synopsis : wherein you part ways with words too bitter and too heavy . . .﹆ׂׂʚ ❪🌃☁️🌑❫
〔 𝐚𝒓𝒅𝐨𝐮𝐫 〕 ｡ 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗸 '𝗯𝗮𝗸𝘂' 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗶𝗻 x 𝒇!reader 𖦆 2537THOU 💭 req? yes! ── 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁 𝗻𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 , mentions of violence , 𝗲𝘀𝘁｡ 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 , mentions of seongje's bitchass 忧 / 나 혼자서만 떠돌아 내내
⌗ note : it's been marinating for so long, and i still don't feel like it's good enough. unfortunately, this is my blog and i can post it even if its bad. it's kinda related to my first baku oneshot (also my first post!!) that i posted here. crying baku. luv it. im posting this at 12am so im not checking this before i post it. gnight yall
you waited inside the warm room anxiously. you checked your phone every few minutes, checking the time as you waited for him to come home. you were particularly grateful his father was around at this moment, because it would've only been harder for you had he been here.
you had even finished cleaning his room, putting away the cups and making his bed. and now all you could do was wait.
when you left your house earlier today, you knew exactly what you were going to do. you strengthened your resolve because you couldn't do this any longer. you couldn't look him in the eye and hide everything you were doing when he wasn't looking. or rather, you couldn't keep lying.
as you heard the door open in the distance, you instinctively stood up. though you couldn't see him, you knew he was taking his shoes off and hurrying to the bathroom to wash his face and hands before he saw you. you didn't have to see him to know what he was doing.
once the faucet turned off, humin entered the room with a huge grin on his face as he embraced you in a tight hug. you cherished his touch for what would probably be the last time and hugged him back, fingers caressing his back gently.
as he pulled away, he smiled at you brightly, but you could see the look in his eyes. he was nervous, anxious even. perhaps the way you texted him, 'we need to talk', did the damage, but humin knew either way that something was wrong. and you weren't sure how he'd take it. you were still fidgeting with the sleeves of your cardigan as you sat down next to him on his bed.
"so, that thing you mentioned earlier," humin began, "what did you want to talk about?"
you swallowed hard, as you mentally prepared yourself to explain the situation to him. so you began talking, right from the very start.
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a few weeks ago, the union successfully took over your school, seowon high school. naturally, the bullies were thrilled to find out. everyone was aware that the union paid well, that is, if you play your cards right. the existing school violence that didn't usually affect you suddenly became overwhelming. anyone who kept to themselves immediately became a target. and then phones started going missing, and people would come back to their class only to find out that their money had been stolen.
when this became a daily occurrence, you knew you had to do something. you had already gotten your money stolen a few times, but things were gradually escalating within the school. luckily, you managed to find out exactly who had been taking your money and ended up in a confrontation outside of school. you had hoped to avoid this, but before you knew it, you were already throwing hands with a girl. both of you got pretty fucked up, but she had more people, so you were obviously on the more fucked side.
but you got lucky, very lucky. a man happened to see the whole thing. before her friends could give it another shot, he interrupted, "a one v four doesn't seem quite fair, does it?"
the girls stopped before they could throw another punch, as he walked into the alley, a cigarette lit between his lips, "your leader has already given up. do you really think you stand a chance?" he sighed, flicking the cigarette butt onto the ground and crushing it beneath his feet, "get going. continue this another time, hm?"
you recognised him from the glasses and the bright orange jacket and everything baku had told you about him. geum seongje. na baekjin's right-hand man and the psycho who'd beat people to a pulp if they dared to look at him for more than three seconds. he waved his hand at the girls, and they helped their leader up and headed out. if they wished to continue in the union, they'd better not piss him off.
he watched quietly as you got up slowly, limping slightly after you took a hit to your leg. "you're pretty good."
when you stayed silent, he chuckled, "well, when it comes to defending yourself, that is. that won't be very effective in a fight. you need to be able to land a hit in a fight, just defending isn't enough."
