Surprise drabble for @galransandextras
It had felt silly the first time she did it, and even years after she begun the tradition, it still felt silly. To record messages for a man who might die before he can listen to them, to update him on a life he’s not living, never will, and can only look back on.
But, if ever they met again, and he was still alive ... she had always justified it by believing he’d find comfort in those video recordings. That, if he may be mourning the joy of seeing his child grow, he could watch the video recording of her very first few wobbly steps, of her first time saying “ dada “, of the first birthday. He could experience those memories, albeit late.
She exhaled, before setting the camera up on it’s tripod, and pressing record, placing her hair behind her ears nervously.
“ Hey Thace. Merry Christmas. This is ... the fourth one I’m recording, yeah, that’s right. “
Four years he’s been gone ... she looks pensively away, then snaps her eyes back to the lens of the camera, not wanting the pause to feel too heavy, for him to feel guilty.
“ Things are going great! Maxie’s happy, I’m doing great, work has been fine! It’s just ... you know, work is work. Though nursing is no way near as difficult as being a ... knife? Was it knife ... I’m sorry love, it’s ... it’s been a while. “
A heavy breath, once again. Come on, these recordings are supposed to cheer him up, but all you do is show how much his absence is hurting you. This is the opposite of what you’re going for!
“ She’s ... started to ask me where you are. You know, she’s growing up, and ... she’s starting to understand that ... daddy isn’t here, and other kids’ dads are at home with them. And she’s wondering where her dad is ... “
“ It’s ... it’s difficult. To have to lie to her, but ... I can’t tell her, we both know that. It’s not safe for her, and it’s not safe for you. But ... to tell my baby that her dad is dead, and she will never see him ... “
She abruptly leaned forward, head in her hands. She wanted to end that recording so bad, scrap it all, try again and with more holiday cheer.
But ... Thace would want her to be honest. He’d want to know how things really are.
Sighing, she lifted her head back up, fingers entwining together.
“ ... but, I think she’s enjoying what I came up with last year. Taking Christmas photos for you, to send to the ‘heaven postal service’. She thinks you’re reading the messages she writes on the back of those. I ... I’m thinking of getting a box to put them in, and give it to you if ... if you come back. Alive. “
With teared up eyes, she looked into the barrel of the camera, and she could see herself in the small mirror at the end of it. She looked miserable.
“ ... I know it’s ... not likely, that you do. I know the odds you’re facing are near-insurmountable, but ... Maxime is such a headstrong child, you know, and ... I like to think some of that is from you, and you’ll pull through, and you’ll come back, and you’ll meet her. “
“ Merry Christmas, Thace. I love you. “