my stomach is always upset, hi

i believe in oversharing 

[snowydandruff]

I relax on the blankets, reaching for his hand. He gives it to me, and I marvel at how free he is with his touches. No one has ever touched me as easily or so readily as him. In his eyes I'm not a thug, or a captain, or humanity's strongest soldier.

I am just Levi, and for once, that is a good thing to be.

[snowydandruff]

"I'm tough" I whisper.

He nods, "I know you are."

"I can take care of myself."

"You have," he says "You still do. You always will. I've just joined in too. Now we take care of each other."

[snowydandruff]

erensnaps on ig

[snowydandruff]

"I may not be the happiest person in the world, but I felt like one when you said you were happy to see me, even if you didn’t say it with such words, but I saw the way you looked at me when you found me in the crowd. You smiled, and it made strangers know I was loved."

[snowydandruff]

Anchor ~ Levi Ackerman

Warning: s4 pt2 + manga spoilers

The rumbling.

your last living memory with your friends and beloved, levi ackerman.

You decided to take it upon yourself to distract the collosal titans by obliterating them with your thunder spears but just like icarus, your determination and fascination for the titans are what caused your tragic end. You caught a glimpse of levi as you fell 50m from the sky due to agonizing burns from the titans. There was no possibility of your survival.

heartache, disbelief, regret were all etched on his face. he held his breath, it was as though your death cause his organ system to shut down, you were his heart and soul anyways.

Eldians won the war, no more titans to kill, no more pain, no more chaos.

but Levi changed,

He stopped making his favorite tea. He cut himself off from all his friends, always stayed at home wishing you were there to run your hands through his hair. wishing he could hear your angelic voice call to him again, always watching the door thinking you might walk in anytime. wishing, oh just wishing he gets to hold you again, to take in your familiar scent that he'd grown to love, to lay his head on your chest to hear the heart that he knew beat for only him. He missed you, so much.

levi ackerman cried, he cried every chance he was alone.

who would he go to when he had loads of paperwork and wanted some tea? when he had terrifying nightmares, who would lull him to sleep? who would cut his hair perfectly the way he wanted it?

who would put him first?

"you told me we'd keep two dogs when all this was over, you promised me. keep up your promise, you can't do this to me"

"please"

"come back"

he lamented your name like the chorus.

"please, I don't want to be alone"

"I miss you sweetheart"

"I love you" 

YOUR POV

"It's always so cold in here."

I heard Levi's voice and it returned me to his presence. The first time that happened after I died I didn't understand. What was the purpose of my return?

Then, I tried to get close.

"Hi levi" I said with tears in your eyes but I knew he couldn't hear me.

He would sit on the couch, wrapped in blankets, and go through our pictures from the picture album. He would cry, every night and my heart ached tremendously that I couldn't provide any comfort to my love. Every night he would fall asleep with his tear stained cheek against an image of my face.

One night, as he wrapped himself tighter in the blankets, I realised he was cold because of me. In my earthly form I provided him warmth and comfort, and now, I was a cold and bitter wind that chilled him to the bone.

I tried to leave, but something anchored me here.

I say something, but I know it was him.

He anchored me in life, and also in death. So I stayed as far away as I could, and slowly, he shed his blankets.

Day by day, Levi grew more resilient to my untimely demise.

He started with himself.

He exercised again, in the morning, and then made himself the perfectly brewed tea that he always liked. He learned how to drive the car and started going out with his friends on Saturday nights. He deep cleaned the house every two weeks too, humming to a tune that he heard on the radio.

He still cried but not as frequent.

It made me smile. He was getting better, a selfish part of me wanted him to never get over me, but thats stupid. Levi out of everyone deserves to be happy... and loved, even if its not me who can provide him that.

I sighed sadly, observing him from a distance.

Eventually he started sleeping without a picture of my face, and that's when I knew something had changed.

So I waited, and watched, and when a woman walked into his life, I was jealous.

This is why I was here. To protect him from the women who would not love him as I did. So I kept myself close to my enemies, and one-by-one they disappeared.

But so did the light in him. He was beginning to lose hope in everything.

Then she came.

She was patient with him, she understood his likes and dislikes, she understood his pain and suffering, understood just how strong and capable man levi is. Levi greq accustomed to her presence, he enjoyed it even. They shared the same taste in music and the love for tea. She was a clean freak too, they enjoyed cleaning with each other.

She complimented his eyes once and I could swear I saw them shine. The eyes that once held the same love for me were directed towards her now. It hurt but I was glad he is moving on.

I was aware of his attraction because she was cleaning his kitchen, and cooking his meals. She organised his closet and hung shelves for his knick-knacks. She learnt to brew the kind of tea that he liked. She would sing him songs to keep his nightmares away. She would cut his hair now, the way I used to. She was picking up around the house on a normal Tuesday afternoon, when a giggle escaped her lips and he smiled.

They exchanged pleasantries.

They went to the market together every weekend and he would pick out the earrings he thought suited her best. They would stop at the local bakery and she would always buy Levi his favorite cake and he would let her.

He loved her.

Their hands met briefly, once, on the kitchen counter. They were reaching for the paper towels at the same time, and it was palpable, the tension. I could see it, and I was no longer blind. He didn't need me anymore. Try as I might to persuade this suitor to go, she didn't. She was persistent, and she would hold him, and kiss him, just as gently and suddenly it dawned on me.

She loved him.

She loved him the way I had.

"The world is cruel but I still love you, Levi" I said with tears in my eyes.

That was the last time I saw his face.