"what do you want?"
he smiled widely, "i was hoping you'd ask. you see, we think you'd make a good fit for the union."
you threw your backpack over your shoulder and stared him down for a moment, "do you know who i am?"
seongje nodded, "i do. you're dating baku, right?" he scoffed, glancing at the blood on your knee, "does it matter?"
"if you know that, why would you want me to join the union?"
"the same reason baekjin wants baku to join the union," he said, stepping closer, "besides, aren't you tired of having to be careful around your classmates every day? you could be the one they walk on eggshells around, if you join the union."
you scoffed, "you have to be completely out of your mind to think i'd ever do that."
"i guess. either way, if you change your mind, let me know."
"i won't."
"we'll see about that." seongje walked away, leaving you alone.
as you walked home, you found yourself thinking about what he said earlier. joining the union didn't sound so bad, but if baku was strongly against it, he must have a good reason. you had been subject to his monologues about how he regretted teaching baekjin, his childhood friend, how to fight. he only wanted the boy to learn how to defend himself. but he had made a mistake.
even though you saw him that day, you didn't tell him anything about what happened. not about the fight or about seongje. you knew he could sense something was wrong, but he didn't push it when you kept insisting it was nothing.
though he didn't believe you, he let it be.
and for a while, you thought you'd be alright. that you could just keep defending yourself against bullies, but the final straw came when you received a call from the hospital, only to find out one of your closest friends had been hospitalised due to a head injury. you rushed to the hospital as soon as you could and found your friend on a bed, barely holding on. the doctors went on about how they got lucky, but you didn't care anymore, even when your friend told you not to do anything stupid.
usually, you wouldn't lose it even in the face of this situation. but your patience had already been running low. the next thing you know is you're straddling mihee kang in an alleyway and punching her face until you broke her nose and gave her a black eye. you'd had enough of it. her dummies had to drag you away from her to stop you.
as you headed home, you made a decision. you dialled his number and heard his voice come through the other end, "did you change your mind?"
"yeah. fuck it. i'll join your stupid union."
and thus, here you were. hiding everything from baku had been hard enough, as he noticed the injuries, but you remained adamant on avoiding explaining things. you realized you had been more irritable than usual and would snap at him even if it wasn't that serious. but not anymore. you couldn't keep lying to him when you knew he could see the bandages on your body and the marks on your face. you couldn't lie to him anymore.
and you didn't have an option either.
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you waited, holding his hands in yours as you waited for him to say something, anything. but he didn't. he stayed quiet, staring at the floor. you gently rubbed your thumb across the back of his hand, something you'd do often to comfort him. but he didn't react.
he refused to look up at you as he spoke, "why didn't you tell me?"
his eyes seemed unreadable as he finally looked up, "if you were in pain, if you were suffering, you should've told me!"
"i couldn't, baku. i thought i could handle it on my own. i didn't want to drag you into my mess."
he scoffed, "your mess? baekjin sent seongje after you because of me. if this is anybody's mess, it's mine."
you sighed, letting your eyes fall to your lap, "i just.. i wasn't sure what to do. i didn't want to add on to your problems, and i really wanted to handle it myself. i don't want to rely on you to protect me."
"i am not asking you to let me protect you," he said, his voice slightly agitated, "i am asking you to rely on me. if things get hard, just let me handle it for you."
picking up on the agitation in his voice, you scoffed. you weren't sure what you were thinking anymore. your head felt like chaos but you didn't stop. even when you knew you should've, you didn't. even when you wanted to.
"and what? should i rely on you every time things get hard? everytime i feel i can't do it, i should just give up and turn to you? do i seem that fragile and naive to you?" you stood up as baku followed, "i don't want to live my life relying on others for everything."
"i am just saying, " he held your wrist, as he pulled you back to sit down and knelt in front of you, "i don't want you to suffer alone. i am not questioning what you can or can't do. all i am saying is asking for help doesn't make you weak."
maybe he was right. maybe you should've turned back from your decision, but you were too agitated. too irritable. too scared.
"perhaps you're right. but i can't be with you knowing that i lied to you and went against everything you believe in. it's too heavy on my conscience."
baku felt a lump in his throat, his voice barely a whisper as he moved closer towards you, in hopes he had misheard, "what? what do you mean?"
