my name is birdie and i Do Not Control The Special Interest. please help if you send me prompts from this tag please clarify which post you're talking about or i won't be able to use it
Simon NSFW Alphabet (Simon x GN!Reader) - Iron Lung
... It's a NSFW Alphabet for Simon. I have at least two fic ideas for him, one x reader, other x oc, and while planning I noticed that I needed some type of organized reference to fall back to regarding my personal headcanons for this man in terms of sex. It ended... I mean... Well. This is a freaking treaty on Simon's relationship with sex LMAO
AO3
Word Count: .... 14.423 words. I don't even freaking KNOW how. Hope you enjoy
Warnings: ... It's a NSFW alphabet lol - No Use of Y/N for Reader-Insert; Choking kink; biting kink; marking kink; knife-play kink; Spanking; Touch-Starved SImon; Sexual Overstimulation; no sexual body parts mentioned for reader; simon is a top and a dom most of the time; Voice Kink; Feelings of inadequacy; Mentions of Simon having crisis of anger at himself; Religious Guilt; Lack of proper sexual education; choking done unsafely at least at first; insinuation of blood kink; a bit of blood; handjob; blowjob; oral sex; subtle implications that the Blood Ocean changed Simon; mention that if reader menstruates, Simon is absolutely into it when it happens
Simon NSFW Alphabet
Please donât ask me about HOW some of what is here came to be, like⊠Everything related to D. I was writing O out of order and then things got out of hand and the more I looked the more the crazy thing made sense in my brain.
Warning: This is written under the headcanon that Eden, as a death cult, has had overall a policy of celibacy enforced and sex treated as a sin and a deviation of the duties to the Last Tree, with reproduction tightly controlled by the Father, and sexual education something basically not done beyond the âmen have these body parts and women these and women carry children. Stay away from each otherâ. Reproduction was basically the bare-minimum to ensure the Last Tree would have caretakers, but never so humans would become powerful once again, always being done under the permission of the Father.
Particularly for me, this doesnât mean automatically ânever had sexâ. I have heard enough stories, from my mom or told by other people, personally or shared on the internet, that are in their 40s to 60s or older, and grew up in extremely suppressed households that didnât explain sex, to have the notion that a lot of the times the lack of knowledge doesnât equate with never doing, and actually may result in people doing without knowing, with the guilty and fear coming from the ignorance if that was wrong or not.
Because of these two, I do headcanon that Simon had sex while he was still from Eden and was The Butcher, started while a teen with raging hormones and going on into adulthood; it was riddled in guilt, and he learned to not cum inside not because he was taught, but because of context clues from older people.
Also, everything written from the POV of Simon surviving the SM-13 and the Blood Ocean, having a prosthetic arm to substitute the missing one â the level of detail and capabilities of the prosthetic left to the imagination, just⊠Remember that this is the Quiet Rapture and resources in COI arenât that easy lmao.
A = Aftercare (what theyâre like after sex)
Back in Eden, when Simon only got to experiment with sex in extremely fast and frenzied moments of secrecy stolen away, he was⊠Perfunctory is the best word. Cleaning up himself and his partner, usually each one alone, a tap on their shoulder, occasionally a small thanks, if he had the presence of mind. Both knew it was a moment of secrecy and rule-breaking that could end badly if they were caught, so lingering after wasnât a true option. And, sincerely, even if there were the time and moment, Simon wouldnât exactly be nice or kind: it was blowing off steam, a way of dealing with the pressure of a cult whose doctrine he didnât exactly believe anymore but still put all of its weight on him; why did he need to do anything for someone that knew what they were getting from the start? It would never dawn on him that any type of care after sex would also be for his own benefit.
The Conviction Realization program in itself helped in this instance not because of proper sexual education or whatever, but simply because the work and the re-education and learning of some of COI rules and the time imprisoned gave Simon time and tools to think and process and step away from what Eden hammered away inside his mind. One clear result relating to sex became clear, once surviving the Blood Ocean and finding someone that he trusts and gives him a chance: he was not frenzied and desperate to leave after the sex was done. It wasnât something he needed to do, because while COI has rules regarding reproduction in itself, the simple fact of meeting and having sex is not something that will be punished.
This gave Simon time after the deed, even if he didnât particularly know what to do beyond cleaning himself up. Didnât immediately leave, was open to share the space and maybe even a bed after. These were already monumental for Simon, things The Butcher would have never done. Everything else he ended up learning in increments as the relationship progressed, half out of his own volition, half of observing what his partner did: cleaning his partner too instead of only himself, checking for injuries done during the moment and taking care of them, touching non-sexually his partner and allowing the same as he gets used to the physical touches and affection â hand holding, butterfly kisses, allowing his partner to clean him.
As Simon got used to physical touch and affection, cuddling was something that ended up being introduced on overall day-to-day life with his partner, and it was something he almost eagerly brought to the aftercare, especially when they were getting ready to sleep. However, he discovered that cuddling during sleep, even if his body used to and craving the physical touch and proximity, was a risk: the warmth during sleep increased the number of nightmares related to the SM-13, and with them clinging to each other, accidentally injuring his partner during these nightmares became a reality; the first time it happened, his partner ended with a bruised eye.
The fact that this makes so itâs best if they overall sleep each one on one side of the bed gave him a lot of frustration and a bunch of anger explosions at the start, mostly aimed at himself, both for not being able to and for accidentally hurting his partner, followed by really intense crash-downs over the hurting: he couldnât believe his body betrayed him like that. Simon calmed down with time, but he never stopped being frustrated at this: cuddling after sex still happens, but they have to remember to separate before actually falling asleep and Simon outright hates this separation.
It must be pointed out that Simon never stopped being resistant to being on the receiving end of the aftercare. Part of him still felt as if he ass walking into a trap. It improved with time, but overall he preferred to be the one taking care: he found it grounding and reassuring in ways that made him feel less like The Butcher and more as just Simon. Helped his brain latch on the reality that he wasnât walking the fine line of breaking the Fatherâs rules and was actually allowed to do all this, on the reality that he was alive and thereâs someone with him, instead of dying alone in the depths of the Blood Ocean.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partnerâs)
This is something that he never would have been able to answer as The Butcher. Not because he didnât know, but because it was something he never thought about. At most, maybe he would say he enjoyed his right hand, because it was the one that was able to hold the knife his mother gave him and that he used to be The Butcher.
And after, after COI and the Blood Ocean, it takes time for Simon to explore himself and his partner to be able to discover any of those.
The answer regarding the favorite body part in himself ended up being his hair. Not because itâs pretty or anything like it, but because itâs the first place of him that his partner could touch somewhat constantly without overwhelming him, as long as such touch was soft and careful and didnât pull on his hair. Itâs the easiest place for Simon to receive any form of physical affection since early in the relationship. Sure, at the start it could still make him freeze and for a long time he feared having a different reaction, but itâs still the main point of start for him. The touches started short, a few minutes at a time of having his hair caressed and petted, but as the relationship deepened and he got used to it, eventually he was able to go on hours receiving these. Itâs also one of the few things that he accepts being done to him during aftercare.
As to the favorite body part of his partner, it ended up being their chest, not in a sexual way: for Simon, it was about lying his head down on their chest and hearing their heartbeat. It reassured Simon that they exist, that the moment was real, and that they were there, with him. After sex, he enjoyed hearing as their heartbeat went from fast and frantic to calm and steady. An evidence of what they shared and of the fact that he, Simon, was trusted. The main reason he wished he was able to sleep all wrapped up and cuddling with his partner was so he would be able to fall asleep like this, head on their chest.
If Simonâs partner was already asleep when he went to sleep, it wasnât uncommon for him to put his head or his hand on their chest for a few seconds, hearing and/or feeling their heart, checking if everything was okay, before going to sleep himself.
Simon also ended up developing a very obvious pattern every time something that puts his partnerâs life in danger happened: explosion of anger, followed by asking forgiveness for the explosion, then pulling his partner close and putting his ear to their chest and hearing their heartbeat.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Thereâs absolutely no question that, back in Eden, cumming inside was the biggest no, no matter if pregnancy was an actual possibility; it was just way, way easier to make his best to pull out and avoid possible consequences. Even in the occasions he did end up leaning towards dissociation, he did his best to keep control and focus enough to pull out. Most of the times, actually, he preferred to pull out and finish himself with his own hand.
The âcumming inside a big noâ remain after the Conviction Realization program and surviving the Blood Ocean, but the justification and the weight associated is what mainly changed and became⊠In a way, lighter. Before, there was guilty over the breaking of rules, going against what was needed to take care of the Last Tree, the fear of punishment if he and his partner were caught even if only getting close, no matter what.
After, while thereâs still some fear if pregnancy is a possibility, time and work on himself helped Simon shed the guilty over sex itself, instead remaining only the notion that the population numbers needed to be controlled, not out of a death cult but out of necessity. Because of this, the actual possibility of cumming inside his partner is something that didnât really cross his mind, even if pregnancy is not a possibility. Thatâs something that his partner would need to bring up.
It must be said, however, that time and experimentation caused Simon to develop some⊠Appreciation, for seeing his cum staining his partnerâs skin. Somedays he simply took a longer to get them clean, stealing minutes just to watch as the white sticky cum dripped and dried; other days, when he still had some energy, just the watching was enough to make him ready to go again. A physical and visual reminder that thatâs his partner, that they trust him, a low-level possessiveness that Simon wouldnât be able to put into words if asked.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Simon eventually discovered that one his favorite sounds are the ones his partner did when he went down on them, mouth purposeful in pulling pleasure from them. Unlike the sounds made during sex proper, that made his body burn with arousal, or his partnerâs heartbeat, that reassured him of the reality, these he found relaxing. The type of relaxing that effectively helped him fall asleep on bad days. He couldnât explain why, he just knew thatâs what happened with him.
