The main difference lay in the adorable mushroom shaped lamp and the sleek desktop computer with dual monitors. As the room was more of a roomette, there was just enough room for your desk and a few soft chairs for those awaiting the Princess. As the final touch, a bowl of gourmet candy made by Tayce T sat on the edge of your desk. You decided to sneak one of your favorites and booted up your new computer.

You barely had time to finish your candy before you heard the office door open. You stood and put on your best customer service smile. “Good morning, how may I help you?”

“One Princess to go,” came the response in a deep voice that shook you to your core.

Your eyes went up and up and up to the terrifying sight of the massive King of the Koopas. Your heart raced as you realized he could end your game at the snap of a finger. You wanted to be brave like the Mario Bros. and tell him to go away, yet your brain short-circuited and all that came out was: “Do you have an appointment?”

Bowser stopped and stared at you. “An… appointment?”

Roll with it. You thought. “Yes, an appointment. I’m afraid the princess is booked solid today.” You flipped through the pages of your organizer. “Hmm, yeah, I’m not seeing many openings, but I think I can squeeze you in next Thursday. How long do you think this kidnapping will be?”

Bowser blinked and looked down at the Magikoopa at his side. “Uh, the kidnapping itself or how long we plan to hold her?”

“Do you have remote meeting options at your castle?”

The Magikoopa tapped the tip of his staff. “We do, but the castle internet is undergoing a bit of maintenance, upgrading to fiber. Perhaps we could do the old teleconference line…”

“If you need time, I can email you a poll link so we can compare availability-”

“ENOUGH!” Bowser roared. “This is ridiculous, I am the King of the Koopas, Master of Mean, Emperor of Evil! B-O-W-S-E-R! I don’t listen to annoying assistants, and I don’t wait for appointments! I am taking the Princess!” With one swoop of his arm, he knocked your desk – and you – aside and stomped through to the Princess’s office. Stars spun before your eyes as you struggled back to your feet. A scream spurred you into action.

“Bowser! Let me go!” You shoved the door open. The Princess looked up, red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry! I wanted today to be an easy day for you.”

“Princess!” You stumbled forward, but suddenly the castle shook. An anchor slammed into the balcony, tearing it and half of the castle wall away. Bowser easily leaped out the hole, grabbing the anchor with one arm and hauling himself and the Princess up, while the Magikoopa summoned a broomstick and flew away.

“I am not losing this job on my first day!” You shouted, leaping out the hole and grabbing onto the anchor chain. As the airship started to pull away, you began to scramble up, link by link.

“Uh, King Bowser sir?” A Goomba muttered peeking over the edge at you. “Do… do I stop him?”

“I thought he was an assistant?” A Paratroopa muttered.

A Shy Guy nodded sagely. “I’ve done crazier things for health insurance benefits…”

“We give you all good benefits!” The Magikoopa shouted.

“Which is why I work for you instead of that stupid fast-food place!” The Shy Guy shouted back.

Meanwhile, you heaved yourself over the ship’s railing, doing your best not to hurl. By the time you caught your breath, you noticed a massive shadow looming over you. You looked up into the glare of King Bowser. Smoke rose from his nostrils, and cinders flew from his mouth as he looked down upon you. “Huh, tough guy alert! Looks like the Princess hired someone with some backbone for once.”

“Give… her… back…” you panted, rising unsteadily to your feet. You put up your fists.

Bowser laughed in your face. You realized one of his hands dwarfed both of your fists together. The tip of his claw alone probably would knock more than your teeth out. “Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do if I don’t, pipsqueak?”

An excellent question. You weren’t exactly an athlete and a few awkward striker games in college didn’t translate to combat – nor did that one awkward date with a boxer at his gym. Lucky for you, the answer came in a different form as you heard two new voices. “Luigi! Let’s-a go!”

“Okie dokie!”

“Wahoo!” The two superstar brothers landed on the deck, easily knocking the Koopa forces out before turning towards Bowser himself.

You could nearly see the vein throb on Bowser’s forehead. Flames danced between his fangs. “Mario! Green bean!”

“It’s, uh… Luigi…” The younger brother quietly added, despite no one seeming to hear him. Mario meanwhile wasted on time, leaping forward towards Bowser.

“Showtime!” The Koopa King growled, swiping at Mario. The rest of his forces charged forward, mostly towards Luigi.

“I swear I am signing up for the dojo first thing after I get off work.” You narrowly slipped away from a careening Koopa shell, only to trip on a Bob-omb. The sensitive guy lit his fuse. “Oh no!” You swooped him up and chucked him across the ship just in time, sending a few Goombas tumbling overboard. “Apply for a quiet office job, you’ll like it! Low stress! ARGH!”

You then felt a tap on your shoulder. It was the Magikoopa. “So, first day? Sorry about that. I swear guys like us always get stuck with the hard work, and I’m getting too old for all this. Gotta pay the bills somehow, am I right?”

“No kidding.” You looked him up and down. “Uh… you’re not gonna attack me?”

“Oh no, not today. Sooner this gets over with, sooner I get back home to watch the livestream of Madame Flurrie’s Farewell Tour.” He cleaned his glasses. “Oh, Kamek by the way.”

“[Y/n].”

You hoped to ask a few more questions, but a loud “Curse you Mario!” ripped through the battle as the main propeller of the ship began to give out.

“Yup, that’s about right on cue, “ Kamek sighed, pulling out his broomstick. “See you next time, [Y/n]. We’ll have to talk one of these days.” He started to float off, but stopped. “I suggest abandoning ship soon.”

“R-right!” You bolted for the side of the ship, taking one last look around. The Princess and the Mario Bros were nowhere to be seen, so you took a deep breath and leaped…

And soon found yourself upside down in a topiary on the castle grounds. Your head was still spinning, even after slipping through the branches to solid ground. “Hey, you okay?” You looked up to see a gloved hand offer you some help up. Luigi smiled awkwardly.

“Yeah, thanks.” You took his hand and got up. You quickly brushed yourself off and straightened your vest. “Thanks so much for coming to save us. Wish I got to meet you under better circumstances, but it’s very nice to make your acquaintance, Luigi!”

Luigi’s eyes brightened. “It’s good to meet you too, Mr… uh…?”

“Sorry, [Y/n], I’m Princess Toadstool’s new assistant. I sure picked a hell of a first day, huh?”

Luigi laughed with you. “Mamma mia, no kidding! I hope we didn’t make that bad of an impression. I promise Bowser doesn’t come by every day!” He paused, then stroked his moustache. “Well… usually at least.”

“Oh no, you were awesome! I just hope I didn’t make a fool of myself in front of the Princess…”

“I don’t think you’ll need to worry about that.” He nodded towards Mario and the Princess, who were now walking over.

“[Y/n], you aren’t hurt are you?” The Princess quickly gave you a once over, gently checking you for any wounds.

