Careless Solitary Whispers @solitarywhispers - Tumblr Blog

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autarque

solitarywhispers

Biography

Single female (apagenger/omnigender) 29.

Neurodivergent, Autism, ADHD, RSD.

Pariah: I will not help your social status.

DNI (Do not interreact): Bigots, Ableists, Racists, LGBTphobes.

DNP (Do not pursue): Anyone under 25, anyone abusive, anyone non-monogamous, anyone who lets their love die after the honeymoon phase, anyone prone to stonewalling, anyone prone to neglect their partner, anyone who does not accept obsessive love.

#intro #she/her for simplicity

Nah psycho-analyzing myself ain't cool. Back to ignoring it until I see a doctor about it. Otherwise, your regular broadcast (posts) will continue.

#Autism #trauma

rusholme

[woman who has never been gentle with herself voice] I just need to be more disciplined

#girlblogging

Me: See I am fine. I am above the trauma. I can intellectualize it instead of dealing with it. I put it away and remain unaffected!

Me to me: Hey, heads up I had to put the other ego into a long slumber only to deploy partially in moments of great turmoil. He's gonna be in a box at the back of the room.

Me: See nothing changed c:

#OSDD #another ego #not integrate it

Omg the blue zone.

#omg #omggg #this is too real

If I am compartmentalized... Integrating him doesn't sound like the right way to go. He has contempt for my sensitivity and I have fear for his callousness. He holds all my contempt, feelings of superiority, and utter un-phasedness.

I avoid letting him get to 100% where I lose agency. It is where he controls all the processing, thoughts, and actions. I am just in the background yelling at him to stop. A mere passenger in my own life. So far he listens but what if there comes a day where he doesn't?

I feel like I am between DD and TD. Like separate ego was starting to form but not far enough for amnesia. It is only far enough to loose personal agency when at 100%. I avoid him and he mostly "sleeps". I am not sure if I should try to get evaluated...

If they ask to meet him I will firmly resist. It be opening pandora's box. I can get him to 40%, maybe 50% without much loss of self. Any further starts to enter a danger zone. It's not mere masking, it's like I tried to amputate all of him with my trauma from my mind and instead I put him to sleep.

This secondary ego he's not exactly up for tea parties. And in a way I protect him from making un-favorable choices (he wouldn't agree). So until then he's the sleeping passenger.

#What if #co-conscious #agency #compartmentalization #altered identity #OSDD

linguisticacrobats

Cognitive compartments

#🫠#oh man #theory

mattsmemes

#ummm #autism #trauma #dichotomy

charmedamsel

Tartaglia Psycho-Analysis

Tartaglia/Ajax/Childe has an interesting psychological profile.

Tartaglia

Trauma

Tartaglia is said to have changed when he returned from the Abyss. Unlike what the rest of the world may think he was not born a warrior in this game world. "But he would never speak to anyone about that critical, fateful encounter of his... [in the Abyss]. No one around him knows what really happened within that darkness during those three months and he never speaks of it. Source: Tartaglia Fandom Page.

Dichotomic Egos

The Tartaglia Fandom page quotes him admitting he's "kind of a bad guy". The main character Y/N is shocked to find that one minute he is warm and friendly, the next a heartless ruthless killer. He shifts seemingly unpredictably between the two leaving those around him at a loss or on edge. He also values honesty, transparency and promise keeping." He not only keeps his promises, but does so with finesse and surgical precision". Source: Tartaglia Fandom Page.

The Genshin Impact Fandom Storyline site mentions how his coworkers are "wary of him". Because he is capable of scheming, brutality and can still care wholeheartedly for his family. He used to be on good terms with Zhonhli until a deception which he took personally. Promising to forgive him if he would do trial by combat. He has "flipped" on him for a seemingly minor trigger. Source: Fandom Storyline.

A fan on reddit explains that "he has so many dualities and facets to his personality." Source: MicroFluff on reddit.

Balancing Egos

Another fan hypothesize that he has multiple egos or multiple layers of egoes. "Childe is the ego, maintaining balance between the other two." Source: Mkl_dvd on reddit.

Terms

Compartmentalizing

"Compartmentalization is a defense mechanism in which an individual separates various aspects of the self (for example, beliefs, social roles, emotions, cognitions) and can only access one of these aspects at a given time. This separation allows to have conﬂicting ideas or self-concepts without experiencing tension from the contradiction. [...] These dissociated states appear as distinct from each other, and they may operate independently." Source: ResearchGate.