So relaxing that Simon started wondering about sneaking in some audio recorder so he could record these and, you know, just have it easily at hand so he could hear the recording if he woke from a nightmare or had insomnia, without needing to wake his partner or twisting endlessly on the bed on the off-chance that they werenât present.
Simon felt awful about even having the idea, and no matter how much he tried to kick it out of his mind, it refused to leave. He fully believed that this was way too weird and that his partner would find it a deal-breaker, so he was determined to take this to his grave. It was hard enough to find someone not only that gave him a chance despite his past and lack of an arm â something that makes life in the COI after the Quiet Rapture harder than what life already it â, but that was patient enough with his problems regarding intimacy and touch and sex and up to accept his anger and impulsivity, as long as he kept doing his part; he wasnât putting it all at risk because of some dumb idea.
The irony was that if he was just to ask his partner thereâs a 99% chance they would be up to and feel a mix of embarrassment and honor that their sounds help Simon so much.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what theyâre doing?)
Simon wasnât the most experienced, no. With Edenâs policy of celibacy, the chances Simon had while under Eden, when he was The Butcher mainly, were few and far between, always covered in secrecy and desperation, fast affairs more about blowing off steam, no space for fantasies, riddled with guilty and, in some cases, dissociation: a way to deal with and ignore the guilty over breaking the rules. Once in COI prison, things didnât improve, but they gave Simonâs brain a fuel that it didnât have before: guards and other inmates talk a lot more, unlike back in Eden and its whispers, even if not with Simon, and it implanted ideas deep in his mind he tried to deny fervently â mostly because Simon judged them to be weird, too much, not proper, things that The Butcher he was would like but not who he was trying to be. Beyond this, once he started down the Conviction Realization program, Simon started having some of the tools to deal with the effects of the guilt, but by all means it wasnât easy.
At the end of the day, while Simon knew the generals of sex, it had a feverish, selfish quality to it where he rarely actually thought about his partnerâs pleasure, not exactly for lack of consideration or even feeling, but mainly because his experience was shaped and comprised by stolen moments in between stealing and killing COI members under Fatherâs orders and acting on any other duty the cult would put him up to.
After surviving the Blood Ocean and having the opportunity to get involved with someone, there was be a steep learning curve waiting for him: at a minimum, how to actually pleasure someone instead of only taking pleasure, the shedding of the lingering guilty involving Edenâs policy of celibacy, and the actual possibility of taking time and not being in an eternal rush with fear of being caught.
The knowledge that infiltrated while he heard others talk had a tendency to surface and be acted upon when Simon least expected, with no previous conversation with his partner: it was an effect of him trying to forget them and of dealing with the lingering guilty regarding sex. Depending on what exactly he did and his partnerâs reaction â hand on someoneâs neck with no previous warning, for example, is a big thing, after all â, there was a considerable chance of Simon spiraling, frustrated and angry with himself. Boundaries and proper talk about whatever fantasies are hidden in his subconscious were needed, the same as a whole new work over Simon learning not only about sexual intimacy but about kinks and fantasies and that these didnât mean he was bad or relapsing into the man that stole and killed without regrets.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Before, back in Eden and as The Butcher, he fully preferred to push his partner face first into a wall or bend then at the waist against a table and fuck them from behind, his partnerâs arms twisted and held at their back most of the times: easier to keep distance, to avoid touch, to keep from looking eye-to-eye, less of a mess, easier to focus on finishing things as fast as possible.
Two things became clear to Simon after surviving the Blood Ocean, partly dependent on the type of prosthetic that ended up substituting his left arm, be it properly articulated or not. The first, the fact that when he attempted repeats of his favorite positions from before, it made him remind too much of how he was as The Butcher and what Eden wanted of him, being easier to slip into older habits of touches and words that can hurt and that he didnât want to practice on purpose. As a result, he fully cut these positions from the ones he and his partner practiced. The other is the fact that physical touch and affection was something that he needed to slowly acclimatize himself to receiving.
The result was that Simon had very few positions he could explore at first with his partner, in a way that he didnât slip into older habits and could slowly get himself used to more touch while still feeling in control â after both Eden and the SM-13, Simon finds extremely hard to let go of control, especially during sex.
Being ridden by his partner with him sitting was one of the best ones at the start: he could hold his partnerâs wrists with only one hand, most of the time, allow for kisses and other uses of both of their mouths, and a slow acclimatizing of one hand touching him, but still with the possibility of keeping some physical distance if too much, and didnât demand much of him in terms of balance. His partner on all fours in a bed while he fucks them from behind was also a good option: not something Simon did in the time of Eden, simply because the position is too vulnerable to get into when youâre not supposed to be doing it at all. It also allowed him to experiment with a good level of control on how much physical touch he allowed, without falling into old habits.
Once more trust had been stablished and he was somewhat more comfortable and certain that his partner could keep themselves from touching him without permission and he could deal with more proximity, missionary was his next step. He could support himself on his arm easily, to keep some distance, but the possibility of physical touch and kisses were close enough.
In the end, as time passed and he got more comfortable with physical touch and affection, well⊠Simonâs favorite position ended being the mating press, his partnerâs legs over his shoulders and his body pressed down tightly to theirs, able to kiss and bite. Having his body so tightly pressed to his partnerâs, having control almost exclusively of the rhythm, while his partner still could touch him once he got used to it, felt the closest to heaven he thought he would ever reach. How his partner reacted â the sounds, the faces, the despair for him, how they clung to him and tried to bring him closer â didnât help, if anything made him even more a wreck. The first time he and his partner did this position, where not a single touch felt painful and as a consequence there was no frustration or need to stop, he definitely felt overwhelmed in a whole different way and it ended up there in his list of ten most intense orgasms.
Not rarely, especially if in a mating press, Simon would hide his face in his partnerâs neck when he was close. At first out of guilt, and later down the line, out of embarrassment of the sounds he can make.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Specially before his imprisonment by COI, serious and intense in a way that was off-putting, with practically no sounds of pleasure whatsoever and few, pointed words that couldnât be really called either teasing or dirty-talk, but more as matter-of-fact statements mostly about Eden doctrine and the Last Tree â unless anger and rage were what mostly moved him into the situation, in which case some of his words were downright demeaning, with the rare touch delivered in ways that hurt. Sometimes, this intensity went in ways that it almost seemed as if he was not exactly there, body moving automatically, no words said. It could be either way, relieving something he didnât want to and didnât know how not to, or just dealing with the cult-indoctrination of Eden regarding sex.
The effects of the Conviction Realization could be heavily observed in this: while he was still serious and intense, Simon was more present, purposefully attempting to be more in the moment and trying to keep any possible lingering anger or rage at bay. It was less off-putting in general, and harder for him to lean into not there, but still too few words and sounds.
Experience, patience and time helped him be fully present and in developing a small repertoire of dirty-talk to use on his partner.
He kept being serious and intense, sometimes even able to throw a small smile towards his partner, eventually reaching a stage where, instead of off-putting, ended up being arousing for his partner.
It must be pointed that, despite Simonâs intensity, his partner has seen him laugh during sex, and went along: accidents happen and his prosthetic arm isnât the most perfect piece of engineering. There had been times were it accidentally came loose â especially when Simon and his partner were particularly enthusiastic â and put a temporary halt on things, until it was put back in place⊠Or left off, it was really a matter of what they preferred. The first few times it happened, Simon didnât react, just watching, but eventually he relaxed enough that laughing at it alongside his partner became a moment of normalcy and lightness.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Simon has a trail of black hair down the middle of his stomach, thick and wiry, leading down and wrapping around the base of his cock. He never cared much about it, not even to trim, so itâs everything au naturel. Also overall hairy forearms and hairy legs under the knees.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
As mentioned in G, back in Eden Simon had an off-putting intensity, sometimes not even there. There was also overall both physical and emotional distance, with a clear avoidance of looking in the eyes and of kissing on the lips. Bites and kisses on the body of whoever he was having sex with were a small possibility, but always charged with a veneer not of pleasure but of control and punishment in ways that almost seemed to not belong in a sexual context.
Mostly of all, there was a clear boundary of Simon not allowing whoever he was having sex with to touch him: wrists were held down and arms twisted on the back, depending on positions, not as teasing or connection but as a way to keep them from touching him. The involvement of lips and teeth was also discouraged: any of the few kisses were started by him, and he would turn his partnerâs head to the side and hold it there if they attempted anything with their mouth beyond answering the kiss, no matter what. This had a two-folded reason: first, to help keep it all perfunctory and direct to the point, and second, Simon absolutely wanted and wants to be touched, not only in a sexual context, but it feels too much, most times tipping into painful, because of how few actual physical affection he received through his life, all way back in his childhood and when his mom was still alive.
After the Conviction Realization and the Blood Ocean, in Simonâs attempts to be more present and grounded in the moment, an increased veneer of intimacy, especially physical, became apparent. He didnât avoid eye contact, and slowly started to actually search for it. He started more kisses, way too devouring and desperate at first, and he paid better attention to his touches and bites, trying to avoid hurting. He still slipped, more than he would like too, even more if he went through a high-stress situation that lead into an episode of explosive anger for him, and always felt the worst and frustrated at himself after it all.
Despite this new behavior of his he fought for, physical affection was still too much, somewhat worse after the imprisonment and the SM-13, and Simon needed time and patience with himself and from a partner to get his body used to physical affection and touches, be it during in a sexual context or not.
With the loss of one arm in the Blood Ocean, unless he ended with a top-notch prosthetic, able to move perfectly like a flesh arm and hand, it was harder for him to enforce himself not being touched if restraints not involved, and it made him avoid getting into entanglements for a good time; thereâs more need of trust to be involved, and boy is that hard for Simon. Because of this, those fast, mindless meetings with whoever was willing from when he was The Butcher become an actual impossibility.
