[sp00ky-boo]

I turned 25 and I’m growing my hair out

[sp00ky-boo]

I’m 24 today

I’ve never felt so isolated

[sp00ky-boo]

there is a deep hurt way down if i think about it for too long

[sp00ky-boo]

What am I supposed to do with all this rage

[sp00ky-boo]

long to be a hermit in the woods

[sp00ky-boo]

actually no fuck that. I don’t want anyone to know me ever again in any way

[sp00ky-boo]

I wish i had genuine friends. People i can cry with, scream with, love and hate with. I want a best friend, a friendship. A healthy relationship where i am loved and feel it. Where i am safe and feel it and i am happy. I just wish that i had people in my circle

[sp00ky-boo]

Anyways about to use this as my personal diary to pour my soul out literally my entire soul and thoughts the next few weeks since it’s the only thing he can’t see bc i don’t trust anyone enough anymore to not read my lil journal book so

[sp00ky-boo]

i miss the chaos.

[sp00ky-boo]

I think next time I’ll just scream

[sp00ky-boo]

nothin of mine is safe anymore. You’ve infiltrated the only safe space i had and now your feelings are hurt.

It must really suck to feel that way but i also have 0 sympathy because u cheated and u don’t get to make me feel bad. I hope it eats you alive because you aren’t going to get the happy ending you so desperately want.

You don’t deserve it

[sp00ky-boo]

lmao guess who got cheated on. traded 5 years for 5 minutes with someone else, i have 0 words

he was shitty anyways so i guess i shouldn’t be so surprised right

[sp00ky-boo]

I think of the kindness of strangers often

I think of the cruelty of strangers often

I think of my kindness to myself

I think of my cruelty to myself

Somewhere along the way the lines got blurred

And now i don’t even know myself but hold on to the feelings, kindness in bits, cruelty in crashing waves, but the warmth of a stranger, the kind words, the vibrancy around them, the way it all mashes, i hope to get back to that one day,

I hope to be kind in ways that matter

[sp00ky-boo]

I’m festering again

[sp00ky-boo]

What do u do when u want to restart ur own life. I want to break up with my shitty boyfriend of 4 years, block all of my family and live by myself for a few years. I want to make new friends who i adore and they adore me. I want to be close to myself again and close to what o hold dear.

But to begin to start that process and take the leap, i don’t know, it’s far

[sp00ky-boo]

Day at a time :)))

[sp00ky-boo]

i want 2 ruin my life again :)