a little bit of a bitch.

santana lopez. WMHS junior. cheerio.

[sntanalopez]

TEXT || SUGTANA

Santana: I'm making sure everyone knows this, but dibs on Sam.

[sntanalopez]

TEXT || SAMTANA

Santana: Cancel your plans for tonight. We're hanging out.

[thesamevans]

Okay, so. If I show up for Halloween and my whole body is blue, what are you going to think my costume is?

[sntanalopez]

The only thing I’m going to be thinking is if you need help painting that whole body. Just saying, I’d be more than willing to risk a little blue paint on my Cheerios uniform if it meant I got to paint with my hands. 

[sntanalopez]

What made you decide to join New Directions?

I had the overwhelming urge to lower my social status and associate with a group of people who somehow smell like Fritos and old people at the same time. 

[sntanalopez]

finnhuds​:

rp-memes-and-more​:

honesty hour!

ask my muse anything, nothing is off limits and they have to answer with complete honesty. 

@sntanalopez​ @porterspncr​

[sntanalopez]

accidental text 💬 new directions

Tina: Wait, Santana?

Tina: Who did I send this to?

Tina: Crap.

Santana: This is pure gold.

Santana: Who were you trying to send it to?

[sntanalopez]

TEXT || Lopiezes

Lauren: Damn. She obviously doesn't have taste.

Lauren: Think Schuesters gonna hate it or love it? He's creepily like... /close/ with everyone and supportive.

Santana: I wouldn't be surprised if she fed Eve the apple herself.

Santana: He always seems to love it when the guys do borderline NSFW stuff, but everyone knows there's a heinous double standard when it comes to women exploring their sexuality. Him being so close with everyone is definitely the reason I have nightmares. I even asked Brittany to make me a nightmare jar it was getting so bad.

[sntanalopez]

npuck​:

Puck sat down beside Santana and slowly rubbed her back, not exactly loving the fact that he was spending one of his few, free nights that didn’t involve consoling a crying, hormonal Quinn, comforting a crying, drunk Santana. Still, she’d put up with his bullshit countless times… he figured he kind of owed her one. “You’re so hot. I totally popped like, half a chub the first time we met, and that was just one of many, babe.” He took the White Claw from her hand, trading it for his watermelon flavor. “Here. Have mine.” He could put up with lime. Especially if it meant her chilling the fuck out a little. “You could always hook up with number one on the list. He’s a total stud, I’ve heard. Maybe that’s why you slipped, you know? Because you stopped banging him.” 

Santana tried wiping the tears out of her eyes, hoping it’d encourage her to stop crying like a bitch but it was like someone had turned on the faucet and it was stuck. Being a drunk crier was maybe one of her worst attributes, but the fact that she had a killer body always made up for it. “Only half?” She turned to look at Puck, knowing she had to have raccoon eyes by now. “You know what’s so crazy? In any other club I would’ve topped that list easily, but I join a glee club of all things and I get demoted.” She grabbed Puck’s watermelon White Claw gratefully, immediately taking a sip. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m mostly just here to spy for Coach Sylvester anyways,” She said off-offhandedly. Realizing she’d just blown her cover she clasped a hand over her mouth. “You cannot tell anyone who isn’t a Cheerio that. I was supposed to be like, a secret agent. Not that anyone would ever doubt where my loyalties lie anyways.” She rolled her eyes at the mention of hooking up with Puck again. “Hey, that was mutual. It was a mutual un-banging.” She rested her head on Puck’s shoulder, taking another sip from her White Claw. “Even though I know my birth control is like Great Wall of China levels of protection compared to whatever dollar store balloon condom you’ve had in your wallet since Maroon 5 was popular, I think that ship has sailed,” She paused for a few seconds, mulling it over, “At least until Quinn’s demon baby rips its way out of her stomach and she buys it its first pair of cloven hoof slippers.” 

[sntanalopez]

“I just don’t understand-” Santana started through very heavy tears out of absolutely nowhere, “-How I wasn’t number one on the glist?” She wiped away the tears from her cheeks but they were soon replaced with new ones as she took another swig from the White Claw she was holding. “I mean, I’m so hot. I’m like, so, so hot, right? There’s not a boy on the football team who doesn’t salivate when I walk by and I’m number FOUR?” She finished the last of her drink and threw it in the corner then started frantically searching for another one. “And of all people to lose out to...FINN?” She screeched, feeling the well of tears grow as she ranted. “That’s like being beat out by Grimace and the Hamburglar COMBINED.” She finally found an unopened can and popped the tab, taking a long sip before continuing. “Ew, lime. Why the hell would you let me drink LIME,” She shouted at seemingly no one. She slunk down against the wall, not noticing if anyone around her was even listening. “What do I have to do? Do I have to finally give in to having sex with the hockey team? I hate those guys and their stupid mullets, but now that I’m number FOUR I guess that’s the best I can do!” 