However, if/when he did find a partner, as the time passed and he started to get used to physical affection, Simon on occasion would purposefully take hold of a single hand of his partner and put on himself in silent permission to be touched during sex. His reaction to being scratched or having his hair pulled, in this case, was very much ambivalent for a long time: sometimes it made him go into a frenzy, while other times was too much and he needed to take the permission away. Simon himself doesnât get what exactly caused one or the other, and as a result he was always frustrated at himself and his own body when it was too much and needed to stop for a few moments. Squeezes and just holding and caressing his skin were the safest bets for the longest time. The permission of his partner to touch him with both hands took another long time of acclimatizing his body. Patience was and kept being key, because Simon always got extremely frustrated if something felt too much, especially if after he went a time without feeling this.
His partner using their mouth on him was the second fastest thing for his body to get acclimated to, after getting his hair petted. Still needed work and time, with Simon doing his best to give his partner more chances to experiment with kissing, nipping and biting at him, just asking for time when it felt too much instead of pushing their face away. Eventually, Simon reached a point where he started leaning into it, the pleasure steady and easy â and occasionally would push his partnerâs face away, not because too much or painful, but because they were pushing him to the edge embarrassingly fast.
It must be pointed that, while Simon overall had bigger problems with being touched during sex and needed more time for his body to get used to it, the fact was that not being in Eden anymore took away the need to get away fast after the deed. This allowed Simon to discover one thing: physical touch after sex was something that he found easier to deal and get used to, as long as it wasnât excessive or overpowering.
Simonâs best guess at the why was because his body was simply too tired to react the same way. In this case, he found the physical touch and affection grounding and reassuring: a leg touching his, one hand over his chest bridging the space, shoulders pressing lightly against each other, fingers briefly sliding and petting along his hair, a squeeze of his hand, maybe followed by hand holding, butterfly kisses down his face and shoulder. All are things that he would absolutely run away from before, not even giving the opportunity to test.
These touches, outside of a post-sex context, took longer for him to get used to and be able to enjoy without it feeling like too much. During this getting-used-to period, it wasnât unusual for Simon to spiral into frustration and anger at himself, sometimes even self-deprecation, when he did something simple like hand-holding on the following day and it was too much â why it wasnât too much the previous night? Simonâs partner having ways to effectively talk and show him that he evolved since they got together were essential to ground him back into the reality.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Simon would occasionally do it back in Eden, or, well, the more adequate word was try. It was hard he would be able to focus and ignore or deal with the guilty of doing something he shouldnât long enough to actually be able to reach any kind of satisfaction, unable to properly sink into any kind of fantasy, no matter how simple. The guilt would always eat at him after the attempt, and made it so he would keep his hands to himself and his brain away from the gutter for a good while. With partners, the presence of another body and sounds other than his own made it easier for him to ignore the guilt and reach some kind of satisfaction⊠If it could be called that.
Things started to shift during his period in the COI prison. He would hear others inmates on occasion, not fully but enough he got a clue of what was happening, and it was a real shock regarding this different reality he was in now. As with other things relating to sex, the work COI and the Conviction Realization program did helped Simon start to break from the Eden mentality.
Slowly, Simon started to take risks with touching himself when alone and swallowed by darkness in his cell, slow moving fantasies in his brain feeding the moment. Just on occasion he managed to cum, not always actually satisfactory. The biggest problem was that the guilty after was two-folded: both because of the Eden rules, something diminished in importance but still there, and because of the fantasies used, some filled with acts that didnât seem appropriate for who he wanted to be. It kept going like this after surviving the Blood Ocean and becoming a COI citizen with his own space.
After finding a partner, Simon didnât see the exact appeal of jacking off instead of actual sex, and didnât attempt for a good while, half because he already had enough on his plate with being a COI citizen and having a partner he was trying to not fuck things up, half because he was certain it would just be a way for guilt to sneak in â and one thing clear with Simon is that he desperately tried to run away from the things that reminded him of his regrets and guilt.
However, Simon wasdnât be opposed to a game of mutual masturbation suggested by his partner, at least not opposed to try: they started this a bunch of times but only once Simon was able to keep himself from jumping his partner and finishing things the old fashioned way.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Oh boy. This has to be separated into two sections: Kinks that Simons had and usually practiced without a problem, even if not exactly noticing they were kinks, and kinks that Simon had and did his absolute best to not act on because he thought they made him be The Butcher and his partner had to drag them out of him.
Kinks that Simon usually practiced, even without knowing actually kinks:
The clearest and most obvious kink that Simon had, and didnât even think about and was constantly present during sex, was biting â never strong enough to leave marks or bruises, in visible places, but definitely biting. It followed him since Eden and being The Butcher; sure, it started mostly as a way to help keeping himself silent, but in a way it became an acquired taste that, even after the Conviction Realization program and the Blood Ocean, he just couldnât get rid of. At most, once with his partner, he redoubled his efforts to not be excessively enthusiastic and avoid marks, injuries and bruises. The reactions and sounds he dragged from his partner when he did it just helped add to Simonâs determination and taste for the action.
In the matter of biting, however, it must be said that before he always kept the people he had sex with from returning. After finding a partner and getting used to physical affection and touches, however, the possibility of having his bites returned didnât exactly cross his mind⊠Until the day his partner managed to surprise him, landing an answering bite on his neck. The moan out of his mouth was so loud, surprising and unexpected he needed a few moments to focus back. Not against it, but Simon didnât expect to enjoy also being bitten.
Following this, with a partner and possibility of taking his time, it didnât took long for Simon to discover that he really, really enjoyed hearing the sounds his partner made during sex. They made his body burn, brain tracking the things he did and caused the more sounds of pleasure with a single-mindedly focus so he could repeat. Simon genuinely could hear the moans and gasps and whatever else he could cause on his partner for hours.
A direct result of Simonâs kink with his partnerâs sounds was that he, on occasion, overstimulated them. It was an absolute accident the first time it happened and it wasnât something he actually considered before: he had just made his partner cum their brains out and their moans and curses and gasps and whines were just stuck on his brain and stopping simply didnât even cross his mind because he needed more-It literally took his partner asking for mercy because it was too much for the mist of single-minded focus to lift and Simon to stop.
To say that the moment hitched a ride inside his brain would be an understatement. As long as his partner allows him and is up to it and letting him hear all their sounds, he will overstimulate them.
Lastly, Simon really enjoys being in control. At first it was more of a matter of necessity, back in Eden and then later during his acclimatization to physical affection and touch, but eventually it became a matter of âhe could hand out control to his partner⊠But having it was really betterâ. He doesnât need to be on top, but he will be the one mostly giving the shots regarding pace, speed, how much touch allowed and so on.
Still, if his partner is on top, Simon does enjoy having his arm pinned down, their hand either around his wrist or fingers intertwined with his. It feels like an actual attempt of taking control and more like grounding and connection, something that he knows he could get out of easily even one-armed. Pulling this move during sex makes Simon go a mix of hornier and emotional.
As for the kinks that floated Simonâs brain and he tried really hard to suppress and ignore and that, once attempted â after his partner dragged them out of him â, he discovered actually enjoying, well⊠They all involve risk actions and/or pain on some level.
While biting was something that Simon fully enjoyed, it meant to be at a constant knifeâs edge, trying to judge between too much and too little: risk leaving teeth marks, bruising, maybe even the risk of drawing blood, or just the teasing of teeth? This edge eventually tipped into too much, more by accident than anything else, Simonâs teeth leaving very obvious marks on his partnerâs skin, allowing bruises to start blooming. The first time it happened, Simon only noticed after the round finished, and to say he felt conflicted as he noticed was an understatement: there was a very obvious excitement, even a new wave of arousal at the marks, but also a very intense wave of frustration and anger at himself because, fuck couldnât he just to keep his own teeth under control?.
His partner had to move fast to reassure and calm him down that it was fine and that they enjoyed and werenât mad and there was nothing wrong, otherwise Simon would have spiraled into a royal crisis. It took a good time for him to actually be comfortable with leaving actual marks on his partner, but knowing that they were on board with it helped.
The other kinks were trickier, constantly swimming deep in his mind, but very determinedly ignored because those definitely no-one would be okay with receiving and only someone like The Butcher would be into those.
One of them was a pure accident that definitely sent Simon spiraling in anger at himself: hand reaching up to just push their partnerâs face to the side so he could kiss their neck, his fingers slipping just slightly lower than they should, squeezing at their carotids just enough to diminish the blood-flow. There were the sounds of his partner, higher, riling him on, but Simon didnât notice, not until their hand reached up to pull at his wrist.
As he let go and their partner breathed in deeply, it actually dawned on him what he had just done. It made Simon scramble away, as much as he could, depending on how much they were intertwined, maybe even get his prosthetic stuck in his haste. Unless his partner moved fast to keep him with them, Simon would be half-way getting dressed and cursing and begging forgiveness by the time they got what was happening, aka, Simon literally trying to run away. Unless they bodily blocked his path, Simon did left and returned only the following day.
Simon absolutely didnât want to talk about it. Wanted to leave at the âIâm sorryâsâ, at most promising that it wouldnât happen again. He was 100% convinced that the relationship was ending right there and that he was only The Butcher and it was really only the start â how could he want to choke someone, and worse yet, enjoy it and keep relieving it in his brain the sounds his partner had done, when he had been inside the SM-13, oxygen slowly ending? Dragging these fears from him was like pulling out teeth, but by the time this talk happened, his partner already has some experience on how exactly to talk without making Simon close himself.
It took time for Simon to properly believe that liking to choking someone during sex was actually acceptable, that the person being choked could actually enjoy it, that his partner had enjoyed it and wanted a repeat and just needed him to be more aware and attentive. It took even more time for him to accept that he enjoyed it without feeling as if he was slipping back towards becoming The Butcher again.
