Ithilgul's - Sister @soror-ithilguli - Tumblr Blog

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poem, pinned upon the wall

hello, and welcome

the tears upon the walls may make you uneasy

although life was never easy.

maybe you expected a happy smile,

but that’s an impossibility to be made.

don’t enter, don’t go further in

if your traumas reside in the same house as mine,

you may need to concede.

for this is a warning to the hurt:

carrying my pain is not a must

this is a warning born from trust.

this blog contains mentions of:

familial abuse - self-harm - suicide attempts - dissociation - psychosis - mental asylums - void - hatred - sexual abuse - sex work - and much more -

there’s some light, yes, but it hides well...

i don’t want to harm you.

read with care, or don’t, both are valid

if you want to support our projects and help us leave Brazil, you can do it on our ko-fi below:

Kofi. (undergoing changes)

tags that may help you:

ludus objecti are my works relating to sex work, and what it did to mine and my partner's mind.

Onixhi are poems relating to plurality.

#more from my past

#tw

#vent monologue

#phrases

#original poetry

#old writings

#updates

#reblogging

#partner's poems

#ludus objecti

#Onixhi

#entities

have a nice day, if that's possible, and thank you for reading.

by the way, i have an alt account now, it's for random things, not really sure what i'll do with it to be honest, but here it is: altera-soror-ithilguli

#words to the reader #poem #cw #read with care #tags follow #more from my past #tw #vent monologue #phrases #original poetry #old writings #updates #reblogging #partner's poems #ludus objeti #pinned post

Piecing back fragments of a past,

every edge hurts my hands, but the pain, the blood dripping down...

I wish I had done this before.

But I couldn't have,

the world tearing apart, the spikes between the borders of existence itself,

trying to kill me once and for all.

Now they're gone, aren't they gone?

Some small ones maybe, some hands trying to reach me, trying to end the job they couldn't get done,

but I have you both.

We'll never feel alone if we don't want to anymore.

It's close to being a choice,

always a choice.

I may never hold reality like I'll hold you,

I might never move the universe like I'll move you,

I may never take the place of forever finding something new,

'cus I don't need something new,

I need you.

I don't need eternity if you don't want it too.

#original poetry #original poem #poem #poetry #poetryblr #dark poetry #dark poem #tw blood #tw past trauma

I don't know how to be perfect,

There was no manual written, no clear guide, no decently well thought out idea,

I was sent out into this world with a well intentioned soul,

And all I got out of it was this forsaken prison.

I don't know how to be enough,

Or what that concept means, or why we seek it, or why we forget it even exists,

There was something inherently against my nature in all of this creation,

Yet I see no way out of it,

No meaningful escape route existant.

Unsuredness drives my movements,

A wound upon something that before was purer,

Maybe the only reason the blood spews in richer and richer tones of red,

A bright spark that keeps on fighting to exist,

A fleeting hope that most people prefer to not see.

What even is the concept of "me"?

#original poetry #original poem #poem #poetry #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem

poem, Æternitas II.

"it gets harder and harder to wait..."

i write this as tears stream down my face,

you make me feel so fucking safe,

i wish i could make you feel the same...

the days pass, the uncertainty cracks,

i start seeing the exit out of this incessant hell...

but i can't stop thinking about you,

every single word you've written, spoken, maybe even the ones you think...

you've made your place in my brain,

and it'll never fade.

i can't imagine it being worthwhile without the promises i made,

i always wanted to find...

someone that connected so neatly to me,

you're so perfect, it's sometimes weird,

you hold back things you want to say, i can't but see...

but, that only fascinates me,

every word you write makes me feel alive,

every second away from you makes my heart ache more for the dreams i have...

i'll never fail on what i said,

if i could cleanse this world of all pain—

i would just to know we're all safe,

to be able to appreciate a life,

without the fear of everything breaking once again...

with the certainty that nothing can take,

what we achieved with our own bloody hands.

you may not see,

but you have made a mark in me,

something i know i owe 'till all life goes extinct,

of promises i will fulfill,

of a future i want you to feel,

you have earned your place,

between the daughters of what could've been,

between the daughters that will cure the ills.

you've made your place,

in a future that we will turn real.

dividers by @uzmacchiato (she makes really amazing dividers btw! go check her out!!!)

