Every Word

Spit It All Out

[spititallout-blog]

Late night drives with see through eyes. 4.10.16 -Mas

[spititallout-blog]

And I have found that my sickness keeps rising. It feels like I finally destroy and kill it in the most intimate way. Then I wake to my own blindness. This unending pain that brings me to nothing. When does it weaken? When will it peak.. When will it take everything out from under me? My love for him cannot fail. So many days I get lost in my thoughts Wondering why he stays. Why does he touch, feel Why does he keep going when I only come to a halt. Don't ever stop. Don't ever think about the end, Don't let me take the lead. Take my hands and my heart With your purity until I don't bleed. Because without you There is nothing. Not a drop of life that keeps me reaching The way your stars keep me in the light. Please tell me how Help me to see Is there truly something special in me? Can I borrow your eyes for a glance To love what you love? Will you borrow mine to know my pain, To know how much your beautiful life Heals me? You set me free. When will we be free, When could we live by the sea, My wondrous Christian and me 2.7.2015 -Mas

[spititallout-blog]

The saddest part is as many times as I try, As many days that pass by; I still lay here in defeat. Just spitting out "why?" And then it sets in, An unsurpassable high. I drink in the fumes, All feeling starts to die. It returns to my head with a fallen reply. "You are the one Whose sky is filled with sighs." And I only remember telling it... "You're right." I can't follow this life. There's nowhere to hide. I choose a shining blank eye. I want a lover full of ruin To share our lot of ruined lives. I need a lover to shoot the ruin. I want him to see what's all inside. Will he bury me forever? Will he take apart my hands, Can we make love to each other From across these distant lands. Or will he hold my heart To warm it? Will it some how come to beat? I think I've lost my mind A thousand times But still he does, he loves me. Well I have some sad news to share As much as he loves me, I have never doubted My soulless crying need For his warmth along my lips And how perfectly meant to be Our pulses jumping through our skin. Well some more sad news for troubled rhymes I cannot make it disappear. My pulse jumps twice before my eyes I must keep him at my side.. All I want is the sea to see I'm fearful dear but come now please. I want you to know I'll forever be Buried in your skin. Set free. 12.21.14 -Mas

[spititallout-blog]

Most of the time I believe a tattoo should be done only in the thought of reason. To have a purpose. It's purpose at all times is beauty and art. And my body will be the canvas for a lifetime Of creation and destruction. 2.19.15 -Mas

[spititallout-blog]

Somedays it is difficult To not feel the darkness. The pain, the silence. The omens that send them Just hoping for violence. The only hope in this tyrant. All that I feel and all that I hold Are the whispering ships Spilling a cold poison. My hopes have been lost at sea, Frozen still And hung by the weeds. I think back on the times That the poison spread so fast My lungs were hung around my chest Climbing my corpse to gasp. The mirror of this sharpness was Ready, but I asked.. How was this happening? How could it have gotten so far Or taken so much of this poisonous mar? But mostly, I pondered the smallest of words with the largest response. Nothing to give, my ship lost anchor. Only this last thought to hanker. Why The only question that will never be fully answered. 4.25.14 - Mas

[spititallout-blog]

[spititallout-blog]

We all come home to a shattered world. A place we're unfamiliar with, Where we've lost track of time And the ones we love. The only things which meant the most to us Somehow vanish, spread, and imprint in the remaining dust. Watching us crumble, I feel it feeding. I feel it. Every ounce of energy, will to smile, Is drained from the body. I can see it all coming back As I thought it'd been defeated. Or so I thought.. Just what I needed. I envy the days that I could smile so carelessly. When I loved so freely. Where I felt I'd finished healing. Where life once lived in me. To feel as whole as I was When being vulnerable was an option Not a second thought.. Don't you see? We're all sad souls wrapped in gold Searching for a lovers hand to hold. 8.10.13

Mas

[spititallout-blog]

He was praying for forgiveness. He was looking for a sign. Searching for the answers Before crossing a metal line. God said, “Son, don’t give in. I’ve loved you all along. This is no way to begin.” Favoring the ground and his shame rather than raising his neck, He closes his eyes and hopes to forget. His mother awoke to the pressing alarm, Thinking it only a routine, no pain, no harm. Today is a different day. Today is a falsehood. Today is a tragedy. Today is not acceptable. It is tainted. And torn. Ripped and worn. The steps grew louder And the sound was deafening. A heart so cherished, A warm face turned cold; Was tattered. “Was this the right path? How does this suite your plans? Was it something I said Or did I bloody my hands?” God said, “I love you but you must understand, This was the wrong path, I had other plans. The blood solely reigned, Your hands are now damned.” > Was this the God I've loved? This being I lived to behold. A treasure of all golds Who's never shown His mold? Love and forgiveness were never so far. He thought by defining a segment This circle of life would find a new way To create a utopian day, Lacking this heart. This somber day. 10.6.13

Mas

[spititallout-blog]

I will never feel at home in this skin where so much of myself is missing and so little will ever change.

Mas

[spititallout-blog]

And I vow I will never return again, My ever-so familiar friend. There are no spaces here For you are not welcome. This place has no room for thieves.

Mas

[spititallout-blog]

Disgust. The ultimate betrayal. Mistrust. Watch my face color your eyes with guilt. Reaching and pulling, I'm swearing and hurting. Please help me, I'm burning. All I feel is the ground under my nails: They're bleeding. It never fails. What more is there? I'm looking off this balcony seeing thunder, seeing black. I could paint my dreams in red across the sky. Feel my pain tonight. All I want is to break. Tear apart my lungs and throat, Watch it spill the last of my hope. 8.9.12

Mas

[spititallout-blog]

I've found that with every close encounter, They all drown under my knowledge. Fall into the abyss they never knew And live in wonder. Always craving more. Sinking. Sinking. Always. Pulling their chins to the surface, The air is renewed in their lungs. It isn't enough. Upon their learnings, Nothing will ever be enough again. "Let us return," they beg. I merely drift to another surface. Soon you will learn this.

Mas

[spititallout-blog]

My best friend simply asked me, “What makes you sad?” And I was so quick to part my lips but too slow to continue my breathing. An abrupt pause that turned to silence. The one thing I try to figure out, cope with and understand. That was it. I didn’t have an answer. What is the answer? I replied with a tremble that wouldn’t go unnoticed, “I don’t know. 3.4.14

Mas

[spititallout-blog]

You are more translucent than the air that I breathe, I see your sickness. I will watch you rot.

Mas

[spititallout-blog]

I have no hope left where I once was infinite. It's all buried. And I'm just roaming until I bury myself.

Mas

[spititallout-blog]

Most days I study myself to discover what people might see in me that's so wondrous. I'm still searching.

Mas

[alwaysiwonder-blog]

I hate you so much.

Mirrors never show you your flaws, you merely admire them.