スナイパー狐

[sniper-fox]

.

I still think back about the story one of my professors told us about a man whom she met in the Capitol. He was a bright, young man who was upbeat and likeable. His career was just getting started, and she was excited to see him there again the following year. But she heard the news that he killed himself, and she was devastated.

In my field, it's unfortunately not uncommon. It could've been anyone. Burnout in the profession is a regular occurrence. Talented people, disillusioned by the reality of how things operate, are cut down in their prime.

Fortunately, I'm still kicking, and I'm putting in the work to make sure that it doesn't happen. I'm acutely aware that not everyone is lucky enough to get second chances in life. But it makes me wonder, could that have been... me? Would I have made that impact on someone else?

[taurzza]

Are you ready? To be abandoned? To be lonely? To be sheltered by the wind? ...

[anaislikestoart]

misato cosplay live model from todayy :)

[sniper-fox]

.

Have I changed- well, yes. Time and experience does that to someone. But I feel like the fundamental flaws that I have are still very much there, despite the growth mindset I've been trying to embrace.

I was a graduate school dropout. I couldn't hold a regular job, surviving off gig jobs and help from family. I had given up on everything and honestly didn't care if anything happened to me.

Life has a weird way of happening, though. I won't get into it too much here, but after a very traumatic experience, I've essentially been given a second chance. By all outside appearances, I'm way better off now than I ever was. I just lost... time, opportunities, connections. And time is not something we get back.

I'm heartbroken right now. Someone I instantly was attracted to but gradually developed genuine feelings for is now with someone else. It's no one's fault but my own, as I was too scared to make a move. And you know what? I hate myself for it.

I know I'm accomplished. I started from an entry level position, was abandoned by my superiors, and then later picked up by others who either took pity on me or needed the help. She was one of them and is partly the reason I'm back on my feet.

She helped me get back into school. I had already loved her by then, but then she even helped someone else I'm really close to. She's kind, she's smart, and she's easy on the eyes. And that scared me. Yet, I let her slip by.

I want to cry, but the tears just won't fall. I listen to sad country songs because it reminds me of her a little. But because I'm so busy, I just... don't. I can't. It doesn't matter how successful I am. I'm winning awards and nominations, I'm a rising star in my program, and all eyes are on me. Except hers.

[astragifs]

[soulspark]

[pastelella]

[soulspark]

[astragifs]

[jakeperalta]

I've had enough of society being catered to morning people.. it's time for everything to be pushed back like two hours

[frankie-bell]

COWBOY BEBOP [ KNOCKIN’ ON HEAVEN’S DOOR ] I have no fear of death. It just means dreaming in silence. A dream that lasts for eternity. 

[sniper-fox]

.

I honestly don't know why I'm back here... I nuked all of my old blogs (including this) and social media that I no longer use. I felt that I had to let go of the past that I held onto for so long in order to move forward.

And I did. So much has changed in such a short period of time. I am in a very different place in my life, compared to even just a few years ago. Heck, 2012 me wouldn't believe where I am now.

But that's the thing. Am I really that different? A former friend once told me, "You're not as bad as you think you are." That I was worthy of a second chance. I almost regret burning that bridge, even if it may have been necessary for me to move on.

I've made a lot of progress. I don't rely on the quiet solace, ease, and familiarity that depression brings, anymore. I've experienced profound loss, and it still hurts from time to time, but I didn't succumb to it. Almost did. However, I'm still here. "Resilient," I suppose, is what you could call it.

That being said, I know there is work to do. I still yearn for love - the kind that I feel for someone, and they feel for me in return. To feel that, though, one must at least not wage war against themself. I can at least say that there is a ceasefire.

I guess I have changed more than I thought.

[garrandia]

i’m cleaning out my “unfinished” folder so here’s some stuff full vince with a scythe is here   ̶(̶i̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶p̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶it ̶h̶e̶’̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶ ̶f̶c̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶b̶i̶g̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶r̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶i̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶a̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶it)̶

so back in the 2017(?) i found out that early vincent had white hair and  used a freaking scythe instead of a gun aaaaaaaand i just lost it

[soulspark]

[soulspark]

[belldandies]

[ribbonsandangelfeathers]