Femme Fatale Guide: How To Reduce Social Anxiety To Boost Your Confidence, Make Friends, & Become Magnetic
Some practical tips to reframe your thoughts going into social settings to help you boost your confidence and step into your power. Here's how to hold your own in every conversation, connect with anyone, and use the art of seduction, influence, and charm to become a social magnet to level up in every area of life.
HOW TO MANAGE SOCIAL ANXIETY:Â
Everyone Is Self-Conscious: Remember that, like yourself, everyone is more focused on (and critical of) how theyâre presenting themselves and their actions, not yours. People care too much about how they look to overanalyze what you do. They often forget most (if not all) of the things you say in a casual conversation by the next day. Realizing that we all are too self-focused to really care about the small things others do or say is freeing. This reminder can help calm your nerves and reframe the situation to ease anxiety when you start to worry about what others are thinking of you in a social setting or during a conversation. Â
Prioritize Self-Presentation:Â Consider how confident you feel with your actions and self-presentation when interacting with others before worrying about their impressions of you. Focus on how you can show up as your best self when engaging in social activities and conversations. People notice when others like and feel comfortable with themselves. This quality is attractive to others and will make them feel more at ease when speaking to you. Interactions flow better when your conversation partner is relaxed, so finding ways to stay calm when speaking makes it easier to manage social anxiety. Allow your self-assurance to speak for itself. This ability to hold your own will radiate through your words, tonality, delivery, and mannerisms during any conversation. Simply put â People like others who already like themselves. Who you attract into your circle reflects the person you've decided to be.
Listen. More than you speak:Â This tip kills two birds with one stone â it allows you to sit back without worrying about what you need to say while allowing the other person to feel heard. The easiest way to be well-liked is to give people the space to share their thoughts, have them be valued, and feel understood. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Practice active listening to increase your charm. Use the information you uncover to drive the conversation. You don't necessarily need to be chatty or extroverted to be charismatic (more on this point later).Â
TIPS FOR SOCIALIZING & MAKING FRIENDS:Â
Get Curious To Connect: Follow-up questions are your best friend if you get nervous and anticipate a wave of social anxiety. These questions have a dual benefit: Youâre allowing others to indulge in subjects or experiences that resonate with them and helping to guide the conversation. Listen to ways that you can branch off into related topics, mutual interests, and shared emotions or experiences. Ask relevant questions to keep the conversation flowing and demonstrates your interest and desire to connect with the other person. Thereâs no quality more charming than making others feel special and understood. This interpersonal skill allows you to connect with others without feeling like you need to fill up air time or be more vulnerable than youâre comfortable. It can be especially helpful to remember this advice when conversing with a stranger, authority figure, or someone else you want to impress without looking inferior (teacher, boss, industry leader, partnerâs parents, etc.). Â
Read & Develop Interests/Opinions:Â Â Expanding your knowledge base provides an entry point to more people, engaging conversations, and opportunities. Itâs easier to speak to people when you have some understanding of relevant topics others are discussing around the table or are of interest to the person in front of you. Take time to read about and study topics youâre interested in. Stay on top of cultural topics (movies, music, books, TV shows, etc.) and news within your chosen industry (or one youâre hoping to break into), different destinations youâve been to or want to go to, favorite products, etc. Develop some robust opinions (donât share those on hot-button topics like politics and religion) on these subjects and current events. Having the ability to listen to others' perspectives on a topic with an understanding of the subject matter and dive further into the topic with a distinct POV makes for an engaging conversation (and a potential new connection).Â
Learn The Art of The Follow-Up:Â If you hit it off with someone, exchange contact information (social media, phone number, email â depending on the context of the situation and level of initial connection). Send them a relevant message at some point over the next few days to stay connected. Try something related to the conversation â like an article on a topic you discussed, or a recommendation for a coffee shop in the area. Or, get more personal if youâre comfortable, and ask how a meeting went, if they ended up liking a certain show, movie, or book, or whether they want to grab lunch at that place they mentioned they love. Remain thoughtful and interested without looking desperate. People want to know others are thinking about them as long youâre not obsessive.Â
BEING EXTROVERTED VS. SOCIABLE:
Extroversion vs. introversion is about how you recharge. You canât change this part of your nature. For some people, being around others for too long makes them feel exhausted no matter how comfortable they feel in the situation or enjoy the company. As an extroverted introvert, Iâve noticed that learning to be sociable is the key to connecting with others â even if you realize mid-conversation that you might need a week of reading a book in bed to bounce back from attending a couple of events.Â
Learn how to present yourself with relaxed, open body language. Smile, and make eye contact (but not too much). Speak slowly and carefully with pauses, so your conversation partner latches on to every word and is intrigued to hear more. Use your tone of voice to communicate the emotion behind your words. Ensure the other person is done speaking before responding. Nod your head to acknowledge the personâs talking points and show theyâre heard. Laugh at the correct times to bond and share your sense of humor. Shake their hand firmly. Wave and hug goodbye (when appropriate).Â