The mixtape and Dean’s love languages
So I wrote a post analyzing Dean’s love languages, arguing that Dean’s two love languages are acts of service and quality time, and I wanted to explore how the mixtape from 12.19 fits into this analysis.
So, one of the other five love languages is gift giving. However, I argued in my previous post that Dean isn’t much of a gift-giver and it’s not one of his love languages, but I definitely see how the mixtape could be a good argument against that. I mean, he even explicitly refers to the mixtape as a gift.
However, I want to take a deeper look at this. I believe that Dean’s preferred love language for receiving love is quality time - that is, if you want to show Dean that you love him in a way he understands, you should spend quality time with him - and I think the mixtape fits perfectly into this love language.
First of all, one of my own love languages is gift giving, so I speak from personal experience here. Usually when I give someone a gift to show how much they mean to me, there’s a ton of thought, time, and effort that goes into choosing the gift. I’ll spend hours searching for the perfect item, both in-person or online; I’ll rack my brain for every time they just happened to randomly mention something they like or something they wanted; I’ll look for a gift that caters to their personal interests or hobbies or has a personal meaning to them. In summary, I choose a gift specifically FOR them. It’s something that THEY would like, regardless of whether I like it or not. I might think it’s utter crap, but if they like it, then that’s what makes me happy.
Now compare this to the mixtape that Dean gives Cas. I mean, the evidence is right there on the label:
DEAN’S TOP 13 ZEPP TRAXX.
This is a mixtape of Dean’s favorite songs.
As a gift giver, if I was going to make a tape for Cas, I’d ask myself some questions like, “What kind of music does CAS like? Has he ever mentioned any particular songs or genres he enjoys? Has he ever mentioned music from any other cultures, languages, or time periods? Maybe a ‘top hits’ selection so he can experience a variety of artists? Should it be modern music only or the top hits from several decades so he can cover all his bases?” Basically, a lot of thought would go into it. What would be the perfect mixtape that Cas would find enjoyable, useful, or meaningful?
But nope, this isn’t what Dean does. Dean gives him a mixtape of Dean’s favorite songs.
To make a comparison, this is basically the equivalent of giving your significant other a picture of yourself. Like, what kind of weird gift is that? “Here, I have a gift for you - ta-da, it’s a picture of me! Do you love it?!”
Plus, the implicit point of giving someone a picture of yourself is to remind them of you. Most pictures tend to go on someone’s desk, in their wallet, or some other place where they’ll see it all the time. Then every time they see it, they’ll think of you and be reminded of you. It’s basically a way to ensure that they never forget about you.
Seriously, the mixtape is a lot like this. Cas isn’t able to fly anymore, so he’s spending more and more time driving to wherever he needs to go. By giving Cas a mixtape of his favorite songs, Dean is pretty much ensuring that Cas will be never forget about him while he’s gone. It’s a way to MAKE SURE that Cas is always thinking about him.
With all that in mind, let’s take one more look at the scene:
Dean is angry here (because Cas left him, by the way, a big no-no on the whole abandonment issues and ‘quality time’ front), but as soon as Cas tries to give the mixtape back, he caves.
To be honest, I think he panics a little.
The mixtape is a very personal symbol for Dean. Music is a huge part of his life, and everyone knows how much he loves Led Zeppelin. Anyone who knows Dean and spends any amount of time around him will inevitably be subjected to some Zepp songs. Thus, for anyone who knows Dean, thoughts of Led Zeppelin are associated with him, and vice versa. That’s why giving Cas this mixtape was a way to ensure that Cas wouldn’t forget about him.
And if Cas is trying to give back the tape, Dean wonders, what is he saying? Does he not care about Dean anymore? How is he supposed to remember Dean when he’s away? What if Cas forgets about him or doesn’t come back? Is this Cas’ way of saying goodbye?
Basically, to me, this whole scene where Dean gives back the mixtape is not his way of saying, “Hey, I know we’re fighting, but I still care about you”.
Instead, it’s his way of saying, “Hey, I know we’re fighting…but you still care about me, right?”
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