Dandelion Child

Taylor, age 27, my brain meat is sick and my personality is mostly tv static

[bipolarblueberries]

I do believe I will be going silent for a while lads and won't be updating this blog for a while. I'm tired, but I'll try to be back soon

[pangur-and-grim]

I felt bad accepting financial aid for my medication, but also, I DID NEED THE FINANCIAL AID. so maybe that’s alright.

and now I can finally get my immunosuppressants and pay zero dollars for them, so that’s good!

[pangur-and-grim]

this is very good advice, boosting this so more people can see

[lucillebawl]

These programs literally save lives. They're saving mine right now.

[squishranger]

man i just dont know why im so afraid all the time (<- has the disorder that makes you afraid all the time)

[ceruleanheaven]

honestly given my parents whole [gestures vaguely] i am actually incredibly well adjusted

[not-right-wof]

[bipolarblueberries]

My best friend of 13 years died on the 15th. I wish there was something poetic to say about it or him, but I don't have anything to say anymore

[speedlimit15]

Uh oh i think something deep inside me just gave up for good 🤣

[inthefallofasparrow]

When yet another stupid update gets rolled out

[fallout-lou-begas]

Thank you all for being a patron of the Wonderful Funny Circus, coming from far and wide for so many years to see our wonderful funny clowns. Since we are the only operating circus that has such wonderful funny clowns, we know how much you come to our circus specifically to see them, and to laugh and have fun in a way that, simply put, no other circus can offer. We have decided to executed the clowns

[disabled-primadonna]

'Disabled' is not a bad word. 'Disability' is not a bad word.

Unless someone has specifically said they do not like being called disabled, please, just call us disabled.

It's not an insult. It's not a bad thing to be disabled. The only reason people think it is, is because of ableism.

If you think calling someone disabled is insulting, you have to unlearn some serious ableism.

[friend-crow]

Apparently ICE now has agents posing as utility workers to get into people's homes. The electric and gas companies have posted information on how to tell if it's one of their workers, and numbers to call to confirm whether they've sent someone to do utility work on your house.

Stay safe, friends.

[alexwrekk]

ICE posing as utility workers to detain immigrants, Gresham lawmaker warns

Oregon state Rep. Ricki Ruiz said three people were detained in his district after ICE agents posed as utility workers.

[rikaklassen]

“There is a cyborg hierarchy. They like us best with bionic arms and legs. They like us Deaf with hearing aids, though they prefer cochlear implants. It would be an affront to ask the Hearing to learn sign language. Instead they wish for us to lose our language, abandon our culture, and consider ourselves cured. They like exoskeletons, which none of us use. They don’t count as cyborgs those of us who wear pacemakers or go to dialysis. Nor do they count those of us kept alive by machines, those of us made ambulatory by wheelchairs, those of us on biologics or antidepressants. They want us shiny and metallic and in their image.”

― Alice Wong, Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories from the Twenty-first Century

[jessesajoke]

things people have done to help me during a psychoses episode

i was on the buss and i hallucinated bugs crawling all over my hands, so my friend pulled my hoodie sleeves over them with permission and held my hands through the sleeves to "keep them off". they used the logic you would in a real bug situation.

i went nonverbal in a bad one in class, so my friend wrote me a note to give to the nurse since the teacher wouldn't let her go with me.

i often am very paranoid about the delusion that meat is actually rotten, so my dad will sometimes eat a bit of it before me

instead of telling me my delusions arent real, they help me through it using logic like it was real. they dont tell me that nothings going to hurt me in my sleep, they stay with me to keep me safe. then when it passes i can realize its not real

[chartreuseschaos-deactivated202]

This is how you help people. I will never ever fathom how anyone can think it's a good idea to tell someone with a mental disorder or neurodivergence that what we're experiencing isn't real. Real is subjective.

[the-quasar-hero]

We need to seriously consider killing the people that are responsible for the ridiculous hurdles of the job application process. While I don’t love résumés, I can see what use they have. They list the relevant skills and job history you have pertinent to the job you’re applying for. That’s reasonable. Why on God’s good green Earth did we, as a society, accept cover letters as a thing? “Write some fanfic about what you’ll do on that thang if we hire you. Tell us you’ll bounce on it, that you’ll spin and do tricks on it, we wanna read that shit.” How about I stab you with a trident? Hmm, did you consider that? We gotta do cover letters for entry level jobs? “Do this personality test and we’ll see if you’re compatible for the job.” Is this speed dating? Are we about to get married? “Make an account with us, then you can apply for a job.” How about I tie you to five different angry horses? How does that sound?