“N-no your majesty, I’m fine. I’m sorry-”

“What for? You were amazing! I was so worried you might have gotten hurt, but I never would’ve expected you’d jump in to save me!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say save… I think Mario did that.”

The plumber clapped you on the back with a hearty laugh. “Doesn’t matter, you still came up here! That takes some guts!”

“I just hope you aren’t scared off after all that,” the Princess said.

If today was any indication of what the rest of your time at the castle would be like, you certainly had a ride ahead of you. Yet… the more you thought about it, the chaos did make it fun. How many people could say they faced down King Bowser alone? The thrill… the adrenaline… you’d never felt anything like it before. “No,” you finally said. “Not planning on going anywhere.”

“Come on [Y/n], we have a lot to talk about while I bake this cake for Mario and Luigi.”

“Of course, coming, your majesty!”

“Please, just call me Peach!”

==============================

A/n: And here we are on a brand new adventure! Thank you for your patience. This story will be a little more light-hearted than Dreams of the Kingdom to match the Mario world. I hope you enjoy it as you become embroiled in the life of the Princess and the Koopa King. Next time, it’s off to the Grand Gallery, the royal repository for the Mushroom Kingdom’s art collection. Stay tuned for what awaits you inside the castle walls…

[no-fucks-left-in-inventory]

Bowser x Reader where you're either a royal from another kingdom or maybe an advisor for one and you attend a gathering among nations when an accident causes the building to collapse and you're trapped with some koopas.

There's all kinds of people, it's surprising to see Boos, Toads, and penguin folk all in the same building let alone the same room. The most shocking has to be watching Princess Peach actively agree to sit in the presence of King Bowser.

The koopa is joined by his blue robed advisor as per usual, you're not sure you've seen him go anywhere without that guy, at least in public. But this meeting is a little different than the ones you're used to. Not because of any fights or declarations, no treaty changes, no, this one is different because of the second figure accompanying Bowser.

A lanky koopa with a tall sprout of green hair and thick black glasses adorning his blue eyes. He's been seated next to his father at every meeting so far, not really paying much attention to what's being said, and he's been tinkering with metal parts in his lap. You hear other people refer to him as Iggy Koopa. One of Bowser's sons. Nobody seems to exactly know why he's there and Bowser's too proud to admit it's because he couldn't get a sitter.

After dividing the kids up amongst the few people he did trust to watch them there was nowhere for the engineer to go. So he had to tag along.

Everything is going rather smooth at this get together.

Until it's not.

The castle is very old, rickety, not kept up to the highest standards like it should be. Nobody quite knew what kickstarted everything, just that one minute everyone was on steady ground, and the next, the castle was crumbling under their feet. Most people get out in time with the help of each other.

Except you and a few others.

You're buried under piles of rubble but luckily not hurt bad enough to keep you down. You crawl around through small pockets of open space in search of an exit. There's sparking wires and suffocating dust surrounding you that you try to wave out of the way. From above, an ominous creaking lurks, worrying you of a full collapse. It'd obviously be ideal to escape as fast as humanly possible.

After some time, you hear a voice not far from you, coming from behind a large hunk of concrete. Poking your head around to see, you find Iggy, he's curled up on the floor with one claw covering his head and the other splayed in front of him, feeling around. He seems to be searching for something, muttering about not being able to see, and you realize his glasses are gone.

If his clear distress isn't evidence enough you're almost positive you overheard Kamek mention that Iggy was practically blind without them. It takes a few minutes to talk him down from his panic and convince him you're friendly. Not being able to see seems to be scaring him more than the collapse itself. For a small while you help him look, the two of you pausing to shout occasionally, but when the search turns up nothing you offer to carry him so you can keep trying to get out. It doesn't seem like anyone hears your borderline screams.

Now with the added weight of a koopa clinging to your back, you start climbing around again. Iggy seems relatively unharmed. He has a few bumps and bruises, some scratches on his shell, but he's otherwise okay. You're sure if he wasn't he wouldn't be excitedly chatting your ear off about something or other. Machinery, engineering, robots, all the stuff he was into. Maybe it's because you indulged him but he seems happy.

He talks about things he's made, things he plans on making, his brothers and sister, his home, and most interestingly, his dad. He tells you a lot about Bowser. And as children often do he says a bit too much. He tells you things his dad said about other kingdoms and about the national meeting as a whole that you're positive Iggy wasn't even supposed to hear.

And then he tells you what's his dad's said about you. At first, you're terrified, and you even try to get Iggy to stop talking because you really don't want to hear about how much the king you harbor an embarrassingly massive crush on dislikes you. But he doesn't listen. And his words shock you. His dad talk about you a lot apparently, about how he can't focus during meetings because you're sitting there looking pretty, how you had a smile that he adored, or how friendly you were to him despite Bowser being... well Bowser. The one that honestly surprises you the most is that he wants to invite you to his kingdom for a festival but he hasn't worked up the courage yet.

You're lucky Iggy can't see the way you blush.

When you start to finally think you're making decent headway in the only direction you can think of going, up, you're stopped by a blocked path. You have no choice but to help Iggy over the top and climb up by yourself after if you want to get past. He's less than thrilled at the idea of losing contact with you considering you're his eyes at the minute but you assure him it'll be okay. That you'll be right behind him. He has to climb onto your shoulders but he manages to toss himself through the small gap on top of the rubble.

When you hear him plop onto the ground on the other side and he calls out your name you begin your own climb. It's harder for you without the lift but you manage somehow. Its a tight squeeze but you fit and you come out on the other side unscathed. Just when your feet hit the ground there's a violent shake that rakes through the remains of the castle. Like something, or better yet unbeknownst to you someone, hit the walls with enough force that it dislodges the rubble. The creaking from before gets worse and you look up just in time to notice and spring into action.

Iggy yelps in fear when you shove him out of the way of the falling debris. The concrete lands on your foot with a sickening crack and you scream out at the pain. Quickly, you throw and hand over your mouth and bite down on your sleeve, not wanting to scare Iggy anymore than he already is. Tears spring to your eyes not only from the agonizing pain but the fact that now not only are you in charge of a child but something is broken.

Iggy follows the sound of your whimpers and you do your best to reassure him. It's clear that he doesn't believe you. He's not a baby. He might not be able to see what happened but he can still hear. He pats your body a few times like he's searching for the ailment himself and you have to take his wrists in your hands to stop him. You guide him to where the debris sits and ask him to help you push it off. It's surprisingly easy with the two of you and once your foot is free you try not to pay the damage any mind.

At first you think about resting a few minutes but you can't risk it. Besides, the quicker you got out the quicker Bowser could invite you to his kingdom-

You force yourself up and Iggy, begrudgingly, climbs back up onto you. It hurts like a bitch to even try and walk but your adrenaline is helping with that. You hobble as best you can, following the wall and leaning when you need, to continue forward. Iggy slowly starts to sound less calm about the situation. You can hear it in his voice when he tries to go back to casual conversation. It's wobbly and, based on the way his claws dig into your shoulders, he's on the verge of tears. He starts to mumble about how he misses his dad. He just wants his dad.