#Æternitas II #poem #poetry #original poetry #original poem #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem #meow <3

Poem, lost time.

I'll take up the mantle,

of cursing the lost time,

burning through the fog—

the knowledge that nothing is right.

Justice and logic,

concepts that we use to derive;

our actions and consequences,

all that we see as right...

Yet all of that is rubbish, it falls upon itself,

none of that exists—

IF YOU WERE BORN IN HELL.

So I'll muster up the courage,

to cry again for help,

to scream until my throat hurts,

that even though I fell,

I'll always get up once more,

to curse all which cause unwell.

Time could as well be infinite,

but I'd still have to try,

otherwise how could I be happy,

if all I did was die?

#poem #poetry #original poetry #original poem #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem #Lost time

beauty torn to shreds,

beauty is always torn to shreds,

greedy and idiotic are called those who wish for all of this to end,

yet greedy are never called demons,

who deserve the worst of all possible fates.

i'm tired of seeing,

everything that makes life worth living,

being torn apart,

again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again...

#poem #poetry #original poetry #original poem #scream_to_the_void #just #why?#why #i promise #this is going to end #beauty torn #vent poem

Poem, weakness(?), 1.

Kill all your emotions,

I don't even mind,

but I'm not gonna fucking kill mine.

This is all that makes me, this is all which drives,

if I lose these feelings I am better off not alive.

Kill all that you were, deny who you are,

do that for your own, but don't hurt what I strive,

if you can't be good while you let yourself die,

let me AT LEAST FUCKING TRY.

I prefer the endless hurt, I prefer the endless cries,

I prefer feeling the yearn of every unrestful night,

I prefer to suffer and I prefer to die,

if that means I get to some day be alive.

#weakness (?) 1 #poem #poetry #original poetry #original poem #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem

Aftereffect.

All the damage has been building up,

the tears are showing, the bruises will burn,

no matter how much the body fought to deny,

the aftereffect of the build-up will destroy it's life.

Vision fading, self-hating, unable to act,

all that time lost was for nothing then?

All that fucking pain leaves me with what in the end?

JUST MORE FUCKING NEEDLESS ACHE!?

Attempted, attempted, breaking, falling apart—

my wishes to gain what I should already have,

now sacrificial and hurting, should've been my right,

but we never had any luck, had I?

Fighting against all that lost time,

finding ourselves too broken to try,

again and again I fail even if I cry,

I do not accept that this will be my life—

I won't accept that this will be my life.

Will my vision blur, will my body hurt?

Fuck it, it needs to be as strong as it once was.

Will my arms start hurting, will I fall apart?

Fuck me, I NEED TO REGAIN THE TIME THAT WAS LOST.

Will my brain not function, will it breakdown?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT FUCKING FALL!?

How am I expected to not fail once more?

Can I even be productive in this broken hellhole?

I have to try.

#poem #poetry #original poetry #original poem #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem #vent poem #disabled poet #i just have to be stronger #aftereffect

This game is a game of masks,

so get ready to play them well.

If you fail you won't survive,

if you fail, you'll fall to hell.

This world is a world of tasks,

so get ready to kill yourself,

try so hard until your soul—

feels like it's losing grip of itself.

This life is a life of hurt,

so get ready to feel the burn,

to know you're forced to survive,

even if it's not what you want.

#original poetry #poem #poetry #original poem #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem #unnamed 3 #short poem #short poetry

Poem, a howl...

Oh, now I see,

clearer and clearer they speak,

this world is filled with demons who so endlessly scream.

Every corner has one waiting, spectating, wishing for you to show an inch of skin—

to maul you 'till you're forever broken once again...