But once he did? Simon couldnât lie that he enjoyed watching the way his partnerâs face slackened, eyes unfocused, the feeling of their blood pumping under his fingers and their sounds â higher, more frequent â, that it all twisted inside him deep in his guts in ways he couldnât explain but was so good.
With that door open, it became⊠A little easier for Simon to stop simply repressing his fantasies. Enough he actually started to bring some up, the less dangerous ones, the ones his partner had already brought up and he had shut down, always expecting something to be a deal breaker. Some, once actually acted on, he literally stopped seeing whatever appeal that had made them torment him. Others, became just something fun to occasionally use on their sex life.
Spanking⊠Was something Simon found himself really enjoying doing. A bit tricky with only one hand, but once he got the hang of it, the way to perfectly balance how much strength to use to get his partnerâs ass and thighs heated and aching just right, enough to drag the most heavenly sounds out of his partner, to make them both ran from and search for his touch as he squeezed and caressed their flesh, body shivering⊠The most adequate word was heady, pleasure thrumming under his skin just at watching, hard enough it was painful, sometimes so much it made Simon wonder if he would be able to cum from the watch alone.
Lastly regarding the most prominent actual kinks Simon discovered about himself â and eventually started practicing with his partner with a certain frequency â, there was one he was adamant about not unearthing, no matter the conversation, no matter the fact that his partner had already brought it up as something they wanted to attempt.
What made him consider giving a try was actually paying attention to how his partner occasionally watched him â hunger, mind a mile away. Specifically when he had a knife in single hand, either preparing a meal or something else that a knife was needed. Simon didnât know if his partner had always looked at him like that in those moments and just then he was noticing, or if it was new, but it lodged inside his brain and somewhere in his lower stomach.
When he brought it up, he was certain his partner would say no, that they werenât that interested in that anymore.
The yes surprised him.
It took multiple attempts along multiple days for Simon to go ahead with everything they discussed. Some days he only stayed there, straddling them with a knife in his hand, before throwing it away and going for the safe, normal sex that mostly resembled the one from the start of the relationship.
The day he managed to go ahead with the mutual fantasies, it was effectively the most scared he had been during the whole relationship, a knife in his right hand, a warm human body under him, feeling as if The Butcher was just around the corner of his next movement. Only the sight of his partner, fully naked under him, eyes full of trust and lust, was able to make him feel more Simon. There was also the warmth deep in his stomach, the arousal something that never before he had really felt with a knife in his hand.
Sliding the edge against their body, pressing lightly, just enough to indent the skin⊠The sights and the way their eyes fluttered shut, the clear way they had to make themselves stay in place⊠It compounded slowly inside Simonâs brain, each new reaction he dragged from his partner enough to make his brain fuzzy, a heady sensation of control that was hard to imitate, Simon himself so aroused it hurt.
That time, the moment he put the knife aside and instead dragged his fingers through his partnerâs sex, they came on the spot, sounds choked, with the haziest, most overwhelmed and satisfied look thrown at him. He wasnât any better. It still took time for him to actually relax in it, but that, well, success really made him lose of the fears relating to it, enough it became an almost regular practice â only when he was in a more or less good headspace.
Once, he accidentally drew blood. Not much. A small cut. As the ruby-red liquid pearled into a single drop and slid down his partnerâs skin, his own blood pounded inside his ears, dry-swallowing, tongue thick and wanting to follow the path. Unexpected. Fully unexpected.
Simon managed to not freak out just by a small margin, the fact that his partner just said an âoopsâ doing wonders. As he put his knife aside for the rest of the night and grabbed a clean cloth to clean the blood, his eyes engraved in his brain, against his will, the contrast between the red and his partnerâs skin, not with nausea but with desire.
That night, Simon promised himself he wouldnât ever do that again, no matter if even his partner begged. That was a risk that he refused to take again, no matter how enticing the sight had been.
But if his partner is one that menstruates, well, before he barely paid attention, just a natural thing of their body, but following this moment⊠It really unlocked something in Simon on those days in a way that he almost didnât feel like himself, but as something else⊠Something that also didnât seem like The Butcher.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
This is one thing that had a⊠Stability, in between his time back in Eden as The Butcher, and the after of the Conviction Realization program and surviving the Blood Ocean.
Back there, his main worry was not getting caught doing something he shouldnât, so isolated and locked small rooms where his go-to. Surfaces werenât a necessity, if Simon is sincere he actually preferred if he could push his partner face first against a wall or bent over a table at the waist and fuck into them from behind, because it meant less chances of being touched.
After surviving, things⊠Evolve, somewhat, more in the sense that Simon was open to attempt some experimentation. A room he could lock was still a main worry, but anything else ended a slow discovery and acclimatizing. In the end, with one arm, at most a prosthetic that could or not be fully articulated, he ended up discovering that a bed or sitting on an armchair are the easiest ones. Simon didnât exactly called these âfavoritesâ, but they were the ones he drifted to.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Back in Eden and being The Butcher, there was a single common thread between all times Simon ended up having sex: pent up energy and adrenaline after basically raiding COI, killing and stealing from them. That was basically it. Being The Butcher always made him feel as if his skin was too tight for him, the energy buzzing under it, a feeling as if he could keep raiding and raiding and raiding eternally if Eden let him free of the leash they kept him on. Sex ended up being his way to deal with it, because even if the fear and guilt were inescapable, Simon preferred those to the feeling of being a rat in a wheel.
Things changed after passing by the Conviction Realization program and surviving the SM-13. Without the adrenaline highs or the fear, guilt, and Fatherâs presence weighting down on him, and latter finding a partner that he trusted, Simon got actual opportunities of discovering more normal things able to make him aroused. Not that the high of adrenaline stopped being able to, quite the other way, it remained big on getting him going, and thatâs why Simon attempted to avoid things that got him in this specific mind set as motivation: too many things he wanted to forget and change about himself attached.
The first thing that he noticed to be able to get him going surprised him: voices. Not any voice, and usually needed to be accompanied by speaking normally with him, but he noticed that there were certain voices that if he wasnât stressed, they just⊠Washed over him and made him wonder. Not exactly specific imagery or fantasies in result, but an overall warm feeling that took him time to identify; for a good time he was pretty much very confused at what the fuck was happening with him, but once he did⊠Oh boy, Simon started to go full-blown embarrassment-frustration every time it happened, because of how simple and even silly it looked to him. A voice. Seriously?
His partner, once aware of this fact, fully used this knowledge when they were alone to get his attention when they wanted to entice him into sex. It made Simon mad that it worked like a charm.
The second thing is trust: this was something that he perceived more in the lack of trust, with how COI kept an attentive eye on him despite him being a free citizen so to speak, making sure he didnât cause problems or, well, tried to kill someone. While his past wasnât widely shared in details, just the fact that he was from the Conviction Realization program was enough to have most people be overall wary, avoiding giving him their backs, the work handed to him something that was judged he wouldnât botch it, on purpose or not.
Enters his partner, slowly showing signs of trusting Simon: that he wouldnât attack them when they had their back to him, handing him actual important things to do, allowing Simon to see their vulnerable moments, inviting Simon into their life overall⊠It took Simon time to notice that he downright salivated and wanted to touch every time they did that. Once the relationship started, the only thing that kept Simon from starting something every time he perceived himself being trusted by them was all the hang ups regarding intimacy and so on he still needed to work on. As the relationship progressed and Simon got used to physical affection, he developed two answers to this, depending on his level of energy: feeling mush-warm and relaxed, usually when watching his partner fall asleep in his presence, or outright kiss and grab at them and try to drag them to somewhere more private â he always groaned in frustration if he couldnât.
Also, if they were trying something different during sex, and his partner told Simon âI trust youâ? This man went going to the heaven and back and made sure to be doubly dedicated in making everything extra good for his partner, with considerable chances of overstimulating them.
Also, just⊠His partner outright stating in plain and blunt words what they wanted him to do and why, without being an order. It didnât need to be sexy or teasing or enticing, it didnât even need to be about sex, truly, just⊠Plain intentions clearly stated. There was something about how nothing was left to the imagination that scratched an itch in his brain regarding not needing to second guess that he didnât know he had. In a way, it mixed well with the feeling of being trusted sometimes â âhey Simon, can you catch this for me, please? I need for my workâ, sure he can, and heâs kissing his partner while he does and if they get sidetracked and want something more, well, why not?; âhey Simon, work was terrible, can we fuck until I forget my name?â, heâs already dragging his partner to the bed and kissing down their neck.
And finally: plain physical work. Unlike the high of adrenaline after raiding, what filled Simon was more like a deep ache in his muscles and bones that didnât incapacitate him. Instead of feeling like a rat-in-a-wheel, as if he could keep going on and on and on, with this he just felt human. Itâs different from the work back in the prison and from the work inside the SM-13: yes, this work still about the survival of the people living in COI stations, but he was as free as any COI citizen, had his share of the food and water, a unity where he was able to rest and that he could choose to leave⊠In this case, the ache in his body after a day of physical work wasnât a reminder of his lack of freedom and of living on borrowed time, but of his own humanity and that he was alive.
As a result, it usually meant that back in his unity, after a day of work, the arousal felt not like energy buzzing under his skin, but more like a warm itch that focused down his stomach. The times he jacked off in the period between becoming a COI citizen and finding his partner, were usually on these days, just before sleep.
After getting into a relationship and getting used to physical affection and touch, Simon particularly enjoys the days he gets like this. It usually means lazy, slow sex, his body and his partnerâs tightly pressed, his mouth almost not leaving his partnerâs, hands more loving than anything else.
