hoe

I don't know what this is anymore. My fitblr/studyblr is @undergrad-overthat

[blurryclau]

I can feel myself getting bad again. I can feel myself spiraling down a big hole again. I don't know how to control it, I don't know how to prevent myself from doing so

[timidsketch]

Being a fat, submissive woman is difficult because all of the posts about subs are of how great it is to be “small.” How they love that their lover towers over them and makes them feel dainty and cared for. How they like to sit on their lover’s lap and wear their oversized hoodie, the way their lover’s bigness completely encompasses them. That isn’t an experience a fat, submissive woman usually gets to have, and internalized fatphobia often causes us to resent ourselves for not being able to feel “small.”

There’s also how fat women are almost always forced to be masculine. Our fat is gendered against our will, and we aren’t seen as “real” women. Since a lot of people connect masculinity to topping and dominance, women who are fat and submissive tend to be forced into a dominant, topping role. This further solidifies our self-hatred, our feelings of not being “small” enough, and the gendering of our bodies. This also causes many fat women to have sexual experiences they didn’t want, that hurt them emotionally, mentally, physically because their toxic lover coerced them into a role they weren’t comfortable with. When your body feels as if it’s been violated, this further causes fat women to have a harder time being intimate, something many fat people have difficulty with due to fatphobia.

Sometimes submission can also come with some humiliation and vulnerability. This is harder to allow due to society’s fatphobic abuse. Humiliation and vulnerability become an everyday occurrence for fat people. Even if a fat person wants to enjoy that sexually, it’s incredibly hard not to connect self-hatred and fear to the desire for vulnerability. Just allowing oneself to have this sort of relationship requires breaking down countless walls built over years and years of undeserved shame and ridicule.

Fat people are extremely sexualized by fat fetishists as well while simultaneously facing the extreme opposite by fatphobes. There is rarely representation of a fat woman having sex in a positive, healthy relationship. Many fat people will get into a relationship and end up abused by a fatphobe or fat fetishist, and this can especially be a problem for someone who is fat and submissive.

Another problem is how a submissive fat person can run into the problem of only ever pleasuring their partner and not receiving pleasure themself. This is because submission often involves pleasuring the other person, and being self-conscious of your body makes it difficult to allow someone else to touch or pleasure you. The anxiety, adrenaline, and fear shoot through you as the other person begins to lift up your shirt. You ask to turn off the lights. You tell them it’s okay, you don’t need them to reciprocate…because it’s easier to just focus on their body than yours and the terror of what they might think or say when they touch a stretch mark, a round thigh, a face with as much weight as the fear present in its eyes.

Fat, submissive women deserve care and love. All fat people deserve care and love.

[some-wintergirl]

Love this for me

[fandomsandfeminism]

So many Pro-Spanking advocates talk about how they “Deserved” to be hit by their parents because they were “a bad kid.” And it makes me so sad.

You weren’t.

You weren’t a bad kid, and you didn’t deserve to be hit. Maybe you were a difficult kid, maybe you struggled with boundaries or rules or expectations. Maybe you had bad behavior much of the time. But you, yourself, were not and are not a BAD person for that, and you didn’t EARN violence. You didn’t have it coming. It shouldn’t have happened to you. 

[gibsmecancer-blog]

Someone’s kids are spoiled rotten little fucks who don’t know how to behave in public or at home. There have been many attempts to successfully pull spanking from parenting in recent years as the post modernist mentality hit that realm. But there is a reason is it a tried and true part of parenting because there is a balance to achieve between rewards and punishment. Some parents are too liberal with spankings and others won’t even hold it in reserve for the worst of behaviors. New age parenting is incomplete because it only looks at half of the nessisary puzzle to raise your child. If you look at studies previous to the 90s you find that spanking was beneficial, but when the post modernist echo chamber started impacting psychology this flipped to reject all classic knowledge as is a trend with post modernism as a whole.

