LIMA LOSER? OR IS THAT SPENCER PORTER? THEY MIGHT EVEN PASS FOR NUNO GALLEGO IN THE RIGHT LIGHT. THEY'RE 20, BUT STILL STUCK IN LIMA AT WILLIAM MCKINLEY UNIVERSITY. THEY'VE BEEN CALLED THE POST-MODERN GAY, BUT PREFER TO BE THE MVP. MAYBE IF THEY FIX THEIR AESTHETIC AKA GRASS STAINS ON AN OLD PAIR OF JEANS, PURPOSEFULLY RUINING A NICE MOMENT WITH A HAND-MADE FART SOUND, & ACTING UNBOTHERED WHILE SECRETLY PINING THEY'LL GET THEIR WAY. WORD ON THE SHOW CHOIR BLOGS ARE THEY'RE IN NEW DIRECTIONS. SO GOOD LUCK TO THEM!
THE BASICS:
name: spencer austin porter
nicknames: spence
pronouns: he/him
gender: cis man
birthday/zodiac: august 12th, leo
birthplace: st. louis, missouri
relationship status: single
sexuality: homosexual
occupation: college student
sports/clubs: baseball team (pitcher), football team (running back), fight club
i get free drinks and a lot of sex when i go there so why would i go anywhere else? and the music used to be half good so i could find some drunk straight girls to dance with to have some fun. i'm into any type of guy with a nice bank account.
a lot of sex with old farts. tell me, do you have to mush up their little blue pills and put it in some applesauce for them, or are they still able to swallow all on their own?
Oh, definitely, but at that point the kids are usually stuck with the name, unless they change it. Which is actually super hard to do, at least it was for me. I'm just glad my parents helped me as much as they could. What about $500? I wonder if I could get Sugar to donate some too for the cause.
it could be worse - sam knows some chick named little bitch, apparently. vaggie is starting to sound not so bad in comparison. ...okay, for five hundred bucks i could be potentially down for putting on a stupid little cape or something. but only if you can guarantee my win. i'm not going to be in a costume and a loser. that's like, loser times two.
Hell yeah, man. If you say so, now I feel like I gotta make them extra good. Dude, they better not be just basic dick pics. If they are, I might not ever recover. I will also definitely worry over your social life. Hey, a team is a team for a reason. I think we have a lot of great players.
Who knows, I feel like she wasn't, but then if she was I have to wonder if she was serious about me losing ten pounds too. Not like in a name, but I'm pretty sure I've heard Santana say bitchette like a mini one. I think there's also a baseball player who has that for a last name.
you weren't gonna make them extra good for me to begin with? rude. look, i might not be like the other gays, but i'm still gay. i know how to take a dick pic without it looking like a wet rat. my "social life" is just fine. really? ...where are they?
if she works in the model industry i'm guessing she probably was. they like the skin and bones look. personally, i like muscles. you know, like a sane person with eyes would. he's on the blue jays, apparently, yeah. guess i never noticed - i'm more of a reds guy.
Okay, the time has come for everyone to boycott Scandals. #scandalsisoverparty.
Yep, you heard me. I'm just as shocked as you are, but I have been wronged so deeply that I don't see any other option. What was meant to be a fun, harmless early Halloween themed night turned into a living hell.
Let me set the scene. I show up, I walk to the bar, I stand around looking coy & seductive until an old man offers to buy me a drink. Nothing out of the ordinary. And then it happens. The last few notes of Espresso fade out and fucking Ed Sheeran begins to play. Excuse you?! Ed Sheeran? At a gay bar? Is that meant to be the Halloween frights? I let it slide at first because maybe this DJ hit the wrong track on that Spotify playlist they call a DJ set, but then the next song starts. Mr Brightside. After that Uptown Funk. And that was my last straw. It was truly sickening.
So, until Scandals can get someone with taste, I think we should all boycott.
Side note; all of this is happening while I'm dressed as Lust For Life era Lana, a costume which no one seemed to recognise.
I mean, you could try cat treats, I don't know if they'd work, unless it was like super expensive fancy tuna treats or something. The regular ones stopped working on him years ago. Definitely not Marlboros or cigars, even if he tells you otherwise.