N = No (something they wouldnât do, turn offs)
Not something Simon thought deeply, but definitive ânoâsâ that are probably a good idea to not even bring it up with Simon as something to attempt, because they will send him spiraling into frustration and anger fast: religious roleplay of any kind; daddy kink (because Eden and the Father for these two), sharing/open relationship/cuck-chair, no matter if his partner or him getting with someone else (this man already had a lot of trouble learning to and being able to accept physical affection and reach a point where sexual and non-sexual intimacy feel fulfilling, without needing to constantly second guess if a touch will feel too much or even painful, and with shedding the guilt Eden and the Father raised him in; suggesting any of those is a RECIPE to have Simon second guessing everything and feeling royally inadequate and insufficient); physically hitting in ways that have a good chance of actually hurting, like punches and kicks.
Things that his partner probably could attempt to bring up without sending him spiraling, but would be hard noâs for Simon, not matter if immediately or after some experimentation: public or semi-public sex; bondage in general, especially him on the receiving end (wrists and hands pinned down not included, because these are done by each otherâs hands; itâs the something-else tying either him or his partner down that he is against, even when heâs still getting used to physical affection; this is a result of his imprisonment); no drawing blood; no blindfold on either him or his partner; no use of toys to fuck his partner; no sensory-play on himself (doesnât come naturally to him, but makes an effort if something his partner really enjoys receiving).
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Oh boy. This is something Simon definitely had no experience with whatsoever, and absolutely something he never ever thought as possible. Only possibility of happening was after his passage in the Conviction Realization Program and surviving the Blood Ocean.
Either his partner brought it up, he heard someone mention something, or Simon had some vague wet dream that implanted the fantasy on his brain. No matter how much he had been able to move away from the sex-related guilty Eden gifted him, it reared its ugly head and Simon needed time to deal with it before actually attempting.
Itâs a lot more likely that Simon first experienced being on the receiving end. No matter how long he had been getting acclimatized to physical touch, he felt as if itâs too much; if his partner was using both hands and mouth, he pulled them off of him almost immediately. If he was already at a point where he had been receiving a good amount of physical affection and touches in and out of sex, he became extremely frustrated and had some royal anger explosion. He said sorry to his partner immediately after and reached to reassure it wasnât their fault.
After everything else that he can already deal with, Simon absolutely went full stubbornness regarding being able to enjoy this type of sexual act, and there was a lot of experimentation to find ways to acclimatize him to it slowly. For a long time, this meant only his partnerâs mouth, their hands off of him, him standing and their partner kneeling to avoid any other contact, and Simon controlling the rhythm with his one hand on their head â despite the reason for it being like this, it affected him in a way he didnât expect and made Simon store the scene very carefully in his brain, occasionally figuring in his wet dreams. They managed to evolve slowly, hands added, him being able to be sitting and enjoying all the possible touches.
On instinct, most of the times he pulled out and cummed on his partnerâs lower face and chest. The day his partner managed to keep Simon from pulling out and swallowed his cum, well⊠It messed with his head hard. The feeling of his partner swallowing around his cock as he came inside their mouth became a constant haunting of his fantasies and made so he stopped to even attempt to pull out during a blowjob. He kept warning when he was close, but he left the final decision to his partner.
Simon giving oral mostly likely started as him attempting to return receiving it. He started slowly the first few times, sometimes got frustrated when him touching them felt too much despite the overall steady relationship, but didnât stop. It was a learning curve for him, one that Simon, smart and stubborn as he is, climbed fast along the attempts, determined to learn how to best satisfy his partner in this way, the same way they satisfied him. He also ended up discovering that the sounds his partnerâs make as he goes down on them is, without a single ounce of doubt, his favorite sounds, even relaxing.
Which one Simon ends up preferring is fully a matter of headspace in a moment.
Receiving usually ended with his brain empty and body pliant in a way that normal sex couldnât; because of this, receiving was a definite favorite for when Simon was too stressed, but usually he didnât ask and will insist his partner didnât need to.
Simon giving his partner oral, on the other hand, is something that he found himself insisting on doing when he had sleep problems, be those nightmares or insomnia; on those nights, Simon found himself crawling between his partnerâs legs, carefully waking them if they werenât awake, the sounds he dragged from them helping him properly relax and forget whatever was keeping him awake.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Before, back in Eden and more as The Butcher than Simon, the pace he would set was fast, frantic, hard and frenzied, a desperate attempt to finish it all as fast as possible. Less sex and more like and attempt to purge poison out of his body, always the guilt over the action and the worry and fear of getting caught if he took too long lingering in his brain.
After the Conviction Realization program and surviving the Blood Ocean, the only thing that helped him consider something different was the fact that he didnât need to rush because as long as there was no risk of reproduction, there would be no repercussions with COI just because he had or was having sex with someone.
With this knowledge in mind, Simon did his best, he truly did, to not fall into the habits of frenzied and frantic rhythm, if only because he wanted it to be different from before. It wasnât perfect, but he was trying. Probably it would have been easier for him if he also wasnât dealing with getting used to actual physical affection and touch and everything else, but since he was, this meant a bunch of times where he slipped into the old habits despite not wanting to, finding it difficult to both slow down and receive the occasional physical affection.
After whatever how many episodes of frustration, Simon and his partner reached a compromise for those first times, most of which had him sitting and trusting up into them: they would be the ones controlling the pace, accordingly to what he wanted.
This finally allowed Simon to actually experience a slow, deep and sensual pace, a slow building of pleasure where he could feel each and every movement as his partner went up and down on his cock in agonizing details, in a way that he could swear he felt all the way to his bones and toes. The very first time he got this, he ended unable to receive any type of physical affection but kisses during, all equally slow, because it was simply too much. It wasnât easy to not try and speed it up by trusting up, and he didnât exactly last long, but his stubbornness paid off: he cummed with that slow rhythm, barely able to pull his partner off of him in time, so hard he couldnât feel his legs after â yes, his partner became very smug at this fact and is one of the main points of teasing Simon hears from them.
It became a bit easier for Simon as they kept experimenting, touch and physical affection added in increments, attempts of different paces, mixing it all up, enough that eventually Simon not only became able to hold a slow pace by himself, but also able to change as either he or his partner wanted, without getting overwhelmed by physical touches and affection: they add to the pleasure without feeling as too much or too painful.
His favorite definitely remained the slow, deep and sensual one: not only because of the first time he managed to experiment it, but because, as time passed and he became able to receive more physical affection, itâs the one he managed to be more versatile regarding touches and kisses. However, if his partner wants him more⊠Frenzied and fast and rough, as if he couldnât get enough of them â he never can get enough of them, no matter the pace â? Simon is happy to deliver.
The main difference between the before and the after was that he could freely choose and control the pace, and that was a liberating feeling.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
These are absolutely what happened in his past, back in Eden and as the Butcher: quickies. That was it. Simon didnât think deeply on if he liked or frequency or whatever, they were a means to an end â blow off steam â that should be done as fast as possible and he absolutely couldnât be caught doing.
After Conviction Realization and surviving the Blood Ocean, well⊠Simon avoided these. Half because of the adaptation with having only one arm, half because it reminded him too much of how he was as The Butcher.
In a steady relationship, however, after going through a long acclimatization to physical affection, Simonâs partner became able to entice him into some few quickies a week, mostly in the morning cycle before each left for their duties in COI. Since these one were usually with his partner above him, Simon was able to actually relax and enjoy them, something that Simon does but The Butcher didnât.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Oh boy⊠Simon was very risk averse in matters of sex back while in Eden and kept being very risk averse after the Conviction Realization Program and the Blood Ocean, in a way he got even more risk averse because of the fear of falling into old habits.
The thing is: despite being risk averse, and how much he improved in controlling his anger and impulses after the Conviction Realization program and after surviving the Blood Ocean, Simon still was very impulsive. This impulsivity had the bad habit of sneaking in during sex, as mentioned in E, especially after Simon managed to get more used to physical touch and affection and started to get more relaxed during sex.
His main ânoâsâ regarding risks were those that involved actual physical risk, either to his partner or to him. This because, while before the avoidance of risks was out of fear of being caught by the Father doing something he shouldnât, after it all the main fear became hurting his partner and breaking the trust. In his mind, it didnât matter if Simon was doing something risky to his partner and accidentally hurt them, or if his partner was the one doing something to him and he got hut and had an anger explosion at them: either, to Simon, would result in him being less the man he wanted to be and more The Butcher he wanted to forget he once was.
This resulted in Simon suppressing a lot of fantasies for a good time, even if his partner asked for him to do something that was in these fantasies. Overall, he wanted to keep doing only the vanilla, common, safe.
It took Simon accidentally doing something on impulse in a moment that both him and his partner were feeling really good and he wasnât really thinking too much â and a considerable episode of him spiraling into frustration and anger over doing whatever it was â for him to even consider opening the can of worms of his suppressed fantasies and the reasons behind such suppression. Before this, he absolutely hadnât ever brought up his fear of losing control and progress and them and becoming The Butcher again or how he thinks these fantasies are remnants of who he was and that they would just go away once he was just Simon, nothing else.
It definitely took a long time for his partner to reassure him that fantasies were just this, fantasies, and that they didnât think less of him because of those; they really just needed to talk about and stablish safe ways to explore them. With this cat out of the bag and a very careful coaxing, Simon started talking about his fantasies, especially the ones that he already knew could overlap.
Despite that talk and how much it and any following ones reassured him, Simon overall remained very risk averse, and opened about his fantasies very much in stages as he managed to mentally prepare himself â always expecting something that would result in an extremely negative reaction from his partner, but that was something that never came. However, it did make him more open to hear and attempt the fantasies his partner brought up, instead of just shutting down the idea.
Simon also very surprised when he and his partner attempt something and they both agreed in the end that that fantasy sucked and it results in the idea not ever appearing in his mind again. Before, it never really dawned on him the possibility of him simply disliking once he actually gave it a go.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
This is a tricky matter.