[fandomsandfeminism]

Spanking does more harm than good

The AAP stance on discipline

Research on Spanking: It’s Bad for ALL Kids

10 Reasons Not to Hit Your Child

Reduced Prefrontal Cortical Gray Matter Volume in Young Adults Exposed to Harsh Corporal Punishment

Mothers’ Spanking of 3-Year-Old Children and Subsequent Risk of Children’s Aggressive Behavior

Physical Punishment and Mental Disorders: Results From a Nationally Representative US Sample

Spanking and Child Development Across the First Decade of Life

Ten (more) Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids

Seriously, Don’t Spank Your Kids

Why parents should never spank children

PLEASE DON’T SPANK YOUR CHILDREN AND WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

Don’t spank your children. Do these 5 things instead.

[gibsmecancer-blog]

And all of these are post 1990. Did you even read what I said, or simply get triggered by my statement so quick you just replied.

[fandomsandfeminism]

The first one explicitly says that its built off 50 years of collected meta data. Soooo.

And Also “This science is too recent” is an interesting methodology. Like…that…isn’t how sociology works. 

[luesmainblog]

also, the main reason nonviolent parenting styles haven’t worked isn’t because you need violence to parent, it’s because the various methods never actually address the problem. we have this weird idea that consequences are the best deterrent to bad behavior, but that simply isn’t true. If consequences- be it spanking, a time out, losing your video games, going to jail, etc- are the ONLY THING keeping you from doing something bad, you’ll more than likely do it if you think you can get away with it. or, alternatively, you’ll be so afraid of consequences that you’ll be mentally incapacitated at the slightest hint that someone is upset with you, killing your social life and any chance to learn the skills you need to handle that situation. what actually stops being from misbehaving is understanding WHY they shouldn’t do something. and “my house, my rules” doesn’t cut it as a reason; there needs to be an understandable reason. sometimes it’s an inherent consequence; you can’t put a cookie in the ps2 because then the ps2 breaks and you can’t play video games anymore. sometimes it’s a moral reason; you can’t hit your sister because it hurts her and makes her upset. sometimes it’s a social reason; grandma will think you’re rude if you drop a hard boiled egg in her water glass. you need to actually talk to your kid and help them understand these things with whatever level of reasoning they have. and if they’re too young to be reasoned with, they’re too young to understand why you’re hurting them. another issue is that many times, the child does understand why they need to be better, but they’re unable to. bad grades are a huge example of this. getting spanked for a bad grade never made me do better, it just made me cry so hard i choked every time i got anything below a C. it took until highschool, with no help from my parents or teachers, to realize that the reason i was failing was because i had memory problems, and it took another year to figure out how to remember better. if my dad had sat down and taught me some ways to remember better instead of putting me over his knee, i would have been doing much better. and this may surprise you, but the reason we’re finally understanding that spanking DOESN’T benefit kids is because we’re finally looking at them as people, not pets or property. child psychology is about understanding that this is a human being with all the same capacity for feelings that you have, maybe even more, and not nearly enough resources to express them. children aren’t little monsters that need to be herded and corralled and trained. they’re very tiny, very confused people, and it’s our responsibility to teach them how life works.

[memes-from-the-frog-queen-deact]

I was spanked as a child all the time. In fact, the only reason my parents stopped spanking me was because I built up a tollerance to it and it no longer hurt. That being said, when I get married and have kids, I will spank them too. As a child I was (and still am) very strong willed and very argumentative. I wasn’t a bad kid, I just knew how to argue and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Spanking helped me stay out of any trouble I could possibly get into, and by associating doing wrong with pain it actually built my empathy because anytime I would accidentally hurt someone I would instantly feel awful and apologize. Spanking did me a lot of good growing up and that’s something I want my future kids to have as well. It’s not abuse. It’s not beating your child. It’s a spanking used as a punishment for a behavior that your child should not be displaying.

[newest-hyperfixation]

well maybe (as a child who was also spanked) you should first try to find the reason why they were acting out because hitting your child no matter what the reason is fucking wrong.

and there are other ways to punish them than making them associate physical pain with you and anger. talk to your fucking children. find out what’s fucking wrong.

all that spanking taught me was how to better hide my rebellious tendencies and fake a personality better. my relationship with my parents will never be what it could because from a young age i couldn’t fucking trust them to not hit me when i screwed up.

