i just really want some space roller blades

[fashionandcostumes]

Tuppence Middleton as Kalique Abrasax in Jupiter Ascending (2015)

The costumes in this movie are just out of control, in the best possible way!

[kkillercroc-deactivated20200616]

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

The best thing about this is the absolute, blinding sincerity of Sean Bean’s delivery. Amazing.

[f1rstperson]

A bee has never lied to Sean Bean not even once

[wonderali]

Bees don’t lie, guys. 

[sharkodactyl]

do you want to see a movie where you have no idea what is going on for the first forty-five minutes? jupiter ascending is the film for you! other highlights include:

a ten minute long spaceship fight with no context or purpose, which destroys a city. “no one will remember” channing tatum growls as they leave the city, as if youtube does not exist

“here’s a latke for you, bitch”

someone using a menstrual pad as a bandage by slapping the sticky part onto the wound, leaving the actual blood-absorbing part just kind of…waving around

actors chewing the scenery so hard i’m surprised beautifully over-constructed bits of space metal aren’t just falling out of their mouths

a man trying to shoot thousands of bees in the middle of a cornfield

a gun that makes dog noises. it barks. the gun barks. 

oedipus complexes so beautifully twisted and terrible that you will spend half the movie mouthing “oh my god” to yourself

related to that, the climactic line of the movie is “i’m not your damn mother,” so take that as you will

a breathtakingly gorgeous and complex universe used as a background for a romance between woman and a man. granted, the man is a wolf angel. but still.

I CREATE LIVES……………….

[whispers] and destroy them

[sharkodactyl]

no i’m sorry i have to keep going

“bees can sense royalty”

mila kunis having the powerful realization partway through that she is a furry, an epiphany that changes her life

“i love dogs” she whispers, eyes wide

SPACE BUREAUCRACY. A MONTAGE THAT IS JUST SPACE BUREAUCRACY. THEY FILL OUT SPACE FORMS. IN SPACE.

“bees can sense royalty”

channing tatum, shirtless in the void of space

a room FILLED WITH CANDLES

soylent green nectar…….is…………….peeeeoplllle

“bees can sense royalty”

sean bean’s apparent daughter, who shows up onscreen for a minute and a half, leaves to get supplies for dinner, and never comes back

yeah sean bean is in this too i didn’t believe it either

“bees can sense royalty”

a space wedding. it’s just like an earth wedding. BUT IN SPACE

mila kunis’ character’s name is jupiter

yes i am dead serious about this

she spends most of the movie falling

they really should have called it “jupiter descending” because that’s all she does

  “bees can sense royalty”

[velocigrey-deactivated20160825]

All that repetition of how bees can sense royalty, and you leave out the fact that the bees were an alarm system set up by Sean Bean, who is part bee.

[boogerwookiesugarcookie]

Did you seriously leave out Channing Tatum’s flying rollerskates?

[sevenpoints]

[tricksterity-deactivated2017112]

ok but you left out the fact that when sean bean’s part bee character swears he says “beeswax!” in the same tone someone would say “fuck!”

[spacerollerblades]

a cinematic masterpiece

[sashayed]

i made you guys some romantic valentines from the most important movie in the world at work today

[sashayed]

good day to celebrate the most important love story of our era

[vasselheims-archive]

everyone: jupiter ascending was a bad movie

me: 

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

The greatest proof of Jupiter Ascending’s awesomeness is the simple fact of its existence (I.e. space bees, space Borgias, space bling, space werewolf, etc.)

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

Ever wondered what a cast of Channing Tatum’s face looked like with prosthetic elf ears? Look no further!

[insignificantstrawberry]

why did they use a full body cast…for just his ears…

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

It’s not a full-body cast, just a bust. I expect they needed to take a whole face cast because Tatum had facial appliances as well (to achieve the whole genetically modified space werewolf look).

[spacerollerblades]

"the whole genetically modified space werewolf look" really does a lot for me, tbh

[pixiedustandbluebutterflies]

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen Jupiter Ascending and I’m still not over how much of a dom Jupiter is

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

The dom Jupiter trope is one of Jupiter Ascending’s greatest contributions to fandom.

[bespectacledbento]

Lunch for March 3, 2016

Jupiter Ascending!

This movie is so pretty, but with the exception of the “queen Jupiter” outfit it’s not got a lot of imagery that’s easy to condense into a bento. Queen Jupiter it is, then!

Jupiter herself is made from ham (with our without food coloring), nori, cheese, and thin slices of cauliflower. Her background is an egg. Beneath her is leftover pasta.

On the side you’ll find apple slices and baked spam on skewers chosen to reflect the rhinestone on the center of her lips when she was in this costume.

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

I have seen many pieces of Jupiter Ascending fanart, but this absolutely takes the cake as the most original and adorable I’ve ever seen! Brilliant!

