i'm a bad woman to keep

My name is Rachel Collins. I'm a smartass, an extra-human cop, and a born witch. I like to run. I love old cars and cooking. I have a problem with authority. I like tattoos. That's all you really need to know. Tracking: #soulbranded and...

[soulbranded]

a return and some psas

i’m not dead

so i’m attempting to make a return to Rachel because I miss playing her and I also miss rping. My life has kinda been hell the last couple years so it’s been hard to be active here, but I’m going to try to maintain a minimal presence at least.

rping on discord

I cannot manage multiple blogs with a lot of threads anymore, and have moved a lot of my rping to discord. I will still be doing threads on tumblr but I’m more active on discord. if you’d like to rp with me, hit me up at fluentinsarcasm#5257

characters i rp:

-Damon Salvatore (Vampire Diaries canon divergent) -Bucky Barnes (616, MCU, canon divergent) -Sam Winchester (Supernatural canon divergent) -Caroline Forbes (Vampire Diaries canon, only semi-active) -Rachel Collins (Council Witch book series canon, human verse, alt verses) -Itachi Uchiha (Naruto, alt verses to fit other fandoms) -Other characters possible, let’s just talk about it!

fandoms i know and rp in

-Vampire Diaries -Supernatural (though i quit watching at s10 and tend to not acknowledge anything past S5 with few exceptions) -Marvel (616 and MCU) -Council Witch book series -Naruto -My Hero Academia -Criminal Minds -Law & Order SVU -Scandal -White Collar -probably more, i’m tired

[loisnclark]

Send “🔥?” and my muse will admit whether they find your muse attractive or not.

[soulbranded]

theseourbodiesrp​:

Mark laughs, and hands her a beer from the cooler he has beside him. Because in Aaron Masterson’s House of Drama, you keep your beers close and your Capri Suns closer.

“Rache, have you met anybody in this house? No one here is what I’d call an adulty adult. You’re the closest thing we have, and you’re like… doing an actual day job and defeating bad guys and shit.” He smiles at her, eyes warm. He likes her enough to be able to sit back on the couch and sprawl. “No time for our messy ass drama.”

He takes a sip of his beer, and realizes he hasn’t closed his cooler. His five pilfered Capri Suns are in there, so he shifts the lid closed in a casual motion and smiles. “Quiet, though? That’s worrisome.”

She leans back, taking a sip from her beer. It wasn’t awful, she had to admit. Mark’s got a comfortable, if mischievous air, and sometimes he’s the only one not driving her nuts. 

She gives a small laugh. “I mean, y’all are hunters, right? That’s a job. I’m not saying it’s a good job, but it certainly is a job.” She glances over at him as he moves and she clocks the pilfered juice in the cooler. An impish half-smile and she gives him an appraising look.  “You little shit.” 

[soulbranded]

@theseourbodiesrp continued from here

“I... literally did not understand any of that. You’re all adults for Christ’s sake. Order an Instacart.” She shook her head and leaned a hip against the wall. 

“Things are pretty quiet on the supernatural crime front, actually. Makes me nervous. And bored. I’ve been sitting at my desk staring at paperwork and wishing I could cast a spell to make it do itself. So far my attempts have not been successful.” A wry smile curved her mouth and she walked over to sit beside him. “And yes, please, alcohol me. Boredom and anxiety equals mucho drinko.” 

[demonicvulcan]

my type of otp: slowly the insults become terms of endearment

[pettycentral]

[soulbranded]

“  you think i don’t notice but i do.  i can tell something’s wrong.  ” 

Rachel huffed and rolled her eyes, but still she turned her back on him and huddled her arms across her stomach, as if she were trying to fold in on herself.

"Didn't realize you could read minds," she said dryly. She did not want to talk about this, not to Stefan, not to anyone. She was hurt, obviously, but she just felt so stupid. Her eyes darted around for some kind of distraction and landed on the dry bar. Yes, alcohol good. She marched her way over and poured a generous helping of bourbon, taking a long drink before turning to face Stefan.