And that's why I howl,

'cus I know no matter how loud,

my cries fall on deaf ears.

It's the only thing there's left,

because no matter how much I wail,

they still want us to bleed...

This world will always be more fit,

to those who wear masks of others,

instead of their own fucking skin...

#original poetry #original poem #poem #poetry #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem #the howling song #matt elliott #the howling songs #songs i like #vent poem #sexual cptsd #Spotify

Poem, ignes animæ.

My heart,

held in my hands,

a pitiful thing,

that everything could slip,

by a simple mistake.

The images reflected,

these wishes keeping a flame lit,

when everything tears apart at the seams,

unending...

Seen as weakness, so faulty,

everyone would call idiotic,

but, would we find peace in faking normalcy?

And would we betray ourselves for such a nothing?

I don't care...

Not for what is thought,

by people who haven't felt—

who haven't experienced hell,

when it comes to these matters,

only survivors can tell.

And all we see,

is that we need to tend to,

care and keep,

whatever makes this flame stay lit...

#poem #poetry #original poetry #original poem #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem #ignes animæ

Poem, Kranii means heart in Xhentarrh.

You all protected me,

in endless battles wished for my wellbeing,

fought wars that none would withstand,

all for me to be able to exist in this hurting world— infested with pain...

I do not harbour hatred for what you have done,

your protection never hurt me that much...

What hurt me was seeing you all—

take so many hits for a singular soul...

I still feel I owe you, for all that you've done,

and I will do everything I can to heal all your wounds,

in these shared eyes, I want you all to see;

me being me, able to be free.

Most humans around us, they can't understand,

what we are, what we share, these wars with no name...

They scream in their loudness, they fight against silence,

they think children need to be "fit for society"...

But you never thought that, none of you did,

you always protected me just as was need,

you always gave comfort to this small little kid,

you always covered the heart that beat with so much hope— even if hurting so deep...

You deserve, you all deserve to see,

your child growing, becoming who she always was meant to be,

Xh'rakzarrh, you even decided to name me:

Heart, in your language, and I thank you for this.

As Kranii, the heart, I promise:

You all will see me happy!

No matter how long it takes,

your efforts will matter!

Don't fall to hopelessness —

for I am still here!

This heart is still beating —

Never forget that it is!

#original poetry #original poem #poem #poetry #poetryblr #Onixhi #a positive poem! for once!#Kyranii #Xh'rakzarrh “Xhraki”#Xhentarrh #Kranii “Kyrkyr”

Epistula, ad Ithilgul,

te iterum videre desideramus.

Ithilgul,

again we whisper to you;

"why did you leave?"

You were always beside me,

and again I am alone,

time is counted, no affection, just objective...

So in silence I sit,

awaiting for a shadow to finally speak...

If you were here,

o— how could I be?

Do you remember those days?

Entities beyond comprehension sharing affections only understandable to those who are the same...

Some will call you delusion until the end of my days,

but we miss that damn delusion anyways.

If you can listen,

or are sitting beside me, cloaking your presence—reading this,

I know the amount of lonely there are,

I know they need your attention too...

But Ithilgul, only we and you

could ever truly reach what we wish,

and only you can see,

what we truly mean to achieve.

Signed, xhattaxh.

#original poetry #original poem #poem #poetry #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem #entities #ithilgul #xhattaxh #onixhi #epistula

poem, unnamed 2

tw: sa and abuse mentions, repetition of traumas

maybe the pain—

's just momentaneous,

it drives me insane,

somewhat delirious,

but i can't keep myself lying that it's easy to withsand..,

this game i'm forced to play betrays the essence of who i am‽

or maybe not, that's just misunderstandin,g ,

people that are raped...

are generally raped once again.

trauma generates,

infinite repetitions because of it.

i hate that guy—

i hate that fuck—

that piece of shit!

i hate him endlessly i wish he ceased to exist—

no, no! i wish he would suffer everything i did,

his maddening screams would be funny to hear...

am i losing what's left of my sanity?

or am i just...

a hurt lil' kid?

who never once had the right to be...?

