No— no, not Yes dearer than you. (Fyodor's version)
(｡ŏ﹏ŏ) PM!Dazai x gn!reader inspired by Dangerously Yours Masquerade & junosmindpalace
A cold, damp, and busy night. The streets of Yokohama were bustling with vendors, tourists, and locals. The night Dazai ran away from the mafia, the night he turned his back on you.
As glad as you are that he was willing to change the path set for him, you couldn't help but feel a sense of betrayal that he just ran.
The moment you had heard of Oda's death and Dazai's disappearance your heart shattered. You had led the clean-up where Oda died, making sure he was given a proper burial.
That night you went all around Yokohama, looking for Dazai. You found him in the Mimic's base. You would've thought he'd be at the bar, the same bar he had gone to with Oda and Ango. 'To the stray dogs!' They used to say. Now they've strayed far away.
You approached Dazai from behind. He was standing behind a window; looking at the moonlit sky. As you stood next to him you noticed a faint smile on his face. "Look darling, a shooting star! Did you wish?" He spoke softly. You knew from his tone and actions what this entailed; he was leaving.
The shooting star perfectly reflected onto his dark eyes. "I didn't have time.." You mumbled quietly. "Hm? Then there is something you wish for." He spoke as he faced you. You nodded softly "Yes.." You mumbled again. "What is it that you wish for?" He asked "I wish we were two other people. Two other people who needn't say goodbye." You replied with a melancholic tone as you looked at the night sky with a soft smile on your face and an arrow through your heart.
"Perhaps it can be that way." He spoke as he kept his gaze on you. "You know it can't be that way." Your expression hadn't changed, a faux sense of happiness filled your body.
He moved closer to you, holding your chin with his fingers to make you face him "Come with me, please." You met his gaze, the same gaze that would leave you nervous was now pleading "If I betray you, I betray myself. If I betray the mafia, I betray my family. My family is very dear to me.." You looked at him with a soft expression. It's as if the whole world had stopped the moment he noticed the soft look in your eyes.
"Dearer than I?" he asked; not taking his fingers away from your chin "Yes Dazai, dearer than you." Your expression still remained as if your conversation was simple and light-hearted. "You were part of the family that I so desire and now— you're leaving.." You added as you removed your chin from his grasp.
"You might as well keep my heart with you darling, it's already full of you." Dazai gently spoke, he hugged you from behind; resting his chin on the top of your head while his arms looped around your neck. "You're a fool Dazai Osamu." You whispered with the slightest hint of anger in your voice.
"Isn't any man who falls in love?" He spoke with such passion "Do you know what you are to me? You're something to believe in again. You're the type of person that had ceased to exist for me." He added as his grasp on you tightened.
"But you are none of those things to me." You spoke softly as you gave in to his grasp; facing the ground with your hands to your side. "You know that's not true darling.. I love you and I know you love me." He calmly spoke. "Stop, just stop. Take your foolish little dream and your heart and go. Please go."
Dazai just tightened his grasp as you spoke, he knew the words unspoken. "You know nothing about me.." You added, you spoke with such a quiet yet angry tone that even the smartest of minds would be deceived by your words.
He turned to you to face him, he held both your hands in his as he spoke "I know everything about you. I know your favorite flower, your favorite books, the scents you like, the food you eat, your ambitions, your past, your present.." Dazai spoke with passion and a hopeful gleam in his eyes that you'd go with him "but most importantly.. I know that you love me."
You looked away as he spoke "I've seen you in a thousand plays, read you in as many books. When I saw your favorite things I'd melt at the thought of how happy you'd be if I got it for you." Your eyes widened as he spoke, you look back at him; meeting his soft gaze that you could just drown in. His gaze never left your face even when you were hesitant to face him.
"Oh stop, stop! I am not the person you dream of Dazai! Don't be so foolish!" You exclaimed as you looked at his brown eyes; hoping to catch a glimpse of who you were back then. "You don't know what you're saying darling." He calmly spoke as he looked down at you, tightening his grasp on your hands.
Dazai pulled you to him, he wrapped his arms around you as he hugged your anxieties away. His grasp was comforting, such a shame that you would have to say goodbye.
"You have to believe me, since the day we met I was completely yours. I may have been a foolish teenager; not knowing that my feelings were genuine but it's much different now." He spoke as he gently caressed the back of your head. "When I leave there will be worlds around us, worlds that can't be bridged with words. I'd like to take you to the other side, just you and I." You suppressed tears as he spoke but he knew that they were there.
"Please.. don't leave.." You quietly mumbled in his arms. He still gently stroked the back of your head as he thought of a response "I can't betray him.." Dazai quietly replied "but you can betray me?!" You spat out quickly. Dazai's eyes widened as he stroked the back of your head then his grasp on you tightened as every muscle in his body tensed up.
"Please.. don't make me choose.." You felt a sense of guilt rushing through your veins, a sense that wasn't there before or something that waivered quickly. "I'm sorry.." You mumbled, Dazai then smiled softly. You both stood in silence as he held you in his arms for the last time.
I love angst, I will definitely make more, I might make more inspired by Dangerously Yours but other episodes this time. I will mainly write for Dazai and Fyodor though.
Spontaneous post: 06/21/23 07:58AM GMT+8 Philippine Standard Time