Back in Eden, acting as The Butcher, Simon purposefully finished things fast. It wasnât about pleasure, his or his partner at the time, it was about getting rid of an urge he hated he had, about attempting an outlet for excess energy after he had went through the adrenaline high of killing and stealing from COI, having a high of pleasure that he felt absolutely gutted and guilty over enjoying even if for the briefest of a second. It wasnât uncommon for him to feel able to go at least another round after, but that was too much playing with the risk of getting caught and feeding even more on the guilt, so Simon summarily ignored this feeling.
After the Conviction Realization program and surviving the Blood Ocean and slowly dismantling the guilt, as mentioned in P, Simon wanted to slow down, the risk of getting caught absent, and as mentioned in E, started learning about it actually being pleasurable for himself and about how to make it so to his partner. It wasnât easy, and this reflected into what he discovered about his own stamina, overall.
One of the things was that he was able to last a considerable amount of time at a fast pace, and was able to go again not long after. Sure, as mentioned in P, he disliked this rhythm and wanted to experience something slower.
At first, as he and his partner managed to finds ways for him to experiment a slower pace, Simon absolutely didnât last long: the way it allowed him to actually feel the pleasure in all its details undid him fast. Not only this, but it left him spent in a way that rarely he felt up to another round soon after.
With time and practice, Simon reached a point where he can last somewhat considerable both at a fast or slow pace, enough to properly satisfy both him and his partner â unless his partner was to do unspeakable things with their mouth on him, which can very fast push him to the edge. As for number of rounds, this depends solely from how tiring his duties in COI were: normal day, tiring but not excessively, he can go comfortably for one round and maybe push into a second one; excessively tiring days, maybe one round, but if it happens will be a very lazy round for both of them; and in the very rare off day, three rounds. These do not include the occasional morning quickie, of which he and his partner kept at only one: a way to get some proximity after the night and to get the blood pumping for the rest of the day.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
First thing first: I really, really doubt that many sexual toys were to remain around for long after the Quite Rapture. Not because people are forbidden from using them, but mainly because each and every piece counts sexual. Most toys were probably dismantled or repurposed a long time ago, especially the electronic or electric ones, and the functioning ones without a doubt are highly-sought after in the black-market and quite hard to get; both Eden and COI leadership will confiscate these if found. Most likely, only the occasional non-electric dildo around, and even them, most people probably use unconventional and sometimes not that safe things, like knife handles.
As for Simon, definitely never had contact with sexual toys back while in Eden, and didnât even know they were a thing. Only discovered about their existence from hearing other inmates and guards talking, either actual toys or makeshift objects used in unconventional/unsafe ways.
He didnât have a clear opinion on them, until he found a partner after the Blood Ocean. It wasnât a definitive ânoâ when his partner brought up the possibility of a few toys or not-toys used during sex, but Simon ended up concluding that he doesnât like using them, especially if him already pretty used and able to enjoy physical affection: he wants the proximity of bodies during sex, be able to touch and be touched as much as possible, be able to hear and see. Those are things that the few toys or not-toys available seem to get in his way.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
First things first: Simon didnât know how to tease. And even after he did learn it, he didnât saw the point of it. Any and all dirty-talk he learned and practiced revolved about telling his partner what he wants and will do to them, most of the time very bluntly and direct to the point; at most he managed to improve his vocabulary to use a few less crass words, and he absolutely wouldnât say all that to his partner and then leave them high and dry, no matter if already having sex or along the day. At most, at most, Simon would tell them he canât wait to have them or similar before both leave for their duties. He wouldnât be teasing, he would be just relaying a fact with a clear date of when to make the fact happen. Simple, direct to the point, almost elegant.
Simon outright loved when his partner answered with the same type of thing and left at that. Gave him something to look up for when his duty ended and they got to meet again in their unity, but didnât distract or made him anxious or frustrated.
Simon also had no problem with being teased during sex. He still didnât get the point, and really it didnât have a big effect because if every time his partner tried to tease him too much Simon just got matters into his own hands with some more gusto than usual.
He also had no problem with a more subtle teasing outside of sex: his partner telling him things like âI have a surprise for you laterâ, a small touch or kiss charged with innuendo enough to give him an idea but not getting him exactly horny, and similar things, before sending him on his way, made Simon more alert and aware during the day and overall were able to give him a healthy expectation that didnât overwhelm him.
Now, when his partner tried to tease Simon heavily, in the way of saying something absolutely filthy and enticing and getting him all hot and bothered and then leaving with no clear expectation of when solving this sexual tension? It backfired immensely and Simon made them promise to not pull this type of stunt again: he got so frustrated that he snapped at strangers the whole day, got angry faster at things that for some time already he was able to kinda control himself more, and went practically ballistic the moment he and his partner were back on their unity, his partner unable to walk after it and his own orgasm intense enough Simon was pretty sure he passed out for a few seconds. Yes, his partner really enjoyed the fruits, and Simon would be lying if he said he also didnât enjoy the moment, but he hated more how on edge and frustrated it made him and how he had a lot of apologies to distribute the following day.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Back in the past, in those stolen brief moments as The Butcher, as mentioned in G, Simon only had matter-of-fact statements being said, mostly about Eden doctrine and the Last Tree, with the occasional demeaning words delivered to hurt in moments of deep anger and rage. Any and all sounds of pleasure, Simon did his absolute best to swallow. At most, on occasion there were small grunts and groans, most of the time muffled against the skin of whoever he was with, and a groaned âfuckâ as he cummed. The reasons behind were a whole mix of guilt, fear of being caught and shame over being perceived doing it and as anything else but The Butcher.
This didnât immediately change after the Conviction Realization program and surviving the Blood Ocean, unlike other things. The fear of being caught and most of the guilt and shame werenât there anymore, not in the same intensities, but there was still enough that Simon had the instinct to swallow and muffle himself, especially words in general â he was terrified of falling into old habits of talking about Eden doctrine and about the Last Tree or saying hurtful things to his partner. The result was that Simon outright didnât speak a thing and the small groans and grunt were swallowed or muffled in their skin. He didnât mind if his partner was the one talking and making sounds, Simon actually enjoyed, even more if the words were about how good they felt or some type of praise towards him â in fact, Simon would become pretty bummed if his partner tried to muffle their sounds and eventually started to consider a challenge to get as many sounds from them as possible.
It took his partner asking if he was actually enjoying himself and for an actual talk about it for Simon to start letting loose a bit. He slipped sometimes, said things that didnât land well and that his partner had to work to keep him from spiraling into frustration and anger at himself. It took time and work and experimentation for Simon to discover that just being direct and blunt about the sex itself and asking for verbal confirmation â âJust like this, right?â, âSlower? Or faster? Use your wordsâ â was the best way to both help keep him on track, improve things for his partner, and show that he was enjoying himself.
Beyond this, Simon also started to allow himself to let out more sounds of pleasure, mostly moans and groans, both lower pitched, sometimes long and other times shorter. He still preferred to muffle himself on his partner, moaning and groaning as he hid his face in their neck, bit their skin or kissed them, and his partner needed to outright beg if they wanted to actually hear him â something that always got him smug as fuck.
The single exception to this: when his partner gives him a blowjob. Since at first he needed to use his hand to control their rhythm, unless his prosthetic was articulated enough so he could use it to cover his mouth, more sounds of pleasure escaped, giving his partner a good inkling to how good he was feeling, his words less checking in, half-attempts at direction that Simon not always managed to finish speaking because of the pleasure.
Once he got able to let his partner use their hands and he didnât need to control them that much, Simon started to try and muffle himself. His partner was having none of this and made a point of intertwining one hand with his while basically sucking his soul through his cock. This remained even after Simon promised to stop muffling his sounds, out of his own volition: the hand holding while he got the blowjob both anchors him and helped him remember the promise.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Simon had big, big problems with letting his partner take the reins and control during sex. This is something that didnât improve in any way whatsoever even with time and getting used to physical affection and touches. Even if his partner was to be the one to start and entice him into sex, even if purposefully doing as an attempt to make Simon feel good and focusing on him, eventually he was turning the tables and recovering control.
However, his partner eventually discovered a surefire way to get some control and focus on making Simon feel good with a low chance of him taking control back: hugging him from behind when heâs doing something around their unity, slowly kissing, nipping and biting up and down his neck, whispering bluntly in his ear what they intend, hands distributing touches up and down his body before sinking inside his pants and giving him a handjob. The first time his partner pulled this up, it was one hell of a surprise and Simon did try to get control back, but they already had enough knowledge to make that something quite difficult for him, hands moving on his cock in ways that Simonâs legs turned into jelly, hand grabbing at the closest surface to remain standing.
The orgasm resulting was enough to leave him light-headed, and despite it being a surprise attack and basically being at his partnerâs mercy, Simon would be lying if he said he didnât enjoy it. As a result, despite knowing what waited for him every time his partner made some sound to let Simon know they were there and then wrapped their arms around him, he allowed and enjoyed it to the fullest.
Thatâs not to say that Simon didnât get back at his partner in some way â he is petty enough to be like this â, which was half the reason he kept allowing it: be getting them into bed immediately after and making sure his partner canât feel their legs by the time Simon is done with them, or pulling a similar trick when they least expect where heâs absolutely not allowing them to have even a lick of control, well, Simon made sure his partner knew there were consequences.
It never discouraged them.
X = X-ray (letâs see whatâs going on under those clothes)
Overall, Simonâs cock is of average length, a bit thicker than average girth, and uncut.
