TITLE @soursyscircle - Tumblr Blog

hello! this is a system blog of @cryptoidantagonist that really only exists to give us an opportunity to record our experiences and (hopefully) improve communication (fingers crossed) !

quick intros below cut

#we'll have tag sign offs and such #not expecting to blog here every day #its just more likely than with a physical diary lmao #-cyrus

prompts-in-a-barrel

"You don't know me. I'm not the same person anymore."

"That's okay. I'll get to know you again."

californiannostalgia

pathos-logical

[ID copied from alt:

#please tell me that i'm allowed to love you again

#fuck came back wrong #what matters is you came back. End ID]

billcyphersballsack

Saying “oh hey it’s ___ I’m fronting now” when coming into front : Bad. Lame. Boring. Cringe

Saying “hey I’m back and I killed that other guy” when coming into front: Awesome. Hilarious. Based. Literally the funniest thing ever

oursystemblog

not what I was going to write . but fine

fleshfictive

NOT supportive to your system friends:

- "can you make [alter] front?"

- always asking who's fronting

- getting upset when they can't remember something

VERY supportive to your system friends:

- giving them money

- "here's $50 for you"

- relinquishing your money to them

- offering them money

stargazers-satellite

being a system is annoying sometimes because you'll be like "this doesn't matter now :) that's a problem that only past me has :)" and then past you shows up like

neo-pilled

Common things in DID that no one likes to talk about

- switches that feel like you’re turning into someone else rather than them taking control (non-possessive switching)

- being unable to recognize amnesia until something requires you to remember something you forgot

- staying in the front for weeks at a time

- being unable to communicate with alters internally (this is so common why does everyone act like this is weird?)

- feeling like you don’t have any problems because you feel disconnected from them

- constant denial

- rapid identity, label, and appearance changes

- comorbidities, particularly personality disorders, anxiety disorders, and the schizophrenia spectrum

- autism (there is science pointing towards autistic people being more susceptible to trauma)

- disliking your system

- wanting final fusion

realized today that due to being the person ive been for the past like 3 months, i don't know my best friend of 4 years. at all. 👍👍👍👍 this evening is at the very least interesting

#talking w them about the future and realized that the plans i thought i made a while ago are ones i did not make but will honor bc ill #want them again eventually #texting my bff daily for 3 months before realizing this is not my beautiful house. and this is not my beautiful wife(gn)#-charley #hash tag just system things

thatgothvampire

Experiences I have related to DID that I forget are literally because I have DID

- Feeling like my identity / sense of self is fluid & ever changing

- Being absolute ass at a specific thing and then being good at it later

- Thoughts / inside voices being fuzzy , distant , like a distant conversation

- Having fluctuating feelings toward friends/families/my partner

- Getting suddenly dizzy and finding it hard to move

- Realizing I’m not wearing what I originally put on

- Feeling zero emotions or feeling every possible emotion amplified 100x

- A lot more that I can’t remember right now, also because of DID

Me after realizing everything I do and feel is related to having this dissociative disorder 😦😦😦😦😦

lefluoritesys

"What's your favorite type of music?"

*sweats in DID* "U-uhm... I- I listen to everything, depending on my mood :D"

The moods sitting in the back of my head watching me: "No, no, they've got a point"

plurapony

I know when you're a system, especially if you haven't been lucky enough to get a formal diagnosis yet, the self-doubt is inevitable.

I think one of the best ways to deal with this is to ask yourself "who am I doing this for?"

A lot of people fakeclaim those with DID under the idea of they're doing it for attention, so here's some scenarios where you'd ask "who am I doing this for?"

When you're about to sleep, and you're talking to your alters and telling everyone that you need to go to sleep: who are you doing that for?

When you're blurry and blendy during the day, not really sure on who you are: who are you doing that for?

When the dissociation is too heavy to do anything and you need to take a break from school or work: who are you doing that for?

If you're someone who gets pseudo seizures/tremors during dissociation that is uncomfortable and scary: who are you doing that for?

When you hear an unfamiliar voice, similar to one you've seen in media, and it causes you dismay because you don't want another fictive: who are you doing that for?

As you can see in each of these situations it is ridiculous that you would be faking because what would you have to gain? And self doubt is a guarantee it's almost part of the diagnostic criteria due to the dissociative amnesia. But remember whenever you're in that spiral of self doubt ask yourself

Who are you doing this for?