CW: Sexual Assault Dear M_ _ _ , Sexual assault is a crime of power and control. The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim. Sincerely, Amy Jo ---- The term rape culture refers to a set of cultural practices that allow sexual violence to happen and excuse it when it does. ---- Him: “Are you on birth control?” Me: “No.” Him: “Where do you want me to cum?” Me: “Anywhere but inside of me.” I roll over after he stopped and say.. “Wait, did you cum inside of me?” “Don’t worry, I’ll buy a Plan B” *kisses me on the side of my head* The panic starts. The endorphins melt away and I’m left with fear, uncertainty, and shame. How is it that I did not have any say in this? How is it that a 27 year old man was able to cum inside of me and then just walk away, probably not thinking about it twice? Why is it that rape culture is such a prevalent thing that I sat there afterwards telling myself: “Well, it was partly my fault too.” “It’s not like I was in a dark alley and he attacked me” “I shouldn’t have let him go on without the condom.” What. The. Fuck. I told him NO and he still did it. Four days later. Him: “I don’t remember it going down that way but if you feel assaulted or that a law was broken you should go to the police. However it just looks like you’re out to be socially damaging because you have a bruised ego.” Me: “Ok” Him: “ So I don’t really know what I can do for you at this point because you’re not asking for anything you’re just whipping up people with a story that you took a lot of liberties with.” Me: “ I understand that your experience was different than mine, but I’m definitely not lying about how I feel violated and I do believe that you did sexually assault me by that. I told you no and you did it anyways. I gave you multiple chances to be a nice person to me but instead you told me that I was crazy. You didn’t treat me like a human being, you didn’t buy the Plan B. You didn’t give a fuck, so don’t pretend that you did. And only now after you’ve been outed you choose to try and talk to me? It’s pretty obvious you have the bruised ego. Him: “I don’t and you can keep doing what you’re doing and I can’t control that. If you had anything to charge me with you would have. So you’re going to use social media and angry idiots like yourself to slander me. I was drunk, and you didn’t get off me. “ Me: “That’s no excuse.” Him: “ Kinda is. You’re like 3 times my size. Maybe 4.” ----- Not only am I now being told it’s my fault, that I’m crazy, I’m also being fat shamed. I did not know that if someone is fat and on top of you that takes away your ability to speak? The ability to say “I’m about to cum”. I bought the Plan B myself. I took care of things myself. It’s been two weeks now and I’m STILL feeling the effects. I feel like my entire body has been beaten down. I’m bleeding profusely. I’m breaking out. Breast tenderness, changes in menstrual flow, diarrhea, dizziness, headache, nausea, stomach pain, tiredness… I have every.single.one.of.the.side.effects. ---- “They said to inform you that it would be a smart choice on your part to post something to retract and deescalate the situation you created online. This is my life you're attacking as well as my family and friends.” -M_ _ _ What about my life? What about the consequences I have to silently deal with? What about the days I can’t work because I feel like I’m dying? When I’m bleeding so much I’m scared to even leave my house? What about the fact that Plan B isn’t a guaranteed thing? What about the trauma and anxiety that I had to deal with in knowing that you violated me? What about the STD test or pregnancy tests? WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THE OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE? This isn’t just about me. This is about every woman that is violated, assaulted, raped. This is for all of the women (or men or people) that have went days, months, years, lifetimes without ever speaking. They might never be heard. But maybe in reading this they will feel a little better that they aren’t alone. That I’m here for them. We all should be here for each other. We should all believe each other. In a world where we are told that we are crazy, or that it wasn’t “enough” of a sexual assault to count, or whatever the fuck else. The least we could do is have each other’s backs. Support each other. Love each other.
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