"So what do you notice? Hmm, Stefan? That I'm short tempered, sarcastic--no, downright haughty to people? That my mood sucks and I drink too much and I don't sleep at night? Newsflash: That's been going on since I got out of rehab. Nothing new." Her words carried bite that she didn't mean, but when she was hurt she was like a wounded bear, lashing out at anyone near her.

"What does it matter to you anyway? You're not responsible for me. I'm not a way for you to relieve your guilt. You can't save me, Saint Stefan."

[soulbranded]

❛ for future reference, never interrupt my ritual again. ❜ /from Mashiro

She stepped closer to Mashiro, the lines of her face hard and her eyes glinting with repressed anger. "You were playing fast and loose with metaphysical theories that aren't even in the realm of provable, let along reliable," she hissed. Rachel took her by the arm and guided her into an empty room, her grip tight.

"If you did your research beforehand instead of putting the entire city block in danger, then I wouldn't have to babysit you. You wanna make magical spectacles? Go join the Cursed. But while you're in my city, you'll put the lives of civilians at the top of your priority list."

She fairly threw Mashiro from her when she released her grip, and turned on her heel to march away. Pausing in the doorway, she looked over her shoulder and threw Mashiro a sickly sweet smile that was completely undercut by the hostility in her eyes.

"Oh, and it's in your best interest if you never threaten me again. For future reference."

[soulbranded]

"you have to stay awake." /From Konomi

"I am awake. No offense, Doc, but I haven't slept in about 23 hours and I've been getting my ass kicked all around town. Obviously." She gestured to the torn clothing, the bruising, the blood. "Honestly all I really need is to sleep for a couple days."

[soulbranded]

‘ look at all those chickens. ’ /from Aaron

"Who are you, Old McDonald now?" She smacked him on the shoulder. "Quit getting distracted by poultry and focus."

[kas-e]

Somewhere in Utah

[leneemusing]

prompts for emotionally stunted idiots

because my friends muses need therapy. will they get it? absolutely not. 

AVOIDING THE TERRIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN:  

“  yeah i’m pissed off but i’d rather not talk about it.  that’s why you’re the one i came to.  ”

“  i’m not looking for a friend.  i’m looking for someone just as angry as i am.  ”

“  i’m not good at caring about people’s shit on purpose.  ”

“  i’m not gonna ask if ‘you’re okay’ cause that’s fuckin’ annoying.  you wanna get the hell out of here and do something?  ”  

 “  i don’t wanna talk about it. you got a beer?  ”  

“  upset?  why would i be upset?  ”

“  so you wanna go find something to break?  ”  

“  hey you want me to kill that guy for you?  ”

“  i just need to get this shit done.  and i trust you to help me do that.  ”  

“  you’re hot.  and i’m bored.  ”  

“  can we just have some meaningless sex we can both pretend didn’t happen tomorrow morning?  ”

“  i can think of at least a dozen people that need killing.  or a light beating.  will that cheer you up?  ”

“  i’ve a got job and i think you’d be the perfect fit.  so you in?  ”

“  yeah i don’t do the whole crying thing.  give me something to stab and i’ll be good in a day or two.  ”

“  i banged it out and now i feel great.  next question.  ”

“  if i think about it,  i get angry.  and i don’t know where that anger stops.  so i’d rather not start at all.  ”

VARIOUS SENTENCES WITH ABSOLUTELY NO DEPTH U COWARDS: 

“  if you’re gonna stay here you can’t be sober so either take the fruity beer or the shitty wine or let me be vibe in peace.  ”

“  how much insect essence do you think are in every square inch of chocolate? like just how many cockroach guts have i consumed with my hershey’s? ” 

“  you should’ve seen the look on their face.  it’s been so long since i’ve made someone that fuckin’ angry it was great.  ” 