Beyond the scars from Eden and acting as the Butcher and the occasional one resulting from his time in COI prison, Simon also has a bunch of scars resulting from the Blood Ocean, beyond the lost arm. Most of the scars are on the left side of his face and some on the left side of his scalp, with a few around his right eye, markings where the Blood tried to change him and where the COI doctors extracted teeth and foreign tissue. His left eye never went back to normal, but it was still functional and didnât seem to cause problems with his immune system or to be growing as the other alterations, so the COI doctors decided by leaving it; Simon still goes through check-ups to make sure the eye remains exactly as it is â he never told them or his partner that it sees better in the dark.
The rest of the scars are mostly on the left side of his neck and following towards his shoulder and what remained of his arm. Thereâs a few more, hair-thin and visible only when close, that climb down the left side of his torso and back and side, stopping around the height of his waist.
Thereâs also some on his legs, mostly on the outside of his left thigh, some down the V line of his lower stomach, that are less a result of the Blood changing him, but more of it growing and changing his pants and shoes and trying to reach the skin under the fabric. Most of these scar are a result of the changed fabric pulling the skin together with it when the docs cut and pulled it away.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Oh, another thing heavily influenced by being out of Eden.
As a teen and adult acting as The Butcher for Eden, Simonâs sex drive was definitely higher. If asked why, he wouldnât have the barest idea why, only that it was: he was always pent up after returning from killing and stealing, always needed a way to deal with the energy, and the fastest way was sex, even with all the hang ups involved.
Soon after the Conviction Realization program and the Blood Ocean, once he found a partner, this sex drive was still pretty high, mostly out of the fact that he could actually experiment with a lot less hang ups hovering over his head. The frustration over needing time to get used to physical touches and affection certainly didnât help: getting frustrated is a sure-fire way to get Simon going, after all.
However, as time passed and he acquired experience and physical affection and touches became a part of his day-to-day reality, not exclusively related to touches received during sex, Simon was able to point a clear plateau of his sex drive, the desire and even need for sex not as high anymore, able to go a few days without it. A⊠Not perfect average, but overall an average sex drive, not as high as before.
Who would know, that being able to receive physical affection and touches at any moment would decrease the urge to have sex, the act through which Simon was able to derive the barest form of physical proximity to another?
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Back in Eden, he was on his way after the sex, each one slept on their own, that was it.
After the Conviction Realization and surviving the Blood Ocean, things changed in increments: at first he didnât allow the sleeping together after sex, but as trust was built and time passed, it becomes a reality.
Ideally, Simon waited for his partner to sleep first. Thereâs something about it, about this simple trust of being allowed to watch the way their breathe slowly evened out and they fell asleep, that made him feel human in a way that the sex itself couldnât: when it happened, he was not The Butcher of Eden or the Convict in SM-13, he was just a human watching someone he had a hell of a time with and that he trust a lot falling asleep. It was not uncommon for him to reach out and smooth a hand down their hair or back, not exactly lovingly most of the time but with care; when his partner leaned into it, sighed, and/or smiled, while asleep, well, it was one of the most at peace moments Simon ever felt.
Cuddles, especially the tight ones, were off-limits for his partnerâs safety â it usually causes him more nightmares with the SM-13 â, but he absolutely kept point of contact through the whole sleep cycle anchoring Simon to his partner. The most common were holding hands and lying with their backs touching.
It was common that, if they ended up drifting and not touching anymore during the night, Simon would half-awake and reach out to make sure his partner was still there, sometimes keeping a hand on their waist or arm or anywhere he could reach. Simon would always wake in a feverish daze if he couldnât find his partner and there was absolute darkness: when this happened, he needed to make sure that he was out of the SM-13, that he wasnât alone, and that his partner was okay.
If his partner was the one to wake up and reach out to touch him in some way, Simon would always startle awake then grip their hand and make sure it stayed in place before falling asleep again.
lord help me im having demented thoughts about simon iron lung today Apparently
my version of mutated simon started forming gills but they didnt actually open. the internal organs are vestigial and half-formed and the gill flaps are kinda just thick skin draped over very very delicate and hypersensitive skin where the openings should be. the gill flaps feel weird when theyre touched but its not too overwhelming. touching the sensitive skin behind the flaps makes him tense up like nothing else. it's in that weird weird category of sensation where it's almost painful, almost ticklish and almost pleasurable. like having someone touch a wound on your neck unexpectedly or something like that
all that to say: fingering his gills and hearing him gasp and squirm and whine cause its too much feeling. he can't handle it for very long but if you give him quick, fleeting touches it feels incredible for him. so good that it's almost too much, but once you pull your hands away and give him a few seconds, all he wants is more
uh oh! someone got too weird about his own tags on a specific post and now its everybody's problem
so the idea is that simon's got a thing for blood right. always has. feels guilty as shit about it. intensely repressed sadomasochist over here. and though his transformation was incomplete, he was evolving into a creature made to survive in blood, and now he's even more drawn to it. this is inconvenient for him, because blood is now an intense trauma trigger. he can't stand the taste or the smell, he can barely stomach seeing it. hell, he can't stand the sensation of body-warm or slightly-thick fluids on his skin because it makes him feel like he's right back there in the submarine.
and on the flipside, engineer mark's a bit of a masochist. so like. uhh. engieconvict edgeplay. hear me out. Hear Me Out
engie letting simon bite him hard enough to draw blood. engie holding the wound close enough to his face that he can smell the blood, and simon hates the way it makes his mouth water. the smell is like crack to him but it also makes his subconscious freak out, because if he closes his eyes with how warm his body is, its almost like he's back in the submarine again, surrounded in that disgusting inescapable smell. his stomach cramps with nausea even as his dick gets so hard it hurts.
mark pressing the wound to simon's mouth and simon whines in disgust and pathetic, shameful arousal, cause the taste repulses him as well but he just cant stop himself from licking and sucking and swallowing. it makes him so warm, it makes his skin crawl, its absolutely disgusting and horrible but it also feels so so fucking good and right and his brain just can't handle feeling intense disgust and intense arousal simultaneously.
simon crying mortified tears as he comes the second mark touches his dick, brought to orgasm almost entirely by literal bloodlust
if i were markiplier right now i would log into tumblr for the first time since february, reblog the horniest bloodymary art i could find, and then turn my phone off
no because i LOOOOVE the idea that grace is 100% on board with being studied and kinda poked and prodded by eridian doctors. heâs a scientist, and his only hard line is obviously being like. vivisected lol. but hereâs a piece of muscle tissue i wonât miss (and of course this becomes the meburgers), hereâs a nail clipping, some of my hair, bodily fluids, go ahead and scan me listen to me monitor me learn all you can about me! heâs enthusiastic as hell about it, even though rocky might not be, but grace knows how exciting it must be for them to be able to study alien life for the first time and theyâre SO respectful about it too. this is the thing that saved our planet and one of our people, we will learn everything we can about him in the most careful of ways so we know how to take care of him forever.
a few people have asked for my Perv Thoughts about this so here u go:
grace is, again, extremely enthusiastic about eridian doctors studying him in whatever way, and this includes them wanting to know more about human sexuality and reproduction in and up close and personal way. and maybe grace is a little nervous and shy about it BUT he finds that heâs not⊠totally opposed to it? and is maybe even a little uh. wet about it. rocky is heated about it, wanting to fully ban any more doctors or scientists from studying grace, but holy shit grace is wet thinking about giving the doctors a real time demonstration of human sexuality. and rocky caves because anything that makes his grace that aroused canât be all THAT bad.
he gets grace off that night asking him about what he would show the doctors, what he would be thinking about in order to cum in front of them, and grace is dizzyyyyy with how horny he is now. rocky doesnât NEED to be involved but eventually he is because hello, the doctors wanna see how an eridian and a human would mate. for professional reasons of course. nothing more. grace isnât thinking about the doctors and scientists getting off on watching rocky fuck him. no siree.
some of you need to realize that your faves would be having unsafe bdsm sex because they donât actually know what bdsm sex is, they just want to fuck and also kill each other. you must understand this.
you donât have to write safe practices and contract agreements. your audience knows not to apply any of this in their real lives, sasuke doesnât know what a safe word is im begging you please write the toxic yaoi
so. mutated simon. guy who's like 10-25% fish. most of his mutations effect his head/upper body. REALISTICALLY, what do we think wouldve happened to his junk if he survived
bigger than it was before the expedition
smaller than it was before the expedition
bigger + noticeably fucked up (claspers, ovipositor, tentacle, ridges, etc)
smaller + noticeably fucked up (woe. broadcast spawning be upon ye)
no noticeable change
noticeable but incomplete change (junk only got half-fished like his face did)
Sorry I'm currently stuck in the Gosling!Verse and shipping all the things, BloodyMary (honestly who came up with this brilliant name) included! Hope you like this spicy little comic :3
i wrote this instead of sleeping at a reasonable hour cause this post captivated me
there's one bag of vodka left.
ryland hadn't found it, somehow, when he was still getting his bearings. he only finds out it exists when he finds simon slumped and half-awake in the corner of the medbay, a good third of the way through the bag already.
he visibly struggles to straighten up enough to even look at ryland. rations were scarce wherever simon came from. hard, undiluted liquor must've been a rare find. or maybe simon's just a lightweight. either way, when simon is caught, his faculties are shot to hell enough that he doesn't react with shame. instead, he simply holds up the bag in offering.
and for some godforsaken reason, ryland accepts that offer.
it's strong stuff. ryland knows already. ilyukhina had a preference for whatever brand of vodka this is. she had good taste. not that the liquor itself tastes good, but it hits him hard and fast enough that he doesn't need to care.
when two thirds of the booze is gone, ryland and simon are sitting on the floor side by side. god knows where rocky is. still working, ryland thinks. he'll come knocking in an hour at most, telling his humans to get some dang sleep. but honestly, ryland feels close to nodding off here and now. the wall they're braced against is cold, but the vodka is warming him right up. simon too. ryland can feel simon's body heat leeching into him, where their thighs and shoulders press against each other.
