the menhera of deceit

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wheelie-sick

I saw this video earlier today talking about how Sometimes You Are Not The Person To Do An Intervention and discussed how EDs and addictions thrive on shame. interventions done poorly or from people who don't have that type of relationship can do more harm than good because it just tells the person struggling "your problems are so obvious to everyone around you and you need to hide them better."

interventions are something that need to be done delicately by people who have a close & trusting relationship. they should be done 1 on 1 or in a very small group of people so the person struggling doesn't feel ganged up on.

if you don't have that close & trusting relationship or you can't bring it up delicately then it's best to just not comment. let that person come to you. create a safe environment where the person struggling feels comfortable talking. make space in conversations for them to open up. that is how you help- not by producing more shame.

you can find these in different colors here

aggressive-positivity-network

Actual tips I have as an autistic person for my neurodivergent friends that struggle with similar shortcomings:

1. If you have a lot of trouble with brushing your hair dry, but you have an okay relationship with showering, brush it with conditioner in! You’ll get softer hair, it won’t hurt as much, AND any hairs that fall out will be washed away so they won’t be on your clothes!

2. If you are having trouble eating, do LITERALLY anything to make your brain happy at the prospect. Watch a video while you eat, pretend you’re eating with your favorite character, get on all fours with jungle sounds in the background and eat like a dinosaur. Seriously. ANYTHING.

3. Drink water and iced drinks in enclosed, nonclear containers so your brain doesn’t reject them like a mama bird. Water smells like wet dog to me, so making sure I CAN’T smell it is a must. Get a container with a straw, preferably.

4. If you drink a lot of sugary drinks (like me), use a straw. This will help you decrease the risk of getting cavities, especially in your two front teeth. Also, NEVER wash the toothpaste out of your mouth (spitting out the excess is fine), as leaving it on your teeth with make them cleaner and give you more room for error. Sensodyne is great, as it helps sensitive teeth and has a mild taste.

5. Go outside. Please. I know it sucks, but if you walk around for even fifteen minutes your brain will surrender so much fucking dopamine. Also, keep your curtains open if you can, so that you’re not in a casino-esque state of timelessness.

6. If you feel bad, ask yourself the following questions:

- Am I at a comfortable temperature?

- Have I eaten in the past five hours?

- Have I had water?

- Have I seen another human person recently?

- Have I bathed?

If you answered “no” to any of those questions, fix it and come back. You’ll probably feel better, at least marginally.

7. Don’t try to fix everything at once. When it comes to current events, pick something that you care about, and focus on them. Or maybe two. But if you try to give your money and time to every cause, you will burn yourself out.

8. If you are walking on the street, don’t try to make eye contact with everyone. I had to unlearn this after working in a grocery store and being expected to be approachable all the time. Look ahead at something, or look near the sidewalk/floor. That’s mental energy you could be spending elsewhere.

9. If you don’t know what to say, use a compliment. People fucking love those. Especially about clothes, hair, and/or accessories. Not about their body, though, that’ll make them feel weird if you don’t know them well.

10. Guilt and shame are not motivators. You will not be a better person because you sat inside all day and beat yourself up about every bias you have and mistake you made. You are allowed to be flawed, and you are allowed to improve. And the best way to do that is to meet people and try new things. And if you run into another bias or mental block, take note of it, file it away, and use it to better yourself.

#aesthetic ★﹒#fashion ★﹒#milky shares ! ´ˎ˗

nightmarereverie

librarycards

i think it's very important that people know how common undereating is, esp. for feminized people, and how the lower calorie requirements for "women" are bullshit. you don't need to have a restrictive eating disorder (a psychiatric disability in which your relationship with food + body image is dangerous to your health [sometimes deadly] and prohibits you from participating in your daily life, forming relationships, and so on) to not be eating enough.

you could go your whole life not eating enough and not die or get really sick, but just be tired and grumpy a lot, or perform worse, or have brain fog, or a million other things. like there are so many gradations between "should have a snack" and "has a severe eating disorder". maybe you don't have an eating disorder, but you should still start eating more than iced coffee for breakfast. try it sometime!

romanticdolce

LAFARY, Velvet acrylic stand case

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lunaburzt

I don't think people understand why menhera fashion is accessible.

Menhera is a pro-recovery mental health movement. With the fashion it makes since why it is meant to be accessible.

When I get up in the morning, realistically I can't just put put a decora outfit together and put on 13 accessories and 4 layers of clothing.