It's not like you're remaining the most calm either but for his sake you try to. You tell him that everything is going to be okay and you'll get him back to Bowser in no time. He doesn't seem to believe you as he's already decided you're doomed.

Loud crashes echo off to the side a little ahead of you and your blood runs cold. You can't have another collapse. Not while you're injured and have Iggy. Worse comes to worse you might be able to shield him with your own body.

What sounds like a wrecking ball hitting concrete rings through your ears and you cover your eyes just in time for bits of stone to explode in your direction. Iggy hides his head in your neck and you wince at the way his claws drag rifts into your skin. He cries out at the sound, almost a little too excitedly for your liking, but ultimately stays tucked down.

A massive shadow tumbles into your line of sight, green and yellow, firey tufts of hair darkened with dust, and scuffed black bracelets. Bowser slams into the ground on his stomach and groans in pain. A second bang, much quieter than the one from him toppling over, follows as his tail smacks down behind him. He blows red strands from his face when he huffs in frustration. Angry eyes peel open and shoot to you.

He'd been hoping deep down that you'd gotten out before the collapse. So much for that.

You call out his name, clearly startled by his appearance, and a little confused. Iggy's legs start to kick from where he sits and his shouts out for his dad. Bowser scrambles like a frightened cat to his feet and rips Iggy off your back, asking him all sorts of question, is he okay, did he get hurt, has he seen Kamek, all things you'd expect from a worried dad. Watching him step into that role always made you a little weak kneed. You stumble back at the force and land on the ground with a thud but Bowser doesn't even spare you much of a glance. Not until he knows Iggy is okay.

Iggy does he best to ramble off everything he remembers. He tells Bowser how you offered to carry him since he'd lost his glasses, coincidentally leaving out the fact that he'd spilled the beans to you, and about how you promised you'd get him back. Bowser sits Iggy up on his shoulder where you watch the kid grip onto his dad's horns for stability. He looks you over with an equally worried expression that he quickly tries to shift into one of.... you aren't sure it looks like he's trying to look cool.

He helps you up and tells you that he was trying to find a way out as well. And now that you all found each other you should continue as a group. If you can walk then you can come with him and Iggy. He doesn't really mention you caring for Iggy at all which stings a bit but you figure at the moment you don't have the luxury for a thank you. You lie to Bowser, telling him that yes, of course you can walk, you wouldn't have gotten so far if you couldn't. Iggy is quick to call you on your bull but Bowser has already turned tail and started walking.

So you follow.

And at first you somewhat keep up. Barely, but enough that Bowser doesn't say anything. His strides are forced to be a lot smaller than usual trapped in such small openings of caverns. Otherwise he would have outwalked you within the first two steps.

The more you walk on your bad ankle the slower you get. Eventually, there's no way you can keep moving and you know that. Bowser notices you slowing down, at first simply turning to glance at you, and eventually stopping completely for you to catch up.

He huffs, clearly irritated, tapping his foot and watching you hobble. He makes the split second decision and doesn't even ask you as he scoops you up in his arms, tucking you into his elbow safely, and telling you that it'll be faster this way. You're flustered and frozen in place but all around grateful because you feel to relieved without all the extra weight. You notice his tail, that was sedentary only seconds before, starts to wag lazily.

You're left staring up at the underside of his face as you move. Occasionally, he tilts his head to peek down at you and quickly looks away when he meets your dazed gaze. Iggy keeps conversation going, rejuvenated by the reunion with his dad, and you and Bowser join in here or there. That kid is smarter than you think though. If you'd pause long enough to think about the words coming out of his mouth you would realize he was leading you and his dad into talking to each other rather than to him.

Surprisingly, you and Bowser's conversation flows smoothly. It's easy to talk to him. Rather, it feels natural to you. Most of the time you were too shy to do more than speak to him in passing comments. But now it's like you can't shut up. Despite still being trapped under what you can only guess is layers of rubble your chest feels light and you feel safe. Bowser is, as expected, warm to the touch and sturdy like his build suggests. But you can tell he's trying his best to not squish you too tight against his plastron.

He takes you and Iggy through different areas, climbing over blockages and shuffling across scary openings, like he's not afraid of a thing. You figure after years of battle and leading a kingdom as strong as that of the koopas he probably isn't. He looks to strong and unbothered. Just like the king you know him to be. He's prepared to do what he can to get himself and his son to safety. And apparently you as well. He wouldn't have picked you up otherwise.

When a particularly dangerous area comes up, he puts one paw up to hold Iggy still and tugs you as close to him as possible, paw curling around your legs. It makes your heart flutter. And when he passes the area and checks on you his does too. Why are you staring up at him like that? With those cute round eyes and parted lips?

Bowser hates that this is how he and you finally get time together... and he loves it at the same time. He gets to save you! You'll just love him after that! Then you'll accept his offer and come to his kingdom! It's perfect!

Iggy seems to realize this too. He keeps pushing on his dad's horn and whispering to hurry up and do it already. He hoped that Iggy wouldn't be pushing him so hard. He left Wendy with Kammy for crying out loud why is he still getting harassed. But of course it's impossible to escape her romance loving clutches. He knows that she told Iggy to not let him leave without asking.

The words tumble from Bowser quickly, without warning, all the planning he'd made goes right out the nonexistent windows. It's okay that it's unorganized. Because you can tell it's real. True. Hearing it from Iggy is one thing but from the Koopa King himself? You can't form the words to answer. And he starts to think you're frightened of saying no. When in reality, you're simply trying to still your erratic heart. It flutters like a hummingbird.

It's not until you see sunlight again, until Bowser pushes his way through everything, until you hear the voices of everyone as they bombard you three with questions that you feel like you can speak again. Enthusiastically, ignoring the way a filth caked Kamek buzzes around his king and stares at you from behind spectacles, you nod. You try to sit up and nearly topple out of Bowser's hold while almost shouting that yes you will go to the festival with him.

Bowser keeps you and Iggy with him the entire time you all get checked out. He wants to make sure you're all healed properly. And he wants to make plans now that he knows he has a shot with you.

[dazzlen-the-clown]

DO YOU LIKE FAIRIES? DO YOU WANNA HELP A RP SERVER ONTO ITS FEET?

Then come to Alcheria!

Dice rolling mechanics

Fairy lore, from fairy religion to fairy types we got it all!

We have fairy zombies if you’re into that!

Open to semi-lit and above! This includes new roleplayers!

We may not be active yet, but you can change that! Talk to us and we’ll talk to you!

Check out the Alcheria community on Discord - hang out with 19 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.

[snazzyrattm]

WELCOME TO ALCHERIA!

Fairies in the forest, won’t you join?

SPOOKY AND WHIMSICAL VIBES!

What is Alcheria?

