stay so still @sorrendr - Tumblr Blog

Cottage garden by Georgianna Lane

Since then

5 people in my life have died, I couldn’t afford school, my lover left me and hasn’t talked to me in months, I cut off my family, I took a steak knife to my thigh, ive slept outside during the coldest months of the year, I’ve smoked hard drugs, someone strangled me in an alley cus I asked them to kill me, and now I’m here. Somehow I am here.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand I lost her bc I defended her too late.

I just called her pastor. She said reys gonna need time but that I didn't necessarily do the wrong thing.

I feel like a coward who has no strength

Did I mention I'm linking my direct deposit to her bank account and she's gonna give me an allowance and tell me which SW I can buy content from

Idk if im gonna link my direct deposit to her bank account immediately lol

But it would also make things a lot simpler if she handled the finances instead of like... coordinating 2 sources of income, like I'm making money for her to make a home anyway. And if I want clothes or a date or whatever the fuck else, i would also like to ask her bc managing our budget would be so much easier.

And what's great is in the long run, i don't really have to worry about money bc like........ she'll definitely find rich partners, and im kinda insecure, but at the same time, if she was capable of it, i know she'd support me through medical school. I just wanna have her first born tho.

But at the same time, all of her kids are gonna be my kids. And im gonna love every single one the same.

And this way, it's actually really good because like, I'll be pursuing medical school for the sake of healing and helping and not to make money.

So I'll have these insecurities, and many more i cant predict. But I know how to take a step back and realize she loves me. And I can't tell the future, maybe we won't end up together or we'll drift apart. These are all problems I can't predict and can't do anything about now. And even if they arise, all I can do is accept them and continue living my life as best as I can.

No matter what happens, i will feel loved, and Im going to live a good life.

Also that sex was wild like... I just touched her all over and kissed her all over for like an hour and then I washed her for another hour and then ate her out until like 6am and i learned so much about her body, im so thankful tbh like I love worshiping her and then at the end of the night she big spooned me and said sweet dreams Daddy and i fuuuuuuuuuuucking just uuuuuugggghhh

And this morning was beautiful too. Every morning is beautiful cus we wake up next to each other smiling and that's the first thing I see. Fuck I'm so in love

Thank God for cancer in full moon or whatever tbh it really did show me what I need in terms of inner security and emotional fullfilment and feelings of belonging

And that is to ASK FOR WHAT I NEED

I don't expect her to always be able to give me what I want or need, but most times... She's very willing and she WANTS to do these things for me, and she usually says and does the things I need before I even realize that's what I needed.

And even if she can't be there for me she's always there to listen to my feelings. I've been becoming less guilty and less scared just because she gives me the space and freedom to express myself. She's never once made me feel bad or guilty for my feelings. She's never once made me feel like I'm wrong for feeling. But she's also taught me not to attach myself to my feelings because they come and go. And there's so much freedom in that.

I love her so much and i cant wait to make a home with her in a couple months.

I almost don't know what Rey sounds like in bed bc whenever I go down on her she squeezes my head between her thighs when she cums and i cant hear anything 😂

I'm gettin her more flexible n stretchy so i can get my dick closer n we're makin stretchy progress so that's rad

She's also like the love of my life tbh I'm pretty sure like its kinda crazy tbh never could've imagined anything like this

hartbreakk

Black man in a blue suit

the-goodlookingguys-deactivated

https://instagram.com/jaxonrose

ningkritontot

TRANS PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE- Capitol Hill, Seattle, WA

c86

Varna Restaurant, Århus, Denmark, 1971 Designed by Verner Panton

I can't smoke bc I need this job

I can't drink bc I've been getting TOOOOOO sad

And I can't have sex til I get tested bc I'm being responsible

And I want toooooo stay home on my birthday bc my parents are being dicks to me and I wont be able 2 numb that pain or get drunk enough so i don't care lol

Fuck