Therefore, I am

This is my stream of mostly unfiltered consciousness.

[souliberty]

I think what is going to get me to stop dating completely is just how many times I've tried so hard to seem "cool" to guys that turn out to be the lamest, most toxic boys I've ever known.

[souliberty]

I don’t understand why I’m so fucking boy crazy. Can I just have a year where I’m not constantly thinking about a boy?

[souliberty]

same

[souliberty]

Despite having suicidal ideation at the beginning of the year and not knowing exactly where I’m going to go moving forward, I cannot believe the improvement in my fitness level in the past year. I’ve been doing weight training with a personal trainer for about a year now, never going more than a month without seeing him, every week being more common.

And now I’m trail running and not completely hating my life like I used to. Just did 2 minute run/walk intervals for 45 minutes and I feel great. I’m kind of excited to do that on a regular basis and start to see progress in the numbers in my running training app.

Additionally, through this fitness training and healthy eating, I’ve probably lost about 20 pounds at this point. But I don’t really weigh myself so I’m not for sure on that lol.

Even though I may not be exactly where I want to be geographically or even professionally, I need to focus on these other wins and find strength in them.

[souliberty]

🥲🥲🥲 I've changed so fucking much. I do extreme and endurance sports on a regular basis. I go to the gym several times a week. I work in the outdoor industry doing ski and mountain bike photography/videography.

fuck man

[souliberty]

I don’t get on tumblr anymore.

But quick life update: I am a snowboarding professional living in Colorado now lol

Blows my mind that I make money with snowboarding. And it’s the most money I’ve ever made in my life.

[souliberty]

Doin the dang thing

[souliberty]

Still doing the dang thing, but a lot better lol

[souliberty]

This guy I went on a first date with Saturday sent me multiple photos of him lifting at the gym on Sunday. No text. No explanation.

We are clearly different people.

[souliberty]

Several months later and we are actually really good friends and he’s a super sweet guy that helped me through a drug induced panic attack.

Don’t push people away because they have different interests than you.

[souliberty]

Over a year later and I’m head over heels in love with this guy. He’s never missed a “good morning” text and this is the second year he’s sent me Christmas gifts even tho I live across the country. This fall, we traveled the northeast together and it made me realized just how much I was taking him for granted. He’s such a good guy.

Last night, I actually had a dream that I was engaged and pregnant with him. Crazy stuff.

[souliberty]

Why did I start a relationship with a guy in Boston what is wrong with me

Oh wait refer to the post below this one lol

[souliberty]

I’m like really fucking horny and I have no outlet for it that’s working.

[souliberty]

Fuckin sad girl summer. I can’t even masterbate without feeling the heartache.

[souliberty]

Several months later... I still think about him when I masterbate.

I don’t know what lesson there is to learn here? Maybe that I have a daddy kink?

[souliberty]

This guy I went on a first date with Saturday sent me multiple photos of him lifting at the gym on Sunday. No text. No explanation.

We are clearly different people.

[souliberty]

Several months later and we are actually really good friends and he’s a super sweet guy that helped me through a drug induced panic attack.

Don’t push people away because they have different interests than you.

[souliberty]

It’s crazy how one interaction with my mom when she’s having an episode DESTROYS my confidence. It’s been awhile since she’s had an episode and this completely threw me off.

[souliberty]

Several months later and she’s no longer in my life.

Don’t let anyone ruin your peace.

[souliberty]

Doin the dang thing

[souliberty]

It’s crazy how one interaction with my mom when she’s having an episode DESTROYS my confidence. It’s been awhile since she’s had an episode and this completely threw me off.

[souliberty]

I wanna hook up with a girl to kinda experiment but where do I find women that would be down

[souliberty]

Things seem very magical right now.

[souliberty]

Jilly appreciation post

[souliberty]

This guy I went on a first date with Saturday sent me multiple photos of him lifting at the gym on Sunday. No text. No explanation.

We are clearly different people.