Alcheria is a roleplay server that takes place on an island sparsely populated by humans (known as giants)and filled to the brim with fairies of every type!

The main threats are giants (some unintentionally, some intentionally), and the Cordyceps disease.The Cordyceps disease is a fungal infection that turns fairies into zombies and is highly infectious, watch out!

SERVER DETAILS

Fun worldbuilding including fake religions!

Tupperbox for Roleplay and Pluralkit for systems!

LBGTQIA FRIENDLY (owned by a LBGTQIA person)

beginner roleplayer friendly! For semi-Lit to novella, all are welcome!

INTERESTED? JOIN HERE!:

Divider credits to @kodaswrld and @priestboy

Check out the Alcheria community on Discord - hang out with 15 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.

[lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie]

De-aged Robert who comes into the SDN office, sniffling and hiding behind Chase. He’s about five years old and at that time, Chase had just started babysitting him so he’s familiar with Chase but is surprised to see him so old.

Chase brings Robert to the meeting room where the Z-Team is waiting. After explaining the situation to the team, they don’t believe it at first but then little Robert pokes out from behind with wide brown eyes. They thought adult Robert had puppy eyes but it’s even more prominent in little Robert’s eyes.

“C-Chase…are these…heroes?”

Chase nods, ruffling Robert’s hair.

“Uh huh. These fucks are the Z-Team. Your team.”

“So…I’m technically their boss?”

“In the future, yeah. For now, they’re gonna watch you while I work.”

Robert frowns and the team melts just a little.

“Oh…you’re not staying?”

“Relax, fucker. I’ll be around the office just out there.” Chase assures him. “You need anything or these assholes hurt you, you come to me. Okay?”

Robert seems uncertain but nods, hugging Chase.

“Just…don’t go.”

“I won’t, shitbird. I’m just down the hall from here. Go on and say hi to your team.”

Robert nods and says hello to everyone. They all melt, gently poking his cheeks. It makes him turn red as he squirms away from their hands. Chase says they’ll be taking turns watching in between calls and to watch themselves around Robert or else. The team knows Chase is serious so no one makes a joke.

Chase then asks Robert if he needs anything else. Robert thinks and whispers in Chase’s ear. Chase grins and nods. The speedster leaves and comes back with a handful of scrap papers and a pen, handing it to Robert who perks up. The Z Team has never seen Robert smile that big. Chase then leaves to start dispatching.

Meanwhile Robert runs up to the table, clambering up onto a chair. He scribbles something down and Sonar looks over his shoulder to read it.

‘Z-Team and Powers by Robert’

Robert fixes the papers. Or tries to. Then he looks up to the group. All their eyes make him feel shy hiding his face behind the sheets with a squeak. The team melts again.

“Relax, Bob Bob. We don’t bite. Except maybe the rat with wings.” Flambae rolls his eyes.

“Dude. Not helping. But yeah, I don’t bite, Bobert. Only the bad guys.” Sonar assures him.

Robert peers out and nods.

“Okay. And my name is Robert. Can…Can I ask you questions, mister?” he looks up at Sonar.

Sonar nods and Robert fires away.

“Are you a bat? You have the head of one. Can you fly? Do you really eat people? Can you make a loud screechy noise that bats do? Can you sleep upside down? Where’s your wings? Are you actually blind? Why are your ears super big? And-“

Sonar laughs.

“Slow down, dude. I’m Sonar. Yes, I’m a bat. A half bat that can turn into a full bat. I do make the loud screechy noise to find stuff. I can sleep upside down but I don’t do it often. I do have wings but I can’t show them right now. No, I’m not blind but I can see in the dark. My ears big because I have super hearing. Oh, and no. I don’t eat people. Just bugs.”

Robert blinks then grins widely. Not a sarcastic dead tired smile. A real smile.

“Cool!” and he scribbles the answer down before turning to the next hero.

He goes around and asks all his questions, writing it on his papers. Everyone humors him, feeling a bittersweet warmth at how innocent this young Robert is. Even Flambae feels a little soft for this version of Robert.

Later Chase comes to pick Robert up for lunch, getting greeted with a big hug. Robert shows Chase his little report on the Z-Team. Chase praises him and the Z-Team is blinded by the brightest smile they’ve ever seen. Then Chase says it’s time to leave for lunch and Robert’s eyes widen.

“Chase, we can’t just leave and go anywhere! Dad might go looking for us! We’ll get in trouble!”

The Z Team is quiet and Robert looks…terrified.

“It’s fine, kid. You’re stuck with me and he won’t know we ever left.”

“B-But-!”

“Look, we’ll only be gone for a bit. We can get something better than twinkies.”

Robert blinks.

“W-What’s better than twinkies?”

“You’ll see. I promise I won’t tell your dad.”

“…Okay. Is…he coming back yet?”

Invisigal can see the discomfort Chase is trying to hide.

“Not yet, kid. He’s still busy.”

Robert merely nods and he follows Chase out of the break room after waving goodbye to the Z-Team. The Z-Team is quiet after seeing a contrast from young Robert and the Robert they know. What did that old man of a father do to their Robert?

[awkward-writes-shit]

Mercenaries x Reader on Laughing Gas who calls them handsome

In this order; Heavy, Medic, Spy, Sniper, Scout, Demoman, Engineer, Soldier, Pyro

Heavy

“You’re handsome…”

The man was too stunned to speak. Medic told him you were going to be real honest when under laughing gas, but he wants expecting THIS.

He finds you adorable like this. You’re absolutely smaller than him (Unless you’re a tall queen/ruler/king, in which we stan * finger snaps *) and carries you around until you’re able to think straight again.

10/10.

Medic

He puts you under just for fun because he finds you cute like this, so he’s gotten used to your loopy speech

“You’re handsome…” “Danke Taube.”

Still makes him giddy every time you compliment him though. Watches you stumble around the room like a toddler.

7/10

Spy

”You’re handsome…”

He knows. He appreciates it, but he knows.

“Merci. You’re a mess…”

Finds your loopy behaviour cute and slightly entertaining. Wouldn’t actively go out of his way to help you, but will keep an eye on you so you don’t end up killing yourself.

6/10

Sniper

“You’re handsome…”

He’s flustered immediately, does the awkward pulling hat down to cover the blush move.

“Thanks Sheila…”

Probably gonna get baby locked in his van due to him not wanting you to get hurt, but also having no idea how to care for you.

8/10

Scout

“You’re handsome…”

Stop inflating his ego, you’ve doomed the others for the next hour.

“YA’ HEAR THAT BUSH MAN?! MA GIRL THINKS I’M HANDSOME”

Bro probably puts you on one of those weird monkey leashes that you put bad kids on (Couldn’t be me…) and just watches you with so much entertainment.

8/10

Demoman

“You’re handsome…”

Dude’s drunk 24/7 so you’re basically the same person at this point.