I also can't just wear a lolita outfit either since a lot of the time that also takes a lot of effort.

With menhera fashion, I can easily put an outfit together because of it's accessibility factor.

The makeup is also important.

Putting a bunch of glittery gore makeup all over your face will look like a costume. Menhera and mental health isn't a costume.

It's important to have accessible makeup that doesn't look like a costume. Byojaku is the best example of this I know of, but even then the makeup isn't required. It's optional.

It's completely ok to want to be apart of the menhera community but also wanting to wear something like a nurse lolita outfit or have makeup inspired by menhera fashion. The fashion isn't the only part about the menhera community. Just please don't go wearing a completely inaccessible outfit with makeup that looks like a costume and call it "menhera" because that isn't what menhera fashion is.

It comes in more colors here

menheratic

If you can't get motivated to dress up and go for a walk, just call it "aura farming" for mental health purposes and it changes everything.

pill stickers free for personal use by こま莉

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diy-menhera-blog

Menhera D.I.Y #1

Making your own Graphic T-Shirts / Hoodies

One of the biggest staples of menhera is the oversized t-shirt and hoodie depicting vent art and medical imagery. However, these can be hard to come by in 2024. The best place to buy these sorts of items would be Etsy, but it can be very pricey. The second best option is to make your own with a blank article of clothing and printable transfer-paper!

vampirigender-moved

pill and band-aid dividers

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8lur5otong

if I commit SUICIDE I’m losing everyone I love

if I commit SUICIDE I’m losing a future of happiness and hope and love I would’ve had if I stayed

if I commit SUICIDE I’m ripping a hole in the universe that would take generations to heal

if I commit SUICIDE I’m making a decision in a period so horrid it could never be reflective of what the rest of my life would be, that my soul will regret for the rest of my afterlife

if I commit SUICIDE I am not looneytoonishly sliding down sewer in a cartoon death

if I commit SUICIDE I won’t be able to spring back. I won’t come back fine and dandy in the next episode. I will be gone. Gone forever.

so no, “sewer slide” isn’t not that deep. It isn’t just a creative way to get past moderators. It’s dehumanising.

painfulpastels

i see a lot of misinformation spreading around about menhera, yami-kawaii, & jirai kei so i wanted to clear a couple things up and go over a brief history of these terms.

menhera- originated from a 2chan board (japanese equivalent of 4chan) and originally meant mental healther, as in someone who actively does things for their mental health. eventually this term got into to mainstream culture in japan and the definition started to change. now in japan it’s usually used to refer to a person who’s needy, clingy, dependent on others and usually has some unhealthy coping mechanisms like self-harm, drug, alcohol etc. in japan it’s usually used as synonymous to saying someone is yandere or jirai. in western online spaces, menhera tends to be used as it’s original definition and has a pro-recovery connotation to it. in both western and japanese spaces, menhera also has a fashion connected to it, but the fashion has become less associated with the word over the years.

Yami Kawaii- a term coined by bisuko ezaki. literally translates to sick/dark cute. mostly associated with bisuko ezaki and his manga, menhera-chan. yami kawaii is used mostly to describe a type of cute vent art (sometimes people will call the art menhera too) or a fashion style.

jirai/jirai-kei- translates to landmine type. used to describe someone who looks cute but blows-up over little things often used as synonymous with menhera. there is also a fashion associated with jirai. i’ve seen some people claiming jirai means the lifestyle/mentality and jirai kei means the fashion but in japan, both are used to describe the fashion or the mentality depending on context. in western online spaces, it’s usually seen as the anti-recovery counterpart to menhera’s pro-recovery. in japan, it doesn’t really have a pro or anti recovery lean either way.

souljams

respectfully, a lot of the information here is factually incorrect.

the insulting version of menhera is not “menhera” by itself. the insult is “menhera kei”.

menhera is still used as its original meaning in japan, too. (see again that “menhera kei” is the insult, not “menhera.”)

“yami kawaii” was explicitly supposed to “replace” menhera when it was coined by menhera-chan’s creator, because he believed that “menhera culture didn’t exist”, and that “menhera is a bad word”.

the vent art in question has been associated with menhera long before it was associated with yami kawaii.

jirai kei is not a fashion style. this came from a Western misunderstanding where people assumed “kei” means “fashion” when it really means “type of person”. the fashion style that is associated with jirais is known as “dark girly”.

jirai is not synonymous with menhera, but it is an ableist insult like “menhera kei”.

jirai is also very much known as anti-recovery in japan.

if you’re going to make a post attempting to correct misinformation, please make extra-sure that the information you offer is correct! 🩷

painfulpastels

i got all this information from talking to my friends that are japanese and live in japan, ones that are both in and outside these subcultures as well as reading information by japanese people on social media and news articles about jirai and menhera.