[bipolarblueberries]

If you are at all curious about where I've been, here it is. I finished community college with a 3.4, moved onto a four year, currently have a 4.00 and am graduating in a few months. I've also gotten some of my writing published. Life has been difficult and my mental health diagnosis has shifted much, no one can agree on what I am so I just have "brain ain't built right" stamped onto my forehead while we figure it out. So far the largest theory is that I'm not bipolar, I'm autistic and have periods of stress induced psychosis. After being labeled as bipolar since I was 7, it has been a rough transition. I've been bipolar for as long as I can remember and have built a lot of my identity on it. It's difficult to ignore how much sense an autism diagnosis makes instead of bipolar. A lot of things that were regarded as my general personality can be explained with autism symptoms or autistic behavior. The fact that no medication has ever worked on me also makes sense; of course I would get side effects from meds and no relief from symptoms if I didn't have the disorder I was being treated for. This also has been a hard pill to swallow bc when I was in high school, I was overdosed by my prescriber and developed Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome which wasn't caught in time. I'm 27 and I still feel like dog shit over a decade later. I have chronic fatigue, brain fog, my body decayed and for what? I suffered for what? I still suffer for what? Because no one listened to me that something was wrong and they were so blinded by gender bias it almost killed me. I will never get better, I will never get an apology or justice for what's happened, and now I learn that none of it had to happen, even more than it already didn't. I was possibly prescribed a medication I didn't need for a disorder I possibly don't have. It's been difficult to come to terms with.

Bipolar disorder is also one of the most common misdiagnoses for women and femme presenting ppl with autism. My story unfortunately is not rare.

I don't know what exactly will happen next. I want to apply to a scholarship that would allow me to go abroad to study archaeology, but several history professors have recommended I volunteer at archaeological sites over the summer and strengthen my application so I suppose that's next. Ideally I would also like to become a member of the National Historic Honors Society. If all works out, I'll be doing my Master degree in Scotland for Funerary Archaeology in 2027. It feels so far away and impossible, but I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't try when I could have. I don't feel safe in the US anymore and my skin doesn't feel right anymore. I want a change of pace and to go some place where I can build something different, maybe not necessarily better, but something different even if only to know that it's possible for me to be something else than what I am.

I've gone back to old hobbies. I'm painting again, I've gotten a lot of passion back for reading and writing, I'm no longer ashamed of the things I like, I'm open now about collecting manga and the music I like. Life is already so different than it was before but I still feel like my existence is an inch out of place. My fear is that I'll go abroad and I'll still be there on the other side, but again, I have to try and see if I'm better suited to a different set of problems.

I'm going to get pizza with my best friend, it's been years since we've seen each other and we have a lot to talk about. I'm okay, life is different but it has the potential to be better than I ever thought it could or would be. I'm not sure if I'll still be bipolarblueberries though since I might not be bipolar, maybe autisticapples? I absolutely hate apples though so maybe autisticartichokes? Idk I'll think of something by the time any new diagnosis is official, if you have any ideas then I'd love to hear them :) have a happy new year

[socialistfremenist]

[thebibliosphere]

The internet is a weird place because I just stumbled across one of my own posts on Facebook, and a few people underneath were talking about how they follow me and love my “content” because I don’t let my multiple disabilities stop me, and I’d just like to say becauseI can’t say it on Facebook without giving away my govt name: what a crock of shit.

I post constantly about how my multiple disabilities hinder me and have actively prevented me from working consistently.

My disabilities prevent me from doing things constantly, because they are disabling. That’s the reality of being disabled.

I don’t do things to overcome my disabilities; I achieve things alongside my disabilities at a pace that does not harm me mentally or physically because I am done with pushing limits. I tried. It almost killed me. I will not do it again, so that temporarily abled people will think better of me for keeping pace with them, or can feel inspired, or whatever the fuck.

And maybe you didn't mean it to come across like that, but please don’t erase what I accomplish alongside my disabilities, not in spite them. And especially please, if you’re also disabled, chronically ill, or just plain old struggling because the world is a dumpsterfire, don’t use me to guilt yourself into doing more.

I would never tell you to push through pain or fatigue for the sake of wildly unsustainable productivity because that shit’ll kill you.

If you do not rest, your body will make you rest. Trust me. I get to live in the ruins of what's left of mine.