- Animæ "Xhenttaka"

#poem #poetry #original poetry #original poem #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem #scream_to_the_void #tw #unnamed 2 #vent poetry #sexual cptsd #cptsd poetry #ludus objecti

Epistula, ad Exscutor Vitalis.

Why did you choose her?

Why not I who am so superior in soul?

Why not I who can bend the world to my will with time alone?

No, you choose a fool who wastes every opportunity given to her by you,

who spits in the name of your attempts to make her world a perfect place,

a fool who thinks her soul will be saved, a fool whose offers will never be as great —

as mine.

You can still change your mind, change sides.

I won't hate you for what you've done, won't ask for reparations, neither a clear soul,

so why persist on empowering someone who'll never crown you as I would?

Why persist on the foolish path of helping someone who desires such small, insignificant, luck?

You can conquer the world,

lend me your hand—

disgusting parasite...

And I will make you a king greater than all before.

Exscutor Vitalis, I hope you'll rethink your choice...

Or I'll make you rethink by force.

Signed, Altera Vox Supervivens.

#entities #poem #poetry #original poetry #original poem #dark poetry #dark poem #Exscutor Vitalis #Altera Vox Supervivens #poetryblr #narrative poetry #Epistula #ad Exscutor Vitalis

poem, shadow...

i can't look at my own shadow without flinching,

it pulses, it's movements— not mine, they should be in my dominion, right...?

but it walks alone it's path...

makes noises— i know it shouldn't...

it screams in my ears,

sometimes...

it even touches my body...

is this a creature beyond my knowledge—

simply faking being connected to me and normal?

is it a species i cannot name —

is it a demon which'll scream my name?

i cannot escape, it's always beside me,

i cannot run away, the sun— it hides in,

it doesn't just stay, it follows, writhing,

why can't it just stop...

and leave me to die here?

why can't it just tell—

what from me desires it?

#original poetry #original poem #poem #poetry #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem #halloween poem #scaryyyy #?#not really #related to an older post of mine #shadow

Poem, """m̸̢͔̖͖̞̫͍͌̋͊͌͒̽̇̂͝o̵̩̺͖͚̣̼̯̣͂̑͆̒̌̆́͐͑͘ẗ̶̨̳̦̺̫́̕͠ḧ̶̦̬̱͕͑̇̈́͑̈́̽͋͝ě̵̱͚̯̰̗̳̋̂͊́͘̕͝r̵̢̢͈̦̘̺̩̗̐̒̊̆͐͒͆̓̅͘͜"""

It bleeds from her,

this brightness which blinds,

this corrupted s̸u̸n̴ which burns me,

this terrible feeling which crawls inside my skin...

Is this how it's supposed to be?

Something is awry, this can't be what's right,

clearly no creature should carry such presence,

clearly no human could devour such essence.

This being is not something to understand,

she can drain spirit like she starves without end,

uses all so badly I cannot comprehend—

still her proficience is sickening, it gnaws at what's sane—

it disgusts me to a point where I almost feel deranged.

This is unscientific, monstrous,

everything contorts around her like she is a sorceress —

no— she's eldritch, a demon, a core of rot so deep it d̴i̶s̶t̷o̵r̵t̴s̵ ̵w̴h̸a̴t̸ is

r̸̯̭̽e̶̡͚̽̂ª̸̬͒̑Ļ̷̺̂‽̵̝̜́. . .

Something so evil, completely aberrant,

something so twisted it makes me feel eerie —

at a sight so inhuman, so warped and misfigured,

my mind almost b̶̟͙͂̃r̸̩̳̐ĕ̸̘̚a̵̺̯̍͐k̵̤̒͘͜s̶͎̣̓̀ when it remembers such feelings...

