[valtsv]

[cheerfully] i've been in self-made hells worse than this

[stuckinapril]

legend has it that girl still hasn’t cleared out the 9,000 useless screenshots on her phone

[stuckinapril]

you can determine a person’s character simply by the ratio of useless screenshots to actual photos of their life on their phone. more actual photos of their life? normal person. more useless screenshots? tumblr user.

[somewherecolder]

My fear grows with me.

As a kid I was so scared to be a disappointment so I try to grow up not being one. Only then I realized, how I am so focused on being alive, but forgot to live as I am. Now I am stuck...lost.

I got too many fear but turns out it all adds up to one thing— the future. "What college would you attend to?" — I barely even passed my senior high school. The once an academic achiever now didn't even care and just had to pass. I ends up going to the basic, the one that just happened to be able to get me. "We'll be second year soon, I heard our professors would be a hard one" — I don't even want to worry anymore, I'll just passed the grade needed. "What are your plans after graduating?" — I seriously don't know. "What would happen to you if we're not here anymore" — nothing, I'll be gone too.

Of all questions about the future I am certain of the answer to one thing. If I lose any of them early, I'll be going too. Or maybe I'd better gone first.

I am not sad, but I'm not happy either.

I am 4 years clean...maybe 2? I don't think if it counts. Being stuck in a situation where you felt nothing, I watched sad movies to cry, comedy to laugh, and romance to feel loved but as soon the movie ends, the emotions vanished and I'm empty again. Then there are times that things will be too overwhelming, the hardest part is you will never understand the reason why you're suddenly crying. It just suddenly feel heavy and you burst out crying.

I'm isolating myself because telling people "my mental health is not okay and I don't feel like living anymore" felt so wrong. So I'm just gonna isolate myself until I'm better. I'm not friendless, I have plenty of them and a fair social life. It just that, when I'm alone, I tend to think that I don't need anyone but also no one would actually need me. I don't want them to be burden by something unnecessary such as my broken moods.

Dying is peaceful, alone but not lonely.

I remember seeing a post, where turns out dying just felt like sleeping. If it does, am I even still alive?

[somewherecolder]

His name is Yohan,

irritating to admit but I was named after him. He's born only three days before me but he celebrates his birthday the same day as mine. Our mothers become best friends since they had to share a room in the hospital ward and both of them had no one to take care of them. So they decided to rely on each other.

When we're still kids he's always on his own. He likes his own space, his peace. Everytime I tried introducing him to my other school friends, but he intimidate them. That's when I decided to be his only friend.

Yohan's favorite color is blue, whatever the sky shade of blue. He only drinks black coffee, like an old grandpa in a little kids body. He loves his mom more than anyone, and that's what we had in common. We both have no fathers, at least his is still breathing, nevermind I won't talk about it. He laughs at my jokes and teases me for every embarrassing things I did. He's bad at names. He doesn't like it when someone touches his hair.

Well, he has the looks and brains uncommon for a troublemaker. When I say troublemaker, not the drugs and stuff but just minor fights but most of those are against the bad kids. A tough guy who hates rain because he's scared of the thunder.

He's like a character in a movie, like a misunderstood bad boy with a heart of gold. But he's certainly ain't going for a common damsel in distress female lead that will change him and form a perfect love story.

Imagine, I knew all these but not the pain he is hiding so well behind his dark brown eyes.

His name is Yohan. He is my best friend. Life isn't sweet to him. He's only 17. Life sucks for him. I guess, maybe that's the reason why he made the decision to cheat life itself. Well, that's the alternative thought. I prefer that side cause at least for the last time, he won against this fuck up life.

[somewherecolder]

Wishing rain.

The day is done, for a while they stand.

The sky turns dark, in cold air they whispers

When it rains, it means I can linger a little longer,

When it rains, means I don't have to go home yet.

When it rains, it means they can share more time together.

So they long for rain at times they wish to hold on to each other.

[somewherecolder]

Lately I'm a nervous wreck

[ashstfu]

i do not ghost purposely i just have no idea what to say ever

[cvsgirl]

i feel so much that i feel nothing

[somewherecolder]

I want a reset.

[somewherecolder]

Every person gets tired, it fine. But when you are the reason why people gets tired, that's different kind of pain.

[somewherecolder]

I either starve or binge, I either oversleep or become insomniac and I either love too much or not at all, it's always being black or white in my life no grey in between it sucks but that's how it is.

[muuutant]

You ever just realize how lucky you are that you did that weird thing that led to you being friends with the people you are friends with?

[somewherecolder]

When he is everything she isn't but she fell for it.

[lovethi5]

me, a legal adult: when i grow up,

[1111jenx]

— ALIGNMENT.

you're at the right place right time💐

[somewherecolder]

Stuck between idk, idc and idgaf.

[somewherecolder]

the feminine urge to be in a scheduled relationship. Like from 6 pm to 5 am you're together then single at the rest of the day.