It lets people access scientific articles for free. This is dangerous. It helps the free flow of knowledge and reduces the competitive edge of all the people who worked really hard to have been born into a wealth.
Like, it’s literally a website where you can type in the DOI of an article and read it, without ever having to pay the publisher who exploited the author.
So, again, do not, under any circumstance, use Sci-Hub. I mean, can you imagine a world where knowledge is free and easily accessible to everyone? Even, y'know, poor people?
Libgen also has many books online, including textbooks, searchable by name, author, and ISBN. Can you imagine textbook companies not getting their hard-earned income from poor college students? Here is the link just so you make sure that you never accidentally stumble across this horrible, unethical website.
Oh, and while we’re talking about books, if you’ve managed to stay clear from Libgen, definitely don’t go to zlibrary, where you can also find a lot of textbooks, but unfortunately they’re completely free.
— friends to lovers things that make my heart flutter
knowing each other's favorite everything since the beginning...
being each other's home away from home
or spending days obsessively trying to figure out the other's taste and personality if they met later on
"my house is your house and you know you're always safe here"
growing together, then growing apart, then rekindling the flame years after like no time passed
"this reminded me of you and of course I had to show it to you"
silly childhood memories that both of them never forget and always chat about
their song, that happened to be whatever was on the radio/tv the first time one of them hung out at the other's house
sharing goals and dreams for the future and secretly hoping for something more
always being gentle and kind because they know what the other has been through, never forgetting their fears and insecurities
"damn, it's like my mom likes you better than me"
unspoken rules and inside jokes that no one else understands
2 a.m. phone calls when one of them can't sleep so they just comment whatever show is on the tv at that hour over the phone and suddenly it's morning again
"my mouth is sealed, you know you can tell me anything"
everyone always thinking they're high school sweethearts and one of them immediately arguing that platonic soulmates are a real thing and they should leave them alone...
but internally fearing that the relationship is only platonic because they want more
a confession that's a bit too honest every now and then but so what? they never notice.
WHEN WILL THEY NOTICE
but if they do notice... what if it ruins everything?
followed by months and months and months of conflicted feelings that only their smile eases
The tree used to be stronger, growing in the late 1800s. The spring wind brought blossoms across the leafy perimeter of the old tree. The two young boys would race down the grassy hill, past the painted-white, wooden gate, through the three foot high grass, all the way to the foot of the tree. When the two young boys first found the tree, the red haired one was taller than the blonde, constantly teasing and laughing about it. The blonde would equally make fun of the ginger for having smaller muscles than himself. Both would attempt to climb the tree, grasping and scratching at the brown bark, failing one try after another. The boys finally wasted their energy with the several unsuccessful attempts and ran off with their hats in their hands and their hearts full of laughter.
Months passed after that first spring and summer and the giggles were never brought back to the tree. The weather grew colder, the gate was closed, the grass died, and the tree lost its vibrant verdant colors. After the snow melted away from the grass and the gate swung open with a spring breeze, one by one, the leaves grew back. The tree was still in blossom when the two boys returned, both a little older. The ginger was still taller than the blonde, but smaller than him as well. They both adorned new outfits, completing their look with suspenders, a fabric bag, and caps. The ash on their cheeks and rips in their clothing represented the rough city life that these two newsboys encountered. But those worries of finding food to eat or selling papers to pay for lodging disappeared when they raced down the hill, through the still white gate, across the grassy lawn, directly to the tree. This year, however, the red haired boy finally made the climb up to the first set of branches.
"Lookit Anthony! I did it!" the boy giggled with glee as he overlooked his friend. The blonde kicked at the dirt below finding it difficult to hide his jealousy.
"aw it's just cuz youse taller than me, Albert" the blonde whined. Albert sighed from inside the tree, making up his mind. He pushes off the tree and lands his feet on the ground beside Anthony.
"I know I'm taller than you, Anthony. but I promise you, that by the end of this summer, I'll get you to climb this tree." Albert spits in his hand and holds it out in offering to his friend.
"Really?" Anthony's blue eyes light up in the sweet spring sunlight. When Albert shows the first hint of a nod, Anthony spits in his hand and seals the handshake.
Throughout the summer, the boys practiced and practiced and practiced. The grass grew greener, the tree grew more leaves, the white gate remained open always. When the white paint started chipping, the wind dropped temperature, and the leaves started to turn a golden yellow, the two boys were done with their summer of attempts. Albert fulfilled his promise and the last day of the tree climbing season was spent by the two best friends together in the tree.
The years passed. A trail was formed from the repeated pattern of footsteps. The white paint was halfway chipped off. The tree had many branches upon it. The blonde, now Race, was several inches taller than his friend. Albert, Race's other half, was built much stronger than his friend. They still ran up to the tree with the same innocent happiness as they did when they were kids.