ryland still doesn't remember much. enough to know his last relationship was a good year or two past its expiration date when he got brought into project hail mary. he doesn't know the last time he touched another human being. he doesn't remember when he last hugged someone. he doesn't remember the last time he had sex. not that he cares too much, but the liquor pulls his thoughts in that direction for some reason.
he's tired and relaxed enough to loop his arm around simon's shoulder to pull him closer. likewise, simon has loosened up enough that he doesn't flinch. in fact, he rests his head on ryland's shoulder. ryland hears him sigh. he sounds mildly content, for once.
ryland doesn't know the last time he was this close to someone. the absence is suddenly all he can think about. he squeezes simon's shoulder. rubs across his back. lets his hand slide up to weave his fingers into simon's hair. he hasn't washed it in a few days, so it's greasy, but ryland doesn't care. doesn't even care if this is weird. simon isn't afraid to say it when he's unhappy about whatever ryland or rocky may be doing, and he's made no complaints about this.
before long, ryland feels simon's hand around him too. a firm, warm palm on his shoulder. a thumb idly brushing the outer edge of his collarbone. that hand sliding down ryland's back, slowly, with splayed fingers. it comes to rest on the small of his back, nearly grabbing his hip. ryland parts his lips at the contact. every point of contact leaves his skin tingling. it must have been years since he's felt something like this, even without counting the coma time.
ryland jolts when he feels simon lift up his shirt. just a little. enough for simon to dig his fingers slightly into ryland's hip. kneading for a moment. sliding his fingers up the side of ryland's waist in a way that makes him shiver, even as his body burns ever warmer.
it takes ryland by surprise so much that he doesn't even notice his own hand moving. sliding back down to squeeze simon's shoulder. toying with the collar of his shirt with his thumb. he doesn't notice what he's doing until his fingers find their way into simon's shirt. not reaching far enough to grab his pecs or anything, just resting his closed-fingered palm against simon's sternum. he can't tell which of them is running warmer.
"grace." simon's voice comes so quietly he may as well have mouthed it. but all the same, ryland perks up at the sound of his own name. simon pulls back just enough to meet ryland's gaze. the lights are off, but there's just enough light to see simon's eyes. his irises are so dark and thin that they're almost impossible to see, swallowed up by his dilated pupils. his gaze is as intense as the feeling of his body heat wrapped around ryland.
ryland swallows. simon's eyes track the movement. ryland's own eyes flicker, unbidden, to simon's lips. thin and scarred, but pretty all the same.
ryland doesn't remember his last kiss. that thought also arrives unbidden. he blinks it away. swallows again. smiles a little bashfully.
"what're we doing?" he whispers, matching simon's volume instinctively. his fingers are still touching simon's chest. he makes no move to rectify that. at least, not until simon leans forward, and the angle changes too much for ryland's hand to stay where it is. he withdraws from simon's shirt, but still lets his hand linger on simon's back. he doesn't want to pull away. doesn't want this moment to end yet.
it turns out that simon leaned over to pick up the bag of vodka again, now more than halfway emptied. simon huffs under his breath. ryland knows his breath would also be enticingly warm. and it's weird to think that way, he's pretty sure, but he can't be bothered to care. anyway, simon huffs, rolls his eyes and takes yet another pull from the bag's straw. he drinks for a long time, but with the opening being so small that doesn't count for much. he takes a shot's worth, maybe two, before he lets the bag clumsily slide out of his lap.
"fuck it," he mutters. then both his hands are on ryland's shoulders, and then his lips, and ryland bluescreens.
that touch, that kiss, seems to break a dam. because ryland exhales sharply into the kiss, and then he's the one sliding his hands up simon's back, beneath his shirt, and the rooms spins when simon pushes him onto the floor. their shirts are both discarded in a rush of movements that are faster than ryland's foggy, tipsy brain can keep up with. it doesn't matter anyway. not as much as all that skin contact. simon's chest against his. a comforting heavy weight pinning him to the floor. grounding him no matter how far from the ground they really are.
simon bites a lot. but ryland was right about his breath being warm. every sigh, every gasp is enough to make ryland shiver. just as much as simon's hands grabbing and kneading and sliding over every inch of skin they can access. his hands are rough, but his actions aren't. biting notwithstanding, at least.
ryland gives as good as he gets. as good as he can manage. he's not sure if experience is on his side, to say nothing about his inebriated state. still, he gently, bluntly drags his fingernails up simon's sides to hear him groan. ryland feels his cock twitch in response, but heck if he knows if he'll be able to get it up. doesn't matter right now. just touching is enough. simon's crushing him a little, but that's fine. chest to chest, stomach to stomach, they're as close as they can physically get. unless they fucked each other right here on the floor, and isn't that an idea?
as if motivated by said idea, ryland slides one hand over simon's ass, squeezing him through his sweatpants. ryland's other hand dives beneath the waistband, kneading bare skin. simon breaks the kiss, and for a split second ryland thinks he's gone too far, but then there are teeth and lips against his neck, still achingly gentle, but biting firmly enough to draw a moan out of him.
he can't help it anymore. he bucks his hips. pulls simon down to meet him. simonâ shit, it feels like simon is hung, even if he's not much harder than ryland is at this point. the vodka might have knocked them both out of commission.
'the loins sleep tonight,' is a phrase that ryland suddenly remembers without context. he giggles into the cold air of the room. that noise abruptly dissolves into another breathless moan when simon licks a stripe across one of ryland's nipples, before coming back up to kiss him roughly. his lips might be sore and bruised tomorrow. some weird little part of him looks forward to it.
he feels fingers tugging on the hem of his pants. simon breaks away again. when ryland's gaze focuses enough, he sees simon looking down at him with wide, puppy-like eyes. there's a little tension in his face, and his lips are parted, moving the tiniest bit like he wants to say something. but he doesn't. his fingers, tugging just enough to feel without moving the fabric lower, does the asking for him.
he's waiting for permission. permission to act. permission to enjoy this. permission to keep touching. permission to not have to let go. permission to let himself believe this moment is real. permission to indulge in the alien luxuries of comfort and safety and human connection.
ryland holds simon's waist firmly, a reassuring presence, as he raises his hips in invitation. an invitation simon takes, pulling ryland's pants and underwear down to just above his knees. at that point he sighs sharply, sitting up to tug his own garments out of the way. ryland doesn't even get a moment to apologize or feel awkward for not doing it himself. not when simon spits into his hand and wraps it around both their cocks.
ryland almost swears, head knocking back against the floor. his hands fly up to clutch at simon. one hand on his shoulder, the other tangling into his hair, pulling simon down into another kiss. simon growls into this one, and the sound makes ryland's chest flutter.
he has no idea when he last did anything like this. all he knows is that his body has missed the contact like nothing else. an itch finally scratched, a button finally pushed, a candle finally lit. it doesn't even matter if he can't come. the sex is almost secondary, frankly. it can't compare to the euphoria of simply touching, and being touched.
his head is swimming from the alcohol, and everything just feels nice. he's all too happy to submit to it, to indulge in it, to try and memorize the shape and feeling of simon's back with his fingertips. memorizing the taste of his mouth, the feeling of his breath, the callused fingers exploring ryland's body in turn.
there's no knowing how long they stay like that before rocky comes knocking. he admonishes them for getting drunk. simon is dismissive and a little jerkish about it. a little too blunt about how yes, humans poison themselves as a fun pastime, and how no, it'd take more than a single bag of vodka to do any lasting damage. he says this, of course, right before making a disgusting noise and lurching like he's a hair away from throwing up. that just about kills whatever arousal ryland might've had, but he insists on simon sleeping in the recovery position just in case.
it gives them an excuse to spoon, anyway. rocky dutifully watches them sleep, as always. and he definitely heard whatever they were doing before. ryland can practically feel confusion emanating from him. but, well. rocky seems to know better than to ask about it right now. that it can wait until they wake up.
I donât think Grace and Simon love each other in a âtraditionalâ way. Not by Earth romantic standards.
They donât call each other âboyfriendâ, they donât go on typical dates, they donât love each other like ânormal peopleâ.
Itâs a connection, one only two people who are the remaining two of their species on another planet far from their own solar system can have.
They reach and grasp for one another late at night, desperate for touch. They steal glances at one another, glances that turn to stares which neither of them dare to break. They hold hands when they need it, they kiss when they crave it and they have sex when everything else canât scratch the itch of being close enough.
They love each other like sweat on skin. Theyâre inseparable, seeking a companionship and closeness in the only other human by their side.
Itâs not a traditional love, but itâs one forged from survival and relatability. No one else could understand their pain, their experiences, how alone they truly felt in the void of space and a never ending blood ocean.
Grace has Rocky, and he always will, but Grace canât hug Rocky the way he can Simon. He canât wrap his arms around Rocky and breathe him in, feel his skin against his cheek or his beard brush against his face. This doesnât make him love Rocky any less, but it brings him closer to Simon in ways Grace canât fathom with anyone else.
They long and yearn for one another. They become obsessive and clingy. There isnât a place on Erid either of them can run to where the other wonât find them. And itâs just the way they like it. They become codependent on one another, never being able to exist without the other in their space.
Rocky and Adrian pick fun at them that they love like Eridians do. Grace just laughs and says this will make him and Simon fit in even better then. Rocky laughs in return and nods.
Theyâre complicated and messy and theyâre oh so weird about each other but to Grace and Simon, itâs perfect. Because theyâre the only ones this matters to.
Side note: I donât think they say âI love youâ. Perhaps Rocky and Adrian teach them the Eridian sign for âsoulmateâ and thatâs what Grace and Simon use to address one another. Just to add some extra cheese to this already cheesy mess.
blakekathryn
germansingergirl
yousharknotpass
snowghoul
titsay
