Master of None @spookofalltrades - Tumblr Blog

And that’s why it’s my favorite

If you think the Tooth Fairy from Rise of the Guardians is all just teeth and sparkles…boy do I have news for you… // Februfairy Day 19+20

shinraalpha

This meme is so niche but goddamnit it is *my* niche

astrolavas

dragon: big

the show: real good

me: gotta draw

solskiela

It’s done!!!

…

Yeah. I’m pleased with the results.

notbecauseofvictories

It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.

I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.

How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?

Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.

HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN

YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.

A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT

humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.

REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.

WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE

WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY

THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.

HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS

WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.

HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE

OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD

Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.

Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.

Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow.

The proteins making up their bodies are toxic and cause prion disease. Do not touch anything humans have touched. Do not consume earth foods. Fire does not adequately remove this contamination.

Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.

We tried venting waste gas into the tunnels to kill the humans when they attacked. Turns out they breathe it.

Everything on their planet came from a single biological strain. They developed comprehensive genetics BEFORE they developed space travel.

They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?”

silentstep

#an individual human being is actually a microbiome in its own right—you are dealing with a legion each time you approach them #they carry pathological agents inside their deep tissues and this is advantageous to their health #one of the most widespread and resilient viruses on their planet is treated as mildly hazardous—even though it causes #massive disruption to the body’s homeostasis #(their young offspring endure multiple rhinovirus infections EACH YEAR yet they seem unperturbed by this) #they have developed such long lifespans that now their primary threat is their own body’s degeneration #humanity has literally figured out how to survive so long that their body gives out under them #and they are not satisfied with that #stupid willful vengeful survivalists who treat mortality like a challenge #sarah’s ongoing love letter to humanity #(this is my favorite post of all time I swear) (via notbecauseofvictories)

drosera-sundews

And food, all right, let’s just talk about food. Because THIS my friends is absolutely the most horrifying thing and I swear it will make your sap freeze in your xylem and send shivers down your stem in pure, rational fear.

One thing humans can’t do, (like, are fysically unable to do), is photosynthesis. They can not use the energy of the stars to sustain themselves. This means that they, and Oh I wish I was joking about this, they need to KILL AND CONSUME OTHER LIFEFORMS to stay alive. And not just sometimes, but preferably once every four hours or so, can you believe that!

And the worst is yet to come. If only the humans had a set, solid diet like the other horrid species on their chaos nightmare planet. But no, of course these monsters had to have literally NO INSTINCTS REGARDING WHAT TO EAT. So what did the humans do? They just started eating EVERYONE because WHY NOT?

These beasts are by far the most effective omnivores you can encounter. You think you’re save because your species doesn’t ever remotely resemble anything terran? You think you couldn’t possibly be on the humans menu? Well, you’re wrong. Because if humans get hungry, EVERYONE will be on their menu.

And if only they felt remorse, or grief, about the lives they take. But no, they don’t. In fact, humans like eating. They enjoy it throughoutly. They even have a profession on their planet dedicated to thinking of new creative ways to mutilate their preys’ bodies to make them more tasty. It’s called cooking.

You think your planet has some good horror stories? Wait until you hear about dinner parties, my friend. Because honestly, nothing can top that.

tihnixx

The royal family 💕

solskiela

Wanted a new icon for winter, so I did art.

It works.

((I think I like drawing him because I love colouring with blues….))

kevinwada-deactivated20230323

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Issue 10! My Spike character variant wee!

sandandglass

itscalledfashionlookitup

When people compare the greatness that is The Simpsons to other animated shows like Family Guy it makes me want to set myself on fire

macabrekawaii

I went on a date last year and jokingly said “Don’t ask me I’m just a girl” and giggled at a 35 year old man thinking he’d get the reference and instead he said “that’s what I like to hear.”

returningjedi

#that is when you start shoving breadsticks in your purse

aphony-cree

This episode aired in 1994 and was a direct response to Mattel issuing their first talking Barbie which said phrases like “Will we ever have enough clothes?” and “Math class is tough”

A group that dubbed itself the Barbie Liberation Organization tried to create awareness of gender stereotypes by switching the voice boxes of a few hundred Barbies with those of G.I. Joe dolls, which made G.I. Joes that said things like “What kind of wedding will you have?” and Barbies that said “Vengeance is mine”

unilady99

I want a barbie that craves vengeance.

jedthewolfdog

while “zuko sent to find one single person who hasnt existed in 100 years and then he actually does” can be very funny in concept, can we just talk about how fucking heartbreaking it must be for iroh?

like. he knows this is an impossible task. and it does happen–yes! in the first episode, so maybe we don’t even think about it that much! but when ozai tells zuko to go find the avatar, it’s an impossible task. and iroh knows this. and zuko might have everything riding on this, and he’s a kid and hasn’t learned what’s impossible yet, and so he’s plugging his ears and saying “i can do it! i can do it and then dad will love me again!”, but iroh knows the only reason this specific task was assigned is because ozai doesn’t want him. he doesn’t want him back. ozai didn’t want him to betray them so he gave him a little hope, a little “of course i could still love you, you can come back, that’s a possibility, just don’t disappoint me” because, you know, he’s an abusive dick. but iroh knows his brother, and he knows

i think as a kid, while i loved loved iroh, it was a little hard to reconcile his silly moments with his wise moments. it’s not anymore

i’m just thinking of the pai sho tile, and how silly it seemed at the time that it was just in his sleeve. silly old man! so forgetful

no. no, that wasn’t it at all

because every moment he stalled, every moment he mucked up the plan, every moment he just generally wasn’t helpful, that was another moment where he could still have a chance. where he might get through to zuko. where he could delay what was suddenly now a very real possibility:

that ozai sent zuko away, but zuko would actually come back, expecting to be loved. and that’s what iroh didn’t want to happen. winning ozai’s love was more unrealistic than finding someone who’d been dead for 100 years, in the end