爱我一次

instagram: maja_kallin

[bipolarblueberries]

“I’m not really mentally ill, I’m just faking this.” - A mentally ill proverb

[sapphic-space-syren]

i said this to my therapist and she just looked at me and said “so do you think i went to clown school”

[meanplastic]

[pure-ification]

Jenna making everyone feel like they have a low IQ

[tracingrainbows]

Just a reminder that even though she makes silly videos on YouTube, this girl also has a masters degree from a top rate university.

[blissarcheopteryx]

I love her too because this is also Jenna:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

you’re allowed to just, not know things

[themadhatt3risbored]

Are you sure??

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

idk

[identity-thief-impersonator]

Wonderful execution

[skippingismagnificent]

[tastefullyoffensive]

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Digging is hard work.

[willcub-deactivated20180521]

Oh, my heart…

[fireblenders]

[mcavoy]

There’s literally a tweet for everything.

[love-diaries]

But I just wanted her in my life. I had fallen in love, even if she was still finding her way.

Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture (via love-diaries)

[poemswords]

[avoidantcactus]

Constantly torn between “I can’t ask for help bc then I’m annoying and everyone will be mad” and “I must ask for help at every possible stage because I might do it wrong and then everyone will be mad” ya feel

[chuanfakitty-deactivated2026030]

HOLY SHIT U PUT IT IN WORDS

[twitterlols]

[unpretty]

i bought an echo and a wifi lightbulb just so i could say “computer, turn off the light” instead of getting out from under the covers to flip the switch

[unpretty]

problem found: my husband keeps yelling for the echo to play certain songs before he enters the bedroom so he can have entrance music appropriate to his mood

[vaspider]

this sounds like the opposite of a problem

[femcassidy]

hey fellas last night i took a medication which is more or less the anxiety equivalent of a horse tranquilizer & essentially enterred the fifth dimension of sleepwalking in which i awoke but enterred a dissociative fit so strong i was really confused why my loving girlfriend was not my good friend and fellow viking bjorn, who i had to bring some furs to. also i might’ve cried about this. don’t remember

[femcassidy]

was informed i left out the best part of this 3am experience which was the bit where i, in tears, gestured to our dog and shouted, “i don’t know what this is!”

[love-diaries]

Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them.

(via love-diaries)

[pandaaamonium14]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[skrillcholas-cage]

oh my god these are great

[princemetalthunder]

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

[somecrazyfangirll]

some kid: *watches The Incredibles for the first time* WOW THAT'S AN AWESOME MOVIE!

me: you know they're making a second one

kid: REALYY??!! WHEN??

me: next year unfortunately :/

kid: awwww that's a super long time to wait

me: *eye twitches*

[love-diaries]

He made her feel like more than the sum of her parts.

Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor & Park (via love-diaries)