I feel like there'll be at least one, there's always people who want their kid's name to be a little different, even if it's just the spelling. What if I made a cash prize for the best costume? I'll even disqualify myself and Santana so it's fair.
idk, what i'm hearing is that the cigars would work, and you're the one trying to stop him from getting them. i'll talk to the man myself, see what he's feeling.
maybe. i usually think a call to cps is warranted for those people, but i guess you're right in that they do exist. ...depends on how much cash we're talking.
I can totally treat you to dinner or something as a thank you, man. Let me know too if I can return the favor. Dude, no way the football thing doesn't work out, you're one of our best players.
It was! But she wouldn't answer whether it was pronounced like bee-shay or like bitch-ette, like a lil mini bitch. I've heard it both ways.
I know, now imagine losing in both. We can't let it happen, Spence.
burgers? i'd be down. the thirst traps are enough of a thank you tbh, but i won't fight you over a free meal. return the favor like... critique my own pics? i don't really post much, most of mine are just sent over text, and they're not exactly the safe for work kind, my guy. but, if you really want one that bad, you can just ask. one of, huh? who are you saying is better than me?
you sure she wasn't just messing with you? wait, are you telling me you've met more than one person with that name?
Absolutely, Spence, I can't have any lame costumes harshing the vibes. To be fair though, you'd probably be able to bribe your way in through Lord T who's going to play bouncer.
It's short for Vagatha, but now that you say that, it kind of is. I wonder if people will end up with that name in a few years. I was thinking characters from an old movie, but I think you're onto something with pin-up girls. That would actually be perfect. See, you totally have the potential to pick an awesome costume for yourself.
what do you bribe a cat with? --no, what do i bribe your cat with? because something tells me it's not something normal, like cat treats.
yeah, i don't think that one's gonna be catching on anytime soon, but... hey, i can't see the future. could be wrong. potential? maybe. desire? ...not so much.
Gotchuuu. Might have to get used to that sorta thing. You know, being the second string equivalent for the team. Who's the quarterback for the team, if you had to say?
i dunno, rachel, probably. who else would it be? then again, maybe it's someone else entirely, you know, someone whose not the person that actually deserves it, just like with me and the titans. ...some offense.
It won't count as substantial if you don't have the hefty talent to show for it. Ballads may be boring, certainly, but if a ballad is performed down to a T then you're still going to be in absolute trouble for as far as the judges are concerned, no matter what your abs look like.
If by experiment you mean doing something with another guy, then I hate to disappoint you.
...you? like, no offense, but... you? ...i mean, i guess kicker makes the most sense, but i can't imagine you stepping onto a football field to begin with.
You're hired then, man. I'll send you them ASAP. I mean, kissy faces would be nice, but I can take brutal honesty, for sure. Your shirtless pic privileges will be safe. Like definitely tell me if the lighting sucks or it's a bad angle or if I look like bloated or something. Trust me, you can't be any worse than that modeling agency lady, Bitchette. I think so? But if I don't, I'll totally share in whatever profits I do get.
Good to hear, 'cause I want the Titans to go all the way this year. But I will say I also want that for the New Directions too.
you've got it. this might be the best job i've ever had. beats lawn mower and dog walker, that's for sure. i think i might have truly found my calling, if the whole football thing doesn't work out.
...bitchette? that wasn't her legal name, was it? please tell me it wasn't her legal name.
we'd better. i'm not about to lose again. it's so embarrassing, dude. almost as embarrassing as being in glee club.
You're welcome. Exactly! It definitely beats dressing up as your average football player. 'Cause if you did that, I'd have to ban you from my Halloween party.
I had a couple of ideas, but now I want to see what I can rope Santana into. The top of that list is Charlie and Vaggie from Hazbin Hotel, but I think we could do better, maybe something retro, especially if we can drag Quinn into the mix too.
What good is double the eye candy if neither one of you has anything substantial to bring to the group? I know enough to know Evans' range is far from formidable. Yours, on the other hand, has my curiosity piqued. It seems like an interesting choice to opt for this many jocks to stand and sway behind Berry when the majority of you are notoriously bad at keeping up with even the most basic choreography.
eye candy doesn't count as substantial? what do you think catches those bored judges attention, after having to hear the billionth boring ass ballad that day?
...curiosity? what, like you're trying to experiment or something?
my choreography is just fine, man. i'm good with my hips.