“No, YER handsome… Beautiful… Pretty… Yeah…”

He’s constantly taking care of his mom, so you’re in good hands. No sharp objects, no fire, no Pyro, absolutely no Pyro, you’re safe.

10/10

Engineer

“You’re handsome…”

So much blush on that poor Texas man’s face.

“Aw… Thanks sweet pea… How ya’ feelin’?”

We stan a man who’s concerned about you. Keeps you in his workshop while he works. More than willing to explain to you what he’s doing like you’re 5.

10/10

Soldier

“You’re handsome…”

He’s a really loud person so everyone is going to know that you called him handsome.

“OF COURSE I’M HANDSOME! I AM THE GREATEST AMERICAN ON EARTH!”

Dude would have no idea what to do with you. Heavy just ends up taking care of you.

2/10

Pyro

“You’re handsome…”

‘Happy Pyro noises’

Definitely not the best at taking care of people, but in you’re loopy state, he’s amazing.

Y’all are absolutely gonna do stuff like colouring, playing with his unicorns, and absolutely cuddling.

[snoipas-jar]

https://www.tumblr.com/snoipas-jar/799028833504395264/

"That being said, I think you could successfully piss him off enough to go harder on you. Careful what you wish for though, you might not walk straight for a while after"

Can I piss him off please I need Engie to go extra hard on me for once. He definitely needs that🙏🙏🙏

Oughhh you an me both

Also waow this kind of got away from me but behold! The long awaited engie fic!! It might be a little poo poo because I wrote 90% of it either on the toilet or at 1am but yk what I don’t care!! You get what you pay for

NSFW warning 😏

Also tags/tws: gn!reader, spanking, sort of rough sex, general brat behaviour, proper aftercare included :)

Practical Antagonism

“Whatcha working on?”

Engineer sighed.

“Same thing I’ve been working on the last three times you asked sweet pea.”

“You could be working on something else…” you said coyly, circling around his workbench. You knew full well how frustrated he was. Something just wasn’t working and he was plenty annoyed before you even showed up. You figured he could use a break and maybe blow off some steam, but he would never just agree to that. You were going to have to… convince him, shall we say.

“I’m sure I don’t know what game you’re trying to play but I am not in the mood.” He said, the sound of his patience waning audible in his voice, like a guitar string tuned too tight.

“Oh I think you are in the mood…” you said, hopping up on his bench and kicking your feet playfully. “In the mood to take out all this tension on something, that is.” You began tracing patterns in the sawdust on the bench’s surface, feigning idleness.

“I do not-“ he paused. “-want to do that to you.” He hadn’t taken his eyes off his work the whole time. “That’s not what *that* is for.”

“Sure it is! C’mon, it’ll be fun! And you can go back to your work after with a clear mind!”

“Nuh uh. Not happening.”

“Orrrr I could just sit here… and keep talking… maybe I’ll find some other ways to entertain myself…” You said, unable to hide a grin. You grabbed a small wrench and began tapping it on the table, making up little rhythms as you went. You swear you could see a vein in his forehead pulse.

“Go right ahead.” He said, trying to subtly take a deep breath. “Won’t bother me none.” He smiled the fakest smile you’ve ever seen.

“Ooo-kayyy! If you say so!” You said, grabbing a second wrench and pretending to play a drum set. “It’s really cute that you think you’re gonna win this.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Hey Engie, how many-“ you squinted at the wrench in your hand, reading the numbers on the side. “-10 millimetre size wrenches could one theoretically, plausibly fit up their ass? Lengthwise of course.”

Engineer finally looked up from his work.

“Darlin’. Sugar. Light of my life. Would you come over here for a minute?” He asked, looking on the verge of insanity.

“Why certainly.” You said with a grin, knowing you had won. You walked over to him as he carefully pushed his project to the side. The second you were within reach, his hand shot out and grabbed you by the shirt, yanking you down towards his work bench. Your hands instinctively went out to catch yourself but Engie stopped you before you hit the table, then pushed you onto it with a hand on your upper back, and used his other hand to yank at the waistband of your pants.

“This is what you wanted isn’t it? Wanted me to “take out my frustration” huh? You oughta be careful what you wish for.”

You opened your mouth to speak but before you could get any words out you were silenced by a swift slap to your now bare ass, thankfully with his flesh hand and not the gunslinger. You looked back at him with a grin, which just made him more frustrated.

“Stop enjoying this so much!” He said, clearly resisting the urge to stomp his feet. Instead, he slapped your ass again, harder this time. You tried to stifle a moan but it slipped out anyways (mostly because you weren’t *really* trying). Engie seemed to get an idea.

“Say… I wonder how many times I can hit the same spot before you stop looking so smug.”

Uh oh.

It took about ten slaps to the exact same spot before you started to question how good of an idea this had been. Curse that engineers meticulous nature, he really did make sure to hit right where there was already a handprint. All five fingers lined up perfectly, every time. It was awful. It was awesome. You felt very lucky he wasn’t making you count them. At this point you could barely make noise anymore, and just whimpered slightly with every strike.

“Aw, got nothing to say anymore?” Engie said, pausing his assault to peer around your severely reddened ass to look at your face. You looked pretty fucked out for someone who hadn’t even been fucked yet. Even though you couldn’t muster words anymore, you managed to respond with a raised middle finger. He really should have tied your hands down.

“Right.” He said, smiling despite himself. He pressed the gunslinger to the red handprint, the cold metal soothing the inflamed area. You groaned openly.

“Well, I think if I do any more you’re gonna start losing some hide, so I say we try something else.” He said, tactfully reaching into a nearby drawer for a bottle of lube.

“Oh thank god.” You thought to yourself. You’d been painfully horny this whole time and the lack of any positive stimulation had been almost as excruciating as the spanking.

The first finger inside felt like heaven, and it was quickly joined by a second. He worked you open quickly and you were almost too blissed out to hear him shucking off his overalls, but then his fingers were gone and before you could offer up any complaints, they were replaced by his cock. He eased in slowly at first, unable to fully get rid of his gentlemanly nature. Or maybe he was just savouring it. Either way, it didn’t last long before he was plowing into you at a much more vigorous pace, his hips slapping against your poor abused ass cheeks. The contrast between that pain and the pleasure of being fucked was beautiful. Engineer was saying something. You were barely listening. Something about you being really goddamn annoying and hoping you’re happy right now. Oh you were definitely happy. His grip on your hips was nearly bruising and you could tell by the way his fingers twitched and squeezed your flesh that he was getting close. Come to think of it, you were too. You hoped he wasn’t angry enough to not let you cum. Luckily, those darn manners were too hard to suppress. He leaned in close to your ear and started murmuring in that devastatingly sexy way he knew would wreck you.

“Aw you gettin’ close sugar? You know, it sure would improve my mood if I got to feel you cumming around my cock. Could you do that for me?”

That was all it took. Something about him asking nicely for you to cum for him always worked. He was very soon to follow, feeling you clenching and twitching around him was just too much. He folded over, laying on top of you and staying inside while you both just breathed for a minute.