[memes-from-the-frog-queen-deact]

Did your parents just spank you randomly??

Literally the only time I was ever spanked was when I broke a rule, did something with malicious intent, or was doing something I shouldn’t have been doing. Spankings did absolutely nothing to my relationship with my parents because it was understood that I wouldn’t get spanked if I just stayed out of trouble and didn’t do anything with the intent to upset someone.

Plus every single time I was spanked my parents would tell me exactly why I was being spanked abd how many spankings I would receive as a punishment beforehand. Then afterwards they would ask me why I was spanked so that they knew that I understood that they weren’t spanking me because they hated me, but instead because I did something I wasn’t supposed to.

I’m sorry your parents spanking you had such a huge effect on your relationship with them, but I still hold my belief that when done correctly spanking can be an effective disciplinary action that doesn’t leave psychological effects on the child.

[fandomsandfeminism]

Again -points to over 50 years of study on this-

Have you considered that hitting children and then telling them “mommy loves you, but I HAD to hit you because you deserved it. Sometimes the people who you WILL hurt you and it will be your fault because you were bad” is a BAD lesson for children?

Also “my parents hit me and I WILL hit my own children” is not the strong argument you think it is. All that shows is that you haven’t learned any way other than violence to solve issues with children.

I’m glad that you personally don’t feel like your parents hitting you scarred you, but your personal feelings on the issue don’t negate 50+ years of peer reviewed research.

[memes-from-the-frog-queen-deact]

If you read the notes on this post regarding the conversation I had earlier with someone else, you would see that I already said that if spanking my children brings any psychological harm to them, I would immediately switch to a different disciplinary tactic. The system my parents used with me left no mark on our relationship and even helped me build empathy for others, which is why I would like to try it with my future children.

I would also like to state as someone getting a degree in psychology and as someone who has experience in the mental health field, those studies are great and everything, but you have to look at who funded them. Many times studies get carried out because a certain group wants to push something for their own agenda. That’s why awful treatments such as gay conversion therapy lasted for so long, because those who didn’t support the lgbt community wanted to make being gay an illness. Even now, being asexual is considered a psychosexual disorder in the DSM5. I’m not trying to discredit the APA and all the work psychologists have put into bettering the mental health field, but you have to look into where the funding for the research came from.

[fandomsandfeminism]

Psychological harm can take YEARS to manifest. You dont get a notification on your phone that pops up “oops! An action you just took has scarred your child for life.”

These are long term effects and you DO NOT and CAN NOT know how they will affect a kid until the damage is done. We know there is a risk, we know it is not best practice, we know there are better and safer alternatives. If you choose to hit your kids anyway, then you have decided that it was easier to risk their mental health than it was to learn nonviolent parenting techniques, and THEY have to live with that.

And while, yes, science is not always perfect- do you ACTUALLY have any evidence that ANY of the studies I linked are dubious in anyway? Or are you just in general trying to discredit science because it would make it harder to justify hitting your future children?

[memes-from-the-frog-queen-deact]

Neither me nor my sister have suffered any effects from the system my parents used for us growing up.

Also if an experience was truly traumatic for a child, you WILL be able to tell with in a few days. Children become very quiet and usually will not want to talk about what happened. They will more of less avoid eye contact with people and many times will either isolate themselves or will only spend their time with a person they feel safe with. Of course there’s other symptoms abd each child is an individual, but these are fairly prevalent.

While a child can take psychological trauma from the duration in which a traumatic event lasted, no child (or even adult for that matter) will go through a traumatic experience and feel nothing until years later and then suddenly have trauma from that experience.

