Your Silent Sanctuary

We are safe here. Silent and Soft. Gentle and Growing. A sanctuary. Our sanctuary.

[solemnsanctum]

Hah..

If he couldn’t

But hes like

And im like

So does that mean

But then

Will i

End up

[solemnsanctum]

For context, this is about Jax from The Amazing Digital Circus.

[solemnsanctum]

If there is anything that therapy has taught me it is this lesson and I shall stand by it every step of my life

I hope you are doing well without me. I hope that my prayers have helped you in life. I hope that you achieve everything I know you can achieve. I hope that you know I mean this from the bottom of my heart. And if for whatever reason you see this, know this. I still love you. I meant every word I said. I just know you cannot thrive in my life. So may you find what you need without me. Because you deserve it.

[solemnsanctum]

Hah..

If he couldn’t

But hes like

And im like

So does that mean

But then

Will i

End up

[altruisticwriter]

Nitya Prakash // Richard Siken, Crush

[midnightportals]

Time to listen to sad music and cry.

[solemnsanctum]

He was right.

I really can’t function without him in my life.

I moved out and fucked it all up for my roommate.

I caused so much pain.

I thought it was the drugs.

I was supposed to celebrate my 1 year clean this month.

But it turns out

Maybe its just me.

Maybe its always been me.

[solemnsanctum]

Just got hit while biking to work today

Dude drove off after hitting me too

Pretty sure this is karma tho

I can only hope that this is the end of what I owe

[solemnsanctum]

Would any of you actually grieve if you lost me?

Would you actually cry tears for me?

I keep looking back and realizing how short life really can be.

Mine shoulda been done awhile ago.

I don’t know what God’s purpose is for me.

But do I really have to keep going?

I am so fucking tired of being the person that heals and helps others.

When will it be my turn?

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]

[solemnsanctum]

Dad?

My first dad died years ago. He died the night my current dad had to drive us out of our home and pretend like everything was okay. Even when we knew it wasnt. He tried to make us laugh. Until we had to drive back and he made us wait in the car until he came back. He was only 17.

My father wears my dad’s old skin.

My real dad, the one who’s protected me all my life.. he’s also my older brother. But to me, hes my dad.

[solemnsanctum]

[solemnsanctum]

And if one day I am gone, and the pain had finally won.

You can find me in the sky at night, where the stars shine bright.

You can feel me in the air before dawn, and my gentle touch wont feel so gone.

You can hear me at the shore of the lake, where the waves of the water break.

You can see me in the blue wings of a butterfly, a blue that rivals even the sky.

And on that day you needed me but I am gone

I will always be watching over you while you move on.

[solemnsanctum]

“Why do you give so much for people who wouldn’t give half of that back?”

Because I don’t do it for anything back. I do it, because once upon a time, I needed that. I needed someone to be there for me like that. I needed someone to help me like that. I needed someone to sit there in silence with me. I needed someone who would cross oceans for me. But unfortunately most of my life, I went without that. So I know how dark it is in the tunnel. How suffocating it is to drown. How painfully loud it is to scream silently.

And so I refuse to abandon anyone, when I know I can help them.

[solemnsanctum]

Happy birthday kid.

Youre 8 now.

Im sorry your godfather is such a sorry sack of shit.

One day if you ever find me,

I promise ill make up for every single second I couldnt be a part of your life.

Just remember,

Ill always love you no matter what.

Im sorry I wasnt ready to take you.

I promise u r much better off with your grandparents for now.

They have a home for you.

Your godfather aint got shit.

You are much safer and better off with them.

[solemnsanctum]

Seeing my parents playing overcooked at 3 AM coming home after a night of drinking and singing both heals and angers the child in my heart.

[solemnsanctum]

This was sung with a calm in my voice I had thought long gone. Peace. Serenity. Self love. All things I thought I would not have once more. Instead.. I have gained them again. With a much looser grip this time. For I have learned that holding onto things too tightly, can cause them to be harmed and not wish to return so easily. So, I will continue to Dance in the Dark.