✿ ❝ 𝘀𝗼 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝗼 𝗳𝗮𝗿 ❞
━ malleus draconia x gn! reader ━ you always had a crush on malleus for a while now, but as his soldier, you knew you will never have the chance to confess much less for him to feel the same way towards you.
slight (?) spoilers for chapter 7! f/n stands for first name.
do not steal or translate without my permission.
as one of malleus' guards, it was expected of you to accompany him everywhere and make sure he's safe from harm. hence why, you are now attending night raven college to guard your future king.
you've been working for briar valley's royal family for more than a century, so you have known malleus longer than you knew silver and sebek, having grown together as you were both around the same age.
he had always treated you with kindness and respect, but never crossed the line of being the future king and his guard, so you never get the chance to share your personal secrets or life with him.
once you were enrolled in night raven college, you were sorted to diasomnia - the exact same dorm as your fellow guards and your future king. you were there whenever they'd have their tea sessions over at the lounge but always found yourself being the listener and observer of the group, never sharing anything about yourself as you knew that the bond these four shares is far deeper than you could fathom.
you were just another guard.
you knew that and yet you still could not etch that into your mind, you were stubborn enough to think that maybe, just maybe, your bond with them will surpass the professional barrier and share loving, family-like ties.
or at least, you were stupid enough, delusional even, to think that the feelings you hold for the man you're serving will be reciprocated.
"so, i've heard queen maleficia wishes to help you find your significant other, malleus... what do you think of it?" asked lilia, which broke you out of your trance, suddenly interested in the conversation but remained silent, as usual.
"hmm..."
a hum escaped malleus' lips, setting down his teacup on its saucer as his sharp green eyes stared at his beverage in deep thought. your eyes were glued on his figure, taking in his features as you awaited for him to share his response. he had always looked strikingly beautiful, malleus was one attractive man and you would never deny that.
you loved everything about him - those striking green eyes of his, his beautiful horns, the adorable child-like smile he would display every time he was happy, his commanding presence, his voice, his powerful skills and abilities, and so on.
there was something about this man that you promise to serve with your whole life, so it was not a surprise that you had fallen for him over the course of your time together.
you snapped out of your thoughts as soon as malleus cleared his throat, preparing to share his response with a smile, "that's fine... i already have someone in mind..."
ah...
stupid.
delusional.
you were stupid enough, delusional even, to think that the feelings you hold for the man you're serving will be reciprocated.
what a joke.
despite the smiles on lilia, silver, and sebek's faces, you remained indifferent as you felt your heart slightly crack. you didn't want to ruin the happy atmosphere as much as you wanted to sigh out in despair and run up to your room, you didn't want them to suddenly be concerned if you decided to storm out.
so you sat there silently, tuning out the conversation as you were no longer interested to listen to something that you knew will hurt your feelings even more.
of course, he has his eyes set on someone.
of course, such a wonderful man would have already picked a perfect partner to spend his whole life with.
and that obviously wasn't you.
you will always be just a guard to him, just another soldier swearing on their own life for his safety and protection. as his guard, his happiness is obviously something you would think about as well, and if he had already found a partner, you should be happy for him.
it sounds easy, doesn't it? to be happy for the man you love falling for someone else, wanting to be in their arms instead of yours. of course, it is easier said than done.
several thoughts swirled in your mind as you spaced out, not bothering to listen to sebek's expression of happiness towards malleus' words, or silver's supportive phrases. you had thought, what if you confessed back then? will things be different now? will he choose to marry you?
ah, what-ifs.
what's the point of being the guard of one of the top mages in the entire wonderland if you don't even have the courage to confess to him?
"lieutenant?"
you snapped out of your trance as soon as you heard lilia's voice calling out to you, addressing you in your official title and not your name.
your bond will never go beyond professional.
"yes...?"
you replied softly, finding no energy to speak after feeling so downhearted. you noticed the hint of concern in your comrades' eyes whilst your future king looked over at you with curiosity as lilia spoke, "you haven't said a word ever since we started sitting on the lounge. is there something on your mind? we've been calling out to you for a while now, but you didn't respond."
"oh... um..."
you couldn't think of a proper excuse as silver asked, "are you tired, lieutenant? you can retire for the night..." you hummed in response as you shook your head, "i'm not tired yet. my apologies for being in a trance and spacing out."
"hmm... well, that's fine since you're with us, but you must remain vigilant when on guard duty. it is troubling to think that you might not be paying attention to malleus or your own safety if you're in a daze," reprimanded lilia as he leaned back on the chair. he may have already been retired, but he was still your mentor, he taught you all the sword-fighting skills that you practice today as well as combat tips that are useful in the field.
you meekly nodded as you mumbled, "yes, sir. my deepest apologies."
the conversation then went on as you proceeded to listen and observe, still not saying a word as you had nothing you wanted to share, finding it unprofessional to start sharing things about your personal life or feelings with them.
hours have passed and everyone has retired to their rooms. as soon as you entered your room and closed the door behind you, you sank to the floor and hugged your knees to your chest, sighing heavily as you covered your face.
"why did i ever think i have a chance with him?"
you spoke to no one in particular, covering your face with your hands as you tried to ignore that aching feeling in your chest. you should have gotten used to these little aches by now, but this time was different, that feeling of heartbreak was slowly affecting you physically. your chest felt heavy as tears threatened to spill down your cheeks with your breathing getting heavier by the second.
"i love you for as long as i can remember. i would carve out my own heart if it means i could be with you, but you do not feel the same way as i do. i'll always be just another retainer to you, but you will always be my whole world."
© twstgarden 2023 || please do not steal, translate without my permission, or use this to train a.i.
MAN 😭😭
