So. Damn. Fat.

For those who are concerned: No this is not a prank or flame blog. One day, I hope the title will be a lie about myself. But I find that sometimes, it's helpful to be brutally honest when looking in the mirror.

[sodamnfat-blog]

Good Morning

It is a good morning, isn’t it?

I have an interview today at 11am so that is exciting. I’m digging these Breakfast Essentials light start drinks for breakfast....I’m not a morning person. The breakfast thing is reallyyyy....eh. But these are easy to grab and drink, and keep me full for a long time.

If all goes well, I’ll even end the day with a new job.

[nosaltadded]

Need fitblr blogs to follow!!!

EXCEPT I want them body positive. I’m so tired of the endless posts of super skinny girls in Nike everything and the self deprecation and just the whole “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” vibes. So like this or reblog if you’re on a journey of health that doesn’t involve calling yourself fat, idolizing unrealistic bodies, starving yourself, and have a top priority of self love above all else!!!

[sodamnfat-blog]

“...that doesn’t involve calling yourself fat”

I do sometimes refer to myself as fat. Mostly because I have a lot of adipose tissue.

But my goal is, and always will be, honesty with myself, self-love, health of the body and mind, and accomplishing my goals in a way that works for me.

[workoutmootivatioon]

✔️✨

[sodamnfat-blog]

This is me.

Well, a visual representation of me.

I’m somewhere between short and average height. Red cheeks..always. Not the rosy kind, really. It’s more in the realm of Rosacea. I am morbidly obese.

NO, really. I’m not another healthy-weighted woman looking in the mirror and thinking to herself oh GOD where did that extra 2 pounds come from? I am morbidly obese. 287 pounds, at 5′4″ if you prefer exact numbers.

I am so fat, that my stomach hangs against the very top of my thighs when I stand, and takes up the entirety of my lap when I sit. It’s hard to stand for long periods of time. Hard to walk...my back starts to ache like a pregnant woman’s. My feet hurt. I’ve ruined my left shoulder with years of horrible posture.

And that’s not all.

Did you know that fat folds gather sweat? I can promise you they do. And it’s nasty. And even harder to clean when you are the one with the fat folds. This causes a plethora of issues including odd smells, ingrown hairs in weird places, pimples everywhere- and not just on your face, I mean everywhere. ...and the worst part is, sometimes you don’t even see them. For weeks. Because they are buried beneath the skin and fat overhanging peaks of your body. And when you do find them?

You have to clean them. If it’s infected, it’s time to squeeze pus out of that pimple. Get the peroxide, alcohol, witch hazel- your medicine of choice. And deal with it, knowing full well, it won’t be the last one.

If any of this sounds disturbing to you, I am not sorry. I am not sorry for describing my experiences honestly. If any of this sounds familiar to you, I am not sorry. But I do understand.

Some of you reading may be thinking to yourself that this is horrible, disgusting, vile, mean, nasty- any number of unpleasant things come to mind. But it is also the truth.

I cannot expect myself to get better, or to get healthy, if I do not first confront the truth.

Note: A cashier today told me I have beautiful eyes. I agree.

The things I have described above are very ugly things. Very ugly realities. However, I do not think that I am ugly. I certainly do not think I am beyond repair. So if anyone is interested in following my progress, it will be marked here. Pictures will not be as common as posts like this one, but I will post them. And it is generally my policy never to end any negative report with a negative statement.

With that in mind, I aim one day to make sure all of the above (beautiful eyes excluded) will be nothing more than the past. My future is in my own hands.