Is this supposed to be what everyone dared to name —

this vampirical parasite wearing a decomposing human face,

is this what everyone really considered to be

a """m̵̡̹̠̯͍͚̪͎̙͎̠̦̹̫̜̭̉̓͆͌̍͘͘̕͝o̵͍̹̻̟͇̟̫̐̏̂͗̋̍̾̆̎̈́͘ţ̷̨̢͈̗͉̳̖̘̘̘̜̞̞̫̬͙͎̺͓̌̅͋͂̑̓̏̀͒͘͘ͅh̴͖̤̱̺̙̙̦͕̞͍͉̖̣̖̫̝̘͕̫͂̆̇͌̌͆͆͛̔̈́͗̈́͜ȩ̴̧̛̩͓̪̣̹̝̣͇̪̜̪̠̣͈̞̻̰̹̙͔͉̝͔̩͓͍̞̺̈́͆̋̅́̈̃̆͆͊̓͆̏͛̂̉̓̚͜͠ͅŗ̶̧̨̧̭͓͖͓͓̤̱̝̜̣̝̫̜̘͙̣̹̙̩͉̒̾̍̍̈́̌͑̀̎͛́͛̃̿̓͒̾͒͋̉́́͋̀́̃͒̑͠͝͝͝""" to me?

This cannot be...