Now having designated spots in the tree, race began to tell stories. Albert would fall asleep listening to his chatterbox friend. Race would talk, and if he couldn't find a story to tell, he would sing.
"How come you'se been singing to me more?" Albert asked, a few days before tree climbing season was over. He had just woken up from a nap and his low register voice shocked Race into a smile.
"Dunno, got less to talk about it s'pose" Race responds. Albert sits in silence a moment before he responds.
"Got less to talk about or less you wanna say?" Albert asks, trying to hint at wanting more information from his best friend.
"What's that supposed to mean?" race asks, not trying to be obvious about his confusion surrounding his best friend.
"Forget about it, let's head back home," Abert shrugs, hopping out of the tree without giving a second look to Race.
The next day, no one ran down through the gate up to the tree. Only the blonde haired boy walked slowly to the tree. His footsteps kicked at the dirt and his fingertips traced the detailed bark of the tree.
"This is so dumb," he whispers, tears dripping from his eyes. "Why can't ise just love who ise love? It shouldn't be illegal. I shouldn't be scared for my life just 'Cause I love another man. I shouldn't be scared of my best friend because he might hate me. Ise can't control this. I didn't choose to be like this. Goddamnit"
His forehead is pressed against the tree. He sobs out his worries until there are no more tears ready to fall. Race takes a few shaky breaths while drying his face.
The two boys didn't return that summer. The snow fell, the gate closed, the tree lost its leaves. Months past. A long winter prolonged it's visit. The harsh winter nearly cleaned off all of the white paint from the gate. The tree was slow to grow its leaves back. The spring brought rain and thunderstorms. One particularly dreary night, the wind and rain did everything in their power to bring down the tree. But the tree stood strong as if surviving for someone else.
"Albert where are youse goin'?" Race yells out as the ginger storms up to the tree for the first time this spring. Albert doesn't look back at his friend.
"Away from youse" Albert bites over his shoulder, speeding up to hop over the gate that swung shut from the wind the night before.
"why?" The difficulty in the question supplies a thickness in the air. Albert turns around, heavy weight on his shoulders and glares at his best friend.
"just go flirt and talk with any of the girls on main Street, or in the bakery, or at tha theatre. It's not like youse wanna be around me anyways," Albert grumbles before climbing up the tree.
Race is left confused on the other side of the fence, a barrier between the two boys. Confrontation may be one of the only things that terrifies race. He's lost so many people in his life, he doesn't know what he would do if he didn't have Albert.
"Albie, please," race pleads, stepping through the fence to the foot of the tree, "talk to me, I don't know what's goin on."
"It don't matter anyways, s'not like you care." Albert wipes off his nose with the back of his hand. Race climbs up the tree, not quite up to the branches that Albert is in.
"B. of course I care. i- I care about your thoughts, and your words. I care what youse think, what youse want." Race takes a deep breath, still not looking at Albert, "I care about youse."
The last part comes out as barely a whisper, but Albert hears. He doesn't know why his heart picks up speed. He doesn't know why he wishes to believe all the words Race says.
"How do Ise know youse ain't lying? you use these words on your pretty ladies every day while selling papes. Why should I believe youse when you ignore me whenever a strangers around?"
"Because you're you!" Race yells back. "look." his voice quiets down. "I flirt with those girls to sell papes. That's all it is. I would never be interested in them in any other way. It'd be so much easier if I could be."
The wind changes the air around the two boys. Leaves rustling, filling the sound around each of them.
"I dont expect youse to understand, but I'd never ignore you even if I wanted to, Al. ise sorry you feel that way." Race finishes his thought and shifts to climb down the tree.
"Racer, wait." Albert chokes out, "gimme a minute to think, but don't leave yet." Race responds with a nod, his throat knotted.
They sit in silence, each trying not to sniffle or break the atmosphere. It almost feels like when they were younger and they sat in the tree till sunset.
"Race, what'd you mean when you said it'd be easier?" Albert finally breaks the silence. Race takes a breath, a heavy sigh coming out.
"God, Al. Ise didn't want youse to know. I didn't want anyone to know. I'm a homosexual. Please, please don't tell anyone. I know everyone says they're the slum of the earth and they get killed. I know it means there's something wrong with me, but I don't wanna due. Please, Al, I dont wanna lose you, I'm sorry."
"race," Alberts voice breaks. He haphazardly, rushes down the few branches separating him from Race. Enveloping Race in a cry, they both sob into each other's shoulders. "I'd never tell anyone. You'll never lose me. There's nothing wrong with you. You're my best friend, nothings gonna change that."
Race can't help but choke out more sobs, his body shaking in Alberts arms. This is all he's ever wanted. To be in Alberts arms around the tree where they grew up. Race wants more, but if he can only be Alberts best friend, then that's what he'll take.
