L A I 🌻

But you can call me Gee, it's easier.

[sootspritez]

they say your body knows best if you're meant to be with someone or not. when they're not for you, the signs are easier to distinguish: sudden allergies, constant migraines and different types of pain to signal incompatibility. the opposite, however, is much more subtle. more vulnerable. you don't see it right away, but it feels more soft, relaxed, and grounded.

sometime in january, someone told me that there's something different about me, in a good way. that there was a softness that surrounded me, that i was more carefree and glowing.

and, at that moment, i think that's when i knew.

[sootspritez]

i immediately recognized you from afar,

the familiarity of your presence still lingered

in my bones even after the absence of it

mid-wave, my hand faltered

you were not alone

did you see? i wonder

as i passed by you, acting as if i'm

not

haunted

i tried going back

for only a glimpse of you

but alas,

it was all for naught

[petaltexturedskies]

It's cold today, but in a spring way, and I love you.

Vladimir Nabokov, in a letter dated 24 March 1937 featured in Letters to Vera

[sootspritez]

sometimes i feel like meeting you was a delusion, that what we had was a figure of my imagination

but then, i get flashes

of places

of things

of sounds

of smells

then it comes crashing back

then i come crashing down.

[sootspritez]

hope is a dangerous thing

i wished the world was kinder to you,

i wished your past has been easier,

i wished for a future

that you would look forward to

we don't always get what we wish for in this lifetime, but (i hope) atleast this one gets through

because no matter what,

i would always wish the best for you

[weltenwellen]

Mary Oliver, from “Hum Hum”, A Thousand Mornings

[anditslove]

Andrea Gibson, Birthday

[soracities]

Ellen Bass, "The Thing Is"

[sootspritez]

intruder.

yesterday i dreamt of you

this is the second time you invaded my dreams

i remembered contemplating writing what happened in my notes app when i woke up, but decided against it because that's just another scenario i'll spend days thinking about again

so i opted to go back to sleep,

hoping i'll get to see you again

even if it's only in my dreams

[sorrrowfull]

[amphibianaday]

day 839

[torigatonda]

きょうりゅうとおやすみ

[thoriffix]

liking a character but lacking the brainpower to have any real coherent thought or clever analysis of them so your brain just kind of says their name over and over like a teen girl in a cheesy romance writing her crushes name over and over in glittery gel pen surrounded by hearts

[sootspritez]

I once told my cousin that if dating him didn’t work out, I would give up on dating overall. It’s so tiring. I’m so tired.

Anyway, guess who’s not dating anymore hehe.

[sootspritez]

truly, madly, deeply

It’s currently 7:51am and I’m very sleep deprived but I just can’t sleep. I feel so utterly devastated and numb. Anddd I also have this headache. Fun.

I really thought it was gonna work this time.

He was almost everything I wanted in a partner. I felt safe and heard.

I was so hopeful.

Unfortunately, life got in the way. 

And I could blame one specific thing, but in the end, I’m still glad he took the chance at that thing and I’m very proud of him for doing so. I guess it’s just the case of the right person, wrong time. I don’t know. Our timing was definitely off, for sure. I still have strong feelings for him, and it’s not going away anytime soon. Pretty sure that there could’ve been a better way to handle things, but I respect his decision. It’s all just sad and it hurts very much. 

I miss him a lot. He owes me lots of snugs.

Maybe someday we can pick up where we left off, but I refuse to be hung up on the idea of waiting for him to come around. 

But...not gonna lie...I’m a tiny bit hopeful for it.

I guess we’ll just see what happens.

[zeroruiyn-deactivated20220122]

~ Guess it is like my case… ~ „The less she wants you to know she’s upset, the bigger she smiles. Even when she is desperately wants something, she will never say so out loud. And she will never say „I love this” or „I want this” with all her heart. So the things she loves or want tend to escape her.”  - Kyouko Hori(Horimiya)

[hasya226]

[soukko]

[jumpedoverthemoon]