And regarding your links you posted, I couldn’t use half of those in an academic setting. At the university level they are not considered credible because they don’t come directly from academic journals and if I used them in an essay to prove my points I would not get credit for the essay. Also remember, I’m getting a degree in psychology. I’m studying to be a doctoral holding psychologist. I also have extensive experience in the mental health field, especially with childhood depression and childhood ADHD. I’m not some random person on the internet trying to discredit science. This is my degree, my career, and I’m educated regarding this area.

Also mind you, my objective is not to be able to beat the shit out of my children. Ever. In fact, I’ve never even been able to raise my hand to someone ever in my life. I hate the idea for ever bringing physical pain to someone, but if my parents system (which I described earlier in the notes of this post) worked for both me and my sister and neither of us had any sort of trauma from it, then it can possibly be utilized for my future children.

[fandomsandfeminism]

Again, YOUR personal feelings about whether or not you have had any adverse affects from being hit as a child doesnt negate 50+ years of scientific peer reviewed research. Even if YOU truly dodged the bullet here, that doesnt mean your kids will. (Also, the fact that you claim that you would never raise a hand to anyone, except your young children if they misbehave isnt a glowing endorsement of how you ‘turned out’)

And also, for the record, my degree is in education, with studies in early childhood psychology and pedagogy. So if you wanna talk about what methods are the most effective at teaching children, I promise you, HITTING them doesnt make the list.

But yes, there are a LOT of links up there and many of them arent the studies themselves. Lets just focus on this one.

Spanking does more harm than good

An analysis of 50 years of research showed no evidence that spanking does any good for children; instead, it increases their risk of detrime

Why do you think this SPECIFIC study isn’t valid?

[some-wintergirl]

Can we talk very briefly about “if a child is traumatised you’ll know!”. Because I was very clearly sexually and physically abused as a child and NO ONE knew. I didn’t exhibit any signs of trauma. And my therapist says that’s normal for kids in homes where they don’t feel safe, to not show signs of trauma until you’re an adult because the brain can’t process things fully until you’re in a safe space, out of survival mode. Knowing that the science says spanking causes similar effects to other physical abuse, how can you possibly say that you’ll know if your kids are traumatised by you spanking them? And why do you not care enough to avoid traumatising them instead of playing child-trauma roulette?

[paganka]

[angelicscum-deactivated20260107]

concept: everything stops hurting and i am genuinely happy to be alive

[love]

[swanqueensails-deactivated20240]

[some-wintergirl]

Some people you just never stop loving.

[flatsound]

i’m feeling a lot today

[dangerbabegang]

What to do if you suddenly find yourself homeless

FOOD

Find your nearest food bank or mission, for food

grocery stores with free samples, bakeries + stores with day-old bread

different fast food outlets have cheaper food and will generally let you hang out for a while.

some dollar stores carry food like cans of beans or fruit

SHELTER

Sleeping at beaches during the day is a good way to avoid suspicion and harassment

sleep with your bag strapped to you, so someone can’t steal it

Some churches offer short term residence

Find your nearest homeless shelter

Look for places that are open to the public

A large dumpster near a wall can often be moved so that flipping up the lids creates an angled shelter to stay dry

HYGIENE

A membership to the YMCA is usually only 10$, which has a shower, and sometimes laundry machines and lockers.

Public libraries have bathrooms you can use

Dollar stores carry low-end soaps and deodorant etc.

Wet wipes are all purpose and a life saver

Local beaches, go for a quick swim

Some truck stops have showers you can pay for

Staying clean is the best way to prevent disease, and potentially get a job to get back on your feet

Pack 7 pairs of socks/undies, 2 outfits, and one hooded rain jacket

OTHER

first aid kit

 sunscreen

 a travel alarm clock or watch

 mylar emergency blanket

 a backpack is a must

 downgrade your cellphone to a pay as you go with top-up cards

 sleeping bag

 travel kit of toothbrush, hair brush/comb, mirror

 swiss army knife

 can opener

[spork-of-humanity]

Reblog to literally save a life

[hipsandheartbreak]

if there is a Dollar Tree near you, they have entire food aisles

Planet Fitness also has $10 memberships. you can shower and they have free food days! pizza night 1st monday every month, bagel tuesday the 2nd tuesday every month.

