To new beginnings--
There is something to be said about love, and how you can think you’ve been in it before, but once you’re in it for good--and I mean with that forever person--you realize you never really loved before.
As it is for everyone else in the world, things aren’t always easy, and things haven’t always been easy. I remember looking out the window and finding solace in thinking “I wonder what my future husband is doing right now”. An old friend used to tell me all the time I had a “little girl heart”--this dreamer that naively believed in a fairy tale ending. You know how it goes: guy meets girl, love at first sight, she eats the apple, he plants a kiss, and boom she’s alive and well--the little girl idea of love. And I don’t mean the damsel in distress needing price charming to save her, let’s be clear, but more so the idea of true loves kiss, if you will. Somewhere along the line, I lost sight of that, and my little girl heart became one of a cold and jaded adult who had seen and felt too much, and it was easier to let go of the idea and not be let down, then to hold out hope.
Now, being the jaded cold hearted adult I was (foreshadowing), I clearly didn’t believe in the idea of fate, or things happening for a reason. I’ve always said love will find you when you aren’t looking for it, but I never believed in someone else having a plan for me that I didn’t create for myself...but it really just takes one moment to challenge that. Or so I found.
Long story short: a cat dying lead me to my forever.
Okay.
Here is the long story.
I moved to a new neighborhood and became good friends with my upstairs neighbors, two partners who were as jaded as I was--a match made in heaven. Then, one fateful night, their cat passed away (and as a cat person this breaks my heart, because when my cat passes ((plot twist, he won't)) I’ll be a hot fucking mess). But, it was their cat dying, and the exposed poor cooping skills of Neighbor One who decided to drink the hurt away, resulting in Neighbor Two calling me to come help him being Neighbor One home from the bar, the ended up changing my entire life. I refused, at least four times, to leave the comfort of my bed at 11:30pm on a week night to drag home a drunken male adult from a bar....but, then suddenly, I had a change of heart and was putting on my winter jacket and boots, because in spite of my cold heart I realized it had a small warm spot for these two. And so I went. And so I found my future. My forever.
And you know what--he had been just down the street for two years.
Nothing happened that night. I got a number that I didn’t use, had a few drinks, brought my friend home, and thought nothing more of it. Though, he did creep into my mind, the bartender who also had a small warm spot in his heart for these two--and also annoyed that he kept serving us when we were clearly trying to get Neighbor One home (but we’ll come back to that).
A few weeks later, I went back with my neighbors for dinner. That night, something did happen. He joined us for dinner and we actually truly spoke, and I knew it--he had been on my mind for a reason. Immediately upon him walking away Neighbor Two looked at me with a wide eye stare and said “wow, he’s SO into you.” Again, cold hearted jaded me said “he’s an attractive bar tender at a popular bar, I'm sure he’s 'into’ a lot of girls.” And here is the response that changed everything:
“No, I know him, I’ve known him for two years, and I can promise you he isn’t that type of person. I mean it, he is into you.”
Lucky me for trusting Neighbor Two blindly.
A quick one hour dinner became a five hour night, and the more I talked with my neighbors, the more I talked with the guy, the more I drank--I knew I was in trouble. When we were finally leaving, finally hugging goodbye and walking out the door, I looked at the guy:
“Can I do something I’ve wanted to do all night?”
To which he responded, “Depends on what it is.”
To which, I just grabbed him and kissed him--said “I’m sorry, but I’m actually not that sorry”, and walked away.
To which Neighbor Two saw and said “well, I guess this means we can never come back.”
But that night the guy got my number, and he didn’t make the mistake I did--he used the number.
A first date. First inside jokes. First secrets. First tears. First moments of neediness. First First I love you’s.
Seven months later, a move in date.
Seven months later, a hidden engagement ring.
Seven months later, I am a better person.
Seven months later, my cold heart has been warmed, and I’m no longer jaded.
Seven months later, I learned he kept serving the drinks that night because he didn’t want me to leave (told you, we’d come back to that).
Seven months later I can answer the question of what my future husband had been doing.
Seven months later, I got my little girl heart back.
And it feels so damn good.
I love you Spencer.
