Spencer Richards

Personal Assistant to Aramais Castor, Bartender at Raven. 28 years old. [Closed RP Blog for Wicked's Rest]

[declinlalune]

Why [...] do you suspect that? Do you actually have a guinea pig, or did you pick something up off the side of the road.

Well, the more you know, I guess. I've never really had pets or anything, so anything I know is usually through word of mouth. [...] Do guinea pigs eat meat? Now I'm almost sure that isn't a guinea pig you have.

[spencer-spells]

Oh, he just used to be really...different. I just kind of want to know why he's changed, or what's going on in that head, you know?

Uh..I don't know really. But before he changed, he did really like a good steak. And expensive wine

[kadavernagh]

Do not sully the name of science by even associating it with such nonsense. I'll be extraordinarily generous and call it an unscrupulous art.

No pain... perhaps some psychological distress. But it's a guinea pig. Not every animal will live for many years and those that have the potential to do so often don't make it. This is not going to endear me to you, is it?

You could find out about the animal's preferences by offering it a choice in a controlled environment. You could assess its intelligence by incentivizing it to go through a maze or other obstacles. Fear conditioning. Ah, right, this is your pet. You could present novel objects to learn about its capability for object recognition. Personally, I don't find rodents have much use other than

[spencer-spells]

Fair enough, it's not exactly peer-reviewed.

Okay, great. A controlled environment to see if he would go for something he used to love vs a typical high value guinea pig treat - that's great, thank you! If that doesn't yield promising results, I do think trying to get a measure of his intelligence is a great idea, too. Maybe if I give him one of his old magical locks puzzles I can see if he can still solve it.

You've been the first genuinely helpful person I've come across, I never thought to approach it from an experimental angle. I might have to give up on the pet psychic altogether.

[mortemoppetere]

Are you sure they're not just fucking with people? It seems like the kind of job someone made up to make money off of stupid people. It seems like you would be wasting your money.

No, I don't know any psychics. But if you want to pay me, I'm sure I can tell you just as well as a pet psychic would what your pet is thinking.

[spencer-spells]

I mean, sure, I used to assume all of that stuff was a big hoax. But White Crest has such a thriving...'weird' community that it kind of makes you wonder, you know?

No, thanks. 'Cus if another person tells me he's probably hungry, I'm going to throw a container of pellets at them.

[revivedhazel]

Well, from what I understand, males can only be with females that are spayed. Never put a male with another male even when neutered. That's how you get two standoffish assholes.

[spencer-spells]

Noted. Though, I don't think he would ever forgive me if I put him with any unspayed/unneutered guinea pig, regardless of gender.

[nicsalazar]

Probably not thinking a lot because they don't h Hope that helps. But you're right about this town, you got a weirdo for everything. Just make sure you don't get scammed.

[spencer-spells]

I kind of hope you're right, to be honest. It would be worse if he had a lot on his mind.

I don't really know how to not get scammed? How can you tell you're getting scammed before they actually scam you?

[declinlalune]

Insight and substance from a guinea pig...? I mean, go for it. I wonder if they think about carrots.

Shit, that's rabbits, isn't it?

[spencer-spells]

Maybe not all guinea pigs, but I suspect this one has some big things on his mind.

I'm no expert - but, I did read that carrots should only be an occasional treat for them! They mostly eat hay, and leafy greens, really. Although I wonder what would happen if I offered an old favorite, like an expensive cut of filet cooked rare...

That's a great idea, thank you!!

[spice-and-fire]

Wait, is that actually a thing? There are psychics for pets? Huh. Maybe it's just hungry?

[spencer-spells]

It's a guinea pig, it's always hungry - I'd really like to know what he's thinking, you know? Is he pissed, is he in pain, is he comfortable? Is he trapped in the mind of a guinea pig and experiencing non-stop existential horrors....

[kadavernagh]

We're in agreement. And yet, mistakes are made nonetheless.

I don't see how those two words go together, but I suppose you'll find one in this town if anywhere. If you're just trying to understand what your pet is thinking, why don't you run some behavioral experiments?

[spencer-spells]

Trust me, I would not be looking for a pet psychic if I wasn't desperate. It's not exactly the type of magic science I'm used to.

That's not a bad idea, but all of my observational study hasn't really concluded any useful results. What kind of experiments would you recommend? I don't want to hurt him.

[mortemoppetere]

That's a thing? People can tell you what your pet is thinking?

[spencer-spells]

In theory? I've heard of pet psychics, but I've never met one, or watched one work in person. Plus, the amount of research and testing I would have to do to really be able to verify their results....

But, I'm kind of desperate. Why, do you know any psychics??

[axisjr]

Of course I’m psychic. You should ask me more about the mind goblins.

[spencer-spells]

Okay, got it, not actually psychic.

You know, that's on me for being gullible - fair enough.

[axisjr]

No, but I was trained by the mind goblins. 

[spencer-spells]

Okay...

Does that mean you actually have some psychic prowess, or are you just screwing with me? Because I really am desperate enough to use the "Ligma" chick, to be honest.

[revivedhazel]

Probably that they want a guinea pig for themselves. They like to be in pairs, from what I've heard.

[spencer-spells]

I've read that, too! Unfortunately, I don't think he can have a friend. He's kind of a...weird guinea pig. Like, a real standoffish asshole sometimes, you know?

[kadavernagh]

To err is human.

Those are not difficult words, but I think you meant to say something more along the lines of "Does anyone know of a pet store? I'd like to purchase goods for my guinea pig."

[spencer-spells]

I mean, sure, but to typo is unacceptable. Not when there's spellcheck.

Ohh, yeah - no, I'm looking for a pet psychic. I've actually been to the pet store a ton of times, I feel like I'm pretty well-stocked on guinea pig goods. I just need to kind of want to know what he's thinking, really.

[spencer-spells]

How many guinea pigs do you have?

Just the one! Mr. Maisy. He was sort of a...surprise.

[declinlalune]

I can't help with the whole psychic talking to your pets thing, but I'm sure it's something along the lines of wanting you to feed it. Probably. Are they like pigs ... in that way.

[spencer-spells]

I mean, yeah, I got that he wants to be fed. I'm looking for some insight with a little more...substance. Hence the "pet psychic wanted".

He definitely does want to eat a lot, but I would say the similarities to actual pigs stop there.

[kadavernagh]

I don't know where to begin. Unless... you made several typos, didn't you?

[spencer-spells]

Oh no, I do not make typos. I do not misspell words, or punctuate incorrectly. Ever.

"Guinea" is an odd word, though, I can see thinking that it might be spelled differently. "Psychic", as well, that one gives even me trouble!

[cxrioxserxandcxrioxser]

I've been waiting six weeks for this order to arrive - how hard can it be to ship magical stretchy yoga pants which give you a bubble butt an item of clothing to a small town in Maine?

[spencer-spells]

Well, what website did you order from? 'Cus a lot of them are really just scams using pictures ripped from other legit websites. Trust me, I've fallen victim to lots of Instagram ads in my time.