🔥 Prometheus 🔥 So Much For Forethought 🤷‍♂️

I’m stuck here for eternity on Mount Caucasus with only my inescapable fetters and a particularly persistent eagle for company. Seems as good a reason as any to start a blog.

[sonofiapetos]

After some deep reflection on my time in purgatory, I’ve decided to shift the focus of my online presence. While I’m so grateful to have started my platform here on Tumblr, I think it’s time for me to maximise my growth and audience reach by monetising my account. As such, I will be moving my services over to Patreon, where you can subscribe to my content on a sliding scale. For just $5 a month you can continue reading my lighthearted reviews of pop culture material. For just $15 a month you gain access to my recipe collection. And for those new fans who have joined to hear me deconstruct the invisible fetters of Big Olympus and roll out my new model for alternative media and government, subscriptions start at $50 a month. Each donation goes a long way in us recruiting new members and un-brainwashing ourselves from the Big Olympus agenda. Thanks so much for being with me on this journey.

Eternally bound,

But spiritually free

- Prometheus

[sonofiapetos]

I’m starting to think this whole eagle-pecking-out-my-liver thing isn’t really the source of my problems. I’ve been on YouTube for the last 12 hours and there’s some very convincing micro-influencers out there with some important things to say. Sure they’ve got some wacky opinions on vaccinations, but they seem to understand just how hard it is being subject to the tyranny of big government.

After some soul-searching I think the true conspiracy is Zeus sitting up on his mountain while the rest of us wither in disgrace! I say we band together and storm Olympus on the 6th. Who’s free?

Obviously I can’t physically attend, but will be there in spirit.

[sonofiapetos]

Another day, another liver spent.

Heracles was supposed to come over and clock this evil bird for me, but he had to reschedule due to something involving his ‘12 Labours’. Sounds convincing. More likely he’s at home rewatching Troy on Netflix for the umpteenth time. He just loves that Brad Pitt. I wonder if I’ve got a real friend in the world anymore. Even the humans don’t reach out since I got them the whole fire thing. Maybe I’ll join Reddit or something. I need community!!

[alsosonofiapetos]

Honeymoon is off to a rocky start. My beloved Pandora, sweet as she is, is accursed with a most curious mind. Upon our pending nuptials, Zeus conveyed to us through Hermes, a most pleasing jar. At least, at first it was pleasing. Hermes bade we not open it and I, being so obedient, conceded. But my dearest Pandora could not help her curiosity. She lifted the lid of that accursed jar and well…she set upon the world of man: a plague of miseries and chaos. 💀 I hate to be an unkind husband but she really screwed the pooch on this one. Luckily she stopped the lid back in and hope remains. I just pray the jar came with proof of purchase because this is one wedding gift I would like to return in exchange for a salad tosser.

Prometheus don’t say “I told you so.” I’m embarrassed enough as is.

- Epimetheus

[sonofiapetos]

Epi,

If only the Gods had blessed you with the gift of forethought as they had me. You don’t see me getting into such ridiculous situations. I’d come over there and clip your ears if I wasn’t bound to this pillar. Nonetheless I’m sorry for your misfortunes. Let me know if you want me to send over some sourdough starter.

- Prometheus

[sonofiapetos]

Top song on my Spotify Wrapped this year, and last year, and the year before that…

[sonofiapetos]

Dearest fans (mankind),

Day 874,243 of being chained to my rock. Weather is a bit overcast for my tastes. Praying for no hail. Thinking back to when I stole fire from Zeus to give to you all. Not seeing a whole lot of appreciation from y’all for that one. I don’t want to come across as angry, I’m just a little disappointed. I note that you have been busy, using my divine gift to develop yourselves in the skills of writing, charting the stars, of developing the land and cultivating your minds. And I’m so super happy for you guys. But the mailbox is as dry as my skin after an eternity’s exposure to sunlight. A call every once in a while wouldn’t go astray.

Love you guys still though,

Father of humans and bringer of fire,

- Prometheus

[sonofiapetos]

Currently going through my ‘alcohol is a suitable breakfast’ phase of this lockdown I call my life now. I tried to set up a zoom call with Dionysus for some advice on how best to prepare my wine but he’s too busy fashioning a crown out of stars for his new girlfriend Ariadne 🙄

Who needs friends when you’ve got rosé, am I right?! Finally found an upside to regenerating a vital organ every day! No liver disease for Prometheus 🍷 it’s 5 o’clock somewhere!

[alsosonofiapetos]

Such wondrous news! Zeus hath sent down to me a most divine creation, known as a ‘woman’. Her name is Pandora and her charms are beguiling. Please do impart your blessings upon us. We are to be married! We are registered for gifts at the Jar Emporium. Can never have too many jars!

- Epimetheus

[sonofiapetos]

Dearest brother Epi,

Do not under any circumstances accept anything from that no-good trickster Zeus. I mean it.

P.S. besides I couldn’t attend a ceremony anyway due to the inescapable fetters. Send regards to Pandora, I’m sure she’s lovely aside from this clearly being an obvious trick.

Yours, eternally bound,

Prometheus ⛓️

[sonofiapetos]

I, Prometheus, father of man, and almighty God of fire hath created…Sourdough! I may have gotten carried away with the fire part.

[sonofiapetos]

If I hear one more person from Perth complain about how hard the six week Covid lockdown was on their social life I will tear my own liver out 😤

[sonofiapetos]

Trying my hand at movie reviews next since my life is otherwise an interminable cycle of misery. Speaking of which, Phil, the protagonist of Groundhog Day is such a relatable character! They really nailed the existential angst that accompanies waking up in the morning knowing you are doomed to repeat the same series of events with no end in sight! I wonder what Bill Murray did to piss off Zeus in a former life. At least he got to hang out with Andie MacDowell.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ / 5

I took off a star because I’m not a fan of Sonny & Cher’s ‘I Got You Babe’

[sonofiapetos]

Does anyone know why they deleted Angry Birds? I get the irony of me playing it, but what else is there to do in my perpetual cycle of boredom?

[sonofiapetos]

Ok, yes realistically I had scheduling conflicts that meant I could not have featured in this movie, but it still would have been nice to be asked.

[sonofiapetos]

Easy for them to say 🙄

[sonofiapetos]

Liver grew back again. What else is new.

[sonofiapetos]

Halfway through my Summer TBR list. You’d be amazed how many books you can finally plough through once you decide to make reading a daily practice 📚 Albeit the unbreakable fetters had a lot to do with it. This Shelley guy has some incredibly salient points. No spoilers on the ending pls.

[sonofiapetos]

Considering donating my body to science. An eternally regenerating liver has got to score me some brownie points amongst the humans I cherish so dearly.