[sntanalopez]

WEEK 11: SCANDAL

“Whoever made the Glist obviously had their granny panties in a twist for not putting us above Puckerman and Hostess Hudson, so we’re here to show them exactly why they were wrong.” 

Santana and Lauren put on a ~sexy~ show, probably too sexy for high school but like, this is the glee club there are apparently no rules unless Mr. Schuester decides to make one up that week and never implement it again. They both look bomb af and aim to leave the entire club speechless. 

@laurcnzizes

[sntanalopez]

TEXT || Lopiezes

Lauren: Look, we both know that we both deserved to be on the top of that list.

Lauren: So, why don't we show them why we should be on the top of the list?

Santana: Yeah, I should've been number one but since Kitty is an absolute snake I understand why I was put lower.

Santana: Way ahead of you. I'm sure you can pull out something showstopping from that otherwise basic baddie closet of yours for a number?

[sntanalopez]

WEEK 10 ASSIGNMENT: TIK TOK SONGS

Santana and Raph do a duet, singing very pointedly at each other. Changing the lyrics to best suit themselves (i.e., “And girl, me too, I am so young and beautiful and so successful”) when needed. It’s a very low-key diva-off, but a diva-off nonetheless. While they didn’t end the song friends, they can both respect the fact that the other is talented as hell. 

@goldstarraph

[sntanalopez]

TEXT || PUCKTANA

Puck: idk, i've never sexted a dude before.

Puck: you think?

Puck: well, maybe not cool, but... not a bad dude.

Puck: remember when he and i had a shared bar mitzvah? that was his idea, when he heard my mom couldn't afford to throw me one. he let me share the spotlight with him.

Puck: and in return i just... ditched him, once i joined football. and started tossing slushies on him.

Puck: yeah, i guess not.

Puck: hey, roderick's not so bad. he's got some dope sweaters.

Puck: i don't know. but something about some stranger taking my kid doesn't sit right with me.

Santana: You should try it. You might learn something.

Santana: I never say anything I don't mean.

Santana: Just because he did one good deed doesn't mean he's not annoying as all hell and a terrible presence in everyone's lives. If he gets voted Glee club captain we're going to be singing back up until the day we die.

Santana: You guys throw slushies at every loser. It's not discriminatory.

Santana: Maybe Roderick wouldn't be so bad if he didn't carry himself like a washed up, middle-aged janitor who regrets his whole life because if he had just put his mind to it he could've been a big star. There's no fire in him other than the voice of an angel. And just because you're talented doesn't mean you've got star quality. Look at Sugar: total star, no talent.

Santana: Yeah, I can see that. I don't really know how I'd feel about it all, to be honest, so I can't imagine how difficult it is. For you and Q.

[sntanalopez]

accidental text 💬 new directions

Tina: LAST? I know I said I didn't think I was hot, but I don't think I should be LAST!!!

Tina: Seriously! Does this look like the least hot person in the glee club to you??

Tina: [https://64.media.tumblr.com/e3638c75c434b1e06f547647acc2b47e/d192781151e99f26-4b/s500x750/a1e5d503c600a8782063aa5fb6effe197392f819.jpg]

Santana: Wanky.

[sntanalopez]

TEXT 🕵️‍♀️ SUGTANA

Sugar: 500 dollars to whoever knows who made the glist. MUST be the actual person that wrote it, otherwise you'd be selling out an innocent person like a jerk!

Santana: Obviously it's someone with no common sense seeing as how I'm UNDER Zizes. I'd be interested in finding out too so I could show them exactly how I feel about that.

[sntanalopez]

TEXT || RAPHTANA

Raphael: I'd like to point out that SOME OF YOU obviously know that I'd be the best leader because I didn't nominate myself, which I'm sure none of you will believe and I probably wouldn't be able to corroborate my side.

Raphael: SO, two things!!! Who nominated me, and put me on the not-list!?

Santana: I blame Finn. Voting for you would be an obvious cry for help after she spent the last few weeks coming to the realization that Puckerman will always have more sex appeal than she does.

Santana: As for the not-list, I feel like that one is a kind of a no-brainer.

[sntanalopez]

TEXT || PUCKTANA

Puck: wait, you sext different dudes at the same time?

Puck: idk, maybe. we had a bond.

Puck: he didn't used to be this bad. he was actually kind of cool, at one point.

Puck: yeah. even without the benefits part.

Puck: her what?

Puck: it doesn't matter what i want.

Santana: Yeah. Doesn't everyone do that?

Santana: Honestly, if Finn even remembers this happens by next year I'l be shocked.

Santana: Cool? Berry? That seems a little too hard to believe.

Santana: Her whole shtick. She can't exactly go from being Miss Teen Pure USA to having a whole ass abortion. It'd be like Roderick suddenly deciding he was popular and interesting.

Santana: No, it doesn't. But just for shits and gigs what do you want?