Just Some Dude @somefagsdiary - Tumblr Blog

INTRO POST:

Heyyy my name is Corey, I’m 20, I use he/him pronouns and I love writing (mainly poetry and short stories), pretentious music (don’t get me started on music I will seriously never stop haha) and book binding (even tho I’m shit at it).

Pretty much post whatever is going through my head on this blog and that is usually related to bipolar, adhd or my ed as those are the core things I struggle with. I’ve had my ed for six years now and have been overweight, a healthy weight, underweight, and severely underweight and I’m here to tell ya now all of it sucks when you have an ed so if you can get help please do

Please feel free to shoot me a dm/send an ask, but please know I’m not here to be “buddies” or a “coach” if you know what I mean so don’t come asking for that. I’m pro recovery just can’t seem to find it for myself and post here to find people in a similar place and just generally feel less alone.

Have fun scrollin!

I’m hacking the system I’ll just starve myself and gain the weight back over and over again so I never have to recover and I live in a perpetual hell of my own creation

This shits gonna end me huh

#an@rules #an@diary #@nadiary #@anablog #@anadiary #disordered eat1ng #disordered eating mention #disordered eating cw #tw eating issues #i hate eating #ed blr

I give up I give up recovery is too hard for me I know I can’t do it so why am I even trying

#an@rules #an@diary #@anablog #@anadiary #@n4 buddi #disordered eat1ng #disordered eating mention #disordered eating cw #tw eating issues #i hate eating

I think I’ve realised I’m not afraid of abandonment, I’m afraid of being “bad”. I find it hard to connect with people so I’ve always wondered why I feel so scared of them leaving but I think it’s more that I’m petrified of someone seeing me as morally bad or irredeemable instead of actually being scared of not having them. I have a feeling autism and my childhood moral OCD may be the culprit of this

#autism #actually autistic #autistic adult #autistic things #actually ocd #moral ocd #ocd things #abandoment issues #vent post #autistic experiences

viejito-at-heart

everyone tells me that ADHD isn't an excuse for being lazy and that there are people with ADHD who have overcome their symptoms and are successful but every day I drag around an invisible dopplegänger of myself who is horrible and listless and always complains. and he is so heavy. I'm ambitious and I'm passionate but he isn't and the problem is that to get anywhere in life I have to grab him by the leg and pull him along the whole way, kicking and screaming, and sometimes it gets exhausting. sometimes he pulls me down with him. and it gets a bit difficult to explain to people why I'm lying down on the floor in pain when they can't see him.

zebulontheplanet

People really don’t seem to understand how much music can affect those who are bipolar.

I have whole playlists that are specifically for when I’m manic. Why? That doesn’t seem healthy, does it? No. It’s a coping skill that I learned. If I keep my brain stimulated and in a good mood while manic, then I have a less chance of running the streets, self harming, doing drugs, etc.

But it also means that sometimes I hear songs outside of mania that I listen to while manic and it does sorta give me flash backs. There are certain songs that I attribute to certain experiences because I was listening to that song on repeat while doing stupid shit while manic.

It sucks. Music is such a huge coping skill for me, and I have turned it into not something that I can enjoy, but something that I NEED during mania. It makes music less enjoyable.

scarabies-real

Realizing the depression is not seasonal is like: Wow! What a beautiful flower! The birds are singing! I sure do love spring! I think I am fundamentally unlovable as a person.