This Girl Is On Fire

Muses: Santana Lopez || 28 tba

[snixxysmu]

TEXT 📲 SANTALINA

TAL: That's exactly what I'm worried about.

TAL: You wish, baby. I've been seeing this girl pretty regularly for a while, and I feel like it's getting serious. I keep feeling like she's going to ask me to make it official, and then I keep wondering if I should ask her. She knows I'm a stripper, but I just don't know how cool she'll be with it, or for how long.

SANTANA: I'm gonna pretend not to be jealous. Not of you, I just get tired of collecting fuck buddies.

SANTANA: If she knows, and you guys have still been at it for a while, maybe she'll be cool. Ask her and see what happens. If she says no, it's better you found out now instead of after you've fallen.

[snixxysmu]

TEXT 📲 SANTALINA

TAL: Yeah, but I'm special.

TAL: Okay, what are you thoughts on being in a relationship and working at a strip club?

SANTANA: Yeah, I guess.

SANTANA: Tricky. It's probably the reason none of my relationships have ever lasted longer than 3 months. See, it's always fine in the beginning, but eventually their insecurity comes shining through and it's all "I don't want gross dudes jerking it to you." As though people wouldn't get off to me even if they hadn't seen me in nipple tassels.

SANTANA: You got someone in mind, or are you trying to ask me out?

[snixxysmu]

elliemu‌:

That’s because seventeen year olds are children. I don’t even remember being that young, but I do know I’d go back to it in a heartbeat, I’m practically weathered now. You are very hot, though, so that’s incredibly valid. Thirty does seem like a horror, luckily I don’t have to find out what happens until next April, but I’ll be sure to let you know. Half the time I feel at least fifty, anyway. Especially before coffee.

Oh, I do. That was the summer I got picked up by the cops at a party, half naked, coked up out of my mind, and had to cry to convince them not to arrest me. I still have a year and a half to go, but it feels like a death march. My birthday’s in April too. The 4th.

[snixxysmu]

elliemu‌:

No, you still hold the title, don’t worry. I literally don’t do anything to irritate you, you just find something to complain about in everything, that’s really not my fault. Yeah, I was saying you haven’t aged well, idiota. Glad you agree.

....goddammit. See that’s what you do to annoy me. All I hear when I’m away from you is poor Gabriela, because Mom and Dad think you’re an invalid or something, and I forget that you’re actually just the youngest in a group of manipulative bitches. You win this time, but big sister’s coming back.

[snixxysmu]

elliemu‌:

My job has literally nothing to do with anything, but okay, thank you for pointing that out… You act like you think you’ve grown out of being a pain in the ass with age. You’re, like, the anti-wine.

I’m just saying, those kids have got to be more irritating than me. Anyway, my job is to irritate you as much as you irritate me. It’s like the sacred law of sisterdom or some shit. Damn right I’m an anti-wine. That’s basic, white girl shit. I’m, like, fucking whiskey and ecstasy. 

[snixxysmu]

jordanmu‌:

School’s been back in session, so I’ve been pretty much been dead to the world (other than my teachers and classmates). But thankfully I was a smart cookie this week and finished all my homework/studying yesterday. So, it’s Friday night.. And I want to do something fun! Any fun parties happening? Someone want to go bowling and get really drunk doing it? Go to an arcade (also get drunk while doing it)?

You know there are so many better things to do in Chicago than to get drunk on shitty beer doing something incredibly lame? My suggestion is to go to an actual bar, drink something that isn’t going to make you hate yourself tomorrow and see where the night takes you.

[snixxysmu]

elliemu‌:

I swear, high school children are either getting younger each year or I’m just aging at an alarming rate, because every time I see them I feel more and more old. This also comes because I’m currently sad about the kids we no longer have at the daycare since they’re starting school now. Is this what a midlife crisis feels like? Is that what this is? Is 29 too young for a midlife crisis? So many questions.

They get more annoying to me every time I see them, but that’s just me. Sometimes I feel old when I see a 17 year old and they look like a child, but then I pass a mirror and I remember how hot I am, and everything goes back to normal. Maybe you’re just having your quarter life crisis or whatever late? I freaked when I turned 25 and realized I was inching closer and closer to 30. Still pretty terrified of 30, actually. Let me know whether or not you suddenly sprout gray hairs and start pissing yourself as soon as you hit that one, would you? I may need to make some plans.

