Sock Muppet Show

[losertakesall]

So, I’ll be on the radio tonight at 5PST talking shipwrecksf. I’ve been told that it’s the first time they’re allowing the word ‘buttplug’ in a broadcast.

[losertakesall]

I turned on the radio and someone was talking about dick jokes and then I realized it was your voice!

text from sockmuppetshow. 😎👼🍆 (via losertakesall)

[dictionarystory]

Worst Picnic Ever

For want of a better location we ate our picnic lunch in the cemetery. She buttered the toast; the coffin was lowered into the grave.

[losertakesall]

this is a tumblr that makes stories out of example sentences in the dictionary and you should all go please follow it. (via huntgather)

[sockmuppetshow]

(at the park)

alan: where are all the birds? it's so quiet!

me: burning man

alan: that's ridiculous.

me: birbing man

alan: stop

me: i would totally go to birbing man

alan: i hear it's expensive

me: nah, it's cheep

[dylanmarron]

Do you have a favorite Neo-Futurist play, either by yourself or by another company member?

It’s a play called “OPEN CASTING: Romantic Movie Climax” by a brilliant, brilliant artist named Jacquelyn Landgraf.

Here it is:

OPEN CASTING: Romantic Movie Climax

© 2007 Jacquelyn Landgraf

Jacquelyn perches astride a ladder d.s.l., her head resting on a pillow, facing away from center stage. A light comes up on her, she thrashes about restlessly.

A spotlight comes up center stage on no one.

A toy car pulls up into spotlight.

(beat.)

Neo A enters and stand just outside center spot, holding out a trenchcoat ready for someone to put on.

(beat.)

Neo B enters and places a boombox at edge of center spot.

(beat).

Softly, Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” begins. It increases in volume incrementally, hopefully as the audience chatter and kerfuffle begins.

Fingers crossed, eventually an audience member comes on stage, puts on trench coat, and holds boom box above their head. AT THAT EXACT MOMENT, the music blasts full volume, which cues Jacquelyn to rise from the pillow, slowly climb down the ladder, cross stage, and reward that audience member with a make out session.

CURTAIN.

***alt. ending

IF still no one comes up, song continues to play quietly, someone calls CURTAIN and all are disappointed and disdainful toward the audience members for not having seen Say Anything.

(this never happened)

[losertakesall]

Jacquelyn wrote for the first Shipwreck NY and it remains one of my all-time favorite pieces. She’s so impossibly funny that it makes me angry if I think about it too long. Part 1 / Part 2.

[losertakesall]

Services like Washio act like handmaids to wealthy young elites; Washio even hands you a nice warm cookie when they come to pick up your laundry, since you’ll be missing your blankie while it’s in spin cycle.

This is particularly terrifying because in the six years I’ve lived here my neighborhood has gone from having something like five laundromats to having two, and one of those last two is closing because it can’t afford the rent, and also btw I know Steve Silberman, because he lives right around the corner from me. Actual blocks that I can count on one hand. 

I’m trying not to fall out of love with San Francisco, but sometimes the entire city feels like it’s catering to 20-something workaholics with a disgusting amount of disposable income.

(via losertakesall)

[losertakesall]

I think about Sarah smiling over to me and us picking each plump seed from the pomegranate and relishing them, dark, nourishing candies. I would hand Persephone fistfuls of them, I would whisper to her, they’re not even against the rules – you can eat as many of them as you want.

please go read this essay from wordfury because it is perfect. (via losertakesall)

[losertakesall]

he’s a well-respected man about town doing the best things so conservatively

[sockmuppetshow]

My first attempt at pizza was a success!

[sockmuppetshow]

Well, I just posted a CL ad for a second roommate. Goodbye office, it was nice while it lasted :(

[sockmuppetshow]

[sockmuppetshow]

What am I going to do with this angel?

[americanchickens]

Daily sketch July 8, 2015.

[sockmuppetshow]

[arabellesicardi]

Everyone’s always like, “Be your best self!” And that drives me bananas, because when you’re not, it makes you feel really bad. And so someone asked me the other day, “When are you your best self?” and I said, “When I make space for my worst self.” Like if you ask yourself, “How long will it take to do this particular thing?” and you’re freaking out like, “I don’t know! It’s going to take me so long! I don’t know! Ten years?!” Well … what if you give yourself ten years? “Oh. Okay.” And then somehow, the thing you thought would take ten years only takes a week. Give yourself permission to actually let something take as long as it takes. My standard of perfection often paralyzes me, or makes me terrified, or makes me feel ashamed. Instead, if I can make space for the idea that the goal is not to be perfect, but the goal is to be me, then I get to revel in the mixed bag of what it is to be a human. Some moments are good, some are bad. Some days are good, some days are bad. We live in a culture where people are constantly telling us how to get what we want, and within that message is, You need to be something other than you are. So my antidote to that has been, What if the goal is not to get what I want, but to discover who I am, be who I am, and accept that? Because strangely, that takes courage!

Tracee Ellis Ross (via arabellesicardi)

[sockmuppetshow]

Forever crushed that I can't bring my cats to the beach.

[charlottetaylorphotography-deac]