the sun is out

[solanine999]

Half Yearning, Half Freak ♤♡◇♧

sol ||| 20's ||| fun fun fun

i talk about the real people sometimes, and other times my fav shows, all with the lens of a freak!!!

i write albeit not all that often, but when i do, i dabble in dead dove adjacent fiction, and i'm very enthusiastic about controversial things!!!

take nothing i say seriously but also everything i say is true, right, and correct in every way!!!

[muzzledwatchdog]

so everyone at weston definitely thought sebastian was grooming ciel right

[solanine999]

watched the amazing digital circus ending with my cousin (who had the idea in the first place) and aside from laughing at the absurdity of the character changes and the angst, it was a wasted hour.

would say something about not reaching its full potential but i'm too lazy to form a full thought on it, so i won't.

[birdssong]

break the cycle little buddy

[sayxit]

twins

[henmaallina]

むだ

[mgs5]

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

how it feels when the character doesn’t break the cycle and in fact actively perpetrates it

[solanine999]

ughh… ive had this theory that lehends and faker are the same person with different flavors…

siwoo got raped by his older team management and by his team members on s benu, and faker got raped by literally every older male figure in his early career… and they both don’t consider it rape bc they grew to rationalize it and shove any feeling of shame or hatred deep within the rotting corpse they call bodies because it was the only point in their lives where they were wanted to that degree and they feel that if there is any part of them that “wanted it,” then it just isn’t rape, but another muddy category that they don’t want to think about further. In fact, they both seek out that feeling of need after all those years bc they feel worthless and little without it.

now faker, bc he’s been successful in his career, drowns out that feeling of shame and worthlessness with chasing after people who have long moved on, even after they prefer to stay unromantically involved, even though he believes that they would do anything for him considering he is everyone’s idol and cannot get down from the pedestal that he and everyone else built for him during his early years. In fact, the rejection he gets from most of his situationships ends up being so unbearable that he keeps on perpetuating the cycle of chasing people who are younger and look up to him even more in the hopes that someone eventually ends up not rejecting him, even if it’s for futile reasons and at his own detriment.

and the only difference between faker’s relationship troubles and lehends’ is that lehends chases after older people and makes himself the younger, fun partner because from the start of his career and even during his school years, his self-stated only redeeming quality is that he was the “life-of-the-party” and the “fun one” despite being so depressed he was crying almost every night before going to sleep. he’ll make himself the receiving end of jokes bc he’s feels as though it’s the last remaining part of his youth that he can choose to cling onto, though he does tend to sweet-talk and flirt with anyone that he believes will either get him on a higher pedestal or give him some kinda benefit, even if it is just a night of sex and a temporary release that allows him to forget everything that happened to him back then, because at least he’s the one choosing this time.

that’s why lehends and faker as a ship is kinda self-cest but also so unbelievably toxic bc they would become caricatures of their worst parts to appease the other… ughh

[feignedremote]

I enjoyed my pain because it made me less than ever. I was nothing but living nerves, a petri dish of matter. I had no characteristics outside of it.

Megan Nolan, Acts of Desperation

[desscaras-world]

every since i was a little i girl i always knew i wanted to turn a dynamic that is often flanderised by fandom as a parent-child relationship into a weird sex thing

[deadelated]

lets just have sex first before we rush into gross stuff like kissing

[realpersonfacts]

let’s get complicated and kind of problematic with it

[solanine999]

i LOVE that lehends is not considered conventionally attractive bc that’s just part of cycle of shit that he has with his asshole situationship. like i cannot imagine jaehyeok calling him “hot” or “sexy,” but what I can imagine is whenever siwoo decides to take care of his looks and transform back into that prepubescent looking boy, jaehyeok would absolutely call him “baby” and “sweetie” bc jaehyeok is so obsessed with looks and 100% wants to keep siwoo back into that state when they had just met - which was when they were both 18 but siwoo looked 14 with his permed hair and his eating disorder and the abuse he was taking on the daily by his team coach and manager and everyone higher up on griffin that could get a reaction out of him… bc he was so malleable back then and part of me thinks jaehyeok knew that and instantly used his status to take what he could from him. i also think that siwoo gravitated towards jaehyeok initially bc of their age, birthdays, and the world-champion title that jaehyeok got the previous year, but i also do not think it’s above jaehyeok to use his title to get siwoo to do whatever he wanted and to keep quiet about it, lest it get back to his team coach and he gets beaten and locked in the team bedroom while the bruises heal.

[toddsolondz]

just because a guy has gay sex and falls in love with men doesn’t make him gay

[deadlyvibes]

[flowerbleedme]

fanfic is extremely hard