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Safe at First

Today’s squiggle by Joanie Giampietro, Philadelphia, PA

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overzealous fans who think you have a special connection because they caught your homerun ball

zombies

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Monday’s squiggle by Jane Lively, 7

A CANE THAT AN OLD PERSON WOULD HAVE, MADE OF CHOCOLATE

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Original run date: September 9, 2011

#safe at first #the vault #security

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Two People Playing Tennis

Today’s squiggle by Cindy Childress

DICK ENBERG: “Dick Enberg, John McEnroe and Mary Carillo with you live from the U.S. Open as we are watching a match for the ages between the Chopopotrevenkokova twins, Petra and Tetra, who are deep in the third set without either of them actually hitting the ball over the net. It’s astounding really, in all my years of tennis commentary …”

MARY CARILLO: “…yes, astounding would be the word, Dick. With every serve you think, well it here it comes, this one’s going to make it over the net and then another double fault. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I’ve coached preschoolers, you know.”

ENBERG: “The Chopopotrevenkokova twins, let’s face it, have never been known for their, um, skill on the court, shall we say as much as for, um…”

JOHN MCENROE: “ … the sideshow that is their life?”

ENBERG: “Well, yes, the story of their life off the court has certainly captured the imaginations of tennis fans …”

CARILLO: “Absolutely. Born conjoined, their father, who some would call …”

MCENROE: “ … a reckless jerk?”

CARILLO: “Or overbearing, perhaps, put tennis racquets in their hands before they were even separated at age 13 so their style of play has always been a little, shall we say…”

MCENROE: “ … insane?”

CARILLO: “Well, unconventional for sure with their extremely close almost hugging-the-net style. Then, of course, came the gender reassignment surgery at age 20, followed by the huge phenomenon of their reality TV show ‘Double Fault,’ which some say was a big factor in the USTA even ranking the twins at all.”

MCENROE: “Oh gee, ya think?”

ENBERG: “Petra and Tetra currently ranked 99 and 100 respectively …”

CARILLO: “Actually, Tetra’s 99, I believe, and Petra’s 100, I think …”

ENBERG: “Well, we could check that …”

MCENROE: “Oh, good God, does it really matter?”

ENBERG: “And the double faults just continue on with the occasional outburst from one of the twins. Just moments ago, Tetra loudly shouted something across the net at her sister. Did you catch it, John?”

MCENROE: “I believe she shouted, ‘DADDY LIED!’ Freaked me out. It was almost demonic.”

ENBERG: “Definitely a lot of emotion there for sure.”

MCENROE: “Is Petra even wearing underwear?”

CARILLO: “And the way Petra charges the net when her sister serves the ball. It’s just a bit…”

MCENROE: “Psychotic?”

ENBERG: “Not something we’ve really seen before. l will say that.”

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Tomorrow’s squiggle by Joanie Giampietro, Philadelphia, PA

SAFE AT FIRST

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Original run date: September 9, 2011

#two people playing tennis

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A Chef in the Kitchen

Today’s squiggle by Charlotte Lively

Tonight on “Chopped:”

“…And the mystery basket ingredients are: Pop Rocks, Blood Mary mix, goatsbeard and a baby whale. You have 40 minutes and your times starts … now!”

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Tomorrow’s squiggle by Cindy Childress

TWO PEOPLE PLAYING TENNIS

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Original run date: September 7, 2011

#a chef in the kitchen #goastbeard #chopped

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A Snappy Golfer

Today’s squiggle by Dean Kennedy, Orlando, FL

They call him Casanova of the links

Renown for his after-putt winks

And for the cart that he steers

With its gold chandelier

But not for the putts that he sinks

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Tomorrow’s squiggle by Charlotte Lively

A CHEF IN THE KITCHEN

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Original run date: September 6, 2011

#a snappy golfer

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Butterfly

Today’s squiggle by Riley Kennedy, age 10

Since 1964, more than 130 school buses, touring buses and charter buses have vanished without explanation or trace in a 47,000 square-mile area in the mid-Atlantic part of the U.S. Just last week, a bus full of tourists on its way to Natural Bridge, Va., disappeared mysteriously. The bus was last seen at a traffic light and witnesses recall that they could hear the familiar strains of the song “99 Bottles of Beer” coming through the open windows. Some see this as yet another piece of evidence to fuel the stories of the so-called “Butterfly Triangle,” the controversial theory which posits that a giant monster butterfly carries off buses full of people and enslaves them to paint their massive colorful wings.

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Tomorrow’s squiggle by Dean Kennedy, Orlando, FL

A SNAPPY GOLFER

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Original run date: September 5, 2011

#butterfly butterfly triangle

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99 Bottles of Beer

Today’s squiggle by Ron Lively

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Monday’s squiggle by Riley Kennedy, age 10

BUTTERFLY

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Original run date; September 2, 2011

#99 bottles of beer

Prehistoric

Squiggle by Noah

Original run date: September 1, 2011

Artist’s rendering of the Genesis Museum’s planned interactive “Stonehenge: Trillithons and Triceratops” Exhibit

Coming July 2012 to the Genesis Museum: An all-new interactive exhibit, “Stonehenge: Trillithons and Triceratops.” At last, modern man is able to unlock the mystery of the Stonehenge monument in England. The theories of secular scientists have been riddled with gaps and unanswered questions about the purpose and construction of this engineering marvel. But seen through the proper lens of creation science, the picture comes into sharp focus. Genesis Museum anthropologists have spent weeks researching Biblical evidence of the construction of Stonehenge and placing it in its proper historical time. With the knowledge that dinosaurs and man did indeed occupy the earth at the same time, it can easily be extrapolated that dinosaurs worked for man. (“And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'” – Gen. 1:28) Therefore, the ingenious builders of Stongehenge need not break their backs transporting 40-ton monolith stones, a highly implausible theory put forth by secular scientists. That would’ve been impossible! We now understand that highly complex pulley systems were operated by dinosaur power, with a triceratops, for example, powering the machine by walking on a simple treadmill. Brilliant! See this astounding exhibit when it opens next July. But hurry because the endtimes will be upon us in December!