[himynameisrollin-deactivated201]

Save a life reblog

[kukachoosays]

i am so glad that i renblogged this however so long ago. i saw this post and shared it with others in mind, but now i am the one who really needs this. id like to think of this as good karma i guess

[comrade-jiang]

also a good list if anyone ever needs to run away from home for whatever reason.

[galaxysorbet]

I’d also like to add that some YMCA’s will let you like,,, live in there (my dad lived in a ymca for a bit while he was in grad school till some guy who turned out to be a murder later on invited him to live on his couch BUT THATS A DIFFERENT STORY)

[fandomthesickness]

Pls reblog

[dare-to-dm]

Libraries are an amazing resource.  They provide shelter from the elements during the day, and have free internet access so you can job hunt, do research, check your messages and communicate and also seek entertainment.  

PLUS many librarians are super informed about local resources and can point you towards other organizations that can help you with food, employment skills and finding affordable housing.

[some-wintergirl]

I just want to point out that yes dollar Tree has an entire food section, but if you can get to an Aldi, their food is often actually cheaper. Dollar Tree is $1 for everything, but Aldi has canned goods for 35-89 cents each, and often has the same foods as Dollar Tree for the same or slightly lower prices (with often larger portions).

[some-wintergirl]

It’s been years, and still I’m waiting for you. I’ve learned not to rely on you too much, you’re too unpredictable. I won’t leave the sureness of someone for the possibility of you, that’s too slim a chance. If we do this again, it has to be for real. They always called you a player, but I’m playing for keeps.

[cringefailprincess]

no, listen, when I say I want to integrate more specific solarpunk stuff in my life, i don’t mean to ask for yet again new “aesthetic” clothes that now you have to buy or make to show your support of the movement (screw that i’m consuming enough as it is), or more posts about impossible house goals, or whatever, I’m asking you what my options to build a portable and eco friendly phone charger are, im asking you viable tiny-appartment edible plants growing tricks on a budget,  im asking tips to slow down when my mind and society tell me im not fast enough, i don’t need more rich art nouveau amateurs aesthetics or pristine but cold venus project, okay, i know i should joins associations where I am tho i’m constantly on the move, thanks for that, just, you know, can we get a bit more practical ??? how do I hack my temporary flat into going off the grid for the time i’m here

[solarpunk-aesthetic]

Hello! ☀️ Here are a few practical suggestions for stuff you can do: 

Make a bottle tower garden (a small one could do well on a windowsill) 

Make eco-friendly household cleaners

Germinate strawberry seeds and care for the plants 

Grow plants from cuttings (you can grow almost anything this way) 

Make a sun jar 

Grow low maintenance houseplants 

Make a string garden 

Make a wall planter 

Germinate an avocado seed 

Make a shoe pocket garden 

Build a mini solar generator 

Re-grow kitchen scraps 

Find the right solar battery charger 

Recycle old solar cells 

Hope you find something useful in there! I post stuff up from time to time under my diy tag. Feel free to drop me a message if you have any requests!

[jellyfishdirigible]

grow oyster mushrooms on waste coffee grounds (also works with shiitake)

a list of some food plants that can grow indoors with reduced light

windowsill herbs

egg carton seed germination

germinate chayote and keep it as a houseplant (the root, stem, leaves, fruit, and seed are all edible)

choosing a portable solar panel

tips for energy efficient apartment life (but jsyk LED is better than CFL, and a tank bank or expanding water bottle is better than a brick or bottle of gravel)

DIY draft stoppers

DIY solar oven and recipes

evaporative refrigeration

use conkers/horse chestnuts to replace soap and detergents

use baking soda as dry shampoo

cleaning with vinegar do’s & don’ts and common myths

DIY dryer balls

apartment-friendly bokashi composting and DIY bokashi bran

DIY moss terrarium for your soul (ain’t many souls slower or more patient than moss)

and a list of some easy care indoor plants for your nerves

and for your bathroom and your air quality

recycle t-shirts into yarn for your crafts

[thisisthinprivilege]

Update: Plan B’s Effectiveness is Highly Dependent on Weight

posted anonymously by request

I am the person who posted a month ago about doing the emergency congestive medical study and I’ve finished round 1.