“Engie you’re crushing me.”

“Oh shoot, sorry darlin.” He peeled himself away from your back and pulled out, wincing when he saw the still clear handprint on your ass.

“Hold on, you stay put a second.” He kicked off his overalls which had been around his ankles the whole time and walked over to the first aid kit he kept on the wall for situations such as these. He grabbed some arnica cream from inside, as well as a clean rag that he ran under some cold water before returning. You watched him bustle around with your head propped up on your arm, still a little dazed. He returned promptly, and any daze you felt was evaporated when he pressed the cold rag to your ass. After the initial shock of cold, it felt very soothing and you could feel yourself starting to melt into the workbench you were still laying on. After a minute or two, he pulled the rag away and began applying the cream. You could hear him mumbling something about being sorry as he rubbed it in a gently as he could.

“Hey, stop apologizing, I asked for this!” You said, standing up and turning around to face him.

“I know, I know.” He said, unable to meet your gaze. “I still feel bad though. I didn’t go too far did I?”

“You know I would’ve told you if I didn’t like something. I mean, I was obviously egging you on the whole time.” You gently brought him in to a hug and rested your forehead against his. “I’m fine, I promise.”

“Well, if you promise…” He said, his smile starting to return. “You were right you know. It did feel good to get the anger out instead of stewin’ in it like I was.”

“Oh I’m sorry, what was that?” You said, lifting a finger to your ear. “Was that *you* saying that I was right about something? I don’t believe this.”

“Well then don’t believe it, cus I ain’t saying it again.” Engie chuckled. You laughed with him and pressed kisses to his forehead.

“Ok, let’s get you away from this damn workbench. I kinda want a snack. Maybe a hot chocolate…” You mused.

“That sounds like a mighty fine idea. Maybe I should put some pants on for that.” Engie said, looking around in an exaggerated fashion for his pants.

“Oh shit, me too.” You said, suddenly remembering that you had no idea where engie had discarded yours.

[bingleboy]

HAIIIII

Could I maybe ask….and *coughs cough awkward cough*

You really don’t need to but I just gotta know…

The mercy with a s.o that’s a BIG ROMANTIC?!?Like a Gomez Addams level but in some weird carnal “cannibalism is symbolism for deep deviation” kinda romantic..? The type just randomly lay with the mercs one night and have their s.o look at them deep in the eyes and just go “I want to crawl into your ribcage”……..???

PRETTY PLEASEEEEE PRETTY PRETTIEST OF PLEASEES!!!

okay slay 💅

SUCH A CUTE IDEA!!!! they deserve gothic chivalry <3

♡ All Mercs with a Creepy-Romantic S/O ♡

(your dialogue is marked in blue! I used the nickname "my love" a lot bc that feels like Gomez to me <3)

Medic

You doing your over-the-top romantic stuff will 100% go to his head. He feels like hot shit whenever you do anything for him

He likes a little PDA, + hugs n kisses while he's working

He literally feels his heart swell with love for you <3 he thinks you're the sweetest little angel

And the creepy stuff? You are his dream partner on god. He blushes and giggles any time you say some freaky shit

"My love?"

"Hmm? Yes, taube?"

"I wish I could crawl inside your ribcage and kiss your heart."

"Ahahaha! Oh, stop it you~ I'm trying to work!"

Will be smiling for the next half hour while he thinks about what you said

He eats it up, and will return the sentiment with real blood and guts!

(If you want to eat a little piece of him, he's sure he can find something he doesn't really need... just kidding! ...unless? 😏)

Spy

Surprised he's met someone who can match his chivalry; you're even more sappy and romantic than him

You would try to outdo eachother with stupid things, grand gifts, planned dates, and proclamations of love. He sees it as a game

"My love, you look divine tonight."

"Divine? You are absolutely radiant. I should be the one worshipping you, mon coeur."

"That can be arranged... perhaps tonight?"

Scout would gag at the sight of you two. You're sickening

For your creepiness, he finds you a little disturbing but as he gets to know you, like... he gets it. It's poetic. He knows what you're trying to say/the feelings behind them

He gets used to it and tolerates your affections, even if he finds them strange

"Your blood is the most beautiful vibrant red, my love."

"Hmm. Thank you. I'd prefer it if it stayed inside of me, though, mon coeur."

Scout

He is scared and horny

Romantic part: he's the most openly shocked at any romantic gestures you show him.

He totally likes being pampered by you. Give him all your attention forever and ever and ever

Like, you show up one day with a ridiculously huge bouquet of roses for him, and he goes through so many emotions so quickly. Surprised, amused, embarrassed because he assumes you're playing a joke on him, even more embarrassed when he realizes you're 100% genuine, and shy acceptance

"Babe, listen, that's... really frickin' sweet n' stuff, but I dunno where ta put these roses. I'm not really a flowers guy."

"Oh. I'll take them back if-"

"No, they're mine, back off! I'll find a spot."

I think at first he would be creeped out when you say loving yet concerning things, but his infatuation with you overrides his self-preservation.

You'll be cuddling and you'll be like "I wish I could be inside your skin." and he'll give you this look of horror and be like "What???" but will continue to cuddle you

He teases you and calls you a freak/vampire/cannibal

He'll get used to it. Everyone else will wonder how he bagged such a baddie <3 he's literally stupid

A part of him also kind of likes that you're "scary" because he feels like you'd be able to protect him. He would never ever admit that in a MILLION years but its true

Demoman

Oh he so loves romantic shit. No one's ever done anything so nice for him, he feels so special around you!!!

He wouldn't be embarrassed by any PDA, he might even enjoy showing off that he has someone that loves him so much!! <3

Drunk or sober, he loves being by your side and having an arm around you, which you seem to like too

He's glad you're so expressive, because it makes him feel like his "clinginess" is normal, it's just how you are with each other

When you kiss his hand and trail more kisses up his arm, he'll be giggling and pulling you in by your face for a BIG kiss

I think he would be confused the first time you do or say something more macabre, but not afraid

Like.... what'd you say? Oh, it's a compliment? Aw thank you luv P] (thats his eyepatch)

After that, he'd usually reply with his own compliment or add on a joke to yours, like

"You're so adorable, darling. I just want to eat you up."

"Yeah? Bet I'd be good with whipped cream on top, aye? And a cherry, too! Ya look cute yourself, luv."

Heavy

He'll smile real big and laugh when you do romantic things for him. He loves it!

He finds it a bit funny just because, well, he's not the sort of guy anyone does anything romantic for. He also finds it incredibly sweet

It reminds him of being a character in a book he's read, actually being pined after and "wooed"

He always likes cuddling in bed with you at the end of the day, and it's then he'll say thank you (again) for all the cute things you did for him that day

Brushes off the weird things you say, affectionately! he takes it as just another way of saying i love you

His usual reply to your creepy-compliments is to pat your head and be like that's nice honey :] Heavy is going to go make a sandvich. You want?

