when we have casual sex with someone in combination with passion, it becomes all too easy to become infatuated; in a state of extreme absorption with and desire for them. feelings of elation, anxiety, sexual desire through the roof, and ecstacy. your heartbeat increases, you start to sweat, you blush, and you have butterflies in your stomach upon arrival of seeing them- but you remind yourself that this is only sex… no emotional intimacy and no commitment…right? although we tend to associate sex with love, the connection is not always clear. in addition to this, the less one knows the other person, the more intense the passionate feelings become. the initial feelings of elation and the energizing “high” of excitement and euphoria characteristic of passionate casual sex result from surging levels of three key brain chemicals: norepinephrine, dopamine, and phenylethylamine. these chemicals, called neurotransmitters, allow brain cells to communicate with each other, and they are chemically similar to amphetamine drugs; meaning they produce amphetamine like effects, such as euphoria, giddiness, and elation. the continued progression from infatuation to deep attachment results in part from the brain gradually stepping up the production of endorphins. these morphine like, pain-blunting chemicals are soothing substances that help produce euphoria, security, and contentment. they can cause us to feel good and satisfied when we are in casual sex relationships. having passionate casual sex with someone can make people overlook faults and avoid any conflicts. logic and reasoned consideration are swept away by the excitement and thrill. the more time we spend thinking about a person, the more we become invested in them. one perceives the object of passionate casual sex as providing complete personal fulfillment…but is this the case for someone who has an anxious attachment style? you feel like you’re on top of the world and no one can take away the high; until they barely call or text anymore. you are sent mixed signals when they come in and out of your life. you are left guessing. you assume they have new hookups in place now. everytime you receive mixed messages, your attachment system is activated and you become preoccupied with the relationship. but then they compliment you and feed your ego and make a bare minimum gesture that gets your heart racing; and you tell yourself that he’s interested after all; you’re elated. the high is back. Unfortunately, the high is very short lived. quickly the positive messages become mixed once again by the ambiguous ones and again you find yourself plunging down the roller coaster. you now live in suspense, anticipating the next small remark or gesture that will reassure you. In an attempt to beat them at their own game, you give into protest behavior and start to withdraw yourself from them, keep score on how long it took them to text you back and wait just as long to text them back, acting busy and unapproachable, making them feel jealous. All of these actions are in an attempt to reestablish contact with them and get their attention. anything that you can jolt the other person into noticing you and responding to you. the all-consuming thrill of a chase. These behaviors and strategies can also continue long after the period of hooking-up is over. This is part of the heartache- the longing for someone who is no longer available to us when our biological and emotional makeup is programmed to try to win them back. even if your rational mind knows you shouldn’t be with this person, your attachment system doesn’t comply. This process of attachment follows its own course and schedule. This means you will continue to think about the other person and will be unable to push them out of your mind for a long time. The anxiety, despair, and pain that follow losing the relationship- are similar to what a person addicted to amphetamines experiences during a drug withdrawal. then the endorphins stop, so do the daily dose of feel good chemicals. After living like this for a while, you start to do something interesting. you equate the anxiety, the preoccupation, the obsession, and those ever-so-short bursts of joy with love. what happens is that we start equating love with an activated attachment system with passion and casual sex. holding onto these relationships can be highly destructive. They encourage us to compromise our self-esteem and happiness by ignoring our most basic needs and trying to be someone we’re not. every person deserves to experience the benefits of a secure bond. in a strictly physical relationship, there is no mutual empathy- the underlying knowledge that each person cares for the other and knows that the care is reciprocated. When a relationship becomes sexual before both people have established a more general bond- fostered by a growing awareness, understanding, communication, and appreciation of each other- the individuals involved can actually be more disconnected and feel further apart emotionally. the way we form attachments, which has its roots in infancy; has a great impact on how we relate to partners in a strictly sexual relationship. individuals transfer their attachment styles and patterns from parent-child relationships to others with whom they become emotionally and sexually involved with as an adult. In this sense, the partners we choose serve as attachment figures. your attachment needs are legitimate. remain true to your authentic self- playing games will only distance you from your ultimate goal of creating true happiness
romaincrisis
jbbartram-illu
jacobvanloon
ellievsbear
kianamaiart