So my results where that Plan B had 0 effect on my body’s reproductive cycle. Meaning if I had been taking it out of necessity, and Planned Parenthood had defiantly prescribed it to me before, I was very much still at risk for pregnancy.

I feel like most people here already knew about the problem with emergency contraceptives and weight, but knowledge is power.

[some-wintergirl]

I’m a little confused here - are we assuming that if plan b doesn’t change when you get your period, it doesn’t work? Because I remember taking it several times back when I weighed 100-120lb and it never changed when I got my period. (Genuinely confused about the research and reasoning, not doubting the issues with plan b and weight.)

[mexicantransguy]

Ok but as a dysphoric trans man the whole ‘you need dysphoria to be trans’ actually baffles me because even tho I’ve always has crippling dysphoria, it didn’t actually help me figure out my gender at all. I usually dismissed my dysphoria as ‘internalized misogyny’ or just not being feminine enough, which actually just caused me worse dysphoria.

You know what made me figure out that I’m trans though? Gender euphoria. The minute I got called a ‘sir’ is the moment that I realized, “shit this feels right.” And at that point I realized that I could no longer deny the fact that I’m not a woman and that I couldn’t keep living as one.

Here’s a hot take: maybe being trans isn’t so much about how uncomfortable you can be in your AGAB, but rather how much more comfortable you can be.

[toadistic]

I honestly think that we would eliminate one of the major causes of ableism if we stopped basing people’s worth off how much revenue they generate.

[space-pikachu]

This measure is worthless. Actually, it is worth less than nothing.

I used to be a programmer for a spammer. Being rather young, naive, and also desperate for some kind of income, I had no idea what “lead generation” meant and had no idea that the fact that they didn’t talk about how their nebulous product actually helped anyone was a huge red flag. I took the job, slowly learned the codebase, and it took me months to figure out what kind of practices this place actually employed.

I was asked to put in obnoxious popups, but hide the popups for traffic coming in from Google so that Google wouldn’t cut off their sponsored traffic because the site violated their standards, a few months into my time there. That was when I began to realize the kind of place I was working at. Then I was asked to create a throwaway email account to test something, and I found out what actually happened to the poor people who put their information in for Free Insurance Quotes. They were inundated with spam. I found out the company had no site of its own, just hundreds of these “Free Insurance Quotes” sites all with slightly different stock photos and slightly different forms and a “complaints” page that was very hard to find with an email that was never checked.

I was a Hardworking Taxpaying American when I worked at that job. I was, according to this capitalist logic, contributing to society and of much more value than a disabled person who supposedly is a leech on society.

I was making the world worse by working at that job. I would have been making the world better if I did absolutely nothing but stare at the wall all day rather than work that job.

Many jobs are like this. Anyone who works at an oil company is making the world worse. Anyone who works at a tobacco company is making the world worse. People in various abusive therapy industries are making the world worse. I’m sure you can name plenty of other jobs in this category. The world would be better if those jobs did not exist.

Now, I am disabled. I am chronically ill, and I cannot even work a sedentary job because having to sit up for eight hours at a time would make me have to lie in bed for days.

I am making the world much better now by replacing the invasive grasses on my front lawn with strawberries that attract native bees, by sealing my house to increase its energy efficiency, by taking care of a flock of chickens and doing my best to ensure that they have a good happy life, by replenishing the soil in the yard with compost and chicken manure, than I was at that job. And I don’t do very much - I can’t.

Equating the arbitrary numbers one accumulates for oneself to one’s actual value or contribution is a dangerous lie, and it is poisoning the planet.

[thesylverlining]

This is so incredibly important. Thank you for this.

[positiveautistic-deactivated202]

@ bodyposipanda on instagram

(This is not me)