“  i have this neighbor who keeps playing driver’s license at 10 a.m. every morning and i’m starting to question if it’s a sixteen year old getting over a breakup or a 36 year old trying to reclaim their childhood. at this point the mystery is the only thing keeping me going.  ”

“  do i trust you?  absolutely not.  next question.  ”

“  if i don’t get a nap in the next hour i’ll probably murder someone.  ”

“  you’re getting that look in your eyes like you’re about to ask me what’s wrong so i’m gonna save us both the awkwardness of finding an excuse to leave and just go now.  ”

“  i’m here to raid your fridge cause my date went really bad and all i’ve had is lukewarm water and breadsticks.  ”

“  i’m making a fake tinder profile to see how gullible guys are, wanna help?  ”   

“  hey i got something for you look!  ”   *holds up middle finger* 

U MIGHT GET PUNCHED: 

“  why are you really here?  ”

“  i’m not leaving until you tell me what the fuck is going on.  ”

“  you can’t solve every problem with your fists.  ”  

“  i’m not here to talk about me.  what the hell is going on with you?  ”

“  you think i don’t notice but i do.  i can tell something’s wrong.  ”   

“  i can see beneath your smile.  ”

“  why won’t you just tell me the truth?  ”

“  what are you hiding? and don’t you dare try to lie to me. ”

“  what the hell did you do?  ”

“  so are we gonna talk about it or are we gonna pretend nothing’s wrong here?  ”

[vhsmeme]

* vine meme

a shit ton of lines from different vines.

‘ look at all those chickens. ’ 

‘ i’ve always wanted to do this! ’

‘ i fell down the stairs. i hate when nobody shares. ’

‘ can you tell me a bedtime story? ’

‘ bro, you can’t tell anybody. ’  

‘ yeah, i’m good. i’m just happy for you.’ 

‘ dude, it’s like we kissed! ’

‘ TAKE THE PICTURE! ’ 

‘ oh, my god. we just locked eyes. ’

‘ yooo! ’ 

‘ you look upset. ’

‘ i got bit by a spider. it gave me superpowers! ’

‘ i’d be a unicorn. because no one believes in me. ’

‘ yeaaah, yeaaah. ’ 

‘ the only fitness here is me fitting this pizza in my mouth! ’

‘ well, i don’t have to do anything except pay taxes and die. ’

‘ girl, you look fierce today! WE LOVE IT. ’

‘ can i get a waffle? can i PLEASE get a waffle? ’

‘ I WON’T HESITATE, BITCH! ’ 

‘ i’ll beat your ass if that’s a ticket. ’ 

‘ you want some vodka? ’

‘ road work ahead? uh, yeah, i sure hope it does. ’

‘ i smell like beef. ’

‘ you better STOP YELLING. ’

‘ your secret’s safe with me. ’

‘ and we are two very supportive guys. ’

‘ MY BEST FRIEND POOPED HIS PANTS! ’

‘ honey, you’ve got a big storm comin’. ’  

‘ fuck you, that’s why! ’

‘ yeah, no shit, honey! ’ 

‘ today’s forecast. we can clearly see that somebody got me fucked up. fucked. up. ’

‘ is that a weed? i’m calling the police! ’

‘ just shut up and die slowly, okay? ’ 

‘ i sneezed! ’

‘ i got my hat on backwards and it’s time to fucking party. ’

‘ hey, how you doing? ’ 

‘ i’m doin’ just fine. i lied. i’m dying inside ’

‘ oh my god, why can’t you just take the fricken compliment! ’

‘ and they were roommates! ’

‘ i wanna fucking die. ’

‘ you remember one time i liked you? ’

‘ yo, drink this vodka down the hatch. c’mon. ’

‘ mother trucker, dude! that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick! ’

‘ he needs some milk! ’

‘ the yo-yo master did not answer. he just kept on yo-ing ’

‘ WHAT’S UP, FUCKERS? ’

‘ bored as sheeeet. ’