• menhera is very much used as an insult by your average japanese person and i have never once heard any of my friends use menhera kei instead of menhera. menhera is sometimes used as it’s original meaning in japan, but your average person is going to think about the menhera stereotype first than the subculture. words change in meaning over time and menhera has a very different connotation in japan than it did when the word was first created. i even got called menhera by a friend (lightheartedly) when i mentioned how i could be very clingy in my relationships.

• I agree that the vent art was originally associated with menhera and i should have made that more clear in my original post. and i should have also made the history behind the word yami kawaii and bisuko ezaki more clear. there is a lot of context around bisuko ezaki that i was trying to cut for brevity, but i did leave out some important information that i probably shouldn’t have.

• Jirai is very much used to describe the fashion. Almost every person around my age (so late teens early twenties) I talked to while in japan, described my style as Jirai. When I talked to my friend’s mom, she just described it as kawaii. no one called it girly fashion at all. whenever i mentioned jirai to someone, they immediately picked up that i was talking about the fashion and no one had any questions or confusion when i called my clothes jirai.

here’s even an example online of people explicitly using jirai or landmine to refer to clothes in japan.

link to the original post if you want to see it in japanese too: https://detail.chiebukuro.yahoo.co.jp/qa/question_detail/q11247315046

量産型・地雷系の女の子とお友達になる方法を教えて下さいᐡඉඉᐡ♡ 私はオタクという訳ではないのですが、量産型や地雷系の格好が好きで普段からそういった系統のお洋服を着ている大学生です。ですが、住んでる場所が東京の田舎だからなのか自分の周りには同じような服装の子はいません、、量産型や

• while there are definitely landmines in japan the glorify being mentally ill and don’t want to recover. if you scroll on japanese social media and read vent post from landmines, you’ll see a lot of posts mentioning wanting to go to therapy, or trying new meds hoping they’ll help, or many people celebrating taking steps to get better.

If you think I got anything incorrect, I’d appreciate you providing a reliable source to correct me, but everything I’ve heard from my friends and read online from japanese people, I haven’t found anything that backs up your claims. so if you try to correct someone, please make extra sure your information is accurate 🩷

souljams

i’ve also gotten my information from people who speak japanese and have lived in japan, as you have described yourself doing.

if those are your experiences with being called a “menhera”, i suppose my sources on that are outdated, i apologize. but the original meaning is still being used by japanese people. menhera.jp was an active menhera community up to 2022 (after which the domain got bought by a corporation of some sort).

i should have been more clear, i apologize — "jirai kei" is now being used as an alternative name for "dark girly". this is because the person that started the original jirai kei dress-up challenge asserted that jirais were a fan of dark girly fashion. (source) i should have clarified that it is not an original fashion style, and the idea that it was came from western misunderstanding.

i'm sure some japanese jirai kei want to get therapy and recover, but that is not the majority — just like how the expectation for menhera is pro-recovery, but there are plenty of people in the menhera tag who are posting anti-recovery stuff. this is because they are misinformed about what menhera is. however, when jirais do it, it is in line with the community’s history — that is, these women being “proud psycho girlfriends” (see the original “psycho girlfriend” dress-up trend that started the community, which included some participants using makeup to fake self-harm scars, etc.) especially on twitter, scrolling the tag results in freshly-cut wrists and other such things. this got so bad in china in particular that the jirai kei tag was shadowbanned on their own local social media over how common it was to find gore. (though i acknowledge chinese jirai kei and japanese jirai kei are different, i am illustrating a point here that it is anti-recovery in multiple places other than english-speaking places.)

here, i’ll link some vent posts from japanese people about jirais, which remark that they keep renting sanrio hotel rooms for group cutting sessions and suicides, and that they proudly post their latest cuts to social media.

all this to say: the general landscape of the japanese jirai community is anti-recovery, and this is not the result of a misunderstanding of the subculture.

also, since i think my original tone may have been misread — i genuinely do not intend to be rude. i am just passionate about the history of these subcultures, as i am sure you are! so i like to spread awareness of them and discuss them so that everybody can compile their information and understand everything more. i didn’t know that “menhera” had evolved into being an insult on its own, for example. that’s something new i learned! thank you!

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