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#prehistoric

A Kid Fishing

Squiggle by Lisa Simms

Original run date: August 31, 2011

“Just stay calm, boys, and don’t move a gill. She’ll call him in for lunch a-a-a-n-y minute now.”

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#a kid fishing #patience is a virtue

A Rhino

Squiggle by Stephen Lecky

Original run date: August 30, 2011

They made it a day at the big city zoo,

The husband, the wife, for a change just the two.

She carried the phone, the purse and the cameras,

He deciphered the map to the penguins and pandas.

They strolled through the bats and the bears and otters,

While discussing the lives of the sons and the daughters.

He used her knee to tie his shoe,

He held her purse when she went to the loo.

She brushed the chips off his shirt during lunch,

He took it back when her hamburger crunched.

Onward they walked as they talked and they planned,

Toward the African animals, still hand in hand.

He asked, “Why in the world is the bird on that rhino?”

She said, “Well slap me silly if I know!”

But of course between rhino and red-billed bird,

There’s something to explain it, a particular word.

And every wife, every husband knows this,

The relationship works because of symbiosis.

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#a rhino #symbiosis

Wilderness in the Heart of the City

Squiggle by Lucy Meade

Original run date: August 29, 2011*

6:30 p.m., August 26, Richmond, Va.: Lucy is ecstatic to have found the perfect parking spot in the Fan.

* More Hurricane Irene humor

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#wilderness in the heart of the city #hurricane irene

A PALINDROME: Tara’s Race Car’s A Rat

Squiggle by Anonymous Squiggler

Palindrome by Janet

Original run date: August 26, 20111

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#tara's race car's a rat #palindrome

A Cat Holding a Cheeseburger

Squiggle by Anonymous Squiggler

Original run date: August 25, 2011

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#a cat holding a cheeseburger

A Spanish Castle (Earthquake Edition)

Squiggle by Kelly Barrows

Original run date: August 24, 2011**

Tuesday, August 23 – 4,166 miles from Mineral, Va.:

“Princesa … did you feel that?”

**Why this made sense in 2011

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#a spanish castle #central virginia rockin'#earthquake

A Shark Riding an Elephant

Squiggle by Tim Harper

Original run date: August 23, 2011

If a shark could ride on an elephant

Would anything about that be relevant?

It sure would be cute

A little crazy, to boot

So let’s set it up for the hell of it

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#a shark riding an elephant

Some Sort of Fairy Village

Squiggle by Pam Rodda

Original run date: August 22, 2011

A recently discovered manuscript of Dr. Suess', reportedly rejected more than 100 times:

In the village of Frinkle

In the land of Fraboo

Lived the old Quibble Quabble

And a fairy or two

Or three or four

Or a million and three

It’s hard to count fairies

When they’re the size of a pea

Now the old Quibble Quabble

Was a bully and a tough

And of the wee fairy village

He said, “Enough is enough!”

“Enough of their flitting!

Enough of their wings!

Enough of their pixie dust and all pixie things!”

So he schemed and he plotted

How to do them great harm

Trying hard to ignore

The shooting pain in his arm

See the old Quibble Quabble

Had some bad hypertension

He drank like a woggler

And he smoked, not to mention --

That he never got up

Off his fluffalump couch

He was a do-nothing, go-nowhere

Lazybones slouch!

But he dragged himself out

To the Quindaloo tree

That guarded the houses

Of the million and three

And he took a big ax

And he started to swing

But the pain in his chest

Was a heckuva thing!

He winced and he gasped

And he said, “What the heck?”

Then that old Quibble Quabble

With a thud hit the deck

And while he lay on the ground

He cried and he cussed

Til he was surrounded by pixies

Carrying thimbles of dust

They sprinkled it over him

Til he started to tingle

And that old Quibble Quabble

Sprang to life with a springle!

“I understand now!

I see it so clear!

We need to be friends!

Because life is so dear!”

“So join me dear pixies

By the Quindaloo tree

And we’ll dance and we’ll flit

And be friends, don’t you see?”

But the pixies just smiled

and told him to pack --

“Leave Frinkle forever

And never come back.”

* * *

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#some sort of fairy village #rejected dr seuss

Fishing

Squiggle by Stu Rodda

Original run date: August 19, 2011

“OK, Junior. Get ready with that net.”

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#fishing #whale #i once caught a fish THIS big

Alien Drinking a Cup of Coffee

Squiggle by Jim Bland

Original run date: August 18, 2011

Decaf double venti 3-pump iron-sulfide, half-silicate, half-nonfat, light fluorotryptophan whip, bacterium Escherichia drizzle, no methane, nickel macchiato

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#alien drinking a cup of coffee

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