After some conversations and reading on the topic of transmisogyny and the TMA/TME label, I've come understand that those labels ae very much important to use when discussing the specific things that do impact trans women and transfems, I'm not agaisnt the term at all.
First, I feel there is confusion around the definition of transmisogyny to start. I've seen one definition that states it is the intersecting experience of transphobia and misogyny, but that is an experience many trans folks have regardless of their specific identity, an experience of both occuring at once. So the definition is a little vague.
I've also seen a more specific definition that states it is the unique oppressive and discriminatory experience that comes with being a trans woman/transfem, which makes more sense and get's the message across. Though I think many fail to realize that there will be those who experience it that don't fit into the category of the intended target. I understand some people have called that "misdirected transmisogyny" or something along those lines. But that regardless of who it's directed at, it is still the same level of harm done in these exceptional cases at the end of the day. Heck, there have been people killed because of it, and some deal with it just as much as trans women/trans fems do.
Take this with a grain of salt, I think these people should be considered TMA as well for that reason. I see it similar to how we do have black-specific experiences with racism, and we understand the primary target are black people, but there are non-black folks who are impacted by it too. There aren't many, not much, but enough who are read as black and treated as such despite them being of another race or mixed outside of black folks. Because non-black doesn't equal white. There is an understanding that exceptions exist so making general statements like "Only Goup A deals with this specific form of oppression" isn't an accurate statement.
But once again, at the end of the day, it isn't my term or language to use or dictate so my opinion holds as much weight as a grain of salt.
Either way, I understand the confusion people have with the definition of transmisogyny, but I most definitely understand what it is meant to describe and it is important for transfems to highlight that.
Where most of my issue is at is with the people who are actually using TMA/TME to insult, demean, dismiss or hate on other people. If you actually go around saying shit like "TMEs are pos that deserve death" "Y'all TMEs are predatory and horrible" "TMEs will never understand us, TMAs are the only ones that know true suffering" (like you're the only ones who suffer?? seriously??), yeah, no I don't fuck with you one bit. Because 8/10 these same people go out and use misogynistic af words to describe other trans folks, especially transmascs and trans men, and then they think they're justified because in their eyes they're punching up when they're punching horizontally at people who are just as fucked as they are. This is why I also understand the people wary of these terms, because behind these kinds of people are misogyny, transphobia, intersexism, exorsexism, racism, ableism, and the list goes on. They literally take the same rhethorics and logic directed at them from transphobes and apply it to any other trans person they don't like. They are being anything but feminists. And when there's little to no one calling them out on their bs, and worse, people shaming you for calling it out, it starts to come off as valid logic most who use the same language suscribe to.
I've had productive conversations (including the ones that didn't really end so well) with trans women/transfems and other folks on the topic. I knew it wasn't coming from a place of hostility but more so frustration and fatigue and I try to understand or listen. Those are not the people I'm refering to in the previous paragraphs, and I feel everyone really needs to take the time to read and understand what is being said before jumping to conclusions. But the people who do use TMA/TME and transmisogyny to attack people, and they label any form of criticism or understandable backlash as transmisogyny, you are definitely the people I have issues with.
Not the people using it to talk about their experience, not the people differentiating their experience from others, not the ones uplifting their voices. It's you, the people who want to spread more harm than anything good.
And I also do have a problem with people who rightfully point out that others do not get to dictate a term used by transfems/trans women, only to turn around and dictate the term used by others. If you don't like the term "transandrophobia" or "transmisandry" but aren't transmasc or a trans man, it is also not your place to dictate the language being used, let the people who use the term dictate what language is right. No, it is not a reactionary term, it is not stealing from transmisogyny. Just as there is a unique experience with the patriarchy and a cisheternormative society that comes from existing as a transfem/trans woman, there is an equally unique experience with the patriarchy and a cisheteronormative society that comes with being a transmasc/trans man. People are allowed to put words to their experiences, please give the same courtesy.
"Well but this transandrophobia-truther said this transmisogynistic shit and-" Yes, they are transmisogynistic af, I agree with you that we should call them out, so what? It doesn't make transandrophobia any less true, and it especially doesn't give you the rights to be transphobic and hateful on the basis of their identity. This applies to everyone honestly.
Anyways, that's my two cents.