Race finally pulls away from Albert, the two of them immediately connecting eyes. Race's second favorite thing in the world are Albert's leaf green eyes. He could look into them all day. His favorite thing is Alberts lips. Breaking eye contact to glance down at Alberts lips, his eyes shoot back up when Albert sharply inhales.
Alberts pupils have doubled in size in the split second Race looked away. Albert can't understand why or how his best friend is so pretty. The freckles sprinkled over his nose and cheeks. The always happy gleam in his baby blue eyes. The unbelievably infinite smirk of his lips.
Albert slowly, slowly shifts his hand to the base of Race's face. His calloused thumb rubs his best friend's cheek, causing both of them to lose their breath.
"I love you," Albert breathes our before bringing Race's face to his, connecting them in a kiss. Race immediately melts into Alberts lips, arms wrapping around the base of the red head's neck.
Both of them are happy, in the tree, where they grew up together, where they made all of their favorite memories together, where they will continue to make more memories together.
"I love you too, Albert," Race responds when they break apart, settling their foreheads on the other, finally complete.
The tree used to be stronger, growing in the late 1800s. The spring wind brought blossoms across the leafy perimeter of the old tree. The two young boys would race down the grassy hill, past the painted-white, wooden gate, through the three foot high grass, all the way to the foot of the tree. When the two young boys first found the tree, the red haired one was taller than the blonde, constantly teasing and laughing about it. The blonde would equally make fun of the ginger for having smaller muscles than himself. Both would attempt to climb the tree, grasping and scratching at the brown bark, failing one try after another. The boys finally wasted their energy with the several unsuccessful attempts and ran off with their hats in their hands and their hearts full of laughter.
Months passed after that first spring and summer and the giggles were never brought back to the tree. The weather grew colder, the gate was closed, the grass died, and the tree lost its vibrant verdant colors. After the snow melted away from the grass and the gate swung open with a spring breeze, one by one, the leaves grew back. The tree was still in blossom when the two boys returned, both a little older. The ginger was still taller than the blonde, but smaller than him as well. They both adorned new outfits, completing their look with suspenders, a fabric bag, and caps. The ash on their cheeks and rips in their clothing represented the rough city life that these two newsboys encountered. But those worries of finding food to eat or selling papers to pay for lodging disappeared when they raced down the hill, through the still white gate, across the grassy lawn, directly to the tree. This year, however, the red haired boy finally made the climb up to the first set of branches.
"Lookit Anthony! I did it!" the boy giggled with glee as he overlooked his friend. The blonde kicked at the dirt below finding it difficult to hide his jealousy.
"aw it's just cuz youse taller than me, Albert" the blonde whined. Albert sighed from inside the tree, making up his mind. He pushes off the tree and lands his feet on the ground beside Anthony.
"I know I'm taller than you, Anthony. but I promise you, that by the end of this summer, I'll get you to climb this tree." Albert spits in his hand and holds it out in offering to his friend.
"Really?" Anthony's blue eyes light up in the sweet spring sunlight. When Albert shows the first hint of a nod, Anthony spits in his hand and seals the handshake.
Throughout the summer, the boys practiced and practiced and practiced. The grass grew greener, the tree grew more leaves, the white gate remained open always. When the white paint started chipping, the wind dropped temperature, and the leaves started to turn a golden yellow, the two boys were done with their summer of attempts. Albert fulfilled his promise and the last day of the tree climbing season was spent by the two best friends together in the tree.
The years passed. A trail was formed from the repeated pattern of footsteps. The white paint was halfway chipped off. The tree had many branches upon it. The blonde, now Race, was several inches taller than his friend. Albert, Race's other half, was built much stronger than his friend. They still ran up to the tree with the same innocent happiness as they did when they were kids.
Now having designated spots in the tree, race began to tell stories. Albert would fall asleep listening to his chatterbox friend. Race would talk, and if he couldn't find a story to tell, he would sing.
"How come you'se been singing to me more?" Albert asked, a few days before tree climbing season was over. He had just woken up from a nap and his low register voice shocked Race into a smile.
"Dunno, got less to talk about it s'pose" Race responds. Albert sits in silence a moment before he responds.
"Got less to talk about or less you wanna say?" Albert asks, trying to hint at wanting more information from his best friend.
"What's that supposed to mean?" race asks, not trying to be obvious about his confusion surrounding his best friend.
"Forget about it, let's head back home," Abert shrugs, hopping out of the tree without giving a second look to Race.
The next day, no one ran down through the gate up to the tree. Only the blonde haired boy walked slowly to the tree. His footsteps kicked at the dirt and his fingertips traced the detailed bark of the tree.
