Spill The Anxietea

side blog for venting about mental health and for tracking recovery • 2 mods - Mod Skye & Mod Cat

[spill-the-anxietea]

me, thinking about new friends i've made and the good friends i already have:

me, remembering that when i get really bad i don't consider them at all or the possibility that ending my life might upset and/or confuse them but i act too impulsively and could end up causing that to happen:

[spill-the-anxietea]

me:

insomnia: guess who's back (back again)

[fuckyeahasexual]

Fictional character: I don't care about sex

Me, an asexual individual: Ohh, that's something i can relate to. Finally! Yay!

Fictional character: I don't care about romance either.

Me: That's cool! It will be very enjoyable to watch you have a meaningful life and be a complex, unique person who simply happens not to feel sexual or romantic attraction.

Fictional character: In fact, i don't care about other humans at all. I don't have friends or family. I'm a very lonely person. Other people call me a freak.

Me: ... Fine, i guess

Fictional character: All my social interactions are very child-like, cold-hearted, superficial and meaningless. The sole reason for this is my lack of romance and sex. It makes me incapable of having a happy, normal relationship of any kind.

Me: What

Fictional character: But now i met That One Special Person.

Me: the fuck

Fictional character: That One Special Person changes everything. They heal my broken heart and make me capable of having feelings. Obviously i have been broken the whole time.

Me: ...

Me: Why did i even expect anything else, i should know better by now

[spill-the-anxietea]

honestly you can only keep denying something so long but your soul knows the truth

[winemummy]

I hope the next thing I get addicted to is taking care of my self and loving my body

[spill-the-anxietea]

i think im really screwed

[spill-the-anxietea]

3000 milligrammes wasn't enough . really?

[spill-the-anxietea]

literally fuck everyone fuck all of you i'll see you in hell fuckers

[spill-the-anxietea]

me: hey so i almost tried offing myself again and also fun fact i lied i do self harm

my therapist: so,,, it sounds like you're not in any immediate danger,,,

me:

[spill-the-anxietea]

im GAY i want a GF im GAY gay gay gay bitch!!!

[decidedlyunhappy]

eating 2000 calories a day and NOT contemplating suicide?

cant relate.

[spill-the-anxietea]

the simplest things push me over the edge these days and i don't know whether im tired disappointed or scared

[spill-the-anxietea]

im literally so fucked everything is going to shit life is falling apart all around me

[the-book-diaries]

“I’m not sure which is worse: intense feeling, or the absence of it.”

— Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin (via the-book-diaries)

[boredpd]

me, sitting in my room drowning in rubbish, staring at one spot and not doing anything just feeling numb and lowkey suicidal: what if i faked being mentally ill

[spill-the-anxietea]

you keep catching me trying to off myself but consistently undermine me for going to therapy by insisting that im fine. what sense does that make?

[spill-the-anxietea]

When your mother gives out to you for confiding in your therapist

Thats??? Literally what we pay her for???