Sourcing from Trauma

"Compartmentalization psychology describes a defense mechanism where your mind separates conflicting thoughts, emotions, or experiences into distinct mental 'compartments.[...] This mental separation traces back to Sigmund Freud’s work on ego defense mechanisms. Freud recognized that the mind develops protective strategies to shield itself. People dealing with traumatic disorders often develop compartmentalization as an early survival strategy. Compartmentalization involves awareness and choice. You know you’re setting something aside, and at least initially, you could choose to engage with it. Dissociation is involuntary disconnection.'" Source: ReachLink.

Analogy

"When traumatic experiences are compartmentalized, they are not erased — they are stored separately from ordinary consciousness. Think of it like rooms in a house. In a non-traumatized mind, the doors between rooms are open, and information flows freely. In a traumatized mind, certain doors are locked (from the other egos). Source: TraumaSpecialist.

Dichomatic Personalities Ying/Yang

"Compartmentalized individuals tend to create broad and simplistic self-aspects that espouse an all-or-nothing mentality and are therefore vulnerable to instability when new information or contexts emerge that activate the negative, unintegrated self-aspects" Source: ResearchGate.

Co-Morbidity

Compartmentalization often operates together with other defenses, such as suppression, isolation of affect, splitting, repression, dissociative defenses, and rationalization, this last one often used once the individual is confronted with the contradictions" Source: ResearchGate.

Conclusion:

Tartaglia seems to exhibit what is called "compartmentalization". He has divided the extremes of his ego into two. He did this from a deep rooted trauma subconsciously (without it becoming as severe as DID). He even has different names for himself to point to the different aspects. He exhibits strange reactions when called out for these extremely opposing characteristics of a deeply loving relative and bloodthirsty warrior. To avoid cognitive dissonance he created a walls or rooms between the egos.

One minute he is cute and loving. Another he is sadistic and insane.

Which side do you prefer?

solitarywhispers

And f*ck... Because the longer I dissect why I love him the more I realize I may have compartmentalization.

I have one side I keep hidden away, far from anyone, the side I call "the demon" or "the protector". He is only triggered after a betrayal or extreme pain. My usual self is sweet, empathetic, caring, fun and nurturing. He can "front" and when he does I have little to no emotions, no empathy, and sadistic tendencies. I no longer access emotions or empathy when he's leading. Sometimes he only appears towards specific people who have triggered his emergence.

I have another side, my usual side, my default. Where I am my usual, caring empathetic, nurturing self as always. I- well discovered that apparently this can especially happen when an autistic person gets PTSD or cPTSD. I did some digging to learn if I "could" have a compartmentalization problem. Great another thing that might be linked to being autistic and traumatized. To the rooms I'll never open.

"The threat response is influenced by expectation based on prior experience, and could originate via any pathway that makes the experience of negative emotions threatening including for example childhood trauma and/or the experience of living with autism spectrum conditions. The role of trauma in formation of such phenomena is possible, but not necessary, and as such the model is different to conceptualizations of trauma-related dissociative phenomena. Pre-traumatic dissociative experiences fail to be integrated and are later re-activated" Source: NBCI.

Finally, I found out this happened because in order to keep my sweet caring personality unaffected, I had to tuck away the post-trauma personality and emotions. I had to distance from him, lock him in a room, and keep him for stormy days.

If this is true... OMG it means I have a potentially big gap of cognitive dissonance in my two personalities. That is a scary thought, but I am no doctor.

I think I have a pretty good hold on him. Though some articles say in time, if the traumatized aspect of myself is not reintegrated, he could takeover without consent, run subconscious programming or stop listening to me.

To be honest, I had a suspicion something was wrong with me. I already have a lot of dissociative, de-realization problems. I had problems my current diagnoses could not explain. I don't think I want to integrate with him...

#compartmentalize theory #theories #compartmentalization

ktner

"obsessive anon asks" get this bs out of my dashboard

how do you even get to know someone properly as just an anon?

if you're going to pursue someone and claim to be "obsessive" put your entire being into it

solitarywhispers

I don’t want a fandom, I don’t want obsessive anons, and I don’t want stupid men who just feel lust.

Mutual obs love or nothing. I have standards now. Understand that I will answer an obsessive anon but only to tell you to msg. After that, I’ll start blocking.

#block