"i am saying that," you swallowed, trying to ignore the look in his eyes as you spoke, "i think we should break up."
"what?"
"i think we should break up," you pursed your lips, trying your best to hold back the tears threatening to spill over, "i can't do this anymore. i can't leave the union, you know how it is."
"no," he whispered to himself more than you as he slowly began to panic, "no, no,no. y/n, listen to me. we'll figure it out, alright? i'll talk to baekjin, and i am sure i can talk him out of it—"
"no," you saw the way his eyes brimmed with tears, "it's either you or me. and this is a decision i made. the only one responsible for it is me."
at this point, baku had tears streaming down his face as he tightly held your hands in his own trembling hands, "please. you don't understand. we can fix this."
"no, we can't," you looked away, "there's nothing to fix, baku. i just can't pretend like everything is fine when it's not. i can't keep lying to you and smiling at you when my entire body hurts. i can't do this. i can't be with you."
"then don't. just lie to me, scream at me — anything. just stay with me, hmm?" he spoke, his voice choking on his tears. his knees ached from kneeling on the cold, hard floor, but it felt like nothing compared to the ache in his heart. his voice rang in your ears, and yet your resolve remained unshaken.
you stood up, "no, humin-ah. there's no reason for me to stay. and none for you to hold onto me."
he held your hand tightly, so tight his knuckles turned white. he was afraid that if he lets go of you now, you might disappear. he shook his head. it didn't matter what you said to him. his resolve was strong, but his hope was withering away. he wasn't sure how tightly he had to hold you to keep you from leaving.
"i can't let go. i won't let go. if you've made your decision, then i have made mine." he says, swallowing down the lump in his throat.
you reached out to him and gently brushed your thumb against his cheek. you wiped away the tears staining his face. he was a sniffling, sobbing mess. your heartstrings tugged within your chest at the face of the boy you've only ever seen smile at you. it made you wonder how many times he cried this way, with no one to give him a shoulder. how many times had you missed this sight?
you freed your hand from his grip and cupped his face, and leaned in, "are you going to keep crying this way? you need to stop, humin-ah. you look pathetic, you know?"
even though your words hit hard, baku didn't care about being pathetic. he didn't care if he seemed pathetic. he didn't care if you humiliated him or stepped on him. he didn't care if you insulted him or called him all the names in the book. he could let it all slide if it meant you'd stay.
"please.." he felt short of breath, "please don't do this."
"oh but it's already done," you patted his cheek, gently wiping away a tear that slid down his face, "we're done, baku. take care, hmm?"
you stood up straight, looking ahead at the mirror across from you. your reflection stared back with glossy eyes, and your fingers ached to touch him again, to pull him in your embrace and tell him you won't go. but you will.
baku didn't try to stop you anymore, as if he had already accepted your decision. he only cried silently, his head fallen and his gaze glued to the floor. he didn't dare to say another word. all he did was hope that perhaps for a moment, you would reconsider.
instead you left the room with quick, long strides, not daring once to turn back. even though you could still hear him breaking down, you couldn't walk back inside or take your words back. you couldn't take it back. no matter how badly you wanted to. and he knew it was final.
you walked out of the front door, closing the door behind you as your back pressed against the door. you held your hand to your mouth as you finally let your emotions drift freely. your heart raced within your ribcage, and each breath served as a reminder that you had lost the one person you adored the most in the world. you could only regret and grieve a relationship you ended.
your heart sank as you looked down from the apartment complex. your eyes met another sharp pair of eyes, and by the look on your face, na baekjin could tell you had been obedient.
I know i'm just a random person you follow online but I mean it. People (all kinds of marginalised people too!) Have survived all types of horrible times and managed to find happiness eventually. If for no one else, survive for them. And also, try to survive because the people making you despair don't want you to live. Don't give this to them. Don't give your life. The best thing you can do is cling to it with everything you've got.
I know we’re all excited about Jimin’s newest album coming out. But there is still an ongoing boycott to get HYBE to divest from Zionism which includes Zionist involvement and collabs in their music. And unfortunately, there are Zionists involved on Muse.