Pyro

Blushing and giggling at romantic gestures. They love everything cutesy and cheesy and stupid, it shows how much you care!!!

They would be 10000% happy with PDA, excessive smooching on the battlefield

I think they would kind of flip-flip on their reactions to creepy ways to expressing love

Usually they'd 100% get it, giggling, squealing, flapping their hands excitedly

Other times, they'd understand the compliment, but they'd freak themselves out a little bit and ask for reassurance that you're not actually thinking about eating them or something

But that's easily resolved :]

Engineer

Another sucker for classic romantic stuff

He'll insist you shouldn't do anything fancy for him, he's a simple man (but if you do fancy things anyway he'll totally like them. It shows how much you care about him/you think he deserves nice things hehehe)

But he does love compliments and acts of service. That is totally his comfort zone, you two will constantly be exchanging those

He's not exactly wholesome but he does have a picture of the ideal domestic life, very sweet

First he's surprised at how many romantic gestures you do for him, and then he's surprised you're a freak. Not bad surprised! But... it takes getting used to for sure

"You have such beautiful teeth, my love."

"Uh.... thank you. Yer... teeth are nice too," he says while awkwardly rubbing his neck.

He does feel flattered in a weird way?? He is confused

Soldier

He's a little lost in the world of 'romantic' things. He considers very blunt things to be romantic, so when you treat him like... fancy... he takes some time to buffer and figure out how to react

Like he's happy asgkdfl of course he likes it he's just so not used to it, it takes him a second

He thinks of himself as being rugged and manly, he doesn't need nice things or any special treatment, he'll insist, but if you insist, he'll begrudgingly let you do nice things for him

He enjoys it more than he thought he would, like nice dinners, and compliments, and roses, and seeing you so gorgeously dressed up.... nice

He finds your disturbing nature SO attractive. He values strength and loyalty in his partner, and ripping out his heart and eating it is SO strong and loyal!!! What better way to prove your devotion to someone??

lowkey blindly agrees with everything you say

"You have such a beautiful heart, my love. I wish I could just squeeze it in my hand."

"I'm sure Medic could cut it out for you! Wait, that's crazy-talk. I'll cut it out myself, like a real American does!"

You tell him to keep his heart inside and he's like "you sure? I'll do it. i'm not a coward"

Sniper

He likes "creepy" things, like skulls, dead bugs, dead things in general. He can appreciate the beauty in them

He would LOVE your affection, creepy and romantic. He'd be standing there and trying to hide the big smile on his face bc he doesn't know how to handle it

He matches your freak but he's shy teehee.

The creepy-romantic stuff is actually easier for him to respond to than the outright romantic stuff, because he finds it a bit funny

"Darling."

"Yeah, mate?"

"I want to crawl inside your ribcage and wrap myself around your heart."

"Hah, that's sweet, darlin'. I'll crawl in your ribcage too."

VS:

"Darling."

"Yeah, mate?"

"Your eyes are the most beautiful color I've ever seen. Between blue and gray, like the stormy sky above the ocean. I could get lost in them for hours."

"..." He pulls his hat down and tries to hide his smile, looking away from you.

He's so easily flustered by regular romantic things its stupid ahafdsjk

I don't think he blushes an insane amount, but he does a little, and he goes all quiet and like kicks the dirt with his boot aakjfl

He'll say "thank you", "you really didn't have to...", or "I don't deserve you" (shut up yes you do man)

thanks for the cute request!! <3

[dazzlen-the-clown]

MEET THE ARCANIST

[snazzyrattm]

THIS IS MY OC GUYS! Feel free to ask abt him in my inbox I love writing about him

[dazzlen-the-clown]

WELCOME TO ALCHERIA!

16+ SERVER

Features: fairies, zombies, spooky forest vibes, DND like mechanics

`Alcheria is a lovely stretch of land… aside from the threats of zombified fairies and tensions between opposing elements (fire vs. water, Plants and Animals vs. fire, etc.). Your main goal is to thrive and survive inside this land (don’t get eaten by beasts, hurt by giants, or fall ill and become a zombie).`

INTERESTED?:

Check out the Alcheria community on Discord - hang out with 8 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.

[snazzyrattm]

The TF2 bug has bit me again

Feel free to ask for character x reader or character x character of the mercs 😛 (including Zhanna)

Also- will write abt my vague insert oc (I say vague bc he’s not even remotely me, he’s just my puppet to kiss the mercs lowkey) feel free to ask about him. He’s called the Arcanist

If it isn’t clear Medic is my favorite

[snazzyrattm]

I am here with a Royd request if that's okay!

My request is Royd and a bit more mom/dad friend personality reader (can be gender neutral) who has healing powers! Not so good at combat tho, and uses touch to heal usually. It could be just general headcanons pre-or in already in relationship, or maybe reader healing/comforting Royd after the mechaman suit failed.

Anyways, if you don't feel like doing this one that's understandable too. Have a lovely day💙💙💙

GN!Reader (healer, parental friend) x Royd

Generally

Royd loves a caring personality! But he may tease you a bit for worrying too much. “Aye Bruddah, chill out! I ain’t gonna fall apart, you’re a silly buggah.”

He really is fond of it though! He notices how attentive you are while healing the teams that trickle in and out of the medbay near his lab. He thinks you’re a sweetheart.

Pre-Relationship (he’s crushing on you)

He’s not good with the whole… word things. Sure he can talk easy, but all the flowery language of love? It makes him nervous.

That doesn’t mean he won’t try other methods though. He’s an act of service kind of man at heart, so he leans into that. You need some spare bandages? He’s got a whole roll. Hungry? He saved whichever snack you like in his lab’s mini fridge.

He loves you to the point of invention (as corny as that may seem to some). He will spend days making new trinkets and Knick knacks to help you with your work.

He’d probably make a trinket to confess. A little techy music box that pops out a ‘I love you!’ Message at the end. He’ll leave it there without you around, but it’s OBVIOUS that he was the one who made it.

In a relationship

This man is a big puppy mixed with a horse. Meaning he’s loyal and clingy and will carry you around like he’s a royal steed if you’re tired.

He’ll absolutely get a couch in his lab for you to crash in after a long shift (a medic’s job is never really done)

Speaking of after-shift care, this man gives AMAZING MASSAGES. He loves doing it, too, acts of service and all that. And lord knows you’re tense after all the medical scares from your coworkers.

He will makes you gifts ALL THE TIME. You complain about something and Royd will be trying to fix it if possible.

[snazzyrattm]

holy fuh i just read that waterbae fic

whoa

whuh..

whooof

you lied

liar

definitely wrote

stuff like that

before

zamn

LMAO???

But srsly fr I haven’t lmao. I just unleashed my inner freak and put Spotify on yk? Worked out for me I guess people seem to like that fic 😭😭

[scouts-real-husband]

NSFW alphabet - Medic

Part 2 of this little series!! if there are any mercs you'd like to see next, just pop a question in my ask box!!

