Sometimes I feel like sunshine and sometimes I feel like a pair of yellow socks and sad disco.
Sometimes I hit up Ari and we hang out and smoke and talk about art and music and feelings and other junk. Sometimes I hit her up and she’s a ball of anxiety and I try to help her out but it’s something she has to cope with on her own.
Sous and I lived together in Savannah, Georgia for a couple months and it wasn’t heavenly but it was comfortable and she was my home. I miss her mannerisms and quirks and the way she said drawing like “drawr-ing” in a New England kind of way.
Katie is ethereal to me; she’s got a really elegant way about her. She has an angry exterior, resting bitch face- but it’s pretty. I used to think “she thinks I’m an idiot.” And then I stopped caring what people think, to some extent, and I kept doing stupid things near her and sometimes she laughed. Her laugh was fulfilling and genuine.
Sometimes I feel like sunshine and sometimes I feel like maroon socks and sadboi lo-fi.
Robert went through my photos for me and deleted pictures of some person I didn’t want to see. Before that he had called a funeral home for me because I couldn’t do it, he passed on some information to me that I couldn’t bring myself to look for.
Kale is a sweet bread, keeping me in mind and working hard every day without a single complaint. Some saturday’s I see him and we drink and talk about music and love, but it’s been a while.
Avery sends me pictures of corgis and my cat and spams me with dumb videos on instagram. We have different morals and interests but we’re twins in humor.
Bike-boy-Alex came to my apartment in the middle of the night, through humidity and clouds in an April in Savannah Georgia because I was upset about some ants and I thought my art was trash.
Chris Honey says ‘hello’ every day and reminds me that me he loves me and cares about me. I only met him once but his eyes were like black holes and his caring manner was hard to compare to anyone else.
Jeff Jr. helped me move three times, by the end of this week it’ll be four. He’s got my back even when I make his life harder than it needs to be. Once in a while we take a ski trip or shoot some targets together and talk about school and life.
Meg’s always there, sending me articles and looking for input. Sharing thoughts and engaging in conversation like an extrovert, bubbly and excited to articulate her feelings and opinions.
Happiness is something that comes and goes in the form of a cloud passing in front of the sun. It can change by the minute or the day or the week but beyond those bitch clouds is a ball of fire far beyond our insignificant sky that’s providing warmth for life so that humanity can carry on searching for meaning. Being existential or nihilistic or self centered or selfless.
Love is something that fluctuates but mostly doesn’t go anywhere. It’s a bees nest that everyone has under their front porch. It sits quietly. Sometimes there are only a few bees and sometimes there are swarms. But there are always bees and there are always people that want to see you going on well.
Sometimes I’m sunshine and sometimes I’m not, but I’ve always got bees.
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