X/Twitter user stillwithrkives posted this wonderful graphic to get the word out about the Zionists on Muse and as part of Priority 3 on the Hybe Boycott Priority List, we should not be buying or officially streaming these tracks.
These are all actual conversations I had with @mohammedayesh . In fact, while I was working on finishing this comic today, he sent me a video of bomber planes flying above them. There is not a single place in Gaza that is safe.
BUT YOU CAN HELP BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE
Please support Mohammed if you can by donating to his campaign or his PayPal below. He is less than €3000 away from his goal of €15,000. If you cannot donate, then please share. Let’s bring him hope that he can evacuate safely!! <3
Hi my name is Abed im making this account on behalf of my friend Muhammad Saeed Ayes… Mohammed Ayesh needs your support for Support My Jour
Go to paypal.me/moh779596 and type in the amount. Since it’s PayPal, it's easy and secure. Don’t have a PayPal account? No worries.
Hello this a long shot call, am a citizen of Palestine. I am here to request for your support to help get my insulin (Humalog), just an injection for today to save my life please I beg.I was diagnosized with type 1 diabetes and due to current situation in Gaza I'm unable to get my insulin injection as a result I'm here begging for little financial support to help me purchase insulin for this week. Am sorry if am sending you again this request, kindly donate any amount please. My donation link is in my pinned post🇵🇸
please help them out in any way you can, even if you can't donate, spread the donation link, please!
BRANDS TO BOYCOTT AND THEIR ALTERNATIVES FOR ALL MY INDIAN FRIENDS BECAUSE OUR CULTURE DOESN'T TEACH US TO IGNORE MASS GENOCIDE JUST BECAUSE OF PETTY HATE.
reminder that donating just a few $ to gofundme campaigns actually helps, you don't have to donate huge amounts if you don't have the funds, every little bit is useful. give $10, $5, even $1. it all adds up. don't scroll past because you think you can't help. help in your own capacity. donate a dollar. share and speak up.
here are some (vetted!) gofundme links that still need a lot of help
Ahmad Shaban (£8,954/£150,000)
Ola Madi (€3,474/€40,000)
Hussein Shamiya, his pregnant wife, and their 4 year old son ($20,770/$40,000)
Al Maghari family (£5,074/£74,000)
Haya and family (€8,487/€60,000)
Dr. Wael Eldahdouh's family (€6,469/€110,000)
Dr. Mohammed Alshaer and family (€7,732/€18,000)
Laila Abd El Bari, her husband, and unborn baby Sham (€10,257/€25,000)
Maram Ahmed and family (€11,080/€30,000)
7-year old diabetic Feryal, and family (€8,080/€30,000)
9-year-old Sara and little brother Adam (€17,547/€22,500)
20-year-old student Omar (€9,785/€20,000)
Ruba's family (€20,590/€50,000)
14-year-old Sahar and family (€10,299/€50,000)
Mahmoud's 15 family members (€9,399/€60,000)
Shahed and family ($9,513/$40,000)
Amal and her children ($15,997/$15,000)
Mahmoud Mousa (€689/€10,000)
Iman's family (£5,552/£60,000)
Rania's family (£10,829/£35,000)
Nader's family (€5,006/€120,000)
Laila's family, including her pregnant mother (€9,576/€45,000)
Tawfik and family ($9,480/$40,000)
Mohamed Hamad and family (£5,081/£50,000)
Mohammed and family (€8,681/€20,000)
Anas and family ($7,830/$20,000)
Ahmed and family (€5,390/€70,000)
Sujood's children trapped in Gaza ($4,025/$45,000)
Al Ameen's remaining family (£2,339/£15,000)
Husam's family (€5,477/€25,000)
13-year-old Muhammed with Down syndrome, and family ($1,740/$55,000)
Alaa and family ($2,601/$50,000)
If everyone who reblogs this post donates $5 (which I now know is the minimum you can donate on gofundme) to at least one of these, think about how fast we can help them all reach their respective goals