"This is so dumb," he whispers, tears dripping from his eyes. "Why can't ise just love who ise love? It shouldn't be illegal. I shouldn't be scared for my life just 'Cause I love another man. I shouldn't be scared of my best friend because he might hate me. Ise can't control this. I didn't choose to be like this. Goddamnit"
His forehead is pressed against the tree. He sobs out his worries until there are no more tears ready to fall. Race takes a few shaky breaths while drying his face.
The two boys didn't return that summer. The snow fell, the gate closed, the tree lost its leaves. Months past. A long winter prolonged it's visit. The harsh winter nearly cleaned off all of the white paint from the gate. The tree was slow to grow its leaves back. The spring brought rain and thunderstorms. One particularly dreary night, the wind and rain did everything in their power to bring down the tree. But the tree stood strong as if surviving for someone else.
"Albert where are youse goin'?" Race yells out as the ginger storms up to the tree for the first time this spring. Albert doesn't look back at his friend.
"Away from youse" Albert bites over his shoulder, speeding up to hop over the gate that swung shut from the wind the night before.
"why?" The difficulty in the question supplies a thickness in the air. Albert turns around, heavy weight on his shoulders and glares at his best friend.
"just go flirt and talk with any of the girls on main Street, or in the bakery, or at tha theatre. It's not like youse wanna be around me anyways," Albert grumbles before climbing up the tree.
Race is left confused on the other side of the fence, a barrier between the two boys. Confrontation may be one of the only things that terrifies race. He's lost so many people in his life, he doesn't know what he would do if he didn't have Albert.
"Albie, please," race pleads, stepping through the fence to the foot of the tree, "talk to me, I don't know what's goin on."
"It don't matter anyways, s'not like you care." Albert wipes off his nose with the back of his hand. Race climbs up the tree, not quite up to the branches that Albert is in.
"B. of course I care. i- I care about your thoughts, and your words. I care what youse think, what youse want." Race takes a deep breath, still not looking at Albert, "I care about youse."
The last part comes out as barely a whisper, but Albert hears. He doesn't know why his heart picks up speed. He doesn't know why he wishes to believe all the words Race says.
"How do Ise know youse ain't lying? you use these words on your pretty ladies every day while selling papes. Why should I believe youse when you ignore me whenever a strangers around?"
"Because you're you!" Race yells back. "look." his voice quiets down. "I flirt with those girls to sell papes. That's all it is. I would never be interested in them in any other way. It'd be so much easier if I could be."
The wind changes the air around the two boys. Leaves rustling, filling the sound around each of them.
"I dont expect youse to understand, but I'd never ignore you even if I wanted to, Al. ise sorry you feel that way." Race finishes his thought and shifts to climb down the tree.
"Racer, wait." Albert chokes out, "gimme a minute to think, but don't leave yet." Race responds with a nod, his throat knotted.
They sit in silence, each trying not to sniffle or break the atmosphere. It almost feels like when they were younger and they sat in the tree till sunset.
"Race, what'd you mean when you said it'd be easier?" Albert finally breaks the silence. Race takes a breath, a heavy sigh coming out.
"God, Al. Ise didn't want youse to know. I didn't want anyone to know. I'm a homosexual. Please, please don't tell anyone. I know everyone says they're the slum of the earth and they get killed. I know it means there's something wrong with me, but I don't wanna due. Please, Al, I dont wanna lose you, I'm sorry."
"race," Alberts voice breaks. He haphazardly, rushes down the few branches separating him from Race. Enveloping Race in a cry, they both sob into each other's shoulders. "I'd never tell anyone. You'll never lose me. There's nothing wrong with you. You're my best friend, nothings gonna change that."
Race can't help but choke out more sobs, his body shaking in Alberts arms. This is all he's ever wanted. To be in Alberts arms around the tree where they grew up. Race wants more, but if he can only be Alberts best friend, then that's what he'll take.
Race finally pulls away from Albert, the two of them immediately connecting eyes. Race's second favorite thing in the world are Albert's leaf green eyes. He could look into them all day. His favorite thing is Alberts lips. Breaking eye contact to glance down at Alberts lips, his eyes shoot back up when Albert sharply inhales.
Alberts pupils have doubled in size in the split second Race looked away. Albert can't understand why or how his best friend is so pretty. The freckles sprinkled over his nose and cheeks. The always happy gleam in his baby blue eyes. The unbelievably infinite smirk of his lips.
Albert slowly, slowly shifts his hand to the base of Race's face. His calloused thumb rubs his best friend's cheek, causing both of them to lose their breath.
"I love you," Albert breathes our before bringing Race's face to his, connecting them in a kiss. Race immediately melts into Alberts lips, arms wrapping around the base of the red head's neck.
Both of them are happy, in the tree, where they grew up together, where they made all of their favorite memories together, where they will continue to make more memories together.
"I love you too, Albert," Race responds when they break apart, settling their foreheads on the other, finally complete.
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