[5ummit]

me: *worries that I’m Evil and Manipulative and tries very hard every day to be a good person*

me: oh my god

me: I’m manipulating people into thinking I’m good

[steadfast-deactivated20191017]

[writing-prompt-s]

You’re teleported to 44 BCE Rome in your everyday street clothes. You’re brought before Caesar and he believes you might be from the future, hoping to bring him fortune. One day he questions you, asking “How Do I Die?”

[calamitouserebus]

“Surrounded by friends”

[gardenoffish]

Ceasers as he’s getting stabbed and remembers:

[valtsv]

*walks into a psychology lecture wearing a tshirt with freud’s face on it that says “THIS GUY IS A FUCKING IDIOT” in sparkly bold type*

[valtsv]

well im glad SOMEONE got the implied subtext in this post

[meccadelic]

It’s Uncanny Lisa!😂

[qoldnglass]

He looked like he wanted to laugh and die at the same time lmao

[jai-makes-music]

[yugirimistwalker]

this is the last year that we can make this stupid joke so im going to make the most of it and post it every day until 2020

[unlovablehand]

see this is why i’m conflicted when people call him a mysterious man of the forest or whatever because he’s literally just like this all the time

[hurleyquinnzel]

Where are his legs

[thekracken]

[toastbutteregg]

[paintedreptile]

I was working upstairs when I hear one of our baby leopard geckos start screaming. Normally they only scream when threatened, but this particular guy screams at almost everything. Turns out there was a small fly in his cage that was bothering him.

Yes the fly was removed afterwards.

[conceptblogfromaconcepthuman]

[lumixercalderic-deactivated2016]

[egg-in-the-basket-deactivated20]

me: I should shower! it will energize me me, after showering: so…sof and cleen .. .. must na p

[astraldemise]

god nerfed me by making me allergic to garlic and sunlight

[valquita]

so, a vampire?

[astraldemise]

i can confirm that i am not a vampire as i have blood

[nisslaboratories]

Is it your blood?

[astraldemise]

it is blood, yes

[nisslaboratories]

Is it blood that has always belonged to you, from the moment of your spawning?

[astraldemise]

it is blood, it is in my possession, therefore it is my blood

[justcatposts]

You gotta see the reaction when this German Shepard realizes his owner isn’t behind him…

[eb0lagay]

that was so intense

[juuliaroberts]

where is her oscar I’m shaken

[granola-peasant]

How dare they play their own dog like this?

[razaya4evermore]

My dog would keep walking

[softwaring]

A wave crashes into a lighthouse in Porto, Portugal. The photographer was dragged by the wave and had to receive care for hypothermia, but is fine now. x

[slutqueensupreme]

Bitch almost died for that instagram

[nest-deactivated20181209]

there’s a chinese exchange student in my composition class and we were being presented something about how you can use brackets to signify translation and there was chinese text on the screen and the prof said to him “what does that say?” and he deadpanned “i can’t speak chinese” and everyone sat there in dumbfounded silence and then the presenter clicked to show that the text literally said “i can’t speak chinese” with the most shit-eating grin on his face

[magedoc]

Chaotic Neutral

[catsuggest]

pls direct all correspondonce this afternoon to my answeringe service as im enjoyinge a spa appointment currentlé

[zionangel]

What sort of beauté services are you enjoying, Cat?

[catsuggest]

artisanal goat massage. very relaxante !

[gorps]

Hey everyone how’s ur day im in traffic bc a fucking plane crashed on the freeway

[gorps]

Average day on a california freeway

[jooferslannister-deactivated202]

is. that a Luftwaffe plane??

[kkoongie]

It sure is!

[eevart]

Just thinking about people making year-end summaries of their accomplishments and also about reasons to keep yourself alive through the next year. Sorry, it’s a bit of a sappy comic.

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