‘ do you ever shut the fuck up? ’

‘ welcome back to me screaming.   ’

‘ sorry, i’m on the toilet. ’

‘ babe, are you serious? ’

‘ i gotta go home cause i forgot to… vacuum my room.  ’

‘ NO WHAT’D YOU SAY? WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE! ’ 

‘ you are my dad. YOU’RE MY DAD. boogie woogie woogie. ’ 

[emilystonedaily]

Emma Stone for Louis Vuitton

[soulbranded]

@soulsinmotion

Goddamned Elena. Goddamned werewolf we don’t talk about our seeeecrets. It was a real pain in Rachel’s ass, not in the least because if Elena got convicted, it would create a power vacuum in the pack and a Real Fuckin’ Problem for not only the DOC but the Council as well. No supernatural citizen had ever been in human prison before. Who knew what would happen if Elena was provoked, if she couldn’t hold herself in check during the full moon without the pack. And the real bitch of it was that Rachel had no frigging clue why Elena was doing this. On trial for murder. In human courts. Refusing Council help and literally saying nothing. Rachel had been to see her at least a dozen times during her pre-trial holding and she might as well have been talking to a stone carving for all she got from Elena. 

Desperate times. She’d heard Aaron Kelley’s name in the supe gossip mill. He’d done some small-time work for some moderately important supes around town. Hadn’t crossed the Council and kept himself out of trouble. The word was he was effective, if a goofy ass guy. She’d pulled his record from Council databases before setting up an appointment. It would be her first time meeting a nephilim, which for Rachel, who didn’t believe in god or angels or heaven, was a bit of an ecumenical what the fuck moment. It’d be interesting to see what he could do, though.

The apartment building was standard fare for Denver. More money than she’d ever want to pay, but not as posh as Pasha’s penthouse--not that many apartments were. She took the stairs up to the second floor, headed right down the hallway until she reached a door with Aaron Kelly, P.I. on the door. She rapped hard a few times, stood there fidgeting for about 45 seconds, and then yelled. “It’s Rachel! I have an appointment.” 

[soulbranded]

                           ❝ It’s like Law & Order                                                          ┅ with witchcraft.❞

                                              indie OC | semi-selective | written by jess                                                           multifandom and multiverse                                                           graphics credit @nolaroots

[soulbranded]

❝ will you tell me who hurt you? ❞ /from a meme you didn't reblog but you're getting anyway

@betterxvillain​

For a moment, the whole sad story almost poured from her. It might be nice for a change, to unburden her secrets, to lay them at his feet and let go of the white-knuckle grip she had on her emotions. But what then? What could Stefan do? Any help he gave her would paint a target on his back. Rachel avoided his eyes as she hobbled over to her couch, a hand pressed to her ribs. She thought she felt the bones sliding and knew she should be at a hospital, but that would require an explanation. She still had her CBI badge. Maybe she could say she tangled with a perp. Blood matted her hair and lip, and one side of her face was transforming into a purple stain. She laid down on the couch with a pained sigh, gingerly touching the wounds to her face. “Do me a favor and get me a wet washcloth, would you?” she asked instead of answering. For a moment, she stared at the ceiling. Could you call yourself a friend if you never told anything real about yourself? Pasha knew. Her brother knew. Ethan knew. Why shouldn’t Stefan? He’d been nothing but kind to her, and a vampire’s strength might be helpful if they came back. God knew she was in no shape to defend herself at the moment. “While back, I was involved with this guy,” she said finally. “Ryan. He was a hunter, and I thought I could trust him. When I told him I was a witch, he tried to put a knife in my heart.” The scar throbbed with the memory, adding to an unspecific ache that haunted her in a different way. “I knocked him out and ran, and never saw him again. But tonight--he came back, and he brought friends. They lured me in. I had to jump a line to escape.”  She finally turned her head to look at him. “It won’t be good for you if they find you. They’ve got pretty violent ideas about what to do with vampires, too.”