Crackin' open a boy with the

Cryptids, corvids, and cold ones

[dogpuppy]

[s-leary]

Amazing moments in Dads: my friend’s dad’s critique of Frankenstein was, “I just don’t think the author had read science fiction before.”

[talesfromthecrypts]

“They said they wanted a vampire relationship with no age gap”

“No age gap??!?!?”

“And no non-con elements”

“NO NON CON?”

“And no coercion or otherwise manipulative behaviors”

“Joe they want a vampire with NOTHING”

[vantsoir]

blood is romantic you guys are just cowards

[so-possessed]

I have a theory that Carrie herself isn't actually ugly, she just thought that about herself so hard and mentally projected it to the point of other people as soon as they actually LOOKED at her realised she's not ugly at all and they weren't sure why they thought so

[slimetony]

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

[slimetony]

Why does staff still allow people funnier than you to leave tags on your posts. They should have fixed that by now

[xylocopae]

starting a collection

[carcassfrotting]

sorry i accidentally called you "my victim" when someone asked about our relationship status. it will happen again.

[despazito]

It's actually super unethical to keep a peeve as a pet

[charl0ttan]

dog i gotta move like yesterday

[alethianightsong]

Ok, so in the original Bram Stoker novel, sunlight is not lethal to Dracula. He just loses most of his powers. I'm bringing this up cuz I want a horror comedy where the hero, sensing dawn, tears off the curtains as a last-ditch effort only to have the vampire go "Aw shit, there goes most of my fancy powers. Guess I'll have to beat your ass the old-fashioned way" then proceeds to just deck the hero cuz a vampire at half-strength is still a fucking vampire.

[aetherograph]

Last ten minutes of the movie is the vampire just beating the shit out of everyone to I'm Walkin On Sunshine. I would watch this.

[trellanyx]

Alternatively -

Hero: Ha! You have no powers!

Vampire:

[lovednknown]

[sarthathrace]

me to the accursed whispering amulet: hey can you speak up please i have an audio processing disorder

[queer-here-and-in-fear]

(via @cuunos)

[selfship-quotes]

making a collection

[selfship-quotes]

adding to the collection

[fairycosmos]

can someone remove my curse

[fairycosmos]

hello is anyone there

[evilnicegirl]

i was abandoned as a baby & raised by a wild pack of cigarettes

[lakevida]

give me another amulet im not driving

[thatcursedamulet]

why drive when you can teleport? unlock this new skill today by selling me your soul!

[lakevida]

i pray next year brings some kind of fungal blight that kills all the gimmick blogs at the same time forever and ever amen

[thatcursedamulet]

that’s.. actually kind of a rude thing to say.

[biohorror-human]

2 days later and the cursed amulet is still posting like gimmick blogs are an oppressed group because of this post

[biohorror-human]

ME AND MY SISTER ARE CRYING LAUGHING AT THIS