[snixxysmu]

jordanmu‌:

I’ve been back in Chicago for about a month now, so I guess it’s time to poke out my head and come out of hiding? I have no doubt people have met one of my many sisters. If you thought there was only four, surprise… There’s five?! Anyway, my name is Logan Rose. I was a personal assistant in Los Angeles, running around and doing people’s errands for them. Hmm.. What about myself? I guess I’m really into acting, and I’d love to be an actual actress. Fun fact: if you think you saw me in a toothpaste commercial, that was probably me. I don’t have a lot under my belt, but oh well! We all start somewhere, right? What about you guys? Tell me at least one fun fact about you. And your name, obviously.

Oh, fuck yeah. Me and my sisters aren’t the side show freaks anymore! I’ve never met quints. That’s pretty rad. Santana Lopez, quad. I was in a yeast infection medicine commercial like 8 years ago, and it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I’ve never wanted to be an actress, though, I just wanted the money and thought being on tv would be sweet. The unfortunate side effect was people associating me as the girl with the raging yeast infection. My love life has just now started to level back out.

[snixxysmu]

TEXT 📲 SANTALINA

TAL: Listen, put on your friendship attitude and give me some advice.

SANTANA: The fact that you think my attitude is any different toward my friends...

SANTANA: What's up, babe?

[snixxysmu]

elliemu‌:

I know how fucking irritating you are, that’s for damn sure.

Your job is taking care of snotty, disgusting little ankle biters, and I’m irritating? Honestly, I think you should be grateful I decided I liked you enough to not eat you in the womb. You know what I was like when we were kids.

[snixxysmu]

heathermu‌:

Well I guess it’s a good thing it’s still 2019. Gamers are always going to use the word toxic because that’s exactly what it is. Gross and bad for the health.

Thanks, though. It’s hard work but a girl’s gotta do it.

I guess I just prefer to be a little more imaginative and personal with my insults. I mean, what’s wrong with calling them small-dicked, living with their mother for eternity, never ever going to get laid, bitter fucking assholes? 

[snixxysmu]

TEXT: ANGIE➝  SANTANA

ANGIE: I find the twin shit SO WEIRD. Like, is it weird to see your face outside??? I only feel like that when I'm stone.

ANGIE: We can go robe the Vatican too, if we are at it. They have lots of gold.

ANGIE: ... Should I hit someone

SANTANA: I've never known what it's like to not be a multiple, so I guess it's less weird for me.

SANTANA: Alright, kid. You're getting a little excited. Besides, I prefer diamonds, so if we're robbing anything, it's Tiffany's.

SANTANA: No, I already took care of that. A word of advice, never date anyone whose IQ is lower than her cat's.

[snixxysmu]

elliemu‌:

Funny.

You know how I do.

[snixxysmu]

adismuse‌:

… You’ve never gotten a flu shot? Are you one of those anti-vaxxers? I feel like this is something that your sister needs to know in order to continue being your sister. 

I don’t think anyone gets her undivided attention except those telenovelas she loves. Bri, too.

Ew, no. Fuck you. I know I’ve done some dumb things, but even I’m not that stupid. I’m just saying that it’s suspicious that most vaccines you’ve just gotta take once, but the flu’s only good for a year. Maybe I’ll get one when they stop peddling their weak ass shot and come up with an actual vaccine. 

We totally should have eaten her in the womb. Kidding....mostly.

[snixxysmu]

adismuse‌:

You don’t… buy weed? Why would I buy weed when I can just pull them out of the ground? I’m pretty sure that’s illegal, anyway, since you’d be stealing other people’s plants. Or weeds, I guess. I think they’re almost the same thing but weeds are bad and plants are good. That’s the way I’ve always thought about it.

...I honestly can’t tell if you’re being a smart ass or this is actually happening.

[snixxysmu]

TEXT: ANGIE➝  SANTANA

ANGIE: bitch please, you know what you got.

ANGIE: girl, come on, we are gonna end up exorcised why are you doing this to me

ANGIE: can we record it so we get to be famous?

SANTANA: Of course I do, I have mirrors and mis hermanas. I mean, I'm clearly the hottest, but they're like slightly less hot reminders of my excellent face.

SANTANA: Uh uh. I haven't set foot in a church since I was a teenager. I'm afraid I'll burst into flames. If we get possessed, we're just gonna have to suck it up and deal with it.

SANTANA: I'll think about it. I'm a little raw from the last time I was recorded. At least this time I'd be clothed...

[snixxysmu]

alemuse‌:

That does make quite a lot of sense now. What kind of dancer are you? 

The kind you tip. In large bills, if you’re me. It’s actually a pretty sweet gig, if you ever get sick of trying to impart knowledge into little shitheads who don’t care.