[nonethelis]

im dying bc that’s the plot to jupiter ascending 

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

And it’s made even better by the fact that That ‘70s Show starred no one other than bb Mila “Space Queen” Kunis:

[spacerollerblades]

oh my god

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

We are honoured to have such beautiful imagery in our lives.

[spacerollerblades]

Blessed, tbh.

[jvpiterascending]

Caine’s Wings

Requested by @mikaeladyer

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

Caine Wise spreading his wings.

[jvpiterascending]

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

This interrogation is so damn bizarre, and I love that this scene literally gets Stinger’s redemption out of the way in 30 seconds (out of necessity, of course - there’s literally no time for anything else). It also perpetuates Jupiter Ascending’s dogged obsession with financial/material obligations.

[jupiterascendingheadcanons]

It’s also one of the best examples of the way the film subverts the traditional male narrative! The betrayal of a close and trusted friend is usually fodder for a ridiculous amount of manpain, due to the limitations of a hypermasculine environment where men aren’t allowed to work through their feelings in any way other than anger and violence.

Caine approaches Stinger with compassion and empathy, asks him to engage emotionally and explain himself, expresses understanding about why he did what he did, and then forgives him without turning it into a big, melodramatic deal. There’s no redemption arc for Stinger because one isn’t needed; he and Caine handle their feelings, both for each other and about the situation, in a mature, responsible way.

The utter lack of drama, the lack of any contrived “you betrayed me and now I can’t trust you until you make some grand dramatic gesture like sacrificing your life to save me” bullshit actively subverts the traditional masculine narrative. In thirty seconds, the film turns everything you’ve always been taught to expect from these two men on its head.

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

What a great way of looking at it! I totally concur - this is some brilliant meta.

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

This is actual dialogue from tonight’s episode of Doctor Who:

Clara: “Have you brought me to a space restaurant?”

Doctor: “People never do that, you know.”

Clara: “Do what?”

Doctor: “They never put the word ‘space’ in front of something just because everything’s all sort of high-tech and futuristic. It’s never space restaurant or space champagne or space, you know, hat.”

As a proud member of the Jupiter Ascending fandom, I must beg to differ. We put space in front of everything.

[spacerollerblades]

*looks at my url* yeah, that checks out.

[jvpiterascending]

Jupiter Jones is not your damn mother.

Requested by anonymous. 

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

I adore this gif set, and believe it exemplifies one of the best and most intriguing aspects of the film - namely its uses of parallels and repetition. As the erstwhile @salamanderinspace highlighted in a post on the centrality of sets of three to the film, Jupiter Ascending is stuffed full of repeated scenarios, lines and plot beats. There are three siblings. There are three families. There are three instances of “I hate my life”, etc. 

None of this is down to laziness or sloppiness, as has sometimes been suggested. Repetition is used deliberately to highlight points of similarity and divergence between the past and the present, between our past selves and our present selves. Jupiter herself is a genetic repeat of another person - she is literally referred to as a ‘recurrence’ and has to constantly fight back against and reject the history of the dead woman she happens to be the image of. While situations may recur and persist throughout history, we have the power to change our responses to them and make different decisions - that’s where Jupiter’s strength and potential lies.

But to focus on this specific line being repeated, Jupiter begins by saying “I’m not your mother” as a sensitive statement of fact; she is talking to a stranger, a woman who she knows almost nothing about except that she lost her mother. The second time the line is voiced, Jupiter is bruised, battered and betrayed - actively addressed as if she is Seraphi, Jupiter is adamant and uncompromising with her rejection of that role. The third and final time, the line is both a rejection and a judgement - Jupiter has witnessed enough of the corruption and cruelty of the Abrasax family to determine that Seraphi embodied everything that she is not. Seraphi died in a state of intense, consuming misery, murdered by her own child. It’s hard to imagine a more wretched death.

Thus, with her final, decisive statement of “I’m not your damn mother”, Jupiter is rejecting that identity and that fate, establishing herself as a separate individual with her own self-determined destiny. That’s why the line is important and more than a cheap, sensationalist punchline.

[starkidmack]

When people ask me why I love Jupiter Ascending, I just remind them that the main antagonist can be described as “Glittery Space Bondage Voldemort” and the protagonist’s love interest is a human-wolf hybrid with wings and gravity heelys.

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

Seriously, what isn’t awesome about it?

[itsclydebitches]

more JA + AO3 tags! 

[fuckyeahjupiterascending]

Accidental Voyeurism is my favourite, especially when paired with that picture of a highly worked-up Balem.

[whcvians]

I will admit there are some things about my life that I would like to change but that doesn’t make me a different person. It doesn’t- it doesn’t change the things that matter to me, or who I care about. I’m still the same me.

If Your Majesty says so.