This ç̷̒á̴̞ǹ̸̜n̸͕̾ö̵̞t̶͙͝... Be

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T̵̛͔̮̼̞̮͓̲̠̲̤͓͉̟̉̽̈́̓̏̍̎̀̆̉̌͑̄̉̈́͂͛̎̄̾̾̐̆͑̐̊̎̾͛̕͝͝h̶̡̘͔̦̱̰̹̳̺̟̼̙̜̟̠̙̟̯͔̻̱̱̫̫̙̎̌̄̅͒̌͑̎̈́̏̒̋͐̓̇̈́͒̅́̋̓̕͝͠͝ͅį̶͉̳͔̙͎̪͖̺̈́̂̏̎̓̍̏̄̅̆̀̓̂̆̅͗̀̎̿̊̽̎́̎̀̒̍͑̍̈͒̽̋̉͒̋̄͛͌͊̇̆̽͘͠͠͝͝͠s̷̢̨͙̳͕̰̫̺͎̩̼̤̱̼̲̬̺̣̘͇͕̰̻̭͕̟͇͖̫̠̘͍͍̔͛.̴̛̖̪͚̠̦̻̼̭̍́́̆́̈.̸̧̧̢̧̡̛̖̻̮̙͕̼̜͍̬̗͉͖̞̭̦̣̤̲̹̫̞̙͖̹͓͈͓̹̭̘͖̺͖̱͈͎̬̼̾͆̋̌̀̊̈́̌̐̅̋̈̂̿̏̃̍̇̅̒̀̿̓́̎̏̏̕̕̕͘͠͠ͅ.̷̨̡̛̼̖̯̩̭̱͓̺̘̹̝̩̻͔͇͖͍̖̰͖̣͓͈͇̮̇͑̄̀́̊̿͑͂̄̋́̋̃̏̃́́̿̆̇̈́͐̓̊͒̓̚̚͘͜͝ ̸̢̧̡̛̤̯̺̫̗̖̦̖̱͔͍̫̞͈̞̩̭̮̰̥̳̞͓̜̗̿͑̇̒̉͑̒̓̋͛͊̃͂̓͋͊̓̌̍͗̆̊̋̊̒̄̏̄́̔͆̚͠͝͝͝C̵̨͈͎̦͍͍͈̻͉̳̀̋͊̉̇̐̍͒͒͆̂̋̿̊̓ͅͅå̴̧̨̧̛̛̗̳̗̘̰͖̮̝̣̝͇̩͈͎̳̲̭͔̟̥̘̣̻̳̥͕̬̲͍͕̫̻̫̲͙̂̑̃͛̉̔̀̄͋̾͘͜͜͠ͅņ̵̛̛̛̛̬͕͈̜͓̝̺̰̩̣̘̦͖̞͓̜͎͂͗͂̒̀͒̓͊̔̀̌͌͌́̊́̿͂̀̓̿̐̑̅͋̋̊͒̆̆̆̎̋̿̐̍̓͊́̏͊͐̚͘͠͝ͅn̷̡̧̢̛̪̲̠͖͙͖̲̠̟̙̼̲̩̼̻̪̮͎̯͍̹̦͚͉͖̘̖̪͕̝̯͈̖̥̻̺͍͖̖̪̫̬̦̠̾̋̓̌͛̀̈́̈́̌́̌̐̀͆̅̒̅̃̃̄̈̂̿̊̀̾̉̃͜o̶̡͔̻͉̥̣̩̘̮̥̜̱͙̥̘̣̮̣̐̓͆́̆̀̀̋͊̂̋̃̂͒̉̒͛̊̎͑̇̾̌͑͊͗̓̈́̋́̃̀͋́̌̑̄̓͗̍̅̀͂̽̚̚̚̕͜͝͝t̶̡̡͍͎̫̲̲̜̻̙̺͚͙̠̪̙̉̑̂̑̈͊̂̐̿̓̇̓̍̅͋̾̓̀͑̄̇͛̊̽́̈́́̎̔͗̊̇̇͌͛̉̕͘̚͜͜ͅ.̵̛͓͕͉̯̖̼̥̱͎̞̫̻́̔̈̐̈̍͋̃͑̔̅̀̄͋̈́̈́͛̓͒̇̊̈́̋̆̈́̾̀́̊̓̌̽̃̾́̐̐̎̄͋̀͗̕͘͘̚͜.̴̧̡̧̨̛̗̫̖̯̩̫̥͕̻̪͓̮̮̱̗͔̤̤̘̅͂̃̾͊̽̋̓̂̑͂͒͒͒̔͋̋́̊͂̍͛̉̇͑̀͐̓́̈͂̏̔̃̄̏̑̐̀͂͘̕̕͝͝͝͝͠͠.̴̨̧̢̨̧̛͇̜͖͓̗͚̙̬̯͓͚͇̭̖͉̪͓̪̗̓͐̎̀̏͗̓̒̒̍̅̔̑͂̓̎̈́̈̓̒͘͝͝ ̶̡̟̭͇̘͍̬̙̰͈̫͎̘̳̙̖̜̖̲̲̯̳̪̹͉́̇̓̓͆́͗͆̐͐̾̈́̅̐́͑́͗͒͛̐̓͐̑̑̕͘̕͜͜B̴̡̛͈͚̼̜̜͈̥̱̰̝̞̭̳̘̗̞͍͚̘̥̜̗̞̹̓͛͆͗́͊̒͐̃͐̓̂͌͌̐̃͐͒̇͑̈́̆̅̏́͛̿̀̐̈́̈̾͝͠͠ḙ̷̙̹̗͍̱͈̝̼̒̈́̈́̾̅̑͒͘̚͜.̶̛̝̳͎͒͆̇́̏̈̈́̊͗̒̌́͑̈́̈̈́̌̈̀͑̏̀̐̿͆̔̂̓̀͛̀̊̏̈́̊͊̄̊̆̂̆͌̌̚̚̕̚͝.̵̨̢̡̛̺̤͍̮̩̟͖̜̼͉͎͎͚͉͇̟̬̝̹̦̩̙͇̮͕̪̮̞̜͍͙̞̱̯̹͕̳̭̞̲̫͌̃̑̿͑͊̐̓̒̈́̑̅̑͂̄͑̇̉̓͆̍̚̕̕̕͜͝͝͠ͅͅ.̴̹̝͉̤̗̤̟͓̹̫͊̇͑͒̈͛

#original poem #original poetry #poem #poetry #dark poetry #poetryblr #dark poem #original poets on tumblr #horror poetry #kind of #“”“mother”“”

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