(content warning! there are mentions of blood, knives, and wounds!!)

G/N reader

Smut under the cut!!

MDNI!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Very good! Medic might be a sadistic freak, but he knows how to take care of someone. He'll most likely run you a bath, massage any sore muscles, or even use the medigun if you got a little too roughed up during sex.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his hands. As a doctor, he has to have immense control over his hands and be very intentional about everything he's doing with them, so they're one of the best tools he has to pleasure you!

On you, he likes your thighs the best. He's just a thigh man in general, with how grabbable they always are. He likes to bite them. especially your inner thighs. He loves how sensitive they can get.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He has a breeding kink, so he loves to come inside you, no matter your gender (he WILL make it work.) But he also loves to see his cum all over you. Favorite spots would probably be your thighs and stomach.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Honestly he doesn't really have any secrets, as he's very out-loud about things he wants to do with you and try. Maybe one that he'd keep a little more hush hush about would be he wants to have a threesome with you and Heavy. He'd propose it some day, but for now it stays in his sick and twisted little fantasies.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He knows exactly what he's doing just from an anatomical standpoint. He's not too experienced with the act itself, but he knows a LOT about the human body, and can and will use all of his information to best fuck you.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He'd definitely like a lot of positions, but a personal favorite of his would be a mating press. Honestly he also just likes anything where he can grab onto you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's rather serious, but you'll probably earn a few laughs from him if you do something sexy. Not in the funny laugh kind of way, but in the amused and turned on sense.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Darker hair, and a lot of it. Not necessarily ungroomed, but definitely not baby smooth anywhere. You have to be into body hair if you're into Medic. It's a given. He does enjoy personal cleanliness though, so he is trimmed.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can be romantic, he can be sadistic, he can be desperate, anything you like. He's a pretty freaky guy though, so his go-to isn't exactly romance. However, if you ask for a certain mood like that, he is more than happy to give it, and he is good at it. Spy levels of good at it.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

For as much of a freak as he is, he doesn't really like to jack off. He has a thing about keeping his hands clean as a doctor (cough cough ignore the entirety of "Meet the Medic"), so he doesn't really do it all that often. If you do it for him though, or if he's watching you, he's more than happy.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Really into knifeplay. He'll slice you into ribbons if you let him. Seeing your pretty blood pool under the thin blade of a scalpel, it gets him hard just thinking about it. Also loves roleplay, specifically doctor/patient roleplay or scientist/experiment roleplay.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Operating table in his office. No further questions.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

A lot, actually. But a notable one is when you display smarts. He likes someone who can challenge him, or have a civil argument with him, and bring up good points. Whenever than happens he imagines fucking you so hard you just agree with what he says anyway.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

It's hard to find something he wouldn't do, but more hardcore sadistic stuff like woundfucking would be off the table. He may be able to heal anything he does to you, but he knows you're not a mindless thing for him to use. He genuinely cares about making you feel good.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Oral king. He prefers giving, and has very little gag reflex. He's also super skilled with his tongue. (He would find the clitoris.) Please cum in his mouth, cum on his tongue. He'll drink it up like the needy little slut he is, and will go back in for more if given the chance.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Another back and forth. He's super good with either, but the best part is when he switches on a dime from one to the other. He loves hearing your needy whines whenever he goes slow and deep, and your sharp moans when he goes rough and fast.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He prefers having you for as long as he can, if possible. He'd spend hours going down on you if he could. In fact, he will. The other mercs can spend a few hours without him patching them up, right?

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's a big risk taker. He honestly could not give more of a fuck if you're caught.

Okay maybe he wouldn't be the biggest fan of being caught, but he loves taking other risks. He's big on pain and bloodplay, will stop if you ask him, but he'll take it as far as you let him. Also has a breeding kink, so if you're trying not to get pregnant, you might want to disclose that multiple times with him.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can last quite a few depending on where and when you're doing it. He'll also make some sort of aphrodisiac if you want to go for longer. He just loves imagining the two of you, going at it raw with nothing but base animalistic instincts for hours. He also isn't the best at holding in his orgasms, but he can go for quite a while if he tries.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He probably owns one or two, but honestly I don't see any of the mercs using them except Engineer and maybe Spy. But if you wanna peg him or something, he's totally down.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Will tease. Mercilessly. Just imagine the two of you going at it, and through his moans he's just saying the filthiest words about you and how you're doing. If you have a thing for it, he'll degrade you til the sun comes up. Or praise you, but it depends on how good you're being.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Loudest motherfucker in the whole base. Probably the whole town, too. He whines, he moans, he groans, do not ask him to stifle anything, because he will just get louder. It's just his thing, y'know? Words falling from his lips, only half aware of what he's saying, probably a lot of German as well, mixed in with his sharp whines as he tells you how good you are for him, and how he's needed this for so long. Please moan in his ear, he'll fall apart at the seams in a whining, whimpering mess.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He gets wet dreams often of you, and sometimes can't look at you in the eye the next morning if they were especially vivid. He also lucid dreams occasionally, so his dreams are usually filled with the stuff you wouldn't normally do with him in reality.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Medically speaking, above average for a man his size, and rather girthy too. He says that length is useless if you don't know how to use it, but my god does he know how to use it. It's also rather sensitive. Play with the tip and you'll have him coming in no time.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Man's libido is off the charts. As established earlier, he'll go at it for hours if you let him. Of course he's a respectful and professional man, but as soon as you give him the go-ahead, assume to not be walking for the next day.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He stays awake usually to make sure you're okay and take care of you, but he is down for the count the second you get cozy with him. Please give him a goodnight kiss though.

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

every day I learn bot comments on ao3 are stooping lower and lower

anyway if you get a comment like this, chances are that they are bot and their goal is to do whatever it takes to get you to delete your work, most certainly (from what I’ve heard) it’s because they want to “safely” steal your work, use it to train their ai without you being able to rightfully claim ownership of your work since “there’s no proof that the work was stolen/was posted elsewhere first by you” because the original source has already been deleted.

THEY ARE ALL BOTS. at first it was “ao3 is deleting fics and your entire account will be affected unless you delete the fics yourself” then it was “this work contains contents that are illegal and they have already reported you and your fic to the police” (yes, that’s how desperate these bots are), and now it’s this.

report their comments to ao3 for spam—in this case, specifically, I think you may be able to report them for harassment too—and don’t pay attention to them, most importantly don’t delete your works, don’t feel discouraged by their comments. remember that they are bots and they mass comment something like this on people’s works at random to get people to delete their works. (or even if they’re not bot, they are still pathetic bullies who don’t deserve your time or attention.)

MORE ABOUT BOTS AND SCAMS PLAGUING AO3’S COMMENTS SECTION HERE

[dazzlen-the-clown]

[snazzyrattm]

Posted my pre